26 answers

Can't Get Anything Done.....

My newest arrival was born 12/5, this is only my 2nd child so I guess I would still call myself a new mom….. I think my oldest daughter went through the same thing but I honestly can’t remember, it seems like ages ago that I had a newborn.
My LO wants to nurse all the time and never wants to be put down….ever! I can’t get anything done around the house and I feel like I’m neglecting my 3 yr old. Help!!! What can I do? Will she grow out of this “phase”? She sounds so pitiful when she cries I can’t help but to pick her up. I guess I would want to be held too if I was in a cozy womb for 40 weeks?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I hear ya! My daughter is 7 months now and my son is 2.5. I still have trouble getting anything done!! She cries to be held all the time. I guess all you can do is to just let them cry when you have to, and hope they 'get it.' Good luck!!

I felt the same way when my second son was born. I ended up "wearing" him a lot. I used a moby wrap when he was tiny, and a baby bjorn since he was about 3 months. Now i have a mei tai and love that too. I was able to get things done and he loved snuggling close to me. I would have gone insane otherwise!

More Answers

My son was 3 when my daughter was born and I found it worked well to read to him while I nursed my daughter. It gave him some much needed attention and the baby still got what she needed.

2 moms found this helpful

Congratulations!
Get a sling. Involve your 3 year old in helping, such as fetching a diaper, listening for when she wakes up etc. Our kids are spaced the exact same way and my helper was wonderful! Kudos to you for nursing and keep it up! Life long benefits will follow for both of you. This experience is giving your 3 year old the chance to be the older sibling, which nurtures independence and confidence. Don't fret, it is labor intensive, and the days may be long, but the years are short. Enjoy. Read Dr. Sears or askDrSears.com and watch your family grow.
Blessings!
J.

1 mom found this helpful

Now is not the time to be Superwoman, expect to have a sparkling clean home, and be Everything to Everyone. Enlist the help of friends, neighbors, and family, whether it be someone to come play with your older daughter, or someone to come and sweep and mop your floors. Your main focus is your newborn; of course this does not mean to neglect your 3 year old, but your newborn needs you more right now. Have your 3 y.o. help out in anyway she can. Maybe get her a baby doll she can take care of and mimic you.

Your baby isn't going through a "phase", but our society/culture seems to be in an irreversible one. A generation or two ago, women had their sisters, mothers, and grandmothers living close to them to help out on a frequent basis. Nieces were expected to be "mother's helpers" to their aunts. If you lived in parts of Europe right now, your husband/partner would be home and on PAID paternity leave right now.

1 mom found this helpful

I was in your shoes a little over a year ago. It is challenging and I know I experienced a lot of mommy guilt those mths. The only thing I could do was when I was nursing the baby was to make sure my 3 yr knew she was welcome to sit with us and I would read to her or watch her draw. Whenever the baby wasn't nursing, (which as you know isn't much at that age) daddy had her. I tried to do as much one-on-one time with my 3 yr old.

Oh and the housework just has to wait. Even now I can't keep it up like I use to but I've finally realized, that's ok!!

Finally, my dh has had to do his share of things around the house and with the kids. There's just no way I can do it all.

Good luck hon, it will pass. The sling idea is also a great one.

1 mom found this helpful

B.,

I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling. My daughter was born 11/21 and we are starting to move past that phase (she's almost 4 weeks). I think you and I emailed about pacifiers a few weeks ago... My daughter still doesn't really a pacifier so I nurse her frequently! BUT it is getting a little better. My sister-in-law is a lacatation consultant and she says that if you can get through the first 6 weeks, everything gets easier... keep that in mind!

Here is my suggestion,

If you don't have one, get a sling. I have a "Kangaroo Pouch" and it's super cozy warm and my daughter loves it. It is hard still to really get much done because holding her in the sling doesn't really let me clean the bathroom or cook dinner (very effectively anyway), but it does allow me to play with my 3 year old and my 2 year old.

Know that it won't last forever, and try to take advantage of things you can do with your 3 year old while you are holding/feeding the baby... coloring pictures, reading books, even watching a little TV once and a while won't hurt... it's winter in MN after all :)

Good luck to you and congratulations!

Jessica

1 mom found this helpful

I used the Ergo Baby Carrier. It worked great!!! (You do have to buy the infant insert to use with a baby this young though...) BUT this is also the only carrier I found that cradles your baby instead of straddling them!!!

I always just cradled my son in and then I had 2 free hands to play with my daughter or cook lunch. PLUS, it's even easy enough to go to the bathroom WEARING this carrier.

