Child Custody - Raleigh,NC

If there is no custody order from the court, the law cannot take the child from your husband, but I'm not sure about you or a daycare. I would think that the officers would say that it is a civil matter and not want to get involved and would advise her to get a custody order from court. But I think a lot of it will depend on the officer(s) who responds to the call.

You could call your local law enforcement agency and simply ask them what their policy is in this type of a situation.

Your husband needs to get to court RIGHT NOW and file some sort of paperwork to get the ball rolling. In that initial paperwork, he could ask for temporary custody of the child pending the resolution of the case. But he needs to do that NOW before she files something and brings the law to your house with a court order for temporary custody.

Your local courthouse should have a family law advisor who can help with the paperwork. Here in California everything is done by pre-printed forms so it's pretty easy to do it yourself, but I don't know about your state.

I honestly would call the local PD and ask them. They could probably tell you what the laws are. Different states are very different.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

I know you said you cannot afford a lawyer, but you have to find a way to get one. It's the only way you are really going to be able to protect your stepson.

If there is no court order (of any type; custody, parenting plan, restraining order... Anything that defines who has guardianship) then yes. She can pick him up, leave, and theoretically never come back.

As his biological parent EITHER can take the child and leave the county, state, or country with no permission needed AND the other parent can object, but without a court order, the police will not stop the other parent.

EITHER can ALSO call the police and take the child from ANYONE who is not their biological parent (including biological grandparents, step parents, grown siblings, etc along with friends/strangers/etc.).

An emergency order of custody files in the morning, and goes into effect that afternoon.

The courts have people who will assist in you doing this. It's the BEGINNING of a process, but it stops his mother from just showing up and taking him. Right now she has that right.

Same token, she can do that as well, and show up at your door with the papers and the police and have him until the courts rule otherwise.

This is known as 'the race to filing'... Because in an emergency order... They who file first are almost always granted custody in the interim. Do know... The 'interim' can be days, weeks, or months depending on the state/county/city you live in. At that point it doesn't matter how much or how little money you have. Either you show up in court and fight it, or you don't show up, and the filing parent is awarded full custody pending mediation of parenting plan. Ditto... If you don't show up to that, then you lose your child.

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

I'm not a lawyer. You NEED a lawyer. There is NO BONES ABOUT IT!!! You MUST get a custody agreement in place. You need to know the LAWS in your state about child custody.

So you need to find a lawyer that can do pro-bono work (go through your local court house for that). Contact your local court house and see if they can point you in the right direction for lawyers or doing this yourself or with mediator.

Bottom line. Custody agreement MUST BE IN PLACE - YESTERDAY!!!

What does the custody and visitation agreement say? Some agreements include a clause that if the custodial parent is unable to care for the child for an extended period of time (which is often spelled out in the agreement...maybe 8 hours, 12 hours, 24 hours, whatever) then the other parent has the opportunity to care for the child during that time if he or she so chooses. So basically, non-custodial parent instead of a baby-sitter. This does not mean that you husband has to be glued to his son 24/7.

My guess is that there is no such clause in the agreement. If that's the case, then she has to first petition the court to get a modification. The police do not come and take kids away from their parents. The police only get involved if a parent is in violation of the court ordered agreement and all other avenues have been exhausted, or there is an emergency. In either case, they don't just go and act on the whims of the complaining parent, there needs to be some kind of order authorizing intervention.

ETA you need a custody agreement YESTERDAY. Assuming that they were never married, he probably didn't establish paternity? If he didn't he currently has no parental rights at all because in NC, an unwed father has no rights until paternity has been established. That said, the police still won't come and take his son away from him without some kind of court order. He really needs to establish paternity and get a formal custody agreement. Paternity can be established via the filing of an Affidavit of Parentage form, but I believe that this requires the mother's signature as well. To figure out what to do without her cooperation, he should ask the clerk's office of the local family court.

The court will be reluctant to change the status quo without a really good argument from mom, but he will have to be able to prove that he actually is the father, that his son lives with him (school records, pediatrician and dentist records), and that the mom has been absent (phone records or lack thereof, proof of where she has been living etc.). Even with all of that, it's entirely possible for the judge to award the mother joint or even primary custody and/or visitation. So yes there is a big gamble with going to court, but he really has no choice.

Normally I say that people don't always need attorneys for custody cases (we have full custody of both my son and step-daughter and did it without lawyers) but I really think that in your case, you need to work with an attorney. Is there someone in your families who can help you pay for a lawyer? Mom clearly sounds like a flake so she may be one of those people who will disappear with a strongly worded letter from an attorney. My SD's mother didn't even show up for our custody hearing, but we had warned her that if she fought us, we would throw everything we've got at her (which is a lot, she's a train wreck), would win custody and then would go after her for child support. If she agreed to custody, then we would not pursue child support. Maybe just getting something strongly worded and in writing will make her reconsider her options.

You need a lawyer. see if you can find someone who will take payments. As for daycare, although I don't think the police would want to get involved, if she can prove she is the mother they might just let her take him. You need to talk to your care provider about it.

IF she has a established residence and job, get an emergency restraining order. If you don't have any money, they may waive the charges for the order. Let anyone who cares for the child know that ONLY you, your husband and specific people are allowed to be in custody of the child.

File a harrassment complaint along with the restraining order....It should say she MUST stay away from anyone named in the order.

This is ONLY legal unless she has been prevented from seeing her child illegally. If there is no custody order, what happened?

Please keep us posted.

Is there a custody arrangement made with the courts? Who has primary custody? Did she just up and leave and have zero contact with him for the last three years? If your husband has custody, she can't come and take him away regardless if he is home or not. I think we need a little more background about the situation. If there is no custody filed with the court, you will have to hire an attorney.

I agree......FIND AN ATTORNEY A.S.A.P!!!!!!!! I wish you the best!

Since there's no court ordered custody agreement, your husband MUST protect himself and his son. You really have to get a lawyer. If she's serious then she has a lawyer giving her advice and will end up taking your husband to court. If that's the case, then she really could get 50/50 or more custody.

She's bluffing on the threats. She's making threats that she has no intention of following through on regarding "just taking him and coming with the police to get him." That's the last thing she wants to do especially if what you is true and she hasn't had any relationship with him at all and is only just now re-entering the boy's life.

A judge needs to hear that she's been absent. If something happened to make her abandon him, the judge needs to hear that. If she has cleaned up her life and serious about being a real mother to him now, your husband and the court need to hear that and this little boy is entitled to know his mother.

But you HAVE TO get a lawyer. Get a reputable one that won't ream you over in cost.