BM Potty Training Help....PLEASE!!!!

My best friends daughter did the same thing. She would go put a pull up on when she was ready to poop. They tried everything and nothing worked - finally one day she just decided to go on the potty and it's history from there. She was a little over 4 by the time she did this - so don't feel too bad and don't worry too much.

Try bribery. First make potty time as low stress as possible. Just sit next to her in the bathroom reading to her. Tell her it is okay....... whatever she does, BUT if she poops in the potty you will go buy a new toy! If she does just be so excited and get to Target as soon as possible. Then tell her if she keeps doing it you can go for another toy as soon as you have time. Buy cheap things that are only a couple of dollars. If she keeps up the good work keep giving her a bribe just push each time out a little further until you just tell her she is a big girl and since she is doing such a good job you will start her on allowance instead of buying toys. $3/wk for a 3 year old is reasonable. A percentage can go to savings and/or charity.

Sidenote: pooping can become a power struggle. It's something she can have complete control over. So you don't want to make such a big deal that it turns into that. It sounds like right now it is just what she is used to, so a slow change should work.

If not before.....when she wants to go to pre-school with the other kids I think she will get with the program because she won't want to be embarrassed.

I dont know if it will help with your daughter, but with my son we gave him a prize everytime he would poop on the potty. He would always ask for a pull up and it had been awhile, I don't think he was afraid of the potty just didn't want to sit and poop. We used hotwheel cars for him, they were pretty inexpensive and something he enjoyed. You could try this with her and find something small and cheep that you think she would like.

Good Luck

Since you did not mention her not peeing on the toilet, I'm assuming it's not a toilet seat issue. I actually forced my daughter to poop on the toilet, because she had been otherwise potty trained for months. She was approaching 3, though; your daughter's BM behaviors have been going on much longer. When she went to hide behind a chair and poop in her pants, I told her she was going to poop on the toilet. I kept her on the potty chair until she just couldn't hold it anymore. Turns out she thought it would hurt to poop sitting down. After that, everything was fine. We couldn't put her in preschool until she was completely potty trained, and both she and I desperately wanted her in preschool (she was very high maintenance... needed the extra stimulus that preschool would provide). There was LOTS of talking and reasoning with her before I forced the issue. Yeah, yeah, I was a bit concerned about the scarred-for-life thing, but I could see no end to the problem; therefore, I solved it. Today, she is a normally functioning 30 year old college graduate who teaches vocal music in middle school.

My youngest was terrified to have a BM in the potty. This went on for months. Our doctor had us us a small piece of a child's suppository and she had to go so badly she would have a BM in about 5-10 minutes. (We wouldn't do this every day just every other day and only once a day) After she finally went a few times on the potty then she wasn't so scared anymore. She never wanted to stand to do it, she just wouldn't do it) Good Luck!

Sorry about the lateness of my response, but I have a helpful suggestion.
My son's BM habits were EXACTLY the same as your daughter's...needing to stand, holding it too long, etc. (his mood was TERRIBLE until he could 'poop out that bad attitude')
Long story short, he was needing more insoluble fiber! He ate plenty of fruit and veggies, but he was lacking the fiber he really needed.
Our cure: Metamucil Fiber Wafers. Just one wafer a day has made everyone's life SO much better. They taste pretty good and they have 2 flavors, apple and cinnamon.
I know it seems that it is a mind over matter issue, but if it is made easier for her to go, she won't be so resistant.
BTW, my son still likes to stand up until the last possible moment...if it works for him, so be it! :)

MANY young children do not like the potty because they feel like they are going to fall into it. Even a a potty chair, they do not always feel safe on it.

. That big seat is not comfortable and does not fit them.The children are expected to hold onto the toilet seat instead of being able to just sit on it.

Go right now to your own toilet, lift the lid up and sit on the toilet bowl and try to make a bm while holding yourself on with your hands. You can see this is what it feels like to a child. Even with an adapter, it feels unsteady.

Also many people need to be able to push with their feet when they have a bm. Make sure she has a step or something her feet can sit on and she can push against. Make sure what ever type of attachment you have on the big toilet does not move while she sits on it.

Also most people cannot be stressed and make a bm, so she will need some moment of calm, to be able to make a bm. There are many, many children that are not potty trained by the time they are 4. Take it easy on her, she will catch on.

Our daughter caught on at preschool, because the potties were all lined up and she could see the kids going on their own. It seemed to make more sense to her when she saw other people her size be successful on the potty. Let her have some books to look at while she sits there.

I am sending you strength. I can tell you are stressed, but she will get there.

