Can I Say No to Her?

HOLY SMOKES BATMAN!! Can you say WAY OVERBOARD?!?!

175 people?! is she totally deranged?!!

I think because she has so many people invited to the shower, she wants the kids to help open all the presents...however, I would have a problem with that - i know this sounds self-centered but if I took the time to go shopping for a baby present and you ask someone ELSE to open my present to you? Why bother?!

I think the number of people invited is too much and EVERYONE will be overwhelmed. I would NOT take my children to that mess....I would schedule a play date for them at a friends house so they won't be at the party....

EDIT/UPDATE:

I didn't mention and I saw another post - with kids NOT being able to keep the presents? OH MY WORD!! They MIGHT not get that. And to top it off - having kids open presents - how will she know who gave her what?
GOOD LUCK!!

175 people to a BABY shower?!
Wow.
With that kind of crowd I'd just leave the kids at home, I can't imagine it would be that fun for them anyway.
And that's way too may presents to open up on site. What is she thinking?!
Sorry, I know you're looking for better advice but I am just stunned by this!

They would be opening the presents and not keeping the gifts? That seems kind of hard for kids to understand. If there is a way, I wouldn't bring my kids. I wouldn't want my kids opening the presents just to feel sad later that they don't get to keep the gift. At least my kids would feel sad about it! I don't think there is any reason you can't tell her no.

That is the biggest baby shower I have ever heard of. I wonder what her wedding was (or will be) like.

Do not take your kids.

Baby showers are boring for them anyway. Let them stay home with dad and play!

Even with your update, I would not take my kids. It is too much for them.

If you just have to take them, please keep their best interest in mind and allow them to go outside and play or get away from all of the hullabaloo.. You know your kids best.. If you do not think they can handle it, be their parent and protect them..

Children are not accessories, they are real people with real needs and feelings. They also can only act their age, anything more mature is icing on the cake, but not to be depended on. Do not set them up for failure to please the demands or expectations of others.

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Holy cow!
175 people is not a baby shower.
I didn't have that many people at my wedding.
175 is a gift bearing mob and where the heck is big enough to handle a crowd that size - did she rent a hall, a church basement or a conference room at a restaurant or hotel?
I hope so because my neighbors would plotz if 175 people tried to park near my house.
Big items like rocking chair, crib, changing table usually you pick out yourself and after that - how many duplicate clothes, mobiles, rattles, blankets and diaper genies do you think she will get?
(I hope she's planning on writing 175 thank you notes, but somehow I doubt she will.)
The child will outgrow them before he/she gets a chance to wear them all.
I would not be bringing my kids.
No one I know EVER brought kids to a baby shower.
For that matter - with 175 people there - how would she know you were there at all?
You could make a quick stop over, hand her your gift, and make a quick exit and she'd be none the wiser.
A co-ed BABY shower?
Um- guys could not possibly care less about this sort of thing.
And their family does not call the shots as far as your kids are concerned.
This whole situation sounds insane.
If it were me, "No" wouldn't be enough. "Hell No!" would be more like it.

Don't take your son then!

How about instead of the kids actually opening the presents (which I think is weird), they help her. She can sit and have the kids choose a present and bring it to her and another job could be having a bag or box ready to put the wrappings in and another job would be to take the present after it has been opened and place it safely to the side. That way she is center of attention and the kids are all surrounding her as little helpers. Suggest it to her that way. And that way everykid could have a job and switch jobs too. An older kid could even help write down the gifts and keep track who they were from - or have an adult do this and one of the kids just help that adult.

Of course you could tell her no. It is your kid.

However, a better option might be to simply share your concerns with your SIL and tell her "If my son starts to act out, I will probably have him come and sit with me". Chances are if you tell her no, your son would feel left out seeing all the other kids up there and would be more bothered by it than your SIL.

I bet your son does better than you think, given the probable organization of things. Talk with him about it a lot beforehand. At 5 years, he gets it. He acts out, he sits down with you.

A lot of the perspectives on here are going to come from a "guests" point of view. Please remember, whether you agree with how this is arranged or not, or with how many people she invited, it is still her shower. That doesn't mean you cannot have control over your own kids, however. It just means you shouldn't consider whether the guests will be annoyed watching the kids open the gifts - it is not about them! It is her shower!!

=)

You should talk to her about your concerns. She probably doesn't have a lot of experience with kids so doesn't know that little kids get very excited when it comes time to opening gifts and can be very rambunctious and rough. I think that after addressing your concerns with her, she still wants your child to open gifts with her (a very sweet gesture on her part), then I would let my child go ahead and do it. Nobody expects a 5-year old to open gifts like a perfect gentleman. I don't think he will look bad; I just think he will look like a lucky little boy whose aunt thinks enough of him to allow him to open gifts with her.

But do talk to your SIL about your concerns. After telling her what's on your mind, she may agree that it is best to have your son sit this one out.

