Breastfeeding = Baby Being Super Clingy

My daughter was like that at about that age as well and was not breastfeed anymore (stopped at 4 months). She went through separation anxiety early and she only wanted me for months! I don't think it is a breasfeeding issue - I think it is just that different children go through separation anxiety at different ages and have different extremes of it. If you really need a break I think you just need to leave her with dad while you get out of the house - while she might cry she will be okay and he will take good care of her.

I'm going to disagree a little bit with the advice on here and hope I don't upset too many people! I know for some people, attachment parenting is the way to go (i.e. using the sling a lot and keeping baby attached to you). HOWEVER, it is NOT best for everyone! I tried it with my first who was clingy and it almost destroyed us both. I was dealing with postpartum and was told that attachment parenting was the cure for the both of us. What I really needed - and I mean really NEEDED - was a break. Yes, you need breaks! You and your baby will do a lot better with breaks. It sounds like you are stressed out and you need some time to destress. She will take her cue from you and she will be more clingy the more stressed you are. The calmer and more relaxed you are, the calmer and less clingy she will be. The only way you can reach that calm place is if you take some time to yourself and prepare yourself to go back to your children a calmer and more peaceful mother. Then, when she wants to be held and you have other things you need to do, you can calmly put her in a swing or a bouncy or on the floor and say to her CALMLY "mommy is here and mommy will pick you up in a little bit." It's not so much what you say but your tone of voice and the fact that you will pick her up again. I would recommend that at first you not be out of her sight. If you have to put in the swing in the kitchen while you wash dishes, then you can talk to her calmly while you work and she will still see you. Time yourself as far as when you put her down and make it longer intervals progressively. If you stay calm and do this consistently (routine is KEY!), she will eventually catch on. When you do pick her up, keep the same calm tone and manner as when she was by herself. Remember, you are the mother and she is the child; even at this young age you are training her. She needs to learn how to entertain herself and soothe herself. But first, take your time to yourself, make sure you are prepared to do what you have to do to keep your sanity, and bring others on board with your plan. Talk with your husband, your mom, mom-in-law, friends, babysitters, whoever you can find to help you accomplish your goal. I agree that your 4.5 year old can be a help, but your baby still isn't going to like it at first and you're just going to have to remind yourself she is ok and what you are doing is helping both of you. If you want to know more about my own experience, I would be glad to talk with you more!

My youngest right now is 8 months and he's been super clingy too but not afraid of being held by others. He does cry whenever I put him down and so I have been carting him around a lot. I have been worried about him not being down on the ground enough to be able to learn to crawl, etc. so I've been "scheduling" time away from me. I lay him down on a blanket and set the timer for ten minutes and leave him with a few toys. The first few days I stayed nearby and in the room. He didn't like it but I could tell he needed to become a little more independent. I would come pat his tummy and coo at him and then leave until the timer went off. Then I'd hold him or do something in the house while I carried him. After a couple of days at this, he got to not needing me in the room, so I could leave to take clothes upstairs, etc. It's been a couple of weeks and he's much more independent.
I would do the same thing with having your hubby hold him. Feed her really well before and have your husband hold her for 5 minutes, setting a timer. You leave the room, go for a walk, take a shower or whatever and see how she does. The first few days of doing it will be the hardest. Your eventual goal is to be able to run an errand or something longer without her but if she never gets little practice sessions it'll be really hard later on. If she is just irrate and doesn't calm down after a couple of days of trying these practice sessions you might just have to wait longer and see if this is something she can work through as she gets older. I know some families that the kids are SO strongly attached to the mom that they are NEVER left alone with the dad. They are buff people to have survived that long. Good luck! I'm sure you will do what you feel is best.

i had the same problem a few months ago i have a 5 year old and a 8 month old. And I have to say its not from breastdeeding. I breast fed my 5 year old and she was clingy too, but im sure its because she has a stronger bond with you than dad. She is with you more. You have to let them wine it out. They are obviously fake tears if they disappear as soon as you pick her up...lol. When my baby would wine i wouldnt pick her up, just go sit next to her and she would try to climb up in my arms but i would distract her with toys and talk to her and tell her why are you crying? or thats not gonna get you what you want.And its worked for me. Is the baby crawling yet?? if so let her follow you around wining, it'll stop . What i do is if im gonna be in the kitchen I put a pot out with some of her spoons and maybe a measuring cup.while talking to her and letting her know i havent forgotten she's there. It should distract her for long enough time for you to get things done. My 5 year old also is good at keeping her company so maybe you can sit down with them and a pile of toys, and sneek away after a couple minutes. i did that too. and now i can leave her in her crib for a while and she'll sit and play with her toys and in the living room. as long as she hears me making noise some place else she is fine, and when she wants me she'll find me yelling(not crying) so that i hear her, i call it her mama call. I hope this helpes you. sorry if i rambled. GOOD LUCK!

I definately don't think that it's because of the breastfeeding. I nursed both of mine, and anything that went "wrong" or I had a problem with, at least one of my non breastfeeding family or friends blamed it on breastfeeding. My son was very independent, and my daughter was the same way as yours and I nursed them both. She would even cry if my husband sat in "my" seat at the dinner table. If my husband came toward her, she screamed "no!" and ran away crying. I want to tell you it gets better, and it does, but at 21 months, my daughter still prefers me to her father or anyone else for that matter. (I weaned her at 1 year). She just prefers the way I do things for whatever reason. The only thing that worked a little for me was kind of weaning her off of me. Like I would sit her by some toys and play with her and run off for a couple of minutes, and then spend progressively longer doing my stuff. Also I would sit her on the floor and kinda hold her on my lap, then let go and get farther and farther away, until I could be doing something else. But she still prefers to be in the same room as me. Also, she loves it when her brother entertains her. So maybe he can sing her a song or something....

But please get out of the house some, because I know that after a while, people won't even try to help you because they have it in their heads that your baby will scream. And you do need a break. Even if you just get to go to target! And as soon as I left or soon after, my little one would quiet down. But if I was available, then I was the only one she wanted. But even if she didn't, then it was my husband's job to get to know her and I made him. And it did help.

Hang in there- it does get better!

N.,
My first girl was like that too who Never had a bottle; only breastfed; until she was probably like 3. :/ My second was NOT that way from the start. So I am thinking 1) they are all different and 2) maybe after she is little older?? I have found that if I wait till they feel "ready" for "others" it seems to work alot better; but if forced then they get that much more clingy. You may get some good ideas yet from here though!! :)
K.

I don't think it's breastfeeding. I think it's personality. All five of my children were breastfed, but only one was clingy enough to get exasperating. I would tolerate and cuddle as much as I could stand. I actually used a sling quite a lot at that age when I tried to get things done. In your situation, I would try to plan times -- maybe just after baby has eaten, burped and changed -- when Daddy took both kids for a walk outside. You will be a better mother if you do get the occasional break when you feel you need it.

I promise the clingy stage really does stop -- even if you don't try to discipline baby out of it.

The separation anxiety thing really kicks in at this age, and some kids are more clingy than others. I only have one son but when he was this age he'd would cry like his heart was breaking even if I put him down for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Although my son preferred me, if I wasn't available (not in sight in a room full of strangers), he'd prefer Daddy to anyone else. They all grow out of it eventually. By the time she's two, you'll be worried every time she runs out of your sight. I had to put a leash on my son when we went to malls so he wouldn't get lost. Get a carrier and enjoy her while she's small - they grow up so fast.

My third child was like this, but not my first two or fourth. All were breastfed, so I don't believe that is the issue. Even the ladies at the curch nursery who could "handle any crying baby" would buzz me out to the service because they couldn't handle her crying. Even my mom, who says that crying babies don't bother her, said that she was an exception! The problem resolved itself when she started crawling. She is so totally independent now! Hang in there. And, like others said, leave her with daddy some so you can get a break. (and go where you can't hear her.) Even if she cries the whole time, they both will be OK.

Personally, I have found that babies and kids cling less the more that you keep them close and let them separate when it is their idea. My kids were near or on me for a while but then as toddlers were far more independent than the kids whose parents worked so hard to get them to separate. Of course, kids have different temperments. Even now when they are older, sometimes they are clingy, I give extra time and attention, and then they are back to their busy lives. But if I push them off because I am busy or want to be alone, it always takes longer to get to that peaceful place.

The easiest way to deal with this is to carry the baby in a sling or other carrier. You can get out with son (you only need a diaper or two because you have breastmilk whenever you need it).

I remember being completely "touched out" by the end of the day and just needing a break. Sometimes, Dad can take the baby if he heads outside for fresh air or a walk. Some Dads help with an early morning walk so Mom can shower or even read the paper.

