21 answers

9 Month Old Won't Let Me Put Him Down!

Super Moms...
My 9+month old suddenly in the last week or so won't let me put him down, or leave the room. He crys so...that it moves to a total melt down screaming pretty quickly and I would like to know what to do about it. Some feedback I have gotten is that if I continue to pick him up all the time I will spoil him. Other feedback has said that because he is less then a year old I should coddle him as much as he desires. Is there a balance there?? Help! My back is really hurting since he is 24lbs and I am having a hard time getting anything done.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Super Mommies...
Thanks so much for all of your input! It was comforting to know that no matter how I handle it he will be just fine. I do hate to hear him cry though, so I use the backpacking backpack (which he loves), distract him with toys, carry him, and sometimes let him fuss. I am doing as much as possible as close to him as possible. I am now on the market for a carrier that can be worn on the back, and will accomodate him for awhile(he is already 23 lbs.) He even gets fussy in the stroller now! But as several of you have said...I love my snugglebunny and love being close to him and that he also enjoys being close to me...I feel so blessed! I know that this phase will pass all too quickly. Thanks again!

More Answers

I am a mom to a 9 year old boy and an 11 month old girl. I can't stress how quickly time flies with little ones. Yes, when they are needy, time feels like it moves slowly, but then you blink and they are embarrased to kiss you goobye at school.

Being there for them fosters a bond that can only be broken by not being there for them no matter how old they are.

Your baby could be fighting a bug, teething, or making great developemental leaps. All can cause clingy behavior. Your baby will grow up faster than you can imagine. Get the cuddling while the cuddling is good.

Try using a sling or baby bjorn to help the stress on your back and arms...and don't blink! This too shall pass.

3 moms found this helpful

It's normal. They have separation anxiety. But, it will crop up at other ages too, as they go through different manifestations of it. So head's up.

Also, they at this age are learning about "object permanence." That things they can't see, will come back or reappear. Thus, peek-a-boo games.

NO you will not spoil him if you pick him up. He's just a baby. They STILL need to 'bond' with Mommy. My son is now 2.5 years old, and even though he is real independent... he is now a bit more "clingy" with me, and everything is "Mommy" and he loves to be carried. NO biggie. It's just his age... and another manifestation of "separation anxiety" and his bonding with me, changing. It's all developmental based. They need to feel secure. It's all par for the course.

If you need to go do something, it won't hurt to put him down for a bit. Yes, you will hear him cry for you, but you will be close by, and we all have to use the bathroom or cook dinner, right? It's okay. Just place him near you where he can see you... put some toys there... talk to him and soothe him verbally....and build up a trust about it, for him. It takes time, and before you know it, it will be onto other "phases." Believe me.

Yes, it's hard. My back hurt too. My son is 2.5 years old, and he likes to be carried! But it's okay for me. I teach him that I can 'carry' him while sitting down. There are ways around it.

All the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

I don't believe that picking up your child when they are this young will spoil them. At this age they start to recognize that they are a separate person from you and start to get clingy. They will grow out of it. At 7 months like clock work both of mine did it. This is what worked for me I would pick them up and then get them interested in a play item. If I had to do somthing (have four kids always had to do something) I would give them to someone else for a little while even if they cried most of the time they would get over it. Usually distracting them with toys would work.

In the end do whats best for your relationship with your baby if that means picking them up to comfort them then do it if it means letting them cry and learn to comfort themsleves do that. Just be patient these adjustments for the babies may take awhile and you will get to a time where you have time to get things done. Mine are about 3 and 2 and at one they started being a lot more independant. Your doing great you'll get through it.

2 moms found this helpful

Just let me say, this is TOTALLY NORMAL!! It's usually called Seperation Anxiety and it usually begins with the age/stage of being more mobile and aware of the world around us. My son experienced this and the explaination I got was, as his awareness grows, so do his fears and those fears are coming from the fact that he hasn't learned that if something (like Mommy) is not in his line of sight, it has disappeared forever...AND WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF ME!?!?

