Bad day..divorce STILL Pending, Visitation-son 7 Yrs Young Does Not Want to Go!

I too went through this with my kiddos. We had a very messy divorce and once my ex was allowed visitation, my oldest son who was 6 at the time would scream and cry and fight us just like you are describing. The other kids were just fine with it and it broke his dad's heart. He also had trouble committing to call and talk to him in between visits so that made things worse. So, I feel ya!
Now, things are great and it seems like a faded memory even though it wasn't too long ago. My son is 8 now and talks regularly about how he loves his dads (which while he still calls my bf "mr matt" he says he does everything a dad does)

I just stayed positive, and encouraging at home and during the drop offs. I did not leave him with dad if he worked himself into hysterics but, we would sit on the porch or have lunch in a restaurant and try to make polite small talk and ignore the tantrum rather than doing a "hit and run" style drop off car to car. This made him much calmer and removed a ton of the stress. Right now his dad is a stranger to him, watching you interact in a cordial polite manner will remove some of the feelings that you may be selling him to gypsies.

I also agree with comments below that you should be receiving on going support from dad. It is called a temporary order of support, and as long as you have an "active" divorce case pending, which means you have at least filed the initial papers, you can apply for it.

There are 3 ways you can do this, and please message me if you want help with this-
!) I found the temporary support forms online for my state and wrote them up myself and brought them to the courthouse on the day the judge saw walk-ins and got him to approve it. I then faxed copies of the signed order to my ex's employer with a request to draft his account and my mailing address to send the check.
2) You can talk to your lawyer and they will do this for you, but they'll charge you and it can take weeks or months to do what you can on a Wednesday morning.
3) You can call the Office of the Attorney General for your area and they will send you a form to complete with all your ex's info. Within 6 weeks they can start docking his employer but then it goes through the child support division and you might not see it for another 120 days.

Hey Mom, how old is Jake?

I ask this because there comes a time when the child is actually old enough to legally decide for himself whether he wants to go to his father's or not.
But regardless how old he is (this may sound harsh) it is not YOUR job to foster you son's and his father's relationship. It's his FATHER'S job. You do not have to make him go. In fact, I'm not sure why you're TAKING him to go. If his father wants a relationship with his own son, only HE can make it happen. It's admirable that you don't work against it I suppose. But, yeah, Dad should be coming to pick him up AND bring him home.

Do you have your own attorney? If not I stronly suggest you go for a consult. Sometimes they are free or just a few hundred. WELL worth it in the long run.

If you STB ex is employed in ANY fashion, you should have been recieving monetary support from the day you physically separated if your child lives primarily with you.

If your husband complains to the court that your son refuses to go, they will appoint a social worker to review your situation and observe. After which it is unusual for a child to be FORCED to go.

I would suggest for your husband if he truly wants to remain active in his son's life, to take him out to lunch every Sunday. To take him to ball practice. To communicate with him daily on your SON'S terms, FB, email, texting, whatever.

It is perfectly understandable that children often don't want to go to whichever house is not home (especially overnight). It's not THEIR house. After working all week would YOU want to go spend the weekend at someone else's house? Of course not. Kids should have a SAY, it's not THEIR choice their parents live separately. We are so wrapped up in Dad's rights or Mom's right, we forget the KID'S got some rights as well. Even though he DIDN'T have a choice.

Anway, sorry about the rant, guess you can tell I've been through it myself.
Really, please go to a consult with an attorney regardless of whatever stage your divorce is in. I don't think it's wise to MAKE your son go to his father's. I DO think it's wise to make his DAD foster his OWN relationship with his OWN son.

Hope this helps! :)

how about you redo the dad visits to be joint ones with you in attendance? it sounds as if your son doesn't have enough of a connection with his father to be sent off with a man who's basically a stranger.
it's really nice that you are allowing their relationship to continue since he's not supporting his child in any way, but i think i'd be a bit hard-nosed about how it's structured.
good luck!
khairete
S.

The reason your going through all this is because this is his dad. He needs to have a relationship with him no matter how you feel about him. Encouraging him to see his dad will help and only speak well of his dad in front of him. I feel he should still try to take his son for a visit. I feel bad for your son, he must have been hurt when he moved.

Now with all that said, why is he not giving you child support??? this should have been immediately implemented for you. I would make sure its all retroactive also. I would not drive and hour and a half either. I would tell him if wants to see his son to come here and see him. Hes the one that moved away! Whats holding up your divorce, be done with him. Get the money your son is entitled to. Set up visitation and live a happy life!

Edit to include child's age. If he is inconsistent with your son then don't force your son to go. Report the interaction to the therapist, it's perhaps normal to be resistant but not to the point of trauma. Revisit the visitation and modify it to hours opposed to a weekend (if possible). But if your son is connected with your new guy, then his trust and bond for his father will be hard to build if there's no sincere effort on the father's part especially if he's just getting involved because you're in a relationship.