BEDTIME! Going Out of My Mind!!!!!!!!!

My daughter would do the same thing and what I ended up doing is sitting in her room w/ my back to her, no talking until she fell asleep. She knew I was there and was comforted by that and knew she wasn't allowed to get up so she didn't. I had to do that for about a week and she finally started staying on her own.

My children gave up naps at his age. If it takes more then 30 minutes for him to fall asleep then he just isn't tired. Why don't you try a rest time instead of nap and hopefully he will be tired at bedtime and no struggles. I would allow my kids to get their pillows and lay on the couch, put on a disney movie and they would stay and rest, with no yelling and no problems. Some children require less sleep as they get older, it shouldn't be that much of a struggle if he is tired.

Three hours wow!! I would stop, or shorten the nap if he still takes them. Also I've found with my three year old having a set routine it makes it much easier. Good luck

I've been dealing with this horrifying problem for over 14 months with my 2.5 year old. She never was a good sleeper but also just takes FOREVER to go to sleep. Having her tonsils/adenoids out next week to deal with her sleep apnea, which might solve the problem (a fear of going to sleep, or possibly disruption to breathing while trying to relax and go to sleep). BUT, I want to comfort you because I know what you're going through SO MUCH. Nothing works in our house either. We are very strict about bedtime, routines, etc. We have shortened naps to 45 minutes to an hour, but that has just lessened the bedtime BS to 2 hours instead of 3. She is terribly cranky, all the time, so I know she's not getting enough sleep. When we don't have a nap, bedtime is definitely easier, maybe 1.5 hours long, but it's still a problem. Honestly, I hate coming home from work knowing that I'm going to have my whole night wasted with bedtime. I have a 3.5 year old too, who is a perfect angel. Same routine, but actually just goes to sleep (even while my daughter is screaming).

Here's our newest strategy. She has a queen sized mattress on the floor of her bedroom. That's it. Gate on the door. All other furniture has been removed (she was climbing it and ripping things off walls). I hold her for 10-15 minutes at bedtime and whisper to her, sing a few songs, remind her that we're calm and tired and going right to sleep. Then I leave the room and that's it. I don't respond to anything, ignore her until she goes to bed. It's hard! The other thing we might try is to have her nap an hour every other day, and not nap at all on the off days. You can message me anytime you want to vent about it! I cry a lot at night while dealing with her, it's so damn frustrating.

Updated

I've been dealing with this horrifying problem for over 14 months with my 2.5 year old. She never was a good sleeper but also just takes FOREVER to go to sleep. Having her tonsils/adenoids out next week to deal with her sleep apnea, which might solve the problem (a fear of going to sleep, or possibly disruption to breathing while trying to relax and go to sleep). BUT, I want to comfort you because I know what you're going through SO MUCH. Nothing works in our house either. We are very strict about bedtime, routines, etc. We have shortened naps to 45 minutes to an hour, but that has just lessened the bedtime BS to 2 hours instead of 3. She is terribly cranky, all the time, so I know she's not getting enough sleep. When we don't have a nap, bedtime is definitely easier, maybe 1.5 hours long, but it's still a problem. Honestly, I hate coming home from work knowing that I'm going to have my whole night wasted with bedtime. I have a 3.5 year old too, who is a perfect angel. Same routine, but actually just goes to sleep (even while my daughter is screaming).

Here's our newest strategy. She has a queen sized mattress on the floor of her bedroom. That's it. Gate on the door. All other furniture has been removed (she was climbing it and ripping things off walls). I hold her for 10-15 minutes at bedtime and whisper to her, sing a few songs, remind her that we're calm and tired and going right to sleep. Then I leave the room and that's it. I don't respond to anything, ignore her until she goes to bed. It's hard! The other thing we might try is to have her nap an hour every other day, and not nap at all on the off days. You can message me anytime you want to vent about it! I cry a lot at night while dealing with her, it's so damn frustrating.

I agree with the gate idea. We did that with our second as soon as we took the side off his crib. Mostly, I was worried about his room being at the top of the stairs. He both liked and didn't like having a gate on his room. It makes the world smaller, since he isn't used to having free reign over the house. My oldest two were sort of freaked out at all the freedom they suddenly felt by being out of a crib. But then again, he hates being trapped. We can not shut a door on him, even now that he's 4. But having the door open and a baby gate up, he knew he could call for me and could see me.

All along, we told him that we would take the baby gate down when he started going potty at night (because obviously, we wanted him to be able to get to the toilet when he needed to). We were too optimistic about his potty training, but after about a year of putting the gate up every night, he promised that if we took it down, he'd stay in bed. And he did, for the most part. I can still use it as a threat if he keeps coming out of his room. "Are you going to get back in bed and stay there, or do I need to put the gate up?" Works every time.

Sorry, I sort of got carried away with that one. i also wanted to mention that both my kids stopped napping at about 2 1/2. With my oldest, who is an angel child, I stopped calling it nap time. It was "quiet time" which was much needed by both of us. He had to stay on his bed, but didn't have to sleep. We'd pile his bed high with books and some times he'd fall asleep, other times he wouldn't. If he didn't fall asleep, he had to stay on his bed quietly for an hour.

That didn't work for our second, because he is a wild child and because big brother was up and playing. So we had a different kind of quiet time, because even if he didn't sleep, he needed to rest for a while. Every afternoon at nap time, I'd turn on a movie. It was usually a Leap Frog movie, and for about an hour, my boys would rest on the couch. Everyone was happier that way.

So hopefully you'll get some good ideas to try!

You need to have a bedtime routine that makes your son feel loved and secure. When our children were this age after brushing teeth both mommy and daddy went into their room prayed with them tucked them in, read them a story gave hugs turned on their fish tank light, turned off bedroom light and said see you in the morning, the only time they got up and that age was to go potty, didn't feel good or had a bad dream, the bad dream or the not feeling good was so far and inbetween that it was not an issue. At 2 1/2 they are old enough to understand bed time means bed time. keep up with the discipline, not stay in his bed is flat our defiance. J.

have you tried music or audio books? the audio books worked better when my kids were about 3 i guess, but the music has helped (up to age 7 so far). especially if it's a new CD from the library, they want to stay in bed to hear it. i also agree with shortening the nap, if you really think he needs one. all my kids started changing their nap times or going without naps sometimes at this age. but if i let them sleep too long in the middle of the day they do what your son did. so i wake them after about an hour. one of my sons was super hard to wake up from naps and i had to have some kind of motivation for him like going outside. good luck. this can be such a hard phase.

Hi,
I'd suggest you give the teaching and training books by Debi and Michael Pearl a try. They are online at "No Greater Joy". A switch is required along with consistency. It works and works well if applied correctly. I'm sure you would like to be the one in charge instead of your son so I hope you give them a whirl. Blessings, L.

My son is the same age. We've had that problem for a long time, but luckily found a solution that has made it easier for us. When he was younger we would put a gate up on the outside of his bedroom door. He could still open the door, but he couldn't get out. I didn't mind so much. For naps or before bed he would just play in his room until he was tired and then fall asleep. We always have had a schedule of when it's bed time. We always nap right when we're done with lunch, and bedtime is a little less consistent, but it's still between 7:30 and 8:30. I think being consistent has really helped! Now for his naps he goes right to sleep and doesn't even play anymore. But since he knows the routine he never complains or cries. I think it helps that I let him play in there if he's not tired yet and not force him to lay down. It gives him some control over himself. On the rare occasion that he doesn't ever fall asleep for a nap, I tell him that if he's cranky or throws a tantrum (signs that he's tired) that he has to go back to bed and he's usually pretty good. :)
Anyway, we don't use the gate anymore, since he finally learned how to climb over it or take it down even. Now we have one of those door knob covers on the inside of the door so he can't open it. We leave it on all the time. It works so great! I make sure to pay close attention in the day that he doesn't lock himself in. But I think it also helps that you have to pull the door closed really hard for it to catch. So most of the time he can still open it even if he closes it. Using the door cover has been a sanity saver! We aren't constantly putting him back in, and in the mornings I can have my wake up time before I have to "start work". :) Days that I have to be a mom before I even wake up are never good. ;) The door knob covers are only a couple dollars at the store for three and are totally worth it. He knows how to take them off so we put tape over the seams and then they're good.

Good luck! And I hope you find something that works for you! I know how frustrating it can be!

