21 Month Old Refusing to Go to Bed

Toddlers need 12-14 hours sleep per day and if you add up his night time and naptime hours, he is getting the right amount of sleep. If you want him to go to bed earlier, you may want to reduce nap time to two hours. You cannot do make the change all at once or your little guy will end up cranky and overtired...not fun.

Start reducing naptime by by 15 minutes and putting him to bed 15 minutes earlier. Do this for a week and once you have accomplished that, reduce the naptime another 15 minutes and put him down for bed 15 minutes earlier for the second week. Keep doing this in 15 minute increments until you have him on the schedule you want him on. Good luck!

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I really hate to suggest, as just the thought of this made me cringe, but my daughter was exactly the same, bedtime was on an easy night 1 1/2 hour and 3 hours sometimes. We were exhausted and had no time to ourselves, so we stopped the afternoon naps. I know it sounds crazy and hard, and at 3pm we sometimes had to keep her awake. We did dinner at 4:30, bath at 5, books at 5:30 and she was out cold with no problem in 3-4 minutes at 6pm! I am not kidding. We actually have a life agiain and the transition started with the birth of our second too. now they are both in bed by this time at age 2 and 3.

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Hello, I recently wrote a request because I have problems sleeping and here was one of the suggestions, I also have my kids doing this to help them..... warm milk,little vanilla and cinnamon.... tastes better than warm milk and it has been working on us like tranquilizers:) Good luck on this... C. R

It sounds to me like your son may be experiencing a regression in sleep habits because of adjusting to the new baby in the house. This happened with my two-year old daughter, and we realized that we were giving her too much attention for not doing what she was supposed to--the more time we spent trying to calm her down, the longer she stayed awake. We put a gate up in her doorway so she couldn't come out of her room, then we went through our regular nighttime routine, kissed her good night, and left her in her room and ignored her crying. She cried for a half hour that first night, but now she stays in bed. We also tried to make an effort to give her enough attention during the day. Good luck! I know how frustrating it is when toddlers won't sleep!

A.,
I don't know if this will work for you but this is what worked for us. We both don't believe in cry it out and moved our kids out of cribs at 1. We transitioned to a full size mattress and would lay with them and read a few books then turn out the light and lay with them until they fell asleep which usually didn't take very long. They were never in our bed and they new not to get out of bed, my 5 year old still wakes up and asks if he can get up now. Then when he was just over two we bought him a special loft bed with a slide and tent and he loved it, it was too small for mommy and daddy so we read to him rubbed his back and left. He did great. We recently transitioned our 2 year old he is a little more difficult we have to go in every 10 minutes and rub his back for a minute but there is no crying and he is asleep in 1 hour without fighting and my husband and I hang out in our room during this time. We both think the slide bed was our best investment and we plan to do the same process with our third.
Good luck hopefully you can find something that fits your family.
C.

My older son is just 2, and sometimes he has a hard time sleeping too. However we put a gate on his room and put him in bed at the same time every night. Whether he stays in his bed or not is up to him, but the light stays off. the first few times he would crawl out of bed and wander around, pull things out of his drawers ect. Now he just usually sings or plays with a car or some toy I let him take with him, but he stays in bed until he falls alseep.

Hope that helps
K.

Hi A.,
I HIGHLY recommend reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth for understanding biological sleep rhythms and how/when they mature/evolve. You did not say what your son's daily sleep schedule is, whether he is napping and when and what his bedtime is at night. How long has he been in a regular bed and why did you move him from his crib? Our pediatrician (and many other sources) told us that children that young don't understand imaginary boundaries like a regular bed and it is best to keep them in their cribs, using a crib tent if they climb out. What I would do is put him back in his crib. At this age my daughter's sleep schedule was this: wake up at 6-7am, morning nap at 9am, afternoon nap at 1pm and bedtime at 6-6:30pm. I found that my daughter couldn't easily go to sleep if the bedtime was later. While Dr. Weissbluth states that the FASTEST way to correct bad sleep habits is to let them cry it out he does give other methods. I used a modified cry it out. Make sure you have a calm and quiet bedtime routine and at the end put him to bed and leave. If he cries, wait 5-10 mins before responding, then calm him down without picking him up or talking. Repeat this process, waiting longer each time until he falls asleep. This method can take a few weeks with a stubborn child, but consistency is the key. This method doesn't work with all children though. I have ended up letting Paige cry it out as she got older and it usually takes a few days. If you want to email me I can give you my personal experiences and what I tried.
Sincerely,
L.

