Augh! How Do I Get My 10 Year Old to Chew with His Mouth Closed?

Wild Woman has some good points. My DD chews loudly because she just does and we remind her often. My SS used to chew like a cow and it drove us bananas. As an adult, we found out he has a problem swallowing so perhaps that fed into it. He does it less now that he's been treated. If the code word isn't working, perhaps brainstorm with him what to do. Some kids learn better manners if they eat in front of a mirror, for example. My SS also had the opinion that eating with family meant he could eat any way he wanted - manners were for other people. We said no, manners are practiced at home. WE do not want to hear it, either.

Good luck!

Isn'tthisfun is absolutely right. "Sorry Tommy - leave the table." Five minutes. His food will start getting cold. People will be finished. He'll be eating by himself.

Don't allow any electronics at the table. No TV in his view.

If THIS doesn't work, then hold his electronics hostage. He only gets them if he ate his dinner well.

The point is for him to have to think about it long enough that the new pattern gets ingrained. You'll be doing him a huge favor.

Ask him to leave the table and wait until you are finished eating before he can return. Give him one warning.

That should fix it quickly.

If you think that is too harsh, apply the rule, but only make him stay away for a few minutes before he is allowed to return and try again.

Good luck, because that's just gross. My niece/nephews were really bad about showing food when they were eating. My kids (who are a few years older, so they have the awareness to be polite and not call them out on it) always ask me in advance of going for a visit if they HAVE to sit with the kids to eat, b/c it's gross.

This is why I suggest asking him to leave the table. In a very real sense, that is what it is like for others subjected to his habit.

Make a video of him?

Have him take smaller bites
. Do not ask him questions while he is eating.
Touch his arm when he is chewing with his mouth open. Tell him, (mouth) as a code to close his mouth.

Place a mirror In front of him so he can watch himself eat.

Set up,a reward system for each time he successfully eats a meal with his mouth closed. Let the prize be something he really wants.

Make sure he slows down while eating.

E.

Have you had him checked out by an ENT to make sure he doesn't have any obstructions in his nasal passages that keep him from being able to breathe through his nose while he is chewing??

Does he snore at night??
Are there any physical problems he has??

I know what I'm running into with my 12 year old son is that lunch is sooo rushed? He SHOVELS food in his mouth....we're working on that...like you, it's a hand-signal....

I'd ask him WHY he chews with his mouth open? Does he feel like he's not getting enough attention and by doing this - chewing with his mouth open - he's getting attention??

What do you think would happen if you ignored it? Do you think he would stop if he no longer got attention doing it??

Please make sure there is nothing physically wrong with him before you ignore it!

Good luck!

If this is not a medical issue and you think he's doing this to "sound like a pig at a trough" then it's an attention thing. This is what I would do. I would remove the food and make him stay at the table while everyone else finishes. Then when everyone else is excused give him his now cold food back and let him eat it alone. Make it clear that when he can learn to eat properly he can have his food with everyone else. Be consistent. Every time the mouth opens the food goes away for the duration of the meal. Eventually he'll learn.

Is it possible he has trouble breathing through his nose? I often have trouble because I cannot breath through my nose for long periods of time. I just don't get enough air that way.

Make sure that isn't an issue for him. If it is, you'll want to change your approach.

I assume you have completely ruled out significant nasal congestion which prevents him from breathing, because that could be a huge factor. Then I like a number of the suggestions like video and mirror (emphasis on mirror for immediate feedback). If he's a visual learner, he may need to actually see it, and then watch himself chewing with his mouth closed to see what it feels like in his mouth, tongue and jaw muscles. I'd give that a week of you supervising while he feels the feeling and sees the image at the same time. The video would let him see it and hear the sounds at the same time. Once he gets that feeling down, then I think you can excuse him from the table or take his food away. Certainly endless verbal reminders aren't working. I agree no distractions at dinner (electronics etc.) and definitely smaller bites. If you have to go back to cutting his food into bite size pieces like you did when he was little, go ahead.

Lol. My 11 yo grandson does the same. I can tell you nagging about it doