Can You Spoil a 1 Month Old?

You know, it gets me so steamed when people say you can spoil a baby, especially a newborn!! You sound like a good mom trying to figure things out. Ask them when was the last time they spoke to a pediatrician or read anything about child psychology. Give your baby anything and everything he needs. Now if he is 2 and crying about a toy and you give in, then that is spoiling.

4 moms found this helpful

Babies cannot be spoiled this young. I've always read that until babies are six months old you need to hold them and get them every single time they cry. Our pediatrician reminded me of this at our baby's two month appointment last week. He said to be sure I am getting her every time she cries. This builds self-esteem, trust, and confidence. You are doing a good job even though it's a demanding one!

4 moms found this helpful

Lol, no hes not spoil. He knows what you smell like and he wants his Momma. Hes used to being inside you and the separation is hard for him. Thats as long as illness is ruled out, which if your breastfeeding, he probably wont get sick for awhile.

I really liked my moby wrap for this. You still cant do a ton of things while having a baby attached to you, but at least you will have two hands. ;)

3 moms found this helpful

You CAN NOT spoil a one month old.
He only wants you because for 9 months he only had you. You are his main source of everything, more so if you are breast feeding him.
He could be going through a growth spurt, his eye sight is improving so there is a bigger world to him and he's looking for the one safe spot he knows he has.
Hold him all that he wants and you're helping him properly adjust to the world around him. Holding him helps his brain neurons connect in the proper way.
Obviously you'll have no choice to put him down now and again as I'm sure you'd like to go to the bathroom and bathe etc, he's going to scream, it's not going to scar him of course. But don't force him to go to others just to prevent spoiling him. Not something you can do.
It'll pass as he adjusts to all this newness.
Congratulations on your new little one!

3 moms found this helpful

No way! For the last nine months, he has been with you 24/7, so even if you held him ALL of your waking hours it's a drastic cutback. I've heard people refer to the first three months after birth as the "fourth trimester", and that's absolutely true. Newborns bodies may be ready, but their minds are not really ready for the outside world for a few months! He cannot manipulate you!!
That being said, you need your arms free sometimes. Have you tried using a sling? That way he has the closeness he craves without burdening you so much. This is a phase. Do what feels right for both of you, and this too shall pass. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

I promise you can't spoil him. Give him all the cuddling you want to. If you need to set him down for your sanity, go ahead, but don't let anyone else convince you that you need to. You're doing a great job, mama. :)

3 moms found this helpful

absolutely not. This is an old wives' tale. Babies need to be responded to in order for them to learn to trust the world and that their needs will be met. Your child may actually need more sensory input than a typical baby, but that has nothing to do with spoiling him! My daughter would only sleep if she was in physical contact with me or my husband - literally. It would be good to help your son find other ways to soothe himself - perhaps a swing, a chewy toy, music etc. We did walk around with our daughter in a sling much of the day, to allow her the contact she needed. One month old, your baby is unaware of anything around them and doesn't think about anything but what he wants. Relax and ignore the in-laws!

3 moms found this helpful

No, you can't spoil a tiny infant. Ignore your inlaws.

Here's the thing - the baby may have colic, he may have a gassy tummy, or he may even have reflux. These things ALL make laying down painful. Colic can make things hard even if you ARE holding him.

Have you taken him to the ped for his one month checkup? Talk to the ped about what is happening. Can you tell a time of day he cries the most? Does he cry after he eats? Do you burp him in the middle of a feeding?

Anyway, write a diary for the doctor. It will help the doc help you.

Now, about the manipulating part - no, the baby is too young to manipulate. He does know you are the mom. With you nursing, he smells the milk on you and knows that the other people don't smell like you.

I would definitely let the others hold him so that you can get some work done. And ignore them saying you are spoiling him. He is too young for you to leave in a bouncer alone while he is screaming.

You might try putting him in the bouncer and giving him kisses and talking to him, smiling and cooing, singing, etc, and see if that calms him down. Take the bouncer in every room you go in and talk to the baby while you work. Every 10 minutes or so, get in the floor with him and touch him and talk and pay attention to him. Let him feel you. Every half hour, take him out of the bouncy and hold him. He needs for you to hold him, but you can also train him to not be held all the time.

IF you are strong and can do this, you could consider wearing the baby in a sling. I couldn't do it because my back is not strong enough, but if it's an option for you, that may help.

I cannot stress hard enough that a month old infant cannot be spoiled, and needs to be paid attention to during the day. Tell the ped what they say, and then tell your family what the ped says. ALWAYS defer to the ped "My ped told me to do this, so that is what I am doing" as a way to get your inlaws to not try to control you. It's okay to make your ped be "the bad guy".

Good luck,
D.

2 moms found this helpful

Swaddle him and put him in a front carrier. I wore all my kids for a long time. When they could sit up they were in the backpack carrier.
I also co slept and breastfed.
All my kids are well adjusted, happy, polite, and unspoiled.
You're doing the right thing.

2 moms found this helpful

I went by what my pediatrician told me - he said, "Fruit spoils if you handle it too much. A baby is not a banana. You cannot spoil a baby with holding."

2 moms found this helpful

Not in my opinion :)

2 moms found this helpful

Hold him as much as he needs you to. My daughter had 6 weeks of colicky crying for 3 hours each night around that age. I would rather hold a crying baby and give them some comfort, than leave them alone believing I won't be there when they need me. You should take breaks though, don't hold him so long you resent it and start to feel upset about it. THAT is the BEST time to hand him over, crying or not, to someone else. If you are alone with him and you start to feel upset about the crying, leaving him alone for 5 minutes while you sort yourself out is ok, too. Take care of yourself so you can be his mom :) Slings and swings were so helpful to us.

2 moms found this helpful

A one month old cannot be spoiled. His wants are his needs. A one month old doesn't realize that mom is a separate person, it's like a part of his body is missing if he is away from you. It's okay for him to want mom and have mom. Babies who are held often have higher IQ's and gain weight faster. He has time to want other family members. He does not know manipulation, only familiarity. If you are his primary caregiver, it's normal for him to be wary of the inlaws who he sees every so often. You can get more done if you wear him in a sling type wrap carrier. He may go down easier if you put him down wrapped in a shirt you've just worn - smells like mom, warm like mom. Good luck, he is still a newborn baby and adjusting to life on the outside! People talk about "good" babies but crying and not wanting to be held by others is not bad behavior. You are a good mom. Hugs

2 moms found this helpful

No you cannot "spoil' a one month old. Your baby knows his Mama, he knows what he wants and that's you! All three of my boys were like this. Eventually they will go to someone else and become engaged in "playing". Don't let him cry I think it's cruel. Enjoy it now because one day he will be a big boy and not want you to hug him let alone hold him.

BTW your MIL is probably just jealous and wants the baby to want her...my inlaws say things all the time since my current baby only wants me!

2 moms found this helpful

No, I don't believe you can spoil a baby. They need you to be responsive to their needs so that they learn they can trust you. Hopefully he will move out of this phase soon.

2 moms found this helpful

1st of all You can not spoil a 1 month old. Your baby isn't going to be this small forever hold him as much as you like. Mine are now teens, I miss holding them as babies.
If he screams all the time maybe you should consult your dr.

I always wished people would mind their own business about my children! I am their mother and i knew what was/is best for them. everyone else had their chance to raise their children, they should respect you and let you take care of your baby.

2 moms found this helpful

You can't spoil him at this age - and there is no "normal" - LOL. Find the book/dvd "the happiest baby on the block" by Dr. Karp - the first 3 months are like a 4th trimester. Infants are thrown into a whole new world when they are born and they're on system overload. Mama is comfort and peace - she sounds, smells, feels safe. He cries, you hold him, he knows he's safe, and he'll take that knowledge with him as he gets older. You're doing right, mama. If you can find a baby carrier that you both like, that may help cause you can do stuff while wearing him. I wore my little guy a lot, and he's a confident, outgoing guy. :)

2 moms found this helpful

No! He is not capable of understanding that "If I want X I'll do Y and she'll give X to me." He is made up entirely of immediate needs right now: I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm too hot. You meet a need, he stops fussing. It's very simple at this stage.

Your in-laws are simply wrong and they're adhering to a very old-fashioned notion that tiny infants are capable of understanding cause and effect and therefore capable of manipulating adults to do what they want. Not true. Infants only know how they feel in that particular second and can't anticipate that if they do this, they get that.

There is nothing at all wrong with meeting his needs as they arise. All too soon he will be older and will neither want nor need you to hold him all the time -- or even some of the time. Don't let someone's antique ideas about "spoiling" deprive you of the simple joy of holding your child as much as you and he like at this stage, and for a long time to come.

Please tell your MIL gently and with a smile, "Sorry, but infants this small aren't mentally capable of being spoiled. He only knows what he needs right now, this second. I'll hold him."

2 moms found this helpful

Please don't let them babysit. That is an old fashioned, old world idea that you can spoil a baby by loving him.

I firmly believe that you can not spoil a child until that child has some reasoning skills. The don't understand that they can make a decision until they are 2 (hence the tantrums) they don't really develop reasoning skills until they are about 3 years old. I'm not saying that you give in to every whim before that but a baby does not understand language, they only understand touch. Holding him is the way he knows he is loved.

If his personality has changed in the past few days it could be because of different routine, grandparents visit, he's used to a more quiet home. It could be an ear infection. It could be a tummy ache, if your diet changed he may have more gas. What ever Mommy eats baby eats. I know my babies got gassy if I ate onions or green peppers while breast feeding. I had to be careful the first couple of months.