Do you have some lullaby night time music you can try? Maybe he can look at a book while he is lying there, make his eyes tired? Good luck, I know this must be very frustrating. C.

You could let him cry it out even if he is in a toddler bed. You can close the door or put up a baby gate. He may fall alseep on the floor at first but once he gets the point and realizes you are serious then he will stay in his bed. Good luck!

Try cutting back on his nap. I have four children ages now 16 to 9, at 18 months I didn't make them nap but they were in bed by 7:00 pm and usually asleep no later than 9:00 pm, and that was my second child, she insisted mommy or daddy lay down with her. :0) They all by the time they were two were down at 7 pm and up at about 7 am. They were no worse for wear and now they were all great about bedtimes, much to the surprise of everyone, they would go to bed on their own.
Hope this helps, good luck.

Try shorten his naps. This 21 month old don't need a 2-4 hrs of nap. This could be the result of this problem. Give it a try to cut down on lengthy nap and have him be active and he should be tired by bedtime. If a toddler sleeps that long, they won't be tired at night til late. Hopefully this works. Good luck!

D.

sounds like he doesn't need naps anymore. I would either start waking him up from his naps or stop them all together. my 2 1/2 year old doesn't go to bed til 10pm and my 4 month old around 9pm. Also, my 2 1/2 year old doesn't nap everyday, if he's tired he falls asleep, if he's not he plays. No big deal.

I think I would cut down the length of his afternoon nap. 2 - 4 hours is an extremely long nap for an almost two year old. Try not letting him sleep more than 1-1/2 to 2 hours and see if that doesn't help. Good luck!

Depending on the design of your toddler bed a crib tent can be used on it as well. If he's napping 4hrs in any day I'd be worried he's coming down with a cold or was exposed to some allergen before naptime... food or environmental. Wake him after 2hrs... 2.5hrs if naptime started early or you are planning to keep him awake for some outing in the evening. Bedtime should be in the 7-8pm range ideally... stick to your guns and good luck!

When we had trouble getting my son to stay in bed at 17 months we ended up putting a gate on his bedroom door. It kept him in his room and stopped all the bedtime antics. He is too young to understand the imaginary boundries of his bed, so it is hard to keep a child that age in bed once they realize they can get out. I was worried that he would just get out of bed and play, but he didn't. Once he realized the gate was staying, he stayed in bed and went right to sleep. Also, you didn't say what time you are putting him to bed, but you may want to try moving his bedtime up a little. An overtired child has a much harder time settling down than a well rested one. Especially if he has a short nap or gets up super early one day, you can adjust his bedtime accordingly. At that age my son did really well with a 7pm bedtime. It was a real sruggle to get through everything we needed to by 7 since I was working, but with a little extra dinner prep the night before, we were able to do it, and my son was a lot better behaved for it. Good luck.

Hello A.,
I really hate how judjemental these can get and I hope I dont come across that way. The things that came to mind when I read your post was how long ago did you put him in a toddler bed and how the transition with the new born is for him?
I am currently pregnant with our second and have a 1.5 year old, my husband and I have been going back and forth with putting him in a toddler bed before the baby comes (when he's 21 months)to let him adjust now or wait tell after so there isnt too many changes in his life at once. did your son always have such a hard time getting to bed? I really dont think its the naps, my son is also a great napper and has no problem going down between 8-9. I would look at all the changes in his life right now and see if there is anything you can give him back? maybe a tent on his bed for security or putting him back in the crib (depending how long he's been out). also try reading the happiest baby (or toddler, there's too) on the block (you can also get it on video since moms with newborns and/or toddlers dont have time to read LOL!)
I hope this helps a little, and remember the job of toddlers is to test their limmits so he is doing his job, just be patient and let him know its not working, and see what it is he is trying to tell you.
good luck!

Through trial and error I have found that if I let my 16 month old daughter sleep longer than two hours, or past 3pm she will keep me up all night. You could try to shorten his nap and see if it helps. My older (now 7yr old) daughter, was super easy. Napped good and went to bed easy. It just depends on whats good for you, and good for your kids. But I would highly reccommend trying to shorten his nap for a week, then see if it makes a difference. Good luck!!!