Can't Afford Divorce, but Can't Stay-please Help.

Updated on January 03, 2008
V. asks from Chicago, IL
10 answers

Okay, after thirteen years, I'm finally calling it. I have been unhappy in this marriage for ten years now. I've tried counseling, everything, my husband doesn't care enough to do anything to improve this marriage. I am financially overwhelmed trying to support us and my beautiful 2 year old daughter by myself. (He only works part time.) Our monthly budget exceeds our income, our credit cards are maxed, but I gotta get out. How can I do this the cheapest way possible? I know it's more difficult now because there's a child involved, so what do I need to do?

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

There's an organization to help women, it's designed for latinas but it's open to every women, they can refer or counsel you, I hope this helps,the website link is below. Best of Luck!!

http://www.mujereslatinasenaccion.org/

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R.K.

answers from Chicago on

call the mediation center in chicago for referral to a mediator who can help you through the divorce.
The cheapest way through a divorce is for the parties to come up with their own idea of how to go about it, without falling
into the trap of having opposing lawyers starting a fight and/or bringing up issues that you don't care about.
see a mediator. get the ground rules. figure out the best way to separate, how to divide up assets, how to ensure that both of you remain parents to your child, be on your way.
however, both of you will continue to have a relationship because neither of you cease being parents.
what you will be changing are your domiciles, your financial relationship, and reducing your levels of intimacy.

their number is ###-###-####

R. Katz, Psy.D.
www.richardkatz.org

1 mom found this helpful
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A.G.

answers from Chicago on

Hi there, I pretty much lived in the same type of situation, but I did not have kids at the time. I could not afford to get divorced, so I went to the DuPage county court house and got all of the necessary papers to file pro-bono (meaning you are doing it without an attorney). You can go downtown to one of the Cook County branches and do the same thing.

I went to the library (this was before the internet boom) and read up on how to fill out the paperwork, etc. With the internet now, you could probably learn so much without going to the library.

It cost me about $100 to file, and I think $45 to have him served by the Sherrif. It took about 5 months, and I was granted the divorce after only 2 hearings. With children, it might be hard if he fights for custody. In the end, you will most likely win, but it makes it a really hard and long process if he wants to contest the divorce.

Good luck to you, and God bless.

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D.X.

answers from Chicago on

You don't have to hire an attorney to get divorced. When I got divorced, I hired one, but my husband did not. And we had a messy divorce, so it's not like it was an "easy" divorce. Go to the library and get a bunch of books about divorce. I think there are even a bunch of ones about "do it yourself" divorces.

Good Luck! My life, since getting divorced, has been 110 times better. I wish you the same.

D.

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M.S.

answers from Chicago on

If your husband is okay with getting a divorce too, your best path is mediation. It's cheaper and easier than fighting with lawyers.

Best of luck!!!!

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

My DH and his first wife used a mediator. Their divorce was quick and went smoothly, but they didn't argue about the details. Here's a listing of some mediators in the Chicago-land area:

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/illinois/state_mediator

Good luck to you.

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B.V.

answers from Chicago on

V.:

I read some of the responses and all of them are good referrals and probably the cheapest. However the probono ones could take a long time. Don't get stuck w/all the bills. Try looking into bankruptcy. Leave him w/all the bills to pay. That way you and your daughter have a fresh start at your new lives together. Good luck.

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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I hope that you have another place to go, or you've kicked his sorry butt out! HA! I don't know much about divorce, but I do know a thing or two about custody. (Not through first hand, but my brothers and sisters.) You will most likely get custody because you are the mother and the one with a steady income. You should be awarded child support also. Make sure that you get everything for the custody/visitation/support in writing through the court. Too many people I know work things out between the mom and dad and it always ends bad. You want to make sure that you have a court order. If he doesn't show up for visitation, make sure you document it. I really hope that everything works out for you! Being in a bad relationship is no good for anyone in the family. (((HUGS)))

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J.N.

answers from Chicago on

There are so many diffrent things you could do. I work for a law firm and I know all the ins and outs of divorce. If you can not afford an attorney then there are other options. First, you can call the bar association in your area and they can refer you to an pro-bono attorney. Also, I know this sounds odd but call local Universities, sometimes they pick up cases that gives the students some "on hands" experience, but don't worry the instructors have master degrees and doctorates and they look over everything the student does. But again these are just if's. There are some attornys that you can consult with for free and they will tell you their opinion on where to start. You will proly have to get a legal separation first so child support will come your way. Best bet is to call an attorney and find out what your options are. There are so many diffrent ways to go about things. Good luck to you and if you have any questions you can ask.

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