Being 'The Parent' Just Sucks Sometimes

This isn't really a discipline thing but I had a really sucky moment with my 5 yo last night when she wanted to come with me to girl's night so badly with the ladies. She was really crying hard, and trying to offer up nice things she cold do if she could just go. :( She put on a nice outfit and some shoes she hadn't been wearing (and I had been complaining she never wore them, so she was wearing them to get me to take her...) :( I knew I couldn't bring her, or give in just because she was so sad, but it suuuuucked.
My husband said she quit crying before my car was all the way out of the driveway though. :-0
Kudos and sympathy to you. He's lucky to have a mom who plans fun stuff, and hopefully next time he'll indulge properly!

Ah, I feel you.
Grounding my son is like punishing myself.

Invariably he gets grounded when he knows I was planning something fun - I think he is testing me to see if I will follow through and cancel those plans. At 15, you would think he would realize that I always follow through on a threat. Tho' he has gotten better - well, know he only pushes my buttons when there nothing fun on the near horizon. LOL

I have missed movies, and parties, and fishing, and swimming, and, you name it all in the name of discipline and being a responsible parent. Ugh.

Yes....today in fact...she's spent more time in her room then out of it...I swear sometimes, there's never a traveling circus or Romani gypsies when you need them.

I love her so much, today was just a horrid day, things were broken, blood was shed (mine cleaning up the shattered bowl) and "Panket" was taken away.

Oy..Now I remember why I wasn't ready for a second one.

bleck, yes, everytime their father got them a bowl of anything (but especially ice cream) I had to intercept and put half the bowl back. For God's sakes they're CHILDREN not elephants!

:(

Just last night all 3 (7, 5 & 3) of my kids were not in the mood to go to bed, it's summer time, they wanted to stay up a little later and it was incredibly hot in their room. I said they could stay up late if they were quiet in their room, I made them a fort to go around the bunk-bed and put in a movie for them on their TV (Yes, my kids have a TV in their room that plays DVD's...judge away)...so anyway I get them all set up and at that point it is almost 10p...my 2 nephews and I take the dog for a walk to the store so the older kids can get a drink...when I get back the kids were sitting sadly on the bottom bunk and the TV was off and the fort had been taken down! Apparently, while we were gone they were banging the door shut over and over again (they were goofing around and locking each other out of the room) so Dad went in and took down their fort and turned off their movie!

I went and talked to Dad about it and he said I had better stay firm and side with him about his punishment! I did b/c it was the right thing to do but I didn't like it and thought he was much too harsh! Sometimes it sucks being the Mommy! Having to see their lil' sad faces and their disappointment that they lost their 'fun night'!!

~R.!! I have tried on several occasions to talk at you, left you a message and even gave you a public shout-out on here once but it got pulled before you saw it I think...so now that I have your attention, I just wanted to let you know that I co-opted one of your ideas a couple summers ago and it was a life-savor!! I had read awhile back about writing your phone # in sharpie somewhere on your kid when your out in a public setting...and my in-laws took my kids to the Portland Zoo and I used your trick and lo and behold one of my kiddos got lost and some nice person called the # and got my kid back to where they needed to be! So, just wanted to give you a 'Thank You Shout out'...sincerely, that is a good idea!!!

Karma

Ah R.!

BIG HUGS for doing the 'harder' thing now...while he is young.

Trust me...it MORE than pays off in future years!

I really have 'un scathed' years from the 'teens'...and I am sure it was the groundwork layed early on!

Hang Tough!
Michele/cat

every time we go out to eat and they start acting out of line and i have to stop my meal to go sit with them in the car until everyone else is done. or every time we are going to the store and they misbehave and i have to leave the store or not even go in when there is something that i specifically wanted/needed to get. "sigh"

Ha ha!:) right there with you! I just sent this to my husband today:

Hi Babe,

After two disastrous (and that's not an overstatement) attempts at procuring summer clothes and one near-miss in trying to redeem the situation whilst still downtown, was it wrong that I thought of going into Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and just ordering fries and a beer and some horrid thing for Kiddo? I didn't, but I sure thought it.

H.

It does suck! We are not their friends. We are responsible for raising them, providing rules and consequences. I'm pretty sure I won't be the "cool' mom.

