Big Sister Doesn't Seem to like Baby Brother

I had this problem with my two sons. My oldest was three when his brother was born. He did not regress. But he was very ruff with him and it was to the point where I was terrified to leave him alone with his brother. He would body slam his brother in the stroller when I was not looking. (He would run up to it and just lay on his brother really hard.) When in the swing he would go up to and swing it really super fast or hold the swing up way to high. It got so bad that I went through postpartum depression. They are now 7 and 10 and they fight a lot and His brother to this day is still to ruff with his brother a lot of the times. When he was young I would punish him give him time outs nothing seemed to help. My advice is get a handle on it now or get some counseling or it will be that way for a very long time. I have a third child and both children are very loving toward him so it totally jealous thing.

I have a 4.5 year old and a 10 mos old. He has never really been jealous and luckily did not regress. But...he does love her TOO HARD and too often. We have a no touching rule. He is allowed to give her one kiss and then no touching. This seems to help a little.

I would say to include her in as much as possible and praise her when she does something good. Have her get a toy for the baby and then give her praise for sharing or something. My daughter just turned 3 and my son 1 and I still go thru some of this and my daughter still cries bc she thinks she will get her way like the baby. I am fortunate that she is usually nice to my son.

The regression seems normal since it has only been two months. The aggression will end! Eventually. I think my son (5 1/2) thought the baby was going to come out all ready to play in the yard with him. It took at least 6 months for him to realize how much bigger and older he is than the baby (who is now 14 months) and things started settling down after that. He still gets too aggressive sometimes...i.e. I'll catch him sticking his foot on the baby's leg to try and trip him when he stands up. It's so nonchalant, like he thinks he won't get caught! I just make sure he says sorry and I love you if he hurts the baby. It's at the point now where all I have to do is look at him and say "make it right" and he goes right over and gives kisses and hugs. I also remind him that a brother is a best friend and he needs to be treated just as nicely as we treat our friends at school. He is definitely more helpful than harmful now, really taking on the big brother role, but it's definitely a work in progress!

Jealousy is HUGE my son was 5 when our first daughter was born. I had her laying on the floor for play time went into my room and heard her screaming not 5 sec. later. When I asked what happened he told me that he hit her in the chest with both fists conected into one, scared me to death I sat him on a chair because if I touched him in my anger it would have been really bad and waited until I calmed down then explained to him about choices (still working on that he's 8 now and still jealous). We now have a 1 1/2 yr daughter the first daughter is now 3 again the jealousy, but sometimes also is the desire to have a playmate. For the jealousy I've also included one on one time with the oldest daughter while the youngest is awake and verbally state "OK its your turn for Mommy time" Then I'll switch it to "OK its your sister's turn for mommy time" while the baby is in the room. In my mind I think that your oldest wouldn't recognize the one on one unless the "competetion" is in sight to see it. They never do out grow it I'm the youngest of five the dynamics of the jealousy just changes how you treat your children will detrmine how they deal with it.

You're right; this IS sibling rivalry. And you'd better start taking back control and making some rules for Chloe. Otherwise she'll be pulling all the strings and you'll be dancing to her tune.

Set up a gate to the baby's room so she can't get in there. Be consistent. Make sure there's plenty of attention time for her, but that then it's the baby's turn because Chloe's such a big girl and doesn't need to be babyed. Aim for the ego. But set those ground rules and a consequence for breaking the rules. And tune in to Supernanny on Wed. 9p.m. Great advice there.

I have been going through this too. She is so loving one minute and an absolute terror the next. I just found a section in the back of "what to expect, the toddler years" about this and haven't finished it yet, mine has been going on for 17 months now... argh! I put a hook and eye lock (way up high) on the baby's door so that my toddler couldn't get in, (a dead bolt wouldn't work for us because she can open most locks). That's really the only advice that I have. You just have to protect the baby, and say touch Conner nicely, and show her how. Give her lots of opportunity to hold the baby (when you are around) and have her help you (get the diaper or wipes) or hold the bottle on occasion. Good luck!

Hi H.,

My daughter was a bit like this also. She is the middle child though. She was completely potty trained until our youngest was born and then she wanted to be a baby like him. She was loving toward him, but also real rough (not knowing that she was) and we had to really watch her around the baby. It took her about 4-5 months to use the toilet again. I could not believe this, but the pediatrician assured me that it was completely normal. It sounds like your little one is going through the same thing. Just keep doing as you are and she'll outgrow it.

Well, it's obvious Chloe liked being the one and only. Who wouldn't??? I would not leave her alone with him during thid period but would let her hold him when you are next to her and praise her for being such a wonderful big girl and sister. I don't think this will last long so be patient and best of luck.