9 Month Old Won't Let Me Put Him Down!

It's normal. They have separation anxiety. But, it will crop up at other ages too, as they go through different manifestations of it. So head's up.

Also, they at this age are learning about "object permanence." That things they can't see, will come back or reappear. Thus, peek-a-boo games.

NO you will not spoil him if you pick him up. He's just a baby. They STILL need to 'bond' with Mommy. My son is now 2.5 years old, and even though he is real independent... he is now a bit more "clingy" with me, and everything is "Mommy" and he loves to be carried. NO biggie. It's just his age... and another manifestation of "separation anxiety" and his bonding with me, changing. It's all developmental based. They need to feel secure. It's all par for the course.

If you need to go do something, it won't hurt to put him down for a bit. Yes, you will hear him cry for you, but you will be close by, and we all have to use the bathroom or cook dinner, right? It's okay. Just place him near you where he can see you... put some toys there... talk to him and soothe him verbally....and build up a trust about it, for him. It takes time, and before you know it, it will be onto other "phases." Believe me.

Yes, it's hard. My back hurt too. My son is 2.5 years old, and he likes to be carried! But it's okay for me. I teach him that I can 'carry' him while sitting down. There are ways around it.

All the best,
Susan

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Just let me say, this is TOTALLY NORMAL!! It's usually called Seperation Anxiety and it usually begins with the age/stage of being more mobile and aware of the world around us. My son experienced this and the explaination I got was, as his awareness grows, so do his fears and those fears are coming from the fact that he hasn't learned that if something (like Mommy) is not in his line of sight, it has disappeared forever...AND WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF ME!?!?

There are things you can do now, to help your son learn (not train) that Mommy is ALWAYS there no matter what, without breaking your back. This is not manipulation. I don't know why people think a baby knows how to manipulate an adult.

What I did was make him a part of the day...if I was cooking, I'd sit him in his high chair, boncy seat or his bumbo on a blanket nearby and let him watch what I was doing. I got him some pots and pans from Ikea and let him cook too. I would explain what I was doing. Washing the veggies, cooking the eggs...this will also help with language development. Same thing for washing the dishes...gave him a rag and plastic container that was wet and had him help me and he loved it.

Laundry meant we'd sit on a blanket on the floor and I show him how to sort socks by color and so on...he's still a very good sock sorter at 2.5. As our kids get older, being Mommy's helper is such a HUGE deal!! My son now calls himself Mommy's 'super helper' and it makes him so proud.

Another thing I started doing when my son was 9 months old was playing peek a boo. While it seems really simple, it is great for easing Seperation Anxiety. I would sit him on the floor and use a blanket, on the counter while in his bouncy chair or in his high chair. Make it a game and explain that Mommy WILL always come back, no matter what. Start explaining and talking with you little one NOW and you will have layed the ground work for good communication as he becomes a toddler. At this age, I don't think people talk enough to their babies and it helps SO much. Use a calm soothing voice and explain that everything is fine and no matter where Mommy goes Mommy will be back. Start slowly with putting him in the high chair and leaving the room for a second and popping back in with a smile and a laugh saying 'Mommy's here!'. Then, increase the time and eventually he'll get the drift and know that nothing will keep Mommy from him.

It's funny because we say 'out of sight, out of mind' but, for babies with this kind of anxiety it's 'out of sight, out of existence and who is going to take care of ME'. Remember while he learns that there are things that exist out of his line of sight, he's going to need some guidance and patience but, you don't have to break your back with carrying him around ALL day.

Oh, one more thing!! My Mom (former teacher) used to place familiar things out of sight and place a type of hide and seek game for them. Like stuffed animals or toys and then, she'd say things like 'where'd the dinosaur go, I don't see him' and then, she'd take him looking for the dino and when they found him 'she's say there's the dinosaur, he's in the den'. I think this little game helped a lot in his older phase of Seperation Anxiety...yes, it can happen at various ages/stages and my son has repeated it almost with every BIG milestone change.

Just remember be calm, be patient and don't forget to lauch!

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My son went thru a stage like this when he was about 12 months. As long as nothing has dramatically changed in his life, I'm sure he is going thru seperation anxiety. My son is now 19 months old and still has some days where he just wants to be held. My opinion: if it lasts longer than a week or so, start to let him "cry it out" so that he knows that crying won't always get him his way. I know how hard it is to hear him cry but he needs to learn to sooth himself. I have a friend who gave into her daughter and is still holding her all the time and she's almost 2. Good luck and remember you're a great mom even if your baby is crying! :)

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Hi Chrisi, First let me tell you, that try and never use the terms my child won't let me, children/baby's are not meant to have that kind of control. At 9 months he is still a baby, but baby's at an early age no how to manipulate with crying. If you pick up your son every time he cries, you are creating a habit that will be very hard to break. Nurturing and spoiling is two different things. If he is crying cause he's hurt or sick, then all means pick him up, but if he is crying just to cry, he doesn't need to be picked up. I have been a mom for 25 years, I don't know everything, but I have had enough experience to give you the advice am giving. J. L.

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My 7 1/2 month old has started to do the same thing... I have found that if I put her in her highchair and wheel her around with me she is content. I am going through the same struggle...I want to comfort her and want her to know she is safe and loved but at the same time I can't carry her around ALL DAY. I think they are very good manipulators at this age and I know for a fact my daughter already understands some things, such as the word no. When she picks up something she can't have and I say "Nooooo," she gets a little attitude and throws the thing down and cries. No joke. This is my third baby and definitely the sassiest LOL. I think that if we carry them around 24-7 until they are 1 then we will have an even harder time in a few months. I mean, what magically changes on their first birthday? I am curious to see the feedback on this one... I don't have any real great advice but know that we are in the same boat! :)

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