Bad Bed Behavior

M.,
I'm a firm believer that schedules should be stuck to. It helps build good habits for everyone involved. My son is 3 years old. For the past several months (since he's been in his bunk bed), he's wanted me to stay in his room and sit on the edge of his bed and hang out with him during bedtime. I usually stay for a little while (about 5-10 minutes, depending on how big of a day he's had, if he got a nap in, etc.) and we'll talk about the day, what he'd like to dream about that night, and we'll sing a song or two together. However, after that, he wants me to stay longer and I won't. I tell him that tomorrow is another day and he's got to be well-rested for it. He sometimes complains and whines for me to stay longer but I must refuse because if I start staying with him until he's asleep, he'll start expecting that everytime.
There was one time not too long ago that I decide to forego the habit and say okay I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. An hour later after rubbing his back and trying to get him to sleep, he was still awake. I realized then that he wouldn't go to sleep because I WAS still in there. He was in a way using me to NOT go to sleep. As soon as I realized that he would only sleep once I had left and was no longer giving him attention, I told him that it was time for sleep and exited my normal way I always had (turned on a music box, kissed him good night, etc.).
At least I know I tried it his way for once and it didn't work (getting him to sleep by staying with him).
If I were you, I'd try separating the two girls at bedtime. If you're unable to do that, send the youngest to bed approximately 30 minutes before the older one. Once the youngest is asleep, then quietly put the older one to bed and let her know that it's not okay to be loud and try to wake the younger one who is resting.
Best of luck on trying to switch your bedtime habit with your children in the near future.
-Jen

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Hi M.,
Do your girls get a lot of exercise every day? If they ran around or played on the jungle gym at a park or kicked a ball around, they'd probably be worn out at bedtime. Do you give them caffeine--tea or soda--that will keep them cranked up. Try a warm bath, a bedtime story, then quiet time. You might have to sit in there to make sure they don't get up, but once they've gotten used to the routine, they should nod off. If they are just talking quietly I would let them discuss what they are thinking about. They are forging a strong emotional bond. But, horseplay is too stimulating at bedtime. HTH, C.

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From one homeschool mom to another, you need sleep to do all that is required of you during the day. Try a discipline and/or reward system to get them to stay in their beds. I'm sure you already have, but first, tell them it is absolutely not an option for them to get out of bed unless it's an emergency or they have to go to the bathroom. I tell mine once they've gone to the bathroom, they should not need to get up again. Explain ahead of time what will happen if they get up and if they obey, and make sure you follow through. Use some form of discipline if they get up without a reason. Every family has different views on discipline, but do whatever works for your family (i.e. removing privleges for the next day or week, extra chores, or spanking, etc.) If they obey, give them some type of reward. Make a simple chart, and let them put a star on it the next morning after they stayed in their bed. When the chart is full, let them choose a reward like a trip to a fun store for a small toy, a movie night, or a trip to an ice cream shop. The most important thing is consistency. It will be worth it!

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M.,
You are going to think this sounds crazy when you first read it, but let it sink in first, because I had the same initial reaction. I asked this question to my Pediatrician and to several friends with kids. My kids weren't in my bed all night, but they get up in the night and come in my room. My Pediatrician told me that the American Acedemy of Pediatrics recommends locking them in their room. I am not kidding-they do. A few of my friends admitted this was the only thing that worked for them. Let me tell you how it worked, and this might make you feel better about it. We already had locks on the outside of their doors because when they were babies and in cribs, my cats would jump on the door knobs and open the doors and go in their room. We would lock them out(they were in the crib and newborns anyway). Once this didn't work, the cats stopped trying, but I didn't take the locks off the outside. So we told the girls what was going to happen if they got out of their beds (they would get locked in). We made sure they understood, and we locked them in when it wasn't night time so they could see what that meant (just for a few seconds). Both of my daughters threw fits the first night, and I was told to not do anything by the Pediatrician. If they pee, vomit, whatever, just leave them (this part is important and very hard, but if you go in there, they will pee or vomit every night for you). The fits and throwing stuff will last 1 night, maybe 3 tops.
After this, they will promise not to get up anymore. You can unlock the door with the understanding that they can't get out of their rooms (explain about being sick and needing to go potty and all that). If they do, you'll lock the door. They don't want the door locked (and frankly, neither do you because it seems cruel and not safe). They will test this a few times, and then they will go months in the room and try and test it again. Just be consistant and let them know that we all go to night night in our own rooms, give them lots of love and hold your ground. It really did work for me, and now that phase is totally behind us. If you are consistant, it doesn't take long at all. My daughters are now 4 & 5. I have the locks on there just so I can threaten, but I doubt I will ever have to use them again. The other advice I got that seemed to work but took much, much longer, was to just get up all night and carry them back to bed and don't talk to them or read a story or anything and just take them over and over to their rooms.
One thing about the locking, please don't ever do it as punishment, it is just recommended for getting up at night. I have never locked them in their rooms any other time or for any extended period of time or anything.

