I work at a daycare in a class that usually has around 8 toddlers. There is one other teacher with me, until enough children leave so that we are down to a one-teacher-ratio (5 children). Two of the children absolutely will not stop crying unless they are being held. I can't hold them while still adequately supervising the other 6 children, but at the same time, I've tried ferberizing (just allowing them to "cry it out"), and that doesn't work. I have let them cry for up to 10 minutes, but, since I am not their parent, I won't allow them to cry it out any longer than that without feeling I'm not doing my job.
One of the children is relatively new (he started last week), so he may just be suffering from separation anxiety. I talked to his father when he was picked up, and he just laughed and said "I hope we aren't spoiling him!"
The other has been there for at least a year, and his mother always chalks it up to him being tired. I get there just as the children are beginning their 2.5 hour nap.
Obviously, if their respective parents came in and saw their children crying while I'm not doing anything about it, they would be upset. Still, on the other hand, if any of the parents of the other 6 children came in while I was holding two of the children, THEY would be upset.
I don't have children of my own, so I've never had the chance for trial and error.
Are there any tips? I've also tried distracting the children, which works for about 5 minutes. Thanks in advance!
I agree with Terra D 100%, I think it is very wrong to make the decision to let this kids CIO when you haven't told anything to the parents. If I were one of the parents and I saw that she (my daughter) is just crying without no reaction from you I would be SO UPSET. I do not believe in that method at all and I think the right thing to do is tell the parents the situation and see if they agree on that method before continuing doing this.
DEFINITELY do NOT let them cry it out, especially without talking to the parents first. It's been proven to cause serious problems in children.
I recommend speaking with the parents. Maybe they know something that could help, a special toy or something. They know their child best and they may have valuable insight.
Also spend some time reading up on children their age, what developmental milestones they're close to, certain issues such as separation anxiety they may be going through. See what games and toys kids that age like and perhaps have them play together. Read them a book, get them playing with a ball, etc.
Remember, babies will cry if they feel anxious, uncomfortable, if they're hungry, tired, cold, hot, wet, poopy... or just in need of love, comfort and reassurance!
You need to talk to the parents about this if you haven't already. If it were my child and I learned that you just sat there and let them CIO I would be beyond upset, would pull my children immediately from your care and probably demand my money back because I am 100% against the practice. I can't give any advice on how to help these children without first knowing why they are crying in the first place.
Look. You only have two arms and one lap.
I realized this the hard way when I did daycare and had two babies 3 months old. Well, they were 2 months and 3 months, exactly 30 days apart.
It was like having twins. The fact of the matter is that I adored them both and was very loving and caring, but it seemed one or the other was always crying. They'd get each other going. For a while, I was able to rock them both at the same time, but one was teething when the other wasn't and one was easier to fall asleep or they'd both be poopy at the same time.
Sometimes they had to cry. I was pretty good at getting them in sync and talking to one while I changed the other and vice versa. It's hard to juggle. That's for sure.
I have kids of my own and have taken care of lots of kids throughout the years. The sick and fussy ones tend to need more catering to, but you find out how to give equal attention to the other ones as well. Some kids just cry whether you're holding them or not. That happens.
The main thing is to be patient. Don't let them know you feel rattled. Sing songs. You can't hold a child that cries all the time because they don't ever learn they'll be all right if they aren't held.
I don't mean neglect....I just mean that even if a child only wants to be held and you can't do that, it's not harming them. A child crying for 10 minutes is not harmful. In my opinion. Like I said, you only have so many arms and as long as all the children know that you love them and you care about them, they will be all right. 8 toddlers can be rough.
What does your supervisor say?
Most parents I know are pretty realistic when they take their child somewhere that has several children that theirs can't be the main focus. That's what private nannies are for.
Kids really do benefit from taking turns and learning to comfort each other as well as they get older.
I wish you the best.
I'm not sure of the regulations, but should you be in charge of 8 toddlers without any help? That's a truly tough job!!! Are toddlers old enough to have a game be about how to help other toddlers stop crying? I haven't read the other responses yet so am sure there will be useful tips. My only tip is ask for help if possible, or give the most attention to the crying babies while the others are engaged in some kind of game or quiet activity to distract them for however long it takes to sooth the crying ones.
That's all I got...sorry:(
ADDED: Pay heed to Tara P's post for sure (I'd be VERY VERY VERY upset if I learned my son had been crying for 10 minutes straight and would probably pull him out because I am a mama who does not at all agree with CIO...not at all). But also SLM's suggestion to talk with your director and ask for insights on how this is typically addressed. IF CIO is part of the policy, at least make sure parents know (ask your director to tell them, this is not your responsibility I don't think...besides, you shouldn't be placed in this position).
Gosh, guess I responded more to the responses:) Sorry!
First thing's first: there is no way to spoil a baby - especially under a year old.
Where is the ratio 5:1???? There is supposed to be no more than 4 babies/toddlers per teacher until TWO YEARS OLD!! Five to one IS to much! No wonder you are overwhelmed!
Letting them CIO is not good for the babies and you are right to feel that way - if you try letting them cry for ten (or even five!) minutes, then YOU ARE NOT DOING YOUR JOB!! If I EVER suspected my son's daycare of this, I would pull him out IMMEDIATELY, demand my money back, and file complaints against the teacher, the director or supervisor, AND the daycare!!
Babies MUST BE COMFORTED!! YOU are their CARE GIVER while the parents are away. You are being TRUSTED by them (parents and babies) to do your best to comfort and soothe them! If you cannot handle that many babies, perhaps you should not be with them. Maybe your work can put you in a room with children that are more independent....perhaps the 4yo room. If you are trying to sooth EIGHT babies, then WTH is the other teacher doing while you are holding one (or two) of the babies???!!!