Snuggle your baby--it only lasts a few months and then he will be on the go. Don't let anyone deprive you of your snuggle time with your son.

1 mom found this helpful

Of course you cannot spoil a baby!!! Hold that child as much as he needs, for as long as he needs. He needs to know that you will always be there for him. Comfort him and show him that he can trust that you will always be there for him.

He is not trying to manipulate you.

I miss those days!

1 mom found this helpful

He knows what he is doing. Although he is a baby, he is a person from day 1, and he has a personality.

You have 2 choices, use a kanagroo type device and carry him all day, or put him in the bouncer and wait for about 5 minutes while he cries and try to break the habit. If he can last 5 minutes, nothing will happen to him.

1 mom found this helpful

No, you can't spoil a baby until they become a few months older. Many development researchers believe somewhere between 6-9 months is when babies begin to learn to manipulate, but even then, they are only doing "what works," not planning ways to maneuver others into doing what they want.

Many babies are actually calmer and less demanding when they get the amount of holding, nurturing, face-to-face interaction and care that they need. If a baby is getting 20% less of all that than they feel a need for, they will act unhappy and needy all the time. If they get that extra 20%, their care needs will be filled and they can relax and investigate their world with more interest.

Lots of moms provide the holding their babies need by wearing them in a sling. This is extremely comforting for most littles, and Mama still has her hands free.

1 mom found this helpful

No, you can't. This period in time will be a short one. Enjoy it while you can.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi E.,
haven't read your other responses, but you can never ever ever spoil an infant too much -- you are of course absolutely right!! The next time your inlaws give you that outdated and actually harmful advice, just smile sweetly, pick up your baby, and say, "Awww, it's actually impossible to spoil a baby!"

I'd like to suggest "wearing" your baby in a baby front pack (Baby Bjorn is what I liked) or some sort of wrap. There are lots to choose from. Our daughter didn't go for the wrap, but absolutely loved the Bjorn. I think we "wore" our daughter for the first year of her life, she never wanted to be put down. I'd carry her through everything I did and she loved being close to me (or my husband) and when awake, loved seeing the world around her.

Good luck and congratulations!

1 mom found this helpful

No. He's expressing a need and wants you to take care of it. Get a sling or wrap or carrier and wear him. Your MIL and FIL are old school, but you cannot spoil a 4 week old newborn by giving him the comfort and attention he needs. He is too young to manipulate you. It will lessen and one day you'll want to hold him and he'll wriggle away and you'll miss the days where he'd snuggle under your chin. There will be other times when he'll only want Daddy or times he'll want neither of you. Give him this time now. You were his world for 9 months. You are his source of milk and you respond to his needs. Of course he wants you! Tell her you heard her the first time and are not spoiling your son, so this conversation is over.

1 mom found this helpful

No, you cannot spoil a one month old, BUT.... He still thinks he is physically a part of you, that is why he prefers you. But you don't need to hold him all the time either. Yes, if he's fed, dry, well, not hurting and tired, let him cry. It's only fair to let him cry, he needs to express his frustration. He's tired. He's learning A LOT! It may be killing you to hear that cry, but shut the door and turn on some music...let the child cry for 15 minutes, then you can go back in and check, stand there and pat him on the back for a while, see if he's hungry (my baby was at my breast all the time the first few months...), then put him back down, walk out again for at least another 15 minutes...give him time to settle himself down. If he's breastfed and you are making plenty of milk, that's not the problem. He just is tired.
I do agree with the person below my answer that you and the baby should hold each other a LOT...if he's breastfed, then I'm sure you do. BUT...and it's not because you are spoiling him, but because he needs it and so do you, you are allowed to put the child down for a period of time and let him learn to settle himself down. Hold him, hold him, hold him, I agree, but if he's crying anyway and your holding him isn't helping, why should you both suffer?

No, I don't believe you can spoil a one month old. He's so young still and needs to know that you'll respond to his every need.

Hold him. You cannot spoil him by doing so. He needs you now. It's more important to establish trust now than anything else. Don't worry about what everyone else says/thinks. Your son is depending on you to show him that the world is a comfy place. And right now, you are his world. Hold him.

No. people do not become consciously 'manipulative' (meant in a nice way) until they are six months old.

No he's too little to be spoiled. I did spoil my oldest BAD, so when my second was born a year after my oldest, my husband never wanted me to hold her, even in the hospital, like a 2 day old baby can be spoiled....?? But I think when they get to the age of being spoiled is like 5 months maybe 4...

Hi E., I have a 21 month old little boy and the 1 thing that I have learned is that everything is a stage and it will not last. The Baby might just be wanting his mommy, try to ride it out! I do NOT believe that you are spoling a 1 month old. They are newborns and need to feel safe, hold him as much as you want! good luck!