Calling All Military Wives!

We are navy. The hardest part for me has been the negative impact on my career due to following his transfers. It is hard doing the single mom thing 9 months or more out of each year. My husband has been deployed for the births of both of our children.

Perks include - he loves his job, job security, retirement and medical benefits, pfa helps motivate him to eat healthy and excersize, etc.

I am not sure with the kids how it will go - both of mine are under 2 years.

It has its challenges, but we are career military, so we will be working it out for 14 more years :)

We are a Marine family. My hubby retired last year.
He really misses it, sometimes I do too.
There is a guaranteed paycheck, health insurance, dental, housing is taken care of, the Army becomes your family everywhere you go.
There are deployments, and there are days in the field. Every military wife just gets used to it. You include Daddy in things when he is home, when he is gone you carry on. DoD schools are pretty good, no matter where you go.
Is it the best thing? For some it really is. You have to be independent, able to make decisions for the family without his input, able to handle emergencies, able to live alone, and travel to Grandma's without him, do the bills and taxes.
My son is now in the Navy, we are looking at Army education programs for my daughter.
It really is a good life.

I am both military and a military wife. My husband & I met while active duty and now we have been reserve for 3 years while I attempt to return as an officer.
Bottom line is what his career field will entail. We are Air Force medical which makes it easier. Our 17 y/o loved moving, meeting new people, & the DOD schools provided her with a solid foundation to build upon one she finally had to go to a mainstream school.
I completed ALL my schooling while Active Duty & now have passed along my Education benefit for my daughter to attend college this fall.
The camaraderie amongst military families is an experience like no other. In the last 3 years as a reservist I have come to the realization that unless I return to active duty my youngest 2 will not grow up the same way my eldest daughter did.
Bottom line for you is what are you looking for? Or afraid of?
The military life is not for all, there is a high risk of divorce amongst army wife’s, but the military has tons of resources out there if your husband is able to rejoin, Good Luck

yes it is absolutely worth it.
Military wives become VERY strong women. And I am very proud to be an Army wife. If you get to travel with him , some posts you can't go to but you and your children will be able to go places most have only see in books or on TV and get paid to do it.

For us it's worth it, I could write a ton more but will leave it at that because it may not even be an option for him to go back in.If he was medically discharged there may be constraints for him re-entering & now with the Army decreasing its numbers he may not even be accepted. I would find out more info before planning this as your future. Hope you guys find something that works for you.

I am a Army National Guard wife and my husband is AGR, which means full time in service though we do not have the risk of moving to a new duty station. Your husband is the one enlisting, but you are taking on an extra workload too, so I am glad to hear that you are researching your end as well. There are so many pros and cons to consider as with any job, here are a few major ones that come with the military.

Pros:
Stability - My husband is the major breadwinner and it is very comforting to know that our income is stable and not in danger with the changing economy. Yes, bonuses and extras are not as prevalant as they used to be, but the job is not in danger of being downsized away.

Insurance - Active duty insurance is amazing. Complete and very affordable.

Time off from your spouse - It sounds funny, but we like that we get a little time away from each other when he is gone for work. Gives us time to remember why we chose to spend our lives together.

Pride & Purpose - It is very gratifying to know that you are working as a family to better this country. It helps to get through a tough day when you know the is a real, honest reason for what you are doing. We got our kids, (2 & 8) little fatigue sets and they loved being able to look like daddy.

Support - I am not sure about the Army, but the NG has a great family support program that sponsors many activities to promote family togetherness. There are also many services; counseling and childcare help to legal counsel that are available to the military that are not available to citizens.

Discounts - There are many places that offer discounts (Disney, Seaworld, City Museums, Good Times,...) that offer discounts to the military. Plus the on base shopping tax free.

Cons - (from a wife's POV) The military attitude is good for the solider, but not great for a husband. Their are many conflicts in our house when my husband slips back into work mode and unconciously expects people to follow orders and forgets that we needs reason and discussion in real life. I feel the soldiers (or anyone) could really benefit from some mandatory childcare training.

Travel - He will be gone alot and that leaves you with all the responsiblities while he is gone and can lead to conflict when he turns and your schedule gets rearranged.

Regulations - There are many laws and regulations that no longer apply to soldiers once they enlist and many more that are no that did not apply to citizens.

Deployment - Is hard and scary and stressful, so make sure you use the support system they provide. Reintergration with them return is harder. Make sure you use all your resources and if you think you or he need help re adjusting... get it now. Things can get ugly fast without help and pride is not a reason to pretend life is good when it is not.

This not a decision to make lightly and it sounds like you are doing your research. I do not regret marrying a military man, but it definitely came with its own baggage. If you are a jealous or insecure person this life will be harder for you and your family, but there are numerous services available to you to make your life easier. My favorite one is militaryonesource.com

As others have said it depends on the branch and the field he is in in the military. Mine did 23 1/2 years in the Air Force of which I did 20. He was in with Viet Nam and got out after the first Gulf War. We have lived in the states and in Canda and Germany and traveled around Europe.

There were also the times that I stayed behind with my son while he did separate tours of 6 months and 12 months alone.