Some children need less sleep than others - if he's not cranky, tired, etc, try letting him get up an hour earlier in the mornings.

try no naps and early bed turn any lights off and just keep doing it time is key. It may take a while but he will soon stop fighting. I had to do the same thing with my daughter.

How long has he been out of a crib?

My son did this a few months after he went from the crib to the twin bed. I tried everything from a baby gate at his door way to putting him in the pack n play!!

What I ended up doing and a few of my friends have tried it too with luck is to sit in his door way while he is in bed. Don't look or talk to him either. As soon as both feet touch the floor, get up and put him back in bed, no talking either to him. And take your place back in the door way. I did this for about a week and he stopped getting out of bed like that. I do let him have a few books to flip through but that's it.

Good luck and stay strong!
S.

Good morning BKL!
I hope you got some sleep last night!
I just wanted to encourage you by saying that this too shall pass. I know it's a long road but if you instill some consistent patterns with him now, you should be able to overcome this.
People always tell me that they have such a hard time getting their kids to bed, staying there etc...I don't know why some kids do this. However, I'm a firm believer in a strict schedule during the school year. I had all 3 of my kids in bed last night at 7:00 and didn't hear from them again until 6:30 this morning. We get pj's on at 6:45, have milk and get ready for bed by 7:00. At 7:00 we all go upstairs, lay in bed, read a story, sing a song or two and then pray. Goodnight to all, kisses and close the door.
That's it! Sometimes my son (4) who is seriously afraid of the dark will come out to complain about his fear or get a drink or go potty (again) but we don't let that get in the way of getting straight back into bed. We don't coddle him or let him stay up longer because he's scared. When he comes out of his room we acknowledge his fear, and tell him we love him and to go back to bed. After that, there is no tolerence for disobedience. Just take him by the hand, walk him back to bed without a word and lay him back down. Repeat over and over again until he gets the idea. We only had to do that a few times with him until he learned that he's not getting our positive or negative attention at all.
Don't let your son get a rise out of you at bedtime. Pretend that you don't care that he keeps coming out or crying out for you. If he's in his room, don't go in when he calls you. If he comes out, just walk him back in without a word spoken. Your setting up the patterns and boundries for a lifetime now at this young age. So really your just teaching him what bedtime really means, BED TIME!
Best wishes to you...I remember those days, but it's not a road that was traveled long in my home. I hope the same goes for you.

My son was that way. We eventually learned as long as he is in his room, we didn't really care (provided it was safe in there). If he left his room a privileged was removed - took us some time to figure out what he would respond to. Turns out, turning of his light was the trick. If he left his room, the light went out for 5 minutes. It was less than one night and he was staying in his room. Now, at age 5, he just plays in his room for anywhere between 10 mins and 3 hours before putting himself to bed.

Gates work - but it doesn't teach him the self control. So, really depends on how bad it is and what you are trying to have happen. Do you care if he is in bed, or in his room? Do you care if he plays until he goes to sleep, or do you want him to lay in bed until he goes to sleep? Best of luck!

I like Super Nanny's advice and wish i had known it when my daughter was younger. the first time they get out of bed say a few words back to bed sweetie, but after that NOT A WORD, put them back to bed without uttering a word. they want to interact and love and logic and scolding, yelling, begging IS interacting. Anticipate any needs so the bedroom is prepared with whatever he might ask for a water sippy cup, night light, a favorite toy(s), blanket etc so he has no excuse to ask for anything! Some people have luck putting them to bed earlier as they are not over tired Other great ideas here: baby gate, also my son slept on the floor near the door for months didnt hurt him a bit!
Hope it gets better

I would put the crib back and put a crib tent up, I switched my daughter to her bed at 2, and she would get out as soon as I left the room, it was awful and I dreaded bedtime - so I put her crib back, and for some reason, even though she can climb sheer walls, she has never figured out she can climb out of the crib - as soon as she does I will be getting a crib tent, and she will stay in her crib until she is old enough for me to tell her to stay.

now she is back in her bed I put her down and she knows she can't get out - most nights she goes to sleep without a peep, now and again I will have to go in and lay her back down and tell her goodnight a couple more times.

it took about a week for her to go to sleep easily.