This is the only carrier I found where the child is is actual contact with you with NO MATERIAL in between. It's a little more expensive than most carriers, but our son is 18 months and I'm still using it with him. It has a weight limit of like 90 #...

I bought mine at their official website online.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi. I'm right there with you with a 2 month old and 2 year old! I discovered the Sleepy Wrap, and it makes it all possible!

I can comfortably carry my infant for HOURS, literally, and tend to my older son. I've tried the baby front carrier style with all the buckles and found it to be hard on my back; the sling style and have a hard time getting the baby in and out by myself; and then found the Sleepy Wrap. At first I was scared by all the yards of fabric, but you figure it out pretty quickly. I can hold the baby in three different positions now, and as she gets older, there are additional positions to use. I just put on the wrap in the morning and keep it on all day, basically, because even when she isn't in it, I don't mind wearing it. It's great when I'm out in a store and she starts fussing in her carseat; I just throw off my coat and slip her in the wrap, and she's instantly comforted. I really can't say enough good things about it. It really has made being the mom to two small ones--and getting things done around the house--possible!

If you're interested, you can find it at www.sleepywrap.com. Free shipping even!

(Wow, that all sounded like a salespitch!)

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I have a 7year old and a 2mo.old and feel exactly like you. I also don't remember my first being this needy and high maintance as I like to call it. I figure they just have different personalities. My house is a disaster and I feel like I'm neglecting my older daughter as well. I just think with time the babies will learn to be content by themselves on the floor or in a swing for short periods of time and things will improve and they are slowly improving for me. My baby is finally starting to like her swing, bouncy chair or some floor time. I want to shout THANK GOD! My Babybjorn carrier has helped me. My daughter also is picky and usually only goes to me, and may I add we had colic problems on top of all this but after a formula change she's better.

Try using a carrier for her so you can still get things done and she can still be nestled to you.

normal phase :)
Get your self a baby sling or another carrier where she can snuggle with you while you move about. If she seems to want to suck more then just eat you can try a pacifier. But all the nursing is about the incredible growth rate of newborns and about building your milk supply. Hang in there- new mother hood is intensive (but so sweet).

R.- mom of 5 (all under 10)

B.,

Congrats on number 2!! Yes, your little one will want to be held a lot. So, I would recommend finding things you and your 3 yr old can do while she stands next to you like look at a book try to find colors in the room you are in. Sing songs. Practice animal sounds etc. I still don't seem to find time to get things done.

You are doing great and right now the baby and 3 yr old need you not the house. I know it is easier said than done but, let the little help you help her/him find a schedule and then you will know when you have time!!

Happy Holidays!!

A.

This phase will pass. Other than taking care of your own emotional health, this time is about baby and yes feeding on demand. It can be stressful and I clearly remember it with my now 3 year old. I was exhausted but I chose to be mom and all that comes with it. You will be ok, your in that critical emotional phase so try not to stress out. I know this time can be crazy and your thoughts are all over the place and you feel you need to be super mom and get everything done now. Ask you yourself, will it matter in a year if that load of laundry was not done right then and there. Let the house get a little messy. Clean up when you can. Years later it won't even matter.

With your 3 year old. Ask if he/she can help. I am due next month and my duaughter is very excited about helping. I wish I could give more advice in that area, but I haven't been there yet and will most likely wing through it. Is there anyone that can come over occasionaly to help you?

Hang in there!

I think all new borns go through this phase and I wouldn't let her cry either. She needs to feel close to you and it is important for her developement that she not feel neglected. I don't have advice about having an older child too. Maybe you can have a friend over to hold the baby so you can play with you 3 year old. Maybe putting the baby is an infant carrier so you have hands free to play with your older child or do chores. As for the house, let it go or enlist helpers. Most neighbors or friends won't mind helping with dishes or laundry when they come to visit.

You need a sling! As soon as you're done nursing, pop her in there! My son protested wildly every time I put him in the sling, for about 30 seconds, and then the magic happened. As soon as I was up walking around with him in there, he'd go to sleep! It gives you at least one free hand, and also a little free time to pay attention to your older child.

