Why Won't He Poop??!!

I use to run a family daycare home with lots of kids learning how to use the toliet. Make it fun for him, give him a fun toliet seat to sit on. I use to give them M & M candy for using the toliet. My younger son refused to go on a portable toliet when we went camping, and he held it for 4 days! Good Luck!

Hi A.:
I have two boys and I had similar problems with the youngest who is now 5 (he is the most stubborn.) One thing I did was to take his poopy diaper and let the poop fall into the toilet in order to flush it and let him flush it and say bye. But I really started with a mini toilet and I had him not wear a diaper when I was home in order to make him sit in his little toilet. You really have to catch him right before and place him on the toilet when is already on the way out. I know it sounds bad but he finally got it. At this moment, We still have potty problems with him because he still "holds it." And then the more I tell him to go the more he holds it and tells me that he doesn't need to go. So now he has developed a condition called "encopresis" this is where poop gets compacted in the intestines and the new poop flushes out seeming like he has diarrhea. He is seeing a pediatric GI and is on mild laxatives and the issue now is to remind him to go in order to retrain him but he cannot feel the need so it is frustrating. I am sharing this with you so that you can understand how gentle and understanding we need to be regarding this issue specially with stubborn children because holding it could cause more complications like in the case of my son. Good luck and keep me posted!

Maybe give him a book and let him sit on the toilet awhile reading and he'll eventually go? My boys were never potty trained until about 3-4 years old totally and pooping in the potty was the hardest for all of them because they just had to sit there. My kids didn't wanna take the time sitting there. I always gave them a book and let them read awhile and settle down while on the potty.

Dear A.,

You know, don't you that poop is the last thing to 'go into the toilet' when you are two years old.

My gr grandson just started pooping in the toilet and he will be 3 in October - the whole family celebrated when he started peeing in the toilet, and now we are at the pooping in the potty stage.

Actually two years old is not the gold standard of potty training. Every child has his or her own set of maturing time and muscles getting ready to cooperate along with the brain time.

Just forget about it for a while, all the time being vigilant about when he needs help up on the toilet, and down. I think that if I could remember being little that I could also call up the memory of the toilet being high in the air and scary to balance on. Don't you? Also, they love to be with their parents and have their parents take care of them. Well, most of the time. Sometimes they just want to be independent even if they don't know what to do next. KIDS !

C. N.

I know what you mean. My daughter was two and a half, pee in the toilet and all but poop, nope. I just watched her with the underwear and as soon as she was pushing I say no and take her to the bathroom. This is where you do it, and keep saying that. I let her poop in her pants a few times, and then I tell her no, that you don't do that. Its just a big adjeustment and its normal. If he starts to say his tummy hurts take him to the potty and make him sit till he does it. Stay away from the diapers as long as you can. Let him know hes a big boy and just keep telling him that. I hope this helped.

I would seriously drop it and when he asks for a diaper to poop in give it to him. I know it is "gross" but it is what he needs right now. Try again in a few months on the poop thing. He has some sort of mental block going on and it can become a medical nightmare if he starts really holding his poop. he may have the control to HOLD the poop but he doesn't seem to have it to LET GO of it. It doesn't feel "safe". You can hold in poop, no, but would you have a hard mental shift and be able to produce if someone made you poop in a diaper, seems silly that someone ask you to do so but it is a similar situaion for a 2yo to imagine that change.

I agree that this does happen to kids, it's not abnormal! My son has been interested, and alternately not interested, in using the potty since he was about 18 months old. Just be patient with him, he'll do it when he's ready. If he is pushed, he may try to hold in his bowels for a lot longer...a friend of mine told me her son didn't poop for about 10 days whe he started using the potty, he just didn't want to do it. He finally did, (he is 11 now) but she just had to back off & let him do it on his own time. No punishments, only rewards when he chooses to use it. 28 months is still on track for potty training.

Also, reading the responses you received...I know adults who can't poop when they go places-so you'd have to expect that kids might not be able to as well.