Good luck.

for your own sanity, plan occasional brief excursions away from the baby so you can replenish yourself without listening to her scream.
she will be okay.
really.
and her dad or grandparents can put up with it from time to time.
i agree that a carrier is great for when you've got her with you, but it's important for you to have some alone time too.
good luck!
khairete
S.

It sounds like she is a smart little girl who a) knows that she is secure with you and is wary of others as she should be and b) is very effective at getting her way. I know this is stressful sometimes, but try to look at it as a good thing - she is a smart kid.

It has nothing to do with breastfeeding. It is a phase that she will quickly grow out of, so try to enjoy it. I WISH I could get my 16 month old to cuddle with me sometimes. The only time she does is when I am nursing, and we are almost done with that!

All that said, sometimes she will need to cry. 99% of the time, reassure her, but sometimes she needs to seperate from you in order to learn that you come back. Especially with your husband, you need ot give him a chance to comfort her. Odds are, if you left the house for a couple of hours, she would have a blast with Daddy! Give them that chance.

Breastfeeding does not in any way create a super clingy baby....different babies have different temperaments. My oldest son nursed for nearly two years, and when he was nursing that was the only time during the day he preferred me...he used to hold my husbands hand while nursing! He also has always gone with others, never having any separation anxiety.

I agree with Kimberly, try a carrier. Few benefits: Your hands will be free to do things with your son while she wants to be held. You can nurse her on the go while doing other things! Once baby gets used to being in carrier with you it is many times much easier to transition them to another caregiver in the carrier. They feel secure there, so if on dad in the same carrier it is a comfortable place to be. She mentioned the Ergo, great choice and very gender freindly so dads will wear it too! it is the only carrier my DH will wear. Check tehm out here: http://handsfreebaby.com/store/index.php?main_page=produc...

It really does get better, hang in there!
K.

I second what Jennifer said: it's not the breastfeeding, per se, and most kids go through a separation anxiety stage. In order to get stuff done and attend to your older child (and this will help alleviate some of the anxiety, too), you can try wearing the baby in a sling or other carrier, which will free you up some (you'd be amazed at how much you can get done with the little one in an Ergo or similar carrier, and she'll just snuggle down and be happy!).

I also totally agree that sometimes she's just going to have to cry, and she's almost to the stage where she will learn about manipulation (it starts somewhere between 7 and 10 months), and so teaching her that crying doesn't always get her what she wants is not a bad idea. This doesn't mean leaving her alone to cry, or ignoring her needs, but, for example, leaving her with her loving, caring father while you get something done, even though she may protest (cry), is a loving and caring act, even if it doesn't feel that way. And if you need a break, then you need a break, and you'll be a better mommy when you get back. Just hand her over to daddy, give her a kiss, tell her you love her and you'll be back, and take your older kid outside for some one-on-one mommy time. She'll be fine. She'll probably stop crying moments after you leave.
Good luck!

Hi there,

Separation anxiety is listed at my pediatrician's office as a milestone. I think they do that so everyone knows that EVERY child will go through it at some point, or most at least.

You are breastfeeding because it's the best possible nutrition for your baby. Don't lose sight of that.

I bfed all three of mine, and only one was super clingy. I had to let dad take turns while I left the house. He cried, and that was ok, because his dad came to realize that he HAD to spend more time trying to bond with him. Once they spend more time together it will be better, so start small. Go run and errand or two. You will be grocery shopping by yourself in no time! Or even better, take your four year old to a movie! Time he sees as "mom and me" time, yet time to sit and chill.

You're a great mom! Keep that in mind! We all go through times like this, and it's really hard. Dads may not understand, my husband STILL thinks I did something wrong that made our now 2 year old so clingy at that age, but i did nothing different with any of them, and my 8 month old baby prefers HIM most of the time, lol! They are born with a personality, I tell ya! But she is too young to "train." Just be a mom, you'll do fine.

And remember there's support here when you need it. PM me any time, if you'd like!

It may have something to do with the breastfeeding. She is still young enough where that is her main thing; eating. So, she depends on you for that. Maybe try pumping more and let her dad and others feed her, that way she knows that her needs can be meet by others. My son was breastfeed and he could be clingy at times too. Especially when he was upset he only wanted me. So, now he is almost two and whenever he wants something he comes to me even if his dad is there. I wonder does dad feel confident in taking care of her other needs. Maybe if he had a baby duty that was only his, changing diapers, bathing etc. I think she may just need to know that others can help her. It may take some restraint by you in letting her cry with her dad or other people. Good luck and God Bless.