I'd just tell her that you think it is asking for trouble. Kids aren't always gentle at opening presents and what if the precious moments statue gets broken? (This is just a random example, but I bet there are several things like this that could go wrong). Also, opening a present without understanding who it's for and what it's all about can be pretty disappointing for a 5 year old when he sees that it's not the truck he's been wanting, or whatever.

I think it's also rude to the guests/givers. If kids are just tearing into the presents, how will she know what is from whom? When I give gifts, especially at a shower, I kind of like to see the recipient open them and see their reaction. And, who's going to monitor all the kids and write down who gave what for thank you cards later? I bet she didn't think of that. (It kind of sounds like she is turning this into a production!)

And what about the rest of the shower. What are the kids going to be doing then? They aren't going to be interested in the talk or the games.

Just tell her you think it's better for your kids if they stay home that day.

It sounds like you are a seasoned Mom who is appropriately looking ahead and anticipating problems with the kids helping open the gifts. IMO, you are so right. This is a recipe for disaster.

In her defense, she probably has not thought this through. I am assuming that this is her first child (hence the need for a baby shower). Yes, I would make a point to talk to her prior to the shower and explain your concerns. Better yet, leave your kids at home and the problem is solved!

Fake sick? Stay home with the kids and send hubby!

everybody's five year old kid get over excited when opening gifts, talk to him about it before you go, remind him a few days in advance that there will be a lot of people and that he needs to try to stay calm. Have a little faith in your kids he is really going to act up if you try to stop him.

I would try to talk your SIL into openning the presents at a later time. With 175 guests, present opening will take hours, and if I was a guest, I would leave before present opening. Even if she has the kids all open the gifts at the same time, she runs the risk of losing cards and not knowing who bought what. I would be more upset about not getting a proper thank you than her not opening the gift in front of me. I was at a bridal shower with about 40 people and they had the kids just help give the gifts to the bride to help her open and it took forever, everyone except the kids parents were wishing that the present opening would just end.

sounds more like just a regular old party. with presents. i would tell her i'm afraid my son would break something. which i would be. find a sitter. or conveniently have a play date set up.

Where I am from boy/men don't go to showers. They usually have something else planned for the day. Can your son stay at home with Dad and just let it be a day for you and your daughter(s)?

Ohhhhh, let the kids open the presents! Can't you sit down and have a talk with your son before hand and let him know what behavior is expected out of him?

It sounds like she is going to be the fun aunt!!!

What happens when he opens the gifts and realize they aren't for him?! Not a good idea. She can have some of the adults helping. Can you see his little face if he opened a breast pump?? Yikes!

It's always okay to say no when it involves your kids. That said, I would let my kids open if that's what SHE wants. It's HER party after all. With 175 people/potential gifts, I would imagine that she would have them seperated out (each child with a certain number) and let them go to town together, as in NOT making 6 kids wait to open 175 presents one at a time!

You also might have a bigger fight (i.e. looking worse to a 175 person crowd)on your hands if your children are the only ones NOT helping! You might consider leaving them at home if possible.

That is A LOT of people and A LOT of gifts! No wonder she needs help opening them. Perhaps she wants to involve the kids in the celebration and is going about it in a slightly misguided way.

I am sure she is aware of how your son can be and asked him anyway. I think it's sweet. Don't correct him let her deal with him. Or you could just not bring your kids. I don't bring my kids to showers of any kind no matter who the shower is for, I don't think showers are for kids they are for adults but obviously your SIL wants them at hers....

Remind her that maybe there is something breakable in the gift and it may offend the giver if it were not handled with care, which probably is not offered by a 5 YO.

I'd give her the heads up, tell her why you are reserved about letting him dig into a big pile of pastel packaging and be it on her head if she says it's okay and he goes nuts ;) My son is almost 5 and I would be thinking the exact same thing as you, he would be doing the same thing. Good for you for going with that super happy smiley face even though you'd rather not, SIL points to you!

When we the parents of a child would have 10 kids or more at a birthday party trying to keep track of opened gifts and who gave them is asking for trouble! So a tip is someone should video record the opening of the gifts and make sure to hold up the gift or describe it and show the gift note and who it was from or announce it so the tape keeps records for the recipient so for any gift that the sender is not clear one could view the video to find out to send the thank you notes to them much easier! 10 gifts now imagine 170 at one time! In a birthday party we allowed each child to hand the gift to the child and the child opened each gift one at a time in front of the guest which also helps to know who sent what gift! Kids will likely toss the note or envelope of who sent it and not even open it so who send what gift would be guessing how many blades of grass are in your yard. The gifts should be put on designated tables so their are visible unless very big ones and together in one area. Or they hold onto the gift and give it to the SIL one at a time.

I gather she does not already have kids? Or else she would know better than to do this.

