Baby Blues - Independence,MO

It would be a miracle if you got pregnant. Basically, they would have had to goof up the procedure. The eggs pop out of our ovaries and travel down our "tubes" and if yours have been cut and all that jazz then there's no traveling for them. These feeling you have may never go away. I have had three kids and could keep on doing it. I loved being pregnant, I love babies, kids of all ages. But there are also other things I want to do that I can't if I have more children and I have to remind myself of that. It's not as if we run out of that baby-wanting feeling when it is used up on our kids. Well, maybe for some. I pressure my newly married friends into having kids (I'm kidding...sort of) If this is something you just can't shake and really feel you were meant to have another kid, you should consider fostering a child. There are children setting in shelters right now who need homes. There are babies, too but it is the other child who stays there the longest or gets shuffled around. You can talk to you county's DFS or talk to a social worker if you want more information before taking that step.

We humans are pretty complex and feelings can overwhelm our thoughts and moods. Some feelings need to overwhelm our thoughts because they are born of real needs urging us to fulfill them. The desire to procreate can be as strong a sensation as hunger in some of us. The feelings prompted by the maternal instinct can be powerful. But, as humans we have the ability to make choices that our feelings don't always support. We often expect the feelings to change, at least over time, just because we made a decision. That doesn't always happen automatically. When the feelings don't adjust, our mind tries to find a way to adjust the decision. One way or another, we just want our decisions and our feelings to be in harmony. Otherwise, it feels like an internal war.

If you were to become pregnant under these circumstances, you would either be a scientific wonder or your surgeon would have some explaining to do. Since it doesn't appear likely that you can alter the decision, you might want to consider ways you can alter your feelings and focus your attention on the children you do have and other possibilities you may want to develop. With 3 children, you have a great chance for grandchildren, so it is likely you have more babies in your future. The question, then, is what to do with the strong feelings until then!

Many people are learning to use a simple method of acupressure on themselves to reprogram overwhelming feelings. It is called Emotional Freedom Techniques, or EFT. You can learn more about it at www.Emofree.com. Some are able to learn and use it successfully from the instructions you can download free. Some order the DVDs. Others seek out a professional practitioner and learn it. But, however people learn it, it has empowered many to release themselves from feelings that take over their thoughts and moods, without risky medications or endless counselling sessions.

I am one of those professional practitioners with a background in advanced acupressure and brain physiology. I have taught many people to use EFT effectively. I use it myself and am always amazed at the results. If you have more questions, feel free to contact me.

I think you need to come to terms with this somehow, because you are not going to get pregnant. Hoping for the impossible will make you miserable and nuts. Maybe your youngest child is growing out of toddler-hood and you are not ready to let go of this phase of your life. But things change. You can't bear children forever. Eventually, this phase of life ends and you must find something else to fulfil you.

If you love children so much maybe you would work with kids somehow in a school or daycare. The idea about fostering a child is also a good one. Honestly it sounds like you could use some counseling. Accept your limitations, find another passion in life, and appreciate the children you already have. A lot of women would thank their lucky stars to have three kids. I have 3 kids and my tubes are also tied. Maybe a little part of me will always wonder what if... but I accept that this is where I'm at and it's ok. Good luck to you.

There's really nothing you can do besides reversal, but you may want to consider a "snowflake baby" adoption-- adopting a donated embryo from a fertility clinic. It's $6000, which is much less than you would pay for an adoption, and you get to carry & deliver the baby.
Just something to think about. I got my tubes tied and dealt with similar feelings, so I looked into the different options (although now my child is in school, I'm enjoying having child-free time more often, and don't often wish for another).
Good luck,
A.

C.,

What has been does has been done. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do.

To me it sounds like you're going through depression and you may need to talk to a professional counselor about it before it ruins your life.

Focus on what you already have. You've got three, count; three, beautiful children already. Not to mention a husband who loves you very much.

Good luck and God bless, ls

It sounds like you have an incredible family, find all the ways that you can be thankful for what you have...but if that baby bug is still biting you...Volunteer at your church nursery, look into becoming a foster parent, sponser a family at Christmas. Basically look for ways to make some one elses lives more full, and that "good" feeling will fill your spirit and help close that void you feel.
There are lots of ways to volunteer your time that don't cost anything if finances are tight. And I know for a fact that there is a great need for foster familys, also think what an incredible lesson you would be instilling in your children that your heart has so much room to love someone who needs a safe loving home, even if it is temporary...and you don't have to be rich to adopt, fostering can lead to adoption = )
You are in my prayers, I thought I was done at 2 and then had a third "surprise" baby and he is my greatest blessing!
((hugs))
B.

First I would suggest talking with your Dr. about the depression. As someone who has lived with depression for the past 10 years I know how difficult it can be and overwhelming those feelings are.

As for the baby part of it...is everyone else on board? If so then I would think that you probably have a lot to offer. Whatever happens to the babies that get left at hospitals...the ones where no questions are asked? You might also talk to the principal or guidance counselor at a local high school...invariably there are teenagers that end up with unwanted pregnancies and you could certainly give them an option (and possibly help pay for some of those college expenses???). I would start with the private schools first as I would think religiously they would stand less of a chance of aborting the child (at least when I was growing up none of the kids at our school did).

I would also make a flyer and ask if you can put it up at the local planned parenthood and/or college/university. Unplanned pregnancies are everywhere so doing this over going through an agency may give you more results.

But I do want to caution you of one thing on adoptions. This is the heartbreak clause...the parents have up to 365 days to reclaim the child FOR ANY REASON. And in some cases (I believe there was one in FL) that just won where they got the child back after 5 or 7 years!!! I believe wholeheartedly in adoption (my husband was adopted) but I have personally seen my brothers go through heartbreak after heartbreak of mothers changing their minds and then being out thousands of dollars for no gain.

Bottom line, if you are looking for an adopted child with little chance of reclaimation you will have to go to a foreign country.

As for the foster parenting, it doesn't surprise me that they are looking at credit scores these days (seems like everyone is even when they shouldn't) but my SIL fostered and eventually adopted a child and she had previously filed for bankruptcy (and that was in MO)...so I would think it's worth a shot at any rate. What's the worse they can do, say no? You're not out anything but your time and effort at that point.