There are things you can do now, to help your son learn (not train) that Mommy is ALWAYS there no matter what, without breaking your back. This is not manipulation. I don't know why people think a baby knows how to manipulate an adult.

What I did was make him a part of the day...if I was cooking, I'd sit him in his high chair, boncy seat or his bumbo on a blanket nearby and let him watch what I was doing. I got him some pots and pans from Ikea and let him cook too. I would explain what I was doing. Washing the veggies, cooking the eggs...this will also help with language development. Same thing for washing the dishes...gave him a rag and plastic container that was wet and had him help me and he loved it.

Laundry meant we'd sit on a blanket on the floor and I show him how to sort socks by color and so on...he's still a very good sock sorter at 2.5. As our kids get older, being Mommy's helper is such a HUGE deal!! My son now calls himself Mommy's 'super helper' and it makes him so proud.

Another thing I started doing when my son was 9 months old was playing peek a boo. While it seems really simple, it is great for easing Seperation Anxiety. I would sit him on the floor and use a blanket, on the counter while in his bouncy chair or in his high chair. Make it a game and explain that Mommy WILL always come back, no matter what. Start explaining and talking with you little one NOW and you will have layed the ground work for good communication as he becomes a toddler. At this age, I don't think people talk enough to their babies and it helps SO much. Use a calm soothing voice and explain that everything is fine and no matter where Mommy goes Mommy will be back. Start slowly with putting him in the high chair and leaving the room for a second and popping back in with a smile and a laugh saying 'Mommy's here!'. Then, increase the time and eventually he'll get the drift and know that nothing will keep Mommy from him.

It's funny because we say 'out of sight, out of mind' but, for babies with this kind of anxiety it's 'out of sight, out of existence and who is going to take care of ME'. Remember while he learns that there are things that exist out of his line of sight, he's going to need some guidance and patience but, you don't have to break your back with carrying him around ALL day.

Oh, one more thing!! My Mom (former teacher) used to place familiar things out of sight and place a type of hide and seek game for them. Like stuffed animals or toys and then, she'd say things like 'where'd the dinosaur go, I don't see him' and then, she'd take him looking for the dino and when they found him 'she's say there's the dinosaur, he's in the den'. I think this little game helped a lot in his older phase of Seperation Anxiety...yes, it can happen at various ages/stages and my son has repeated it almost with every BIG milestone change.

Just remember be calm, be patient and don't forget to lauch!

2 moms found this helpful

my little 10 month old boy is currently in the same phase. It can be nerving (especially when I need to clean up or tend to my 3 year old). Sometimes I have to put my foot down and let him cry...

Part of it is separation anxiety, which is completely normal. Babies do outgrow this...eventually. Soon enough he will be running off to play with his friends. Enjoy his neediness for now.

1 mom found this helpful

My son went thru a stage like this when he was about 12 months. As long as nothing has dramatically changed in his life, I'm sure he is going thru seperation anxiety. My son is now 19 months old and still has some days where he just wants to be held. My opinion: if it lasts longer than a week or so, start to let him "cry it out" so that he knows that crying won't always get him his way. I know how hard it is to hear him cry but he needs to learn to sooth himself. I have a friend who gave into her daughter and is still holding her all the time and she's almost 2. Good luck and remember you're a great mom even if your baby is crying! :)

1 mom found this helpful

Get an ergo or a mei tai carrier - will be much easier on your back. Your son just wants to know that you are there and he can trust you. It's okay to hold and cuddle your little ones!

1 mom found this helpful

i was never an attatched parent... the attatchment parenting method didnt work for me at all. i hated when family would pick up my daughter and carry her around when she was content on the floor playing. if she cried i would calm her and place her back on the floor where she was. i wanted a very independant child and i have one (shes 2 now). i did hold my daughter and cuddle her when she wanted it but it wasnt excessive and constant. try to have him play in the room your in while your working. if in the kitchen give him a pan and spoon (and get earplugs lol). if he starts to fuss consoul him then put him down. after a week or 2 he will start to learn that he cant be help all day long. take it slow. good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

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