Good luck, be patient, get some potty books & start reading them with him & see if that helps, too. This helped my son get interested, & stay interested. I got 4 books, from very simple to quite detailed, about using the potty. He loves to read them all before he goes to bed or take a nap.

Hope this helps!

A.,

First a boy who is doing anything on the toilet at 28 months is amazing. Let him poop in the diaper until he is ready. The biggest mistake parents make with potty training is making a big deal out of it and trying to force their kids into it before they are ready. He will eventually want to go in the toilet. My son, who is now ten, was the same way. By the time he was 2-1/2 he was fully potty trained except he didn't want to poop in the toilet so we put a diaper on him to poop. It's mainly about control and not fully understanding where the poop goes. My son now hangs out on the toilet with his reading material and is fully comfortable spending time taking care of his business.

Just ease up a bit and let him figure it out. It really does all work out!

C.

My daughter did the exact same thing. she would cry when i would tell her to poop on the toilet, and refuse to do it. i thought it was the strangest thing, but when she finally complained of a tummy ache from holding it, just as your son is doing, i sat her on the toilet, and i told her that she needed to poop in there and that she would feel better after she did. She still cried and repeated over and over that she didnt want to, but i just kneeled down in front of her and told her that she had to, and then rubbed her arms and soothingly said to relax and gave her a hug. after waiting there for about five minutes soothing her, she went poop and of course i made a huge deal out of how good she did. after that i refused to let her wear a diaper, and she never had any accidents. I would have to tell her to go poop though, for a month or so, cause she would try to hold it, but the crying stopped, and soon she started going on her own.

Good Luck!! be strong, you cant let him win, cause then he will refuse even more.

I feel you A.~ My babies are my life and I would hate for any of my boys' to go through this. Here is a suggestion- have you tried changing the toilet seat? There are some toilet seats that have CARS on them, or BATMAN, or characters he will enjoy sitting on- magazines are always great too. My kids have been using magazines for years *7/6* and that keeps them in the bathroom longer and forget about what they are doing in there. Sometimes they forget they are in the toilet, I have to pull them out.. LOL!!!

HI A.,
When we were potty training our son 2 he would just go pee, then he stopped going all together on the toilet. We would ask him do you have to go on the toilet? He would say to us he wasn't ready yet. So we didn't push it. Well when he was 3 we started a reward chart with stickers, but all he would do is pee on the toilet. Well 3 1/2 came and we thought oh man he needs to poop on the toilet we were getting concerned. We started to let our son going around the house with no underware. One day he kept asking for his pull-up and I said no honey if you have to go poop go on the toilet. He would fight it, well he kept holding to his butt and I thought oh he has to poop so I told him calmly just go on the toilet and I put him on there. I said I will be here for you honey just let it come out. He went on the toilet that day and has been ever since. We thought the day would never come. To this day though he has a hard time going on a public toilet especially poop. We went to Reno for the weekend and he would say he had to go poop, but never would. Our boy held his poop for 2 days as soon as we got home he pooped and said he has to go 5 times. I told him because he held if for so long. I know it feels like it will never happen, but one day he will go on the toilet just be patient with him and give him words of encouragement. I wish you the best. N.

My niece did this exact same thing. She would actually ask for a diaper every time she needed to poop. This went on for months until my sister finally just got rid of every diaper in the house (so she wasn't temped to give in). My niece held it in for 3 days!!! She was in pain of coarse so my sister gave her a children's laxative (you can find them at any drug store or target/walmart). After that she went poop in the toilet and never had a problem with it again! I think that she was just scared of pooping in the toilet but after doing it once, she realized it wasn't scary any more. I hope this helps to at least ease you mind and let you know your not alone!

