4 answers

Behavior Issues with 14 Yr Old Boy

I have a dear friend who is a single mom with a 14 year old son. She is having a lot of trouble with him lately, he doesn't care about anything and will not pitch in to do chores around the house. His response is always "Whatever" or "I don't care." She feels that he is manipulative and is nice, sweet & cooperative only when he has an ulterior motive (like he wants something). I'm sure there has got to be a ton of moms out there who have been through this with their adolescent boys. Does anyone have a good book recommendation or strategy that I could share with her? She is at her wits end and is at the point where she cannot stand him being at home! I have suggested looking for signs of drug use and giving him a daily list of chores that will be checked off or added to the next day's list if not done. I've also suggested family counseling. We're all in South Hills of Pittsburgh and she's not aware of any programs that may be available. Thanks in advance for any and all advice.

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Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph is a great book about boys and boys issues

1 mom found this helpful

D., I f you live in the South Hills, we have a place called Outreach in Mt. Lebanon that deals with teens. You might take him there for a consult,to see if maybe their are drugs or if he has signs of depression. I had my son go. I just wanted piece of mind that he was O.K. I it did not take long 15-20min, to see if you would need to to anything futher.

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like lots of normal teens. Mine at least acts like she cares, but she really doesn't. I've had the best luck with finding what she does care about and use that as motivation. Like earning time on the computer when homework and chores are done. She also only gets her allowance weekly when chores are complete and she has to pay for everything she does with her allowance- therefor no chores done= no going anywhere, no cell phone. When her grades are poor, she's grounded from everything and has to earn it back. Most importantly we talk about it all the time- when she's done well, I ask how she would like to be rewarded, when she needs to be pushed, I ask what I need to do to motivate. Counseling has helped a lot- we go to Intercare across from South Hills Village. She is treated for depression. Our church youth group has also helped tremendously giving her a group of good young people to support her and keep her positive. Good luck and God Bless.

1 mom found this helpful

I was going to suggest, as one of the other moms did, setting up a chore/allowance system and getting him involved in a group that will positively influence his attitude, such as a youth group.

Here is how my family dealt with the chore wars....When I was a "tween", my mother would always pull me away from my friends when they were visiting to do chores. It drove me crazy! I didn't mind doing the work, however I resented the manner and timing of how she handed out the chores. Later, when I was a teen, my mother had to go back to work. During the summer she and my father would leave a note on the kitchen table with daily chores. My brothers and I knew from the moment we awoke what had to be done that day. Even better, we had the ability to choose how to plan our day, knowing these chores needed to be done before our parents got home. That worked well for us. BTW, we didn't get an allowance, as my parents reminded us that we had a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, etc. We also understood that being part of a family means you have to pitch in and do your part.

1 mom found this helpful

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