My Sons Father Is Keeping My Child

Updated on March 09, 2011
C.M. asks from Knoxville, TN
35 answers

Me and my sons father have been shareing custody of our son, but we have never been to court cause at the time i didnt think it was nesesary, last week he picked him up and is rufusing to give him back, he changed his number and moved so i cant find him. we have never been married he is on the birth certificate though. someone pleasse help me i am just a young mom with no one to help or give advice please help

2 moms found this helpful

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Actually it doesn't matter that it's his father, if you take a child away from EITHER parent against that person's will, it's kidnapping. Call 911 and have an Amber alert issued immediately! Particularly if he has transported him over state lines, he has committed a federal crime, so you should look forward to sole custody once he's back, but you need an attorney and a formal legal agreement.

6 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I dont know the law in TN but in some states what he is doing is considered kidnapping since he doesnt have full custody of the child. if this was my child I would call the police

4 moms found this helpful
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J.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

I just watched a Lifetime movie where the exact thing happened. The father moved out of the country, changed his number and his apartment was bare when the mother went to look for him. I hope you get him back! Keep us posted.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

Hi C.,
I will keep you in my prays,

In the meantime, do what all the Moms have advised -
Police
CPS
Lawyer
Private investigator
Also, call your local women's center and law clinic - they may be able to give you more information about free/or sliding fee scale attorneys that specialize in this.

You did not mention how old your son is - but pull any current photos that you have of him. Have you tried contacting his Father's family for information? You may need to be a little sneaky - "Hi, I need to call (fathers name), he gave me his new number but I lost the paper I wrote it on. Would you have that?"

Notify his pediatrician, daycare, WIC, anyone who comes in contact with your son on a regular basis and knows him and you.

Good Luck and God Bless. Please let us all know what happened.

9 moms found this helpful

B.L.

answers from Missoula on

I have been in a similar situation. As soon as you get your hands on your son, DO NOT give him back. It is not illegal to keep your son, and it isn't illegal for your baby's father to do the same. But, I think you can do something about the fact that he moved and changed his number. This is why it is so important to have a custody plan approved by the courts. I learned this the hard way. My ex husband did the same thing to me. He took my son and would not give him back. I basically had to trick him and as soon as I got a chance, I snatched him up and didn't let him come within miles of my son until he signed a paper by my attorney saying that we had to share custody until it went through the courts. At this point, you HAVE to get an attorney. I know...it sucks, but don't risk losing your child permanently. You need to act fast. Get an attorney fast. Good luck!

9 moms found this helpful
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J.J.

answers from Toledo on

Go to the courthouse and file for emergency custody and request an expedited hearing with a guardian ad leitem. Then call the police and show them the papers. Write down as much information about him and his family and friends as you can think of. Names, birthdays, phone numbers, ages, addresses, cars, tattoos...everything.

8 moms found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from New York on

Call the police immediately and file a "Missing persons" report. You have shared custody "unofficially" but if your son lives with you most of the time, you have a strong case for primary custody and filing kid-napping charges.

7 moms found this helpful

D.M.

answers from Denver on

Call the police. Good luck!

5 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Albany on

I would call the police and say he has kidnaped your child. If you havent been to court, i would suggest in doing so, since he is doing this to you. I would also get a good attorney. Good Luck. And please call the cops, i hope you get your son back!

5 moms found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from New York on

Call your local police department ASAP, they do not take things like this lightly. It doesn't matter if you don't have a written agreement, you can't just up and leave w/o any warning and take a child with you.

4 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Go file for full custody and a missing person/kidnapping report with the police.

4 moms found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Call the police immediately!

4 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

That's kidnapping-call the police immediately-while they are on their way-write down the events in order as best as you are able to remember. Good luck.
Under federal and state law, kidnapping is commonly defined as the taking of a person from one place to another against his or her will, or the confining of a person to a controlled space. Some kidnapping laws require that the taking or confining be for an unlawful purpose, such as extortion or the facilitation of a crime. A parent without legal custody rights may be charged with kidnapping for taking his or her own child, in certain circumstances.
BTW
Kidnapping is a federal crime-you will have the full faith and backing of federal law enforcement (FBI) and the US Gov/Attorney's office on your side. Don't think some little local sheriff's office is going to sort this out-and he is going to get off with a slap on the wrist-this is a felony.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.D.

answers from Boston on

Call the police! This is kidnapping! I'm not sure what the laws are in TN but in the state of MA, where I used to live, if a child is born out of wedlock the mother has sole custody unless the father goes to court, regardless if he is named on the birth certificate. I'm assuming other states have similar laws. Good luck and I hope he is home with you soon.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.K.

answers from Kansas City on

The sooner you call the police, the sooner they can issue an Amber alert if deemed necessary (and I would hope it would be!).

3 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

This would be considered kidnapping, so definitely call the police and contact a lawyer.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

um call the cops and report it, is there any family? file your court papers asap and get something legal down on paper.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

Call the cops they will tell you what you need to do or it may even be considered kidnapping or you might have to go to the family courthouse (TODAY) and get an emergency hearing at which point you can get an order that the police can enforce. Don't wait....GO!