Don't push it. He's still not ready. I went through this with my five year old son, and now It's the same thing with my three year old son. My older son didn't even start peeing in the toilet until he was four. I tried the underwear thing but got tired of cleaning soiled ones, so I did pull ups. Anytime he wanted to pee he went in the toilet, but if he had to poo, he was allowed to do it in his pull up. He knew he should be pooping in the pot, so while he was at pre-school, he wouldn't poop in his pull up, but when he got home he would. One evening after dinner, he was taking a nice warm bath, he told me he had to poop, he remembered an incident when he was three of pooping in the bathtub, and didn't want that again. I told him, well we don't have time to put a pull up on, so hurry up and jump on the toilet seat, he did, went poop, and has been completely potty trained ever since.
He was over 4yrs old when that happened. I just don't think kids should be pushed, or told that they are not suppose to poop in their pull ups. They're training pants, that's what they're for. You don't want them to get impacted bowels or have a constipation problem. I think this is a bigger issue with boys, since most learn to pee standing up, they become afraid to sit on the potty.
My 3.5 year old is now doing the pull ups, he's peeing in the toilet, but not ready to sit and poop on the pot. He would go nuts if I used diapers on him again! Get rid of the diapers, use the pull ups, and give him some time. Good Luck!!

Yeah! That's GREAT A.! Thanks for the update on your non-poopy boy. I have 3 boys and know how difficult making their first poopy on the big boy potty can be! Glad to hear all is well.

R. Donahue
Mommy to Cameron, Tristan and Logan

I went through just about the exact thing and it actually lasted for many months. He told me one day he was never going to poop again! I think they just don't like to poop, so they hold it and then it hurts so they think maybe they should just keep on holding it. I had him talk to his doctor about how it's unhealthy to hold it and if he poops the first time he feels the urge it will hurt less. It did get better, but there was a lot of screaming and crying "NO I will NOT POOP!!!". It's funny when you look back at it but it was not fun to go through. I definitely would not bring the diapers out and just explain the benefits of going in the toilet. Good luck to you!

While he is watching put the poop from the diaper into the toilet. And let him flush. Explain while you are doing this that is where the poop and pee go. My son who is 26 mths loves to flush and learned really quickly that the poop goes there. And do you have a toddler size potty chair that goes on top of the adult size so he feels more comfortable then falling inside the toilet. After getting that top piece with a step stood instead of that portable chair kind help my son learn better. I would wait by his side and told him to relax and I would make squeezing faces to show him that is what you do. But I think showing him where it goes might help visilually. Even when mommy or daddy goes let him come with you to explore and show him that you two do the same thing and let him flush after you two are done. I would over exaggerate when I was going by making a squeezing face and sound. Hopefully this helps. Mine is learning to pee standing up this past week. :)

Hi A.,
Kids normally don't like to poop on the toilet, but it kind of sounds like your little guy is constipated. I would try to give him something to help the process. A little prune & apple mix or whatever you normally give him to make him regular. Although I am sure a big part of it is fear.

Hi, so my son recently got the poop thing, finally! He was peeing on the potty for a while but just wouldn't poop on it. I think the main problem was the control of the poop, being able to hold it in and let it out on command. We used chocolate to bribe him, yes I said bribe. He only got a piece of chocalate when he pooped on the potty, no other time. As much as I like to think that it was the chocolate, deep down I think it just happened when he was ready. It took a couple of months after he had the pee down for him to get the poop thing on the potty.

I think your son is perfectly normal. I don't know how you are handeling him but my guess for the tummy ache is that he is feeling pressured to do the poop thing but isn't ready. After all, you did say that he knows he's not supposed to poop in his underwear or pullup, how does he know this? Maybe there's a little too much assertion to not poop so he just won't do it at all. After many poopy underwears and pullups he will get it! He's still young and even though you may think he should already be potty trained because maybe your friends kids are, he's his own person. My son turned 3 in June and has only been pooping on the potty for a month now! Good Luck!

My daughter does the same thing! The only time she has pooped in the toilet was when we were at a friends house and she looked at me all terrified and said she had to go poopoo! So we ran to the bathroom and I held her on the toilet and she went. She has almost always been afraid to go poop. I've tried lots of fruit and fiber and things like that, I've tried making her sit on the potty for a while (she's squeezing and crying she doesn't have to anymore). I too am at a loss... I would love to here what the other moms think.

Oh, my daughter has been in "big-girl" panties for two weeks w/ only one accident on the first day. Still wears diapers at night just in case.