My 6 year old daughter decided she wanted to be Elsa for Halloween. That was great with me since she already has an Elsa dress. Then she wanted to be a Warrior. So we got some of her brother's old warrior stuff out of the costume box. Then she decided she would be Warrior Elsa. Awesome. Then she wanted to be a Ninja. Ok. Cool. We can put that together with stuff we already have. Now today she wakes up crying because she doesn't want to be ANY of these things. The tears! The drama! Oh good lord. I remember her older brother doing this same thing at Halloween when he was about this age. Do you have a kid that changes their mind and how do you handle it?
Thanks everyone for your input. My husband and I were chuckling about it later bc we remember our son doing this and being really frustrated with him. He chose to wear a past year's costume way back when this happened. That was a long time ago and I forgot that kids do this. Well, we have not bought anything so money is not the issue...she was just happy putting together a costume with stuff we already have. I found a black bandana and put some red felt on the front to make a ninja headband. Now she is super excited to be a ninja again. So, 6 year old crisis averted.
She has an array of choices.
She can pick one or the other or none of the above (but that doesn't mean you're going to run out and get her anything different).
I think sometimes that too many choices just overwhelms them.
She can take the drama to her room till she's over it.
No one needs to see/live through that performance.
Hooooo boy. It's tough. Sorry she's upset. But I'd stop constantly going along with it. I realize you've worked things out with things you already have, which is great in the sense that she's learning to "make do" and to be creative and apply herself to a problem. Maybe she thinks you have an endless supply of materials and energy and ideas?
But the thing is, at this point, she's getting her way - she can change her mind a zillion times and you will drop everything and work with her. I think you probably should draw the line. If it helps her (and if you have the energy), set the 3 available costumes out. Hang them in the laundry room or set them out in an unused area like maybe the dining room table if you don't use that every day. Tell her those are her choices, or she is free to create something on her own from the dress up bin, or she is welcome to stay home with you and hand out candy to other trick-or-treaters. Then step away and let her get control of herself and the situation. Tell her she can make any choice as long as it doesn't involve making you work at the same task over and over, and as long as it doesn't involve screaming.
Maybe she learned some of this from her older brother, I don't know. Do they both do this a lot, or is it just around costumes/dressing in a certain way? If there are sensory issues with the feel of certain fabrics or materials, which some kids have, then I think you might have to switch gears. But otherwise I think you have to let her have a solo crying performance without you as audience.
If they are using stuff around the house they can change their mind 100 times if they want, but once I buy stuff for a costume, ready made or stuff for them to make something, that is it. I will not keep buying new costumes or crafting supplies, once I buy stuff you are one your own if you change your mind, I am not paying for multiple costumes for 3 hours of one night.
One year, yes. I want to say it was my middle son, and we had a costume passed to us that he loved. A few days before he changed his mind. I got him a new one since I hadn't already bought one...if I had bought one, I would NOT have gotten him a new one.
My 8 year old still doesn't know what he wants to be. A football player or baseball player (we have the stuff) or a ninja...last years costume MIGHT work. I told him by the time he gets home today he has to know or I won't have time to go get him something if he needs it. Fun times!
We have always had a tight budget for Halloween, so this one didn't fly with me, although I remember my son having a hard time making up his mind - there are so many choices!! and every time we go to the store the kids are confronted by a million more. For a younger child I would wait till just 2 or 3 weeks out (or less if you want to risk the costume still being there closer to the big day) that way it is still fresh in their mind. As he has gotten older, he knows, mom buys (or makes) ONE costume and that is it. he's 9 and it's not even a question now. I kind of feel like we nipped that one in the bud.
Yes little kids change their minds a lot, I learned early on not to invest too much time and money into any one costume until one to two weeks before Halloween.
And re the tears and drama? Well it's like anything else, you just say "I know you're upset, and that's too bad, but you either dress up in one of the options we have here or you can not dress up at all, it's your choice."
My 3 year old was really into Elsa for a while -- getting dressed up in Elsa costume on a daily basis. So I decided to get her an "authentic" Elsa dress from the Disney store when in went on sale a few months ago for Halloween.
On Wednesday (just two days ago), she decided she wants to be a doctor instead. Her first preschool costume dress up day was yesterday (there's also one today). So my husband and I went to four different stores and finally found one in her size. Then when we showed it to her, instead of being happy, she said that didn't want to be a doctor afterall. We just bought the costume anyway -- she's only 3 after all. By the time we got home, she wanted to be a doctor again.
I should probably start thinking about setting rules on changing minds on costumes.
We do family costumes and we start talking about it 6-9 months in advance. We talk and talk and decide and talk some more. The kids get a say in the theme and their individual costumes, but just like birthday party themes, once we choose, it's set. There's no changing minds or last minute requests. My kids have always been cool with this because if they do say they want to be something else, we leave it as a possibility for next year. I don't droo everything to accommodate last minute requests or jump every time someone complains.
As for fits and drama, I'd handle it like any other fit. "Sorry, but you can be Elsa, a warrior, or a warrior Elsa. These are your choices. If you throw a fit, you don't get any."
well, on the one hand, it's just halloween, not a broadway play. i think kids can tweak and change and flop about all over the place IF it's fun. but little ones also get overwhelmed and meltdowns aren't unusual. that doesn't mean you have to do the melodrama dance, nor do you have to chase around exhaustively trying to keep up with the changes. 'we've got lots of options. we can do anything you'd like with the costumes we've got, but we're not going back to the store. i'm not interested in listening to all this crying. come get me when you're finished and ready to get dressed.'
khairete
S.
I would tell her that she can wear different outfits to different events, but for each event she needs to pick just one, same as she needs to figure out one outfit to wear to school. Sometimes it is not the outfit, but being overwhelmed by choice, or expectations, or just over-excitement. See if you can't nudge her into one of the ones she wanted before simply by making it OK to choose one of those three vs infinite possibilities.
My daughter did this too. I think with seeing all the different costumes and hearing what their friends are dressing up as they get overwhelmed and want to be everything.
I would have her choose one that you already have or ask her to create her own costume with clothes or pieces of other costumes.
We have a LOT of Halloween activities in town. There have been years where we've gone to 4-6 different ones. Like a costume contest at Walmart, a Trunk or Treat at our ward, local churches having fall festivals with costumes and stuff, Halloween stuff at local camp grounds, and more.
There have been years the kids wore a completely different costume to each one. If it doesn't cost me anything then I don't care what they have on as long as it isn't risque or inappropriate.
I'd remind her that it is the day before Halloween, that I was absolutely not getting her anything different or new, so her choices are:
1 - create a costume from her current available options
2 - don't have a costume and don't go trick-or-treating
She may not like the options, but that is what she gets to pick from. If she feels the need to carry on and cry some more, she can do so in her room where she won't bother others. She needs to realize that her costume angst is not your problem and you're not going to fix it for her.
i usually make our kids costumes and they know that making them takes time so they don't get to change their minds after i start making it. i start 2 wks before halloween. if they change their minds during that time they are told they chose to be a ______________ and thats what is being made. if you don't want that your other option is to not dress up and not go trick or treating.
My kids did the same at that age. If we bought the costume early, I told them we were NOT going to buy a different one if they changed their mind. They could pick something out of our costume box to wear but I was NOT buying anything new. I stuck to that. If you tell your kids no then you need to stick to it....drama or not. Good luck.