If it were me, I'd leave the kids at home and enjoy the party without them (though 175 people? Wow, that's...unheard of for a baby shower.) But if hubby insists, says "there'll be other kids there" etc., and you don't want to fight that battle, take the kids and take NEW things to distract them. Your son might find a new hand-held little game more interesting even than ripping open presents. Make it something he will really focus on for a short while and something he could do at the back of the room with you or dad nearby but not having to hover over him. I'm not saying buy him a DS or get him some expensive gift! I'm saying find something that will distract him sufficiently if that's doable. Some would say it's "parenting by bribery." Hey, maybe so. I think of it as making the best of a bad situation and keeping him from having an eventual meltdown. I'd do the same thing in a grown-up-party situation like a wedding where kids were expected to attend by people who don't realize the limitations kids have on their "best behavior."

And I'd also inform the SIL, with that big smile on your face, in advance: "It's so nice of you to include the kids" (because she does think of this as including the kids) "and we want to be sure they're ALL included, so after Billy opens a gift or two, we're going to ask him to come look at a toy so the other kids can have their turns too. That will be so nice, for all the kids to participate..." I hope she gets the hint and does not constantly call him up there over and over: "Billy, where are you, get up here, open this one.." etc. You may have to be more blunt about "You're great to include the kids but Billy gets overexcited and this is YOUR day, not his birthday, so we're going to have him play after a certain point...."

Remember, too, others attending will realize he is five. They will not think badly of you if he gets overexcited and wants to open more. I would bet all the kids will do that, especially if there are tons of gifts from 175 guests. Any guest with kids will know that you parents of the attending kids are doing your best and they will know that the SIL is not handling it well. She won't do that if there's a shower number two, I'm sure.

He's a normal kid. Talk to him before you go and remind him that the party is for Auntie and the presents are hers. He is lucky to get to help her open them and has to wait his turn. Remind him that he has to be on his best behavior because he is lucky to go to an adult party. Of course word it you own way. I am sure he will be fine. I think it's nice the kids get to help open presents. Ask the Mom to be if you or someone else can help direct and keep track of things during the gift opening.

I think you can say no. I would explain your reservations which are sound-granted if the other kids who are there are going to get to open presents that may create an issue.

Also-teaching moment for the new mom-she should have asked you first before she got your kids excited.

Maybe each kid can open ONE?

Also-from a guest's perspective if their are 175ppl coming that means appx 170 gifts...I would NOT want to sit and watch that many gifts being opened with kids added to the mix, creating more chaos and drawing time out even more. I'm guessing she thinks that will help things, but she's hasn't actually had a baby yet-she has no idea! :)

Are all the kids of a similar age? I know my five year-old, who is also hyperactive, as well as my two-year-old, would both have a really hard time understanding that they are allowed to open the presents, but not keep them. For the girls, baby clothes look a lot like doll clothes. And five (judging by my daughter's and our playgroup friends' interest in younger siblings' toys) is not so far away from babyhood - toys meant for the newborn will interest them. Even older kids could be problematic, depending on what your SIL registered for - does she really want to explain to a 7-year-old what a breast pump (that the child just opened) is for?

It's very sweet of your SIL to want to include the kids, but I would guess that the other parents may have similar concerns. Skip the "acting out" angle, and go with the "the kids won't enjoy the participation" angle. 175 guests = a lot of gifts, and the kids are going to be bored. Suggest they color pictures or create some other kind of craft for her to put in the baby book. The kids will love that, and gift opening will be smoother.

175 people!!! WOW! You are the mother. Whether it's her shower or not, you are the boss of your kids. You can tell her no and if she doesn't like it, tough. She'll understand when her own child is born. Having kids open presents they don't get to keep, especially since there will be some baby toys there, may not be such a good idea anyway. I hope your SIL has something to help entertain all these kids other than opening her presents. Do what you think is right for you and your children. Have fun!

all I can say is OMG!
175 people ......
so many comments below that I agree with!

Kids being there is fine, but common sense says that asking kids to open presents that a) aren't theirs, and b) could be breakable is just - let's be honest - STUPID and asking for trouble.

I would say no, but in a sugary sweet way - "oh, it's so nice that you want my kiddos to .... thanks for trying to include them. I know they get excited, might break, etc, - how about they help pick up and put all the wrapping paper in a trashbag, collect bows, etc." so you're refusing, but also helping/participating.
Good luck!

Well, if it means that much to her that hubby and kids attend, I would have all of you attend. However, if possible, can you take 2 vehicles or somehow plan an earlier exit for DH and the kids, before the gift opening? With that large of a party, as long as you all make an appearance and stay for part of the party, I would think that should be enough. If she is really going to open that many gifts at that large of party, and wants children involved, it sounds like a recipe for chaos. Honestly, with so many people, she probably won't have time to fret about your child not being one of the kids helping open, as she has asked a whole group of kids to help. If anyone asks, just smile and say you felt this part of the party would be too overwhelming for him.

With all the other issues you have had with her, do you really want to possibly make her mad again? She sounds pretty sensitive... I would just let the kids open the presents. You can maybe warn them ahead of time how excited he gets or maybe suggest that they divide up the presents for the kids so that it doesn't get out of hand.