I think it is tougher when the behavior is really out of the ordinary for your child like it sounds like it is for yours. If it makes you feel any better my 9 yo, who is very mature and well behaved for his age, has really been acting out lately. It seems like he is trying to test boundaries that he never did before. I can really see him moving into that place where its really imporant to be "cool" and mom is just not that. I guess its part of the normal separation process but it still hurts.

Good job mom! The small annoyance you feel today about giving up your plans is far less than you could feel if you let him walk all over you for the next 9 years and ruin more than just plans. You are doing the right thing! The other thing you could do is require him to pay for his own babysitter while you still go out and enjoy your day or he could be required to do extra chores to pay for the sitter if he doesn't have money. I highly recommend the book Parenting with Love and Logic.

Yes! Every time I hear my oldest go..''Mom, I wish I didnt have brothers''....Yikes. I know it is a little different context, then what you are getting at, but same idea.

You are the one in control when it comes down to it. Not only do you have to lay the law but also miss out on what was intended to happen.

You are probably feeling a little disappointed the fun day you had planned didnt get to happen. Which is TOTALLY justified;p

Hope tomorrow is easier:)

Yes, it happens to me too, and it sucks. I hate saying "If you behave like this, we aren't going to the pool" or whatever, because I really look forward to getting out of the house as well.

HOWEVER it has to be done, as I am sure you know. I remember when I was maybe 11, and my family went out to eat, not anywhere fancy but still "out", and we NEVER ate out. And I remember to this day, what a $#@* I was being, for no reason. Just because. Complaining and whining that I didn't like the food options, being mean. Finally my mom told me, "Fine, we will leave and eat cereal at home." And we did, and wow, did I feel like a butt. I totally didn't expect that. And I bet I behaved a lot better after that!

Hope tomorrow goes better for you.

let me just say, It is going to be one long summer. and just started today. in fact for us tomorrow is the first official day. the playroom became like the rhinos had gone through it. right as i thought oh my god more cleaning? one of my 6 years old said, give me ten minutes so i can clean up the toys.
was i surprised? oh hell yes. i took them bike riding afterwards as a thank you. i'm just not used to any help.

My daughter is all grown up with a child of her own. I do recall a few choice events (mainly after adolescence hit).

But oh, so many memories of really terrific days, too. I guess we've gotta lean on those sometimes when the sucky times hit hard.

Best to you and your kiddo.

Well if it makes you feel any better... Today was my daughters last day of school for summer break and we had a great night planned to go out for dinner to celebrate her going into the 4th grade her choice where to go. Well helping her decide where to go ended up her getting angry because she wanted to sit up where they cook the food and we tryed explaining that that's where people go that are by them selfs to eat not a family of 4! So long story short we ended up getting take out. It's going to be a long summer! I keep telling myself it's the age and a stage they go through?! Good luck!

Yes.
Lots of times.

I really hate seeing my kids 'suffer' through their consequences.
But alas, it is for a good reason.

My son, who is 4.75, will even tell me "Mommy, I am NOT your son anymore! I will not call you Mommy anymore!" and then he spurns me, while in his time-out or toy banishment. Oh well.

But my kids both come out of it, much more mannered.
And, they say they are genuinely sorry... on their own.
Then there is more respect.

I hate seeing anguish on my kids faces... and when I had a cool day planned for them too.
Then I will revisit those plans. Later.
After the storm.

I was sick with an allergy cold last week and I told my 4yo that I would go out with her while she played on her swing set but I was going to sit on the steps and rest. Mind you she knows how to swing so she doesn't NEED someone to push her anymore. She kept asking and asking over and over until I finally told her enough. What does she say you ask? "Fine mom, I'll just swing myself while you sit over there on that lame step!" I marched her butt into that house so fast while she said sorry and asked for a second chance (her go to move) repeatedly. Something inside me said "don't give in." It sure was hard, though, because she sounds so sincere and she is. She just doesn't know when to quit and just keep her mouth shut. It was hard to see her so upset but all I could think about was her using the word lame and I had to hide my smile :)

I took my kids to the National Zoo in DC on Monday, with my sister, her daughter, and the two boys she babysitts. My youngest, 4, was REALLY being 4 the whole way up (about a 2 hour drive) and ALMOST lost the whole trip for everyone. As soon as we got out he was okay, but yea, that would have stunk! I hate being the bad guy though!

oooh yeah R.!! I feel your pain!!!

I vented a few months ago about my 11 year old thinking if something was broken - we'd just buy him a new one!! URGH!!!!