IF I were the parent of one of these babies, I would be happier if you had two happy babies on your lap than none, or even just one, while letting the others just scream and cry.
I don't have much to add except maybe some background information that you may or may not have gotten from the parents...
10 minutes is not much crying time... Babies can cry anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour or more when crying it out... The other thing you can do is increase crying time each day from 10 minutes one day to 15 minutes the next day to 20 minutes the next day... etc...
Have you tried addressing the situation with the parents? Are the two toddlers new to daycare? Is it separation anxiety? Are they overstimulated? Have they ever been left with a caregiver other than family or parents? What do the parents do when their children want to be held and they are not able to hold them? Is there a type of transition process which may suit the babies better... say 2 hours vs 1/2 day vs full day vs 2 days/week vs 3 days/wk vs 5 days/wk...
Just some thoughts... Hopefully these questions give you a starting place...
I don't have suggestions, just a little note of appreciation...it's really nice to see a daycare worker that's so concerned about her kiddos & what to do with them! I've had my kids in a couple of daycares & NEVER felt like anyone cared enough to seek out much of a solution to anything! (I finally took them out completely because I was so disappointed with the level of care/concern/knowledge of the caregivers.) I hope you find something that works for you & keep up the good work! :)
Can the daycare invest in some slings? These babies need to be worn. I recommend the Ergo. It's very comfortable for the adult. It can go up to 45 pounds. Your hands would be free to tend to the other children.
You are in an age old quandery in the daycare world. You are most definitely right. I've had parents question my time I invest in needy children and be jealous. I had one mom chew me out big time because her child was jealous of a new boy. She said it was my fault his feelings were hurt because I had a new child and I needed to find a way to help him. She as mad and just as jealous that I was holding and comforting the new child.
I've had parents be angry at me because their kids did NOT cry and reached out for me and didn't want to go to the parent. I've had moms that agreed to the times and reasons their own child was supposed to cry it out because we had tried so many other things already. And yet another parent comes in and is angry because I have a child crying in a crib. Even telling them that the other parent and I have a plan figured out is not enough.
I don't mean to sound bleak. You can't make them all happy. You need to do the best that you can.
I suggest that you pick them up, walk them around for about 30 seconds and put them down for 5 or 10 minutes and just keep repeating. Since this is a daycare center, you must have a director you can talk to right? The center must have guidelines they want you to follow. I've never worked in a center.
8 babies to one teacher is WAY too much... where the he!! is the other teacher and why isnt she helping you? If they got to be held, hold them. I wouldn't be mad if I walked in and you were holding two babies and the other were still being looked after and were happy. That CIO is a touchy subject... you should talk to the parents about the plan of action if this crying happens alot... I am a very fiesty protective mom and would curse someone out if they just let my daughter cry and cry.
Lol at S L M - I can't believe a mom got mad because the child liked to be with you more... my dad always told me that's a good sign that they're not getting abused or neglected.
Oh, that's so sad. I feel for those babies. See it from their point of view -- where is Mommy? Where is Daddy? Who are these people? What is all this noise? They don't have any idea how to process all of the changes; it's just scary to them. My daughter won't stay with anyone else but me or my mother-in-law, as she cries as well -- for HOURS. I tried it! Anyway, I do have a couple suggestions: a blanket or toy from home, wearing them on your body in a sling or backpack (depending on age) so your arms are free to help with other babies (I know you can't do this all day, but it might help now and then). Some kids just aren't ready, either, and I don't think that leaving them to cry and cry and cry is the answer the parents should choose. It just makes me so sad to think about how scared those little babies are. ;o) Good luck! If they keep coming, I hope you can comfort them somehow.
Distracting is not ideal because it does not validate the child's feelings. Instead, you will want to genuinely engage the child in activities. Articulate what you do for them..i.e."I am going to hold you for a minute and then I will put you down"...articulate the daily schedule as it happens...i.e."In a few minutes I will change your diaper.".....and make sure you have a daily routine that they can look forward to...i.e...Hand washing always happens before meals...reading always happens before naps..etc...
And while in family life you absolutely cannot spoil a toddler by picking them up....group care is a whole different ball park. The goal is to nurture autonomy in the children so that they can self-soothe themselves to a certain point. Sometimes you simply cannot pick up a crying child when you are trying to care for the whole group. Sometimes you do have to tell the child.."I cannot pick you up right now, but I will in a few minutes. You are welcome to follow me while I do such and such task..."
I would suggest taking an infant/toddler care course at a college or at the least reading up about secure attachments in toddlers and how to facilitate secure relationships. "Infants, Toddlers and Caregivers" by Janet Gonzalez-Mena is a great book...you should be able to find it fairly cheaply online or even at the library. It contains the working philosophies of the late Magda Gerber, who co-founded the Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) Good luck!
Wow im in the same boat I have in home daycare and one little girl who is 18months cries when she is drop off till she goes home even at quite time unless im holding her or she is in the high chair ( and she still crys some) i really dont know what to do she wont play at all?? told parents and they said she is very clingy at home.. :(
That's rough. Especially if you're the only adult caring for these children.
That's too many toddlers for one person to be responsible for.
Have you tried giving these children something amazing/fascinating
to distract them? For example, putting some scotch tape on their fingers?
Or . . . do they still have big pop-it beads?
I don't remember whether a toddler can pop and unpop pop-it beads.
Do you have games you play with the children?
Can you let one of the crying children be the "leader" or center of a game?