You do have to be a strong woman to handle all of the mom/dad responsiblities when dad is away. And yes you do have to include them in your family schedule once they return from duty as they don't know how to interact right away. Some of my best friends are military wives that live in different parts of the country and we have been friends for over 30 years. Now if I could just learn how to drive regular American speeds and not the Autohahn I would be better.

Good luck to you both.

The other S.

I am an army wife and really like it. Hubby retired after 20 years infantry, luckily he still has good knees. I really miss the army life as being a retiree is a lot different.

I really like Margie M's answer. She summed up the life pretty well. You do have to learn to be independent and do everything on your own but do learn to include him in your family life when he is home and try to stay with the same routine of life for your kids but learn to include your husband in that routine when he is home.

We had all our kids during army life. When he retired the oldest was in 6th grade, 2nd one 3rd grade, and youngest was 4. He does seem closer to the youngest because he has spent more time with him as he didn't go to the field much at all when youngest was a baby because he was having surgeries and on medical profile for a year then was on retirement status and undeployable the following year so he was home and we had to adjust to the family life of having him home every night for dinner which we didn't have often for 10 years. The older 2 he was gone a lot, being infantry they are gone all the time, even if they aren't deployed somewhere they are training and even when in garrison he would get home at 9 or 10 pm and the kids were asleep.

I enjoyed the moving every 3 years, seeing the country, and meeting new friends. I have kept in contact with most of my army friends through the years, even the ones I met 19 years ago when we got married. That is the part I miss the most. There is nothing like military wives who understand your life that only those that live through it can know.

I guess I transitioned to the life better than most. My dad is a truck driver and was gone 6 weeks at a time most of my life so my mom pretty much raised us and still managed to have a close relationship with dad.

You have to be a strong person to make it through the military life. Get involved in family support groups so you aren't alone and make friends so you have a support group. Find a church wherever you go. Don't hesitate to ask questions especially about the resources available on your base. When things go wrong in housing, know how to get in touch with maintenance and use the MWR--they have all kinds of things you can rent or borrow real cheap, like bounce houses for your kids bday parties, lawn mowers, boats, jet ski's, campers, and all kinds of stuff.

Whatever you do, if this is something your husband really wants to do, support him and don't ever make him feel guilty for being gone while you are feeling all alone at home taking care of everything and raising the kids. Just keep in mind that he does have a job and is paying the bills.

After hubby retired he got a good job but worked the 3pm-11pm shift and worked all weekends and 7 days a week most of the time. I will tell you that shift is harder than the military life because the kids never get to see him except a few hours on Saturday morning before he goes to work and during their summer break off school. After 6 years of that shift he recently got on dayshift and now the oldest is in college, 2nd child is 16, and youngest is 11. I can tell he feels sad that the kids have grown up and he missed out on so much of their lives but we did cherish our few hours of family time on Saturday mornings.

We are still adjusting to him actually being home every night now, have to think more of what to fix for dinner and make sure he knows what is going on with the schedule of life as our kids are involved in sports and youth activities at church.

So you see it doesn't matter if you are military or civilian, you can end up raising your kids a lot on your own and learn to take care of everything on your own. Life doesn't always go the way we expect them to. With the economy of so many people out of work I feel blessed. My husband always made it a priority to support his family the best he could and got to work in fields that he enjoys. He loved the army and loves his job now. Not many people can say they love their jobs and he has been blessed to have 2 great career jobs in his life that he has truly enjoyed and I know a lot of his success was because he had his family at home supporting him and I did everything I could to take care of things on my own as much as I could so he didn't have to deal with stressful things when he came home and could relax and enjoy us as a family. I would even let him go fishing and hunting on his first weekend home if he wanted to. Something about getting in the woods or on the water taking time for himself would calm the stresses of work from his mind.
We all need that type of downtime and encourage him to watch the kids so you can go out and pamper yourself alone too. Go shopping or get a pedicure on your own. Usually if you give him his down time he won't mind giving you a few hours of time to yourself. Some bases actually have daycare programs that will watch your kids for free every other Saturday if your spouse is deployed so make sure you find out what is available to wherever you get stationed and find out what is available to you and don't be afraid to use them.

With his knee problem I don't recommend an infantry unit. Hopefully he will get something else where he isn't humping 80-100 lb rucksacks up mountains or big hills all the time.

from a military kid's point of view, I watched my mom struggle during deployments, and my dad works full time as a pilot for the national guard. We never had to worry about whether he would have a job, because the national guard is pretty stable, as is the military in general. Even if your husband was only a "weekend warrior" you'd still have a little extra income each month when he went to drill and each year for his 2 weeks of Annual Training. Also, my sister and brother-in-law are both in the National Guard. My sister works full time like our dad, as a supply clerk, but my brother-in-law has a civilian job. Not all jobs are as flexible as they should be with military time. He has a difficult time sometimes getting the time off for AT and drill, because his civilian job doesn't like having to cover his shifts, even when he tells them months in advance.

My advice is to find out if he will be able to try again, and then decide whether he will want to find a full time military job or keep a civilian job. Take it one step at a time, and try not to stress it too much. And just remember, you've always got your family and friends for support - don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, because I know from experience that a lot of military families don't reach out when they need some help, and that only makes things harder. :-) good luck and i hope things work out!!