I got one at Target that wasn't too expensive.

this will change, but it is important to fulfill your new baby's needs!
one easy way to do this at this point is to buy a sling or carrier. the most comfortable one i ever used (and i tried quite a few) was the moby wrap. its a bit more spendy than other wraps, but SO worth it. you hardly feel like you are carrying anything, and it leaves your hands pretty free to do other things.

www.askdrsears.com can give you lots of information about child development and dr sears will tell you that it is important to spend time with your other child, but it is very important to also be very connected to your second child! :D the more you respond to baby and fulfill needs, the more independent baby will be able to be later. unfulfilled dependence turns into an unwillingness or an inability to be independent later..
anyway, good luck mom and take it easy. just do what you've gotta do. help your older child be a part of what baby is doing but also give older child a choice, if she doesnt want to help, dont make her and cause resentment.
:D

I only have one child who is now 9 months old but for the first 2 months it seems i never put him down day or night after2-3 weeks i got him to sleep for 2 hours with out me holding him but only at night. For the first week i slept sitting on the couch holding him because it was not possible to set him down. I held him and used the front pouch, i also found that i could get him to sit for a few minutes in his infant to toddler rocker with it leaning back. At his 2 day check up the nurse said to lay him in his car seat tp geta few minutes to do something because it keeps them balled up a little and they are comfortable. I know you have another child to worry about but i figured if my baby needed to be held then that is what he needed and i let the house work go for a while getting things picked up when someone else was home to hold the baby. Talk to your 3 yr old and watch her do things involve yourself as much as you can with your free hand. a stroller works well too i used to walk my son til he fell asleep then i would park him and run around doing things til he woke up. but there is NOTHING wrong with snuggling your baby, the baby needs it.

Do you have a baby sling/wrap? It would give your baby the much needed "mommy time" and still allow you to do other things around the house/spend time with your 3 yr old! I found this to be an essential baby item...I'd be happy to suggest styles! Just email me...

A Mom of Three...

You are correct about your baby wantiong to be kept cozy! She is about 2 weeks old now and hopefully nursing with no problems. My first constantly nursed but it seemed like I had more time, which I did of course. It is a problem that every women deals with after that second child. And since every baby is different what worked for the first might not work for the second. In research and what I've seen with friends and family adhering to her needs is the best way. Nurse her every 1-2 hours, or on demand at this early age. She will eventually settle into a routine or schedule. Get a baby sling or something(lots of choices out there). The research shows if you if you do attachment parenting with a baby that needs it she will have more confidence later in life. Have faith that you and she will figure it out. Oh and have dad hold a lot too. It gives you a break and helps them bond.
A great book that every family should have on hand is The Baby Book by Dr Sears
Goodluck!

B.,

With all my babies it took about 3 -6 months to establish a good routine where I could get everything done. It's partly just figuring it out - like when you are given additional responsibilities at work - overwhelming to just get in the basics at first, then it becomes second nature. Also, as babies get 3-6 months old, they nurse a lot less and get into their own predictable routines with naps and sleeping through the night.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just get done what you can and remember this too shall pass.

Good luck,
S.

You could get a baby sling/carrier. Then your youngest would be able to be near you always, nurse whenever and you would still have your hands free to get stuff done and play with your eldest child.

It is so hard when you have a child who is finally a little more independent and then you have another baby. I had a baby in March and I always felt like I was ignoring my two older kids (ages 4 and 5). My baby only took 3 1/2-hour naps during the day! Absolutely could not get ANYTHING done. But I also became very adept at carrying her around and doing things one-handed. You can still sit with your older child and build puzzles or Duplos or watch him color/draw. Yes, the housework piles up but you are not at home right now to clean the house--you're there to care for your baby. My DH's "gift" to me (preapproved, of course) was to have cleaners come to the house a few weeks after the little one was born and do a massive spring cleaning. It took almost a month for the house to get absolutely filthy again but by then I'd found a bit of my groove and could handle some of the housework AND Mom-work. Congratulations on your baby and good luck!

I also suggest a sling. There are many out there, I have used a couple of different slings and just love them. I used to use a sling also when grocery shopping. It takes some getting used to so if you do get one, try putting it on and getting a teddy bear or doll in and out a few times before trying with your baby.

after My son, then 21months decided to sling shot my daughter (then 1 month) in the bounce chair (she was straped in) I got a slig/snuggly. that way i had my hands free while getting things done around the house. And also a little crying never hurt any baby. :) And also, I know what thats like feeling like when my 2nd came around to but you will eventually get your groove down and balance them well. It takes a few months. good luck

get a sling or other type of carrier - they all go through this stage, but it is much harder with two - at least with a sling or carrier, you will have your hands free!

I felt the same way when my second son was born. I ended up "wearing" him a lot. I used a moby wrap when he was tiny, and a baby bjorn since he was about 3 months. Now i have a mei tai and love that too. I was able to get things done and he loved snuggling close to me. I would have gone insane otherwise!

I hear ya! My daughter is 7 months now and my son is 2.5. I still have trouble getting anything done!! She cries to be held all the time. I guess all you can do is to just let them cry when you have to, and hope they 'get it.' Good luck!!

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