When my boys were small I used to read them a story, then sit between them and give back rubs all the time repeating "close your eyes". Everytime one would open his eyes, I'ed repeat it. It didn't take long for them both to be asleep. It was a little time consuming on my part, but it worked.

I read and then skimmed through the other responses before responding and repeating what you've already read. My only addition is to suggest using a baby monitor so you can hear what is actually going on, who is not minding you and going to sleep, and if you choose to lock them in as one suggested, it may give your children and you a sense of security that you can hear them if the "need" you.

Hang in there!

When my kids were that age I played music from the radio softly. You have heard how music calms the beasts it also calms people, when tired it calms them enough that they will fall asleep. Try it, it might work for them also. Good luck.

It sounds like you don't have room for them to be elsewhere, so the advice below about disciplining yourself about the girls sleeping in your room is silly. Besides, that is not your problem, right?

I would say a good bedtime routine does wonders, but I really like the advice the first mom gave about separating their bedtimes. I think that could really work!

We have been living in a hotel since august where our three kids have to share a room. They are three, four and six. I love Beverly Cleary "Ramona" books. "Ramona and Beezus" "Ramona the Pest" I am sure your local library would have them. My point is read to them. If you get a longish chapter book and just read a few pages, the sound of your voice may lull them to sleep. Works for my kids. After ten or fifteen minutes they are out! The rule though is they have to be in bed under covers as I read. Also I only keep enough light on for me to read to create a settling atmosphere. Also I read a more age appropriate book first. Ramona books are still age appropriate but are used less for straight entertainment and more to induce sleep. Good luck.

I have had the same problem. I have two 3 yo girls in one room and right across the hall, I have a 3 yo and 5 yo boys. No sooner than I would turn out the light and leave the room, then they would start playing and talking and the youngest boy liked to run between the two rooms. I have started sitting a chair not in the room but in the hall between the two rooms and sitting there for about ten to fifteen minutes. They knew I was watching, but I wasn't making a sound. It was just dark and quiet and they soon drop off. Kids get rowdy at bedtime because they are trying to fight off sleeping. If you can get them to just lay quietly for ten minutes then they should drop off. Me intervening and constantly telling them to hush only gave them the attention they were wanting, so I use nonverbal warnings or put them back in their beds without a word.

Hello M.,

I guess I misread your post earlier and for that I apologize. I didn't realize that they HAD to sleep in the same room with you. For some reason I thought they were getting in the bed with you.
I agree that seperating their bedtimes is a great idea.

:)

Do you put them to bed at the same time? I've had two sharing a room since my 2nd was born (though now it's the 2nd and 3rd who share). When I would put them down at the same time, they would always play and laugh like crazy, but if I separated their bedtimes by 30 minutes or so, that would give the first one (usually the youngest) enough time to go to sleep, so I could then put down the 2nd. Right now my youngest goes to sleep about 7:30, and my middle one between 8 and 8:30. And I always remind the older one (4, like your oldest) to be really quiet so as not to wake her sister.