Have you tried using those cute, silly little rubber duckies and make a game out of it? when she is on the potty-you have a Pot/bucket/ something with enough wqter in it to make a splash noise-now she is to sit there and drop the ducky into the water and listen to the splash--make a pretty big deal out of it with glee when the ducky hits the water. Say things like the ducky went poopy-did you hear the splash? Yeah ducky! let her splash as much as she wants as long as it is not too wild---make sure she sits the whole time and gently plops the ducky so the idea is for her to hear the water not make a wet bathroom--and you make a bigger deal out of the ducky going poopy in the potty---it should relax her and help her to understand we all go poopy in the potty and yes this is also a control thing so don't make a whole day out of it you can set a timer or just watch how long it takes her to go and time it according. good luck and when this works-start reading-a life long place to go! Use books like "plastic readers" so if they get wet you can wipe them dry. Have patience-one day she will do it and then it will be something else-like when she hits first or second grade and cuts her hair---yeah they do that too. Don't worry it will gorw back and you will always remember that one school picture she did it in.... :-)

Hi R.,

It sounds like you have been doing a great job with your daughter! This is a very frustrating issue but she will grow out of this...it's just hard till that happens!

I'm assuming that your daughter uses the potty chair to pee in. When our oldest son was little, he didn't like to sit on the potty chair to have a BM. He told me that he didn't like how it felt on his skin - at least he got the point across somehow! So I took old towels and velcro and made seat covers for the potty. That seemed to do the trick for him.

Our middle son would just hold it till he had an accident. Sometimes that was so frustrating! What worked best was to stay calm, and just say something like, "Oh dear, you've had an accident. That's too bad. Now you'll have to get cleaned up." (We would look sad when we said it.) Then we would have our son, take off his soiled clothes, wash them out in the toilet if needed, put his clothes in the washer, take a bath, clean up the bathroom, and then do a load of laundry to get everything clean. This took a lot of patience but it really was the only thing that worked for him.

When he would have a BM on the toilet, we celebrated! We gave him a sticker and really praised him. It took what seemed like a LONG time for this to work but it finally did!

Hope this helps!

God bless,
A.

I would completely back off on the potty training just for a short time.
Let her wear her pull ups and do not say one word about going to the bathroom. Kids will use these sorts of issues for control--if she knows this is a big deal, she gets LOTS of attention for doing this, and it is the one thing she can control--where there you go. Many kids are afraid of sitting on the toilet--in her case it has been taken to an extreme. I would be frustrated too. Keep giving her whatever the dr suggests for making her BM's easy to pass. Has the dr checked to make sure that she doesnot have any colon/rectal problems? Good luck but try to ignore and then ease into this again.

My son did not want to sit long enough on the potty to poop. He felt that it was taking time away from playing and other things that were more interesting. Toys and books could only hold his interest for a few minutes. So, we started letting him watch a short show or part of a show on a portable media player propped up on the trash can to get him to sit longer on the potty. I also did not let him watch any other TV off the potty as further incentive.

If her issue is related to the toilet seat, as others suggested, we found a great toilet seat at Home Depot (by First Start, I think) for the same price as regular toilet seats, that is a regular toilet seat but has two fold down seats - one adult size and one kid size. When you put the lid down, it just looks like a regular toilet seat. When you lift the lid, you have the extra option of pulling down the kid seat. The kid seat is as sturdy as a regular toilet seat and doesn't move or wiggle. Our 3 y.o. doesn't have to hold on to it while getting on/off or while going. Our success rate sky-rocketed after getting it, I think because she is tall and was never comfortable on the potty chairs on the floor. Otherwise, we do the Potty Prize Pail which is full of various tiny toys or small candies, etc., and she gets to choose, and we also have extra special prizes (slightly larger toys - maybe a book or a dress for her doll, etc.) that I keep out of sight and pull out only to reward a great job pooping. Good luck!

it is possible for you guys to let her stand over the oilet and poop? like get a step stool on either side or something. other than that, just wait and have patience. when she poops in her pull up, she has to dump it in the potty, and wipe herself and throw that in the trash too. make her do it all by herself. it the poop falls on the floor, she has to pick it up and put it in the potty. just make sure she washes her hands really well after ward. just remember, she wont go to kindergarten in pull ups

If forced, a child can also get constipated... because they then get anxiety and fear of pooping and constipation causes bodily pain and discomfort... THEN they start to on purpose, withhold their poop and may not go at all. This is then a MEDICAL problem. We had to see a Pediatricc Gastroenterologist when that happened to our Daughter. He said, this happens OFTEN in toilet training kids and he sees them everyday. He said, do NOT pressure a child. If a child gets constipated because of it... then it is a medical AND emotion based problem. And it can take MONTHS to undo. So that they can poop, normally and without 'fear' of pain etc.

Standing and pooping and sitting when pooping ALSO uses different muscles.
Give her time. Don't force it.
My son is recently made 4. He is not pooping on a toilet yet either. After what we went through with my daughter... I am not about to 'force' his pooping.
The more you force, the more they will get constipation and/or bowel problems and withholding.

all the best,
Susan