YOU GO GIRL!!!! Be consistent!!! Follow the rules!!! If you weren't on the opposite side of the U.S. - i'd say come over!!! We could commiserate together!!

One of my boys was really pushing his luck as we were driving to the pool today. I told him that if he's smart he'll stop talking. I threatened to take him home if he didn't behave. Then, I started thinking about the 3 year-old and how it would be unfair to him as well as me if we missed the pool. I started thinking about babysitter's or drop-in play care. I was prepared to take him to either one and drop him off with instructions that he can't play. He can sit or go to sleep. Then, I'd go onto the pool with his brother. Do you think he'd learn his lesson in an hour? I think he'd be beside himself. That's what it takes to imprint a lesson on them. When mom says do something or stop doing something, you better listen. Luckily, he straightened up and I didn't have to resort to that.

I have learned my lesson never to threaten what I am not willing to follow through with...I do not think our children realize how much of a bummer it can be for us as well...my youngest pushes the limit all the time...the good part about following through is hopefully a lesson is learned. You are being a Great mom...I am sorry today ended up being a sucky one...on the bright side, always keep a book handy...I usually have a stack that I want to read...it definitely makes time outs less painful ( for me!)
Good luck, proud of you for sticking to your guns, I know how easy it can be to say ok...but just this one time...it is a bad habit I had to squirm out of and it made things ever so much harder. Kids are so smart and can be manipulative, I swear they can sense when we are weak! = ) Half joking! = )
Way to be a strong momma!

Yes! I think of all the things he won't remember, but I will. I don't know what the deal is, but we parents sure do end up feeling guilty, for doing the right things!!

The last time was pretty simple. A few of our kid friends were visiting from Town, and we walked to the park on our way to the Sound. My little one wouldn't listen and then threw a big fit. Carrying her floppin'-flailin'-screaming self home, I thought (in a whiny voice), "but I reaaaaaally waaanted to walk to the beach!"

One of my favorite aspects of being a Mother, is being able to share adventures/beauty/fun with them. Having to leave an adventure as a form of discipline IS necessarily sometimes, but goodness I don't like it...because *I* wanted the adventure just as much as they did (if not more!)

My oldest was horrible today as well! He was bullying the baby and disobeying all day! When my husband called on the way home I warned him about how our day went. When he came home tonight, he took over and let me have a break! Thank God for husbands!

Yes! Perfect example was Father's Day! My child chose to say some pretty nasty thing to me which ended up in me discplining him, crying, naughty corner, etc. right in front of my husband!!!! I felt terrible that I was trying to make it a great day and it only ended with a cranky kid!

Very true! It is often not fun being the parent. The reason is that your kid gets to act like a kid, for good or for ill, but you always have to be the grownup.

"The best-laid plans of mice and men"... and mamas... ah, yes. It is indeed too bad, but I hope your boy has learned something about where the boundaries are - and that Mama means business. That may turn out to be better, in the long run, than a really fun day.

Yeah, it's no fun at all but worth it in the long run. I hate it when my kids are angry with me for calling them on their behavior. But later, they'll kid me about being "mean mommy" and tell me I'd be a good candidate for the TV show "World's Strictest Parents".

Wow, Yes! My daughter who is 6 is totally pushing buttons lately. Ignoring me, if I tell her not to do something she deliberately looks at me and does it again. It is like her behavior has reverted back to a 3 year old. Granted we have a 5 week old baby and she has been the only child for 6 years. We prepared her way before the birth, but I know it is different once baby gets here and she sees the reality of me always holding the baby, and the constant nursing during the first few weeks. We still hold onto the mommy and me times, like getting ready for bed, reading together, hanging out when baby is napping. I am not a spanker and my husband has spanked her in the past a few times so she listens to him more and she has flat out told me that is why she listens to him, kind of frustrating for someone like me who is and never wants to be a spanker.
Anyway, I understand what you are feeling. All we can do is be the best parent we can be, and know that being the "friend" is not always the best solution. (as much as I would rather just be the "friend:)

My whiny voice comes out in my head all the time when this happens! My favorite (prob just cause it wasn't me) was actually for a friend of mine. Her 6 year old was being naughty and talking back and before she thought about it she blurted out, "no TV for a week!) Being the good mama she is, she stuck to it, but it also seriously limited the entire families TV time.