3 moms found this helpful

N.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would call the police.

3 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Sorry C.. Call the police. Right now. 911. What you describe is kidnapping, which is a federal offensive. Please keep us updated.

:(

3 moms found this helpful
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T.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

i am so sorry you are in this situation. I think wether you have the finances for it or not you MUST get a lawyer today for set custody and then yes call the cops. He changed his number and moved that is not ok. I pray you get your son back. Do whatever you have to to fight for him and do it today.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

You could call your local police department. They may or may not help if you don't have a written agreement, but I've known the police to help us without ever asking to see any agreement. You have the birth certificate to prove you're his mother.

You could also call your local Child Protection Services. If they can't/don't help, call a lawyer. Don't give any lawyer money, though until you've had time to ask them questions, tell them your situation, and get their input. If you can't afford a lawyer, there are services to work with you. Either the CPS or any good lawyer can direct you to help.

I'm sorry you are going through this, and good luck.

3 moms found this helpful
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E.M.

answers from Honolulu on

Technique what he did was legal. He did not kidnap him as he is the father. Get a lawyer and get ready to toto court. If you want someone that has lived thru this look up the blog boobs, injuries, and Dr. Pepper. She wrote something called the crazy chronicals. It is her life story when her ex took her son and the years following. I would email her for advice.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I have no advice. I just wanted to tell you I will pray for you.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Houston on

You have been the defacto primary custodian. Call the police and report to them your son has been kidnapped by his father. Be detailed and have a recent photo. Have all the addresses of his family members. Good luck!!

2 moms found this helpful
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J.O.

answers from Hartford on

i just recently went through this exact same thing with my daughter and her father, i went to the police numerous times and was told they could not do anything to help me, i have to go through the courts and file for custody.. it was ridiculous and so hard for me to deal with... if he goes out of state with your child then it is considered kidnapping but if he doesnt then its not bc he is the father and there is no custody agreement yet... best advice is to get a lawyer, file custody papers and request an emergency hearing IMMEDIATELY.. this will def look bad on him for doing this once you go to court.. if you dont know his address, once you file the court papers the police will find him and serve him with the papers.... I understand exactly how your feeling and it is so so hard to deal with.. i wish you the best and hopefully you get your son back soon!!! oh and i do want to let you know if you cant afford a lawyer they have non profit or pro bono lawyers out there for ppl who are low income.. i could not afford a lawyer and ended up doing it all alone, which i thought i was completely unprepared for, but it worked out pretty good for me once we did go to court, i got primary physical custody and he gets visitation and we now have legal papers to prove that

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

call the police. none of us can help you with this.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Um, I believe that is kidnapping and I would call the police. And missing children's bureaus. Right now. Days and weeks can turn into years. Do not be afraid, just do it.

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R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

Have you called the police yet? If not, get off this board and call them immediately! This IS K I D N A P P I N G !!!!!!! Your child has been removed from his HOME! I bet your son is scared, confused, worried....who knows what else. AMBER ALERT!!!!

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Get a lawyer as soon as possible.

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R.U.

answers from Nashville on

Call the police now. He is "kidnapping" him. He has stolen you child. The longer you wait the harder it is going to be to get him back. I can't believe you haven't already done this. If the police say they can't help you stay after them . Make them know that this is not normal for your arrangement. Good luck and i am going to say a prayer for you and your child. R.

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J.S.

answers from Raleigh on

My heart is breaking for you C.; being separated from your child must be excrutiating. I think it's time to contact the police. The father is listed on the birth certificate but that does not give him the right to keep you from your child. Not knowing his phone number or new address seems on the verge of criminal behavior, so taking the route of involving the police seems the way to go in order for this to never happen again (also filing paperwork for a legal custody agreement -- this can be done for free thru Legal Aid). The police should be able to give you directions how to get this started, if not, start calling .... The State Bar Association, Dept of Human Services).
I will keep positive thoughts that this resolves itself amicably and you're reunited with you son soon~!

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L.M.

answers from New York on

I would start with a call to your local police. Do NOT call 911. They may be able to help you. I really don't know, but I don't think this is considered kipnapping because he has the right to see his son and there is no court order.

Be sure you have all the known information available regarding his father and possible whereabouts - full legal name and social security number, last know address, phone numbers including cell phones, names addresses and phone numbers of his relatives and close friends. Have a recent picture of your son available, with all his information weight, height, etc.

Tomorrow morning contact an attorney.

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

Call the police and report a kidnapping ASAP!!! get an attorney too. This will not look well on him when you DO fight for custody. never trust anyone with your child like that, you must always have something in place just in case.

L.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

Just a thought... Is your son old enough to be in school? If so, the dad would either have to be taking him to school or have his information sent to the new school if they moved. It is illegal to keep your child out of school, so he must be going somewhere.

And it is most definitly kidnapping if there is no custody agreement. My friends girlfriend took their children to virginia without his permission. It wasn't long before the police found them and escorted the kids back to our state and handed them over to the father. He has had them since and she only gets supervised visitation.

CALL 911 NOW!!!

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