OK so I have two boys, 6 years and 13 months and they would like to play 2gether. My oldr son always wants to be in the family room with the baby and I but, he often ends up spending a lot of time in his room. I feel guilty because I feel as though we don't spend much time with him. But whenever we do allow him to sit any play with the baby he just makes horrible decision and the baby often ends up getting hurt and he ends up getting fussed at. Any suggestions????????
I would explain to him how best to treat the baby and maybe some things he can do with him, like show him a soft book ot play patie cake or poo a boo. I would not want to stop him from developing a relationship with his baby brother just lay down some general rules.
You should feel guilty for separating him from the baby. teach him how to play with the baby without hurting the baby he needs to understand that instead of separation from the family. That will start resentment. I suggest you not send your six year old to his room and the rest of the family is in the family room that you need to find a better solution than the separation.
tiffany,
to begin with i feel for you. i have 3 kids, ages 14 years, 9 years and 3 years all almost five years apart. so we have that in common except i have 1 more than you. my first 2 are boys and they fight all the time and have since they were 5 and 1. the only thing you can do is make sure there is nothing they can get hurt on. kids will be kids. oh and it doesnt really matter is they are boys or girls my boys pick and fight with the 3 year old but she has learned to be tough and stick up for herself. if you cant trust them to be alone in his room by themselves i suggest making them a corner in the living room or family room that they can play in together so you can keep an eye on them. also you can give the 6 year punishments if he is mean to his brother. take things away from him that he really likes. set boundries and limitations. i hope this helps even a little bit. please let me know if my advice helps. J.
I believe that the 6 year old and young toddler can play together, the bond they make now will remain with them the rest of their life. When he makes wrong choices, show him the right one. Say (namehere) how about you do this with (babyname) see how that makes him smile and it makes you smile to see him smile. You have to set the example for him. He has not been taught. What you many think are wrong choices he makes may be lack of understanding what are the right choices. He needs to be shown and taught. Set the positive action and watch your son follow. I would encourage he plays with him often. When he makes the wrong choices, say to him, that choice hurt your brother, what would have been the right thing to do. When you explain to them the consequences of each action they see the reaction. Show him how not to make the baby get hurt and how not to make the baby cry.
I have a 7 year old a 4 year old and a twelve month old and they are all allowed to play together. Often someone gets bumped, hit, pinched or knocked into. But that is just part of having siblings. Not allowing your older child to play with his brother sounds kind of damaging to me. He might become resentful and you don't want that. It's not fair to expect him to stay in his room isolated from the family. If he is being stinky to the baby it is probably out of jealousy. You are wasting valuble bonding time for them, get them together!
They can and should play together. Show your older one some games to play with the baby (if the baby is walking, they should be able to find lots to do together, if not, things like peek-a-boo or clapping games...six year olds are great at making babies laught...have him try to get the baby to laugh).
Teach him that, if he needs to take something away from the baby, he can give the baby something else at the same time so the baby won't cry about it.
My youngest likes to race with the biggest kids. Of course, they are faster, but he doesn't care. We also have crawling races and things that the baby can do more easily.
Show him how to be gentle, but also remember that kids get hurt. They need to not play rough, but a one year old falls down, hits his head, knocks things over, much more than most other age groups. No fun, but it does happen -- they are clumsy at that age. Explain this to your older son, and that he needs to be extra careful.
I would also suggest trying to find some alone time with your older son. I know this is hard, but even ten minutes a day can make a big difference. And play some games with him that are geared toward his age group.
Give him a sense of pride in being a big brother...this is very important to an older child, and will help their relationship if he knows what a big part he will play in his brothers life.
Good luck!
Of course they can. He wants to help and be apart of you and the new baby. He doesn't know anything about "wrong choices" . He is still a little guy himself. He is doing what seems like fun/the right thing at the time. If you continue to seperate them and you are of course with the baby, this could build a lifetime of resentment and jealously. Just let them play and let the baby go with his brother around the house. You should include your older son in everything with you and the baby. Use it as a time to teach him about caring, gentleness, love etc. Yes, they are going to fuss, fight, hit, etc over the next 20 years. That is how young children express themselves. They will also, laugh, love, wrestle, tickle, scheme, and enjoy life together if you let them. Your older son loves his brother and wants to be apart of his life. let him.
Don't leave your older child out. He will end up resenting the baby. Definitely have them together as much as possible. You are a family and need to act as a family. You will need to guide the play until the older child gets the hang of what to do with a baby. He is not old enough to always make good decisions. Give him ideas and guidance, but also let him make decisions. This will give him confidence while keeping the baby safe. Ask him questions like "What do you think [baby's name] would like to play?" Explain that babies and toddlers don't have the skills to "play" with others, but they like to play beside them and mimick them. Let him know that he has an important job as the big brother to show him how to be a big boy. Encourage things like rolling the ball back and forth, etc. Toddlers love to chase and play things like peek-a-boo. Teach your older child to do these things and then praise him when he does well. Say, "Did you see how you made him laugh? That was great!" With siblings (especially boys) there will always be the occasional bumps and bruises, but they learn from them. Let your children become friends and not enemies. When the older brother makes a bad decision, say something like "Don't pick him up, that can hurt him. Maybe you could show him how to race some matchbox cars instead." Also, babies learn quickly to "fake" cry if they see the parents jump to their rescue when their space is invaded by a sibling. Be calm in your actions and redirection. Make sure not to jump in and pick up the little one unless it is absolutely necessary. It's amazing how quickly babies learn to work their parents in that way. Yes, sometimes they do cry when they are not actually hurt if they've been trained that mama will jump in and hold and cuddle them for it. Definitley hold and cuddle, just not as a reaction to the big brother being around.
Instead of sending your son to his room try making him feel like part of the family. Allow him to play supervised with his brother. If he is hurting him, it could be do to jelousy. Sending him to his room won't help. Try spending more time with your 6 year old, have thier father watch the baby and you and the oldest go have some mommy son time.
Remind your oldest son that his brother is a baby can not rough and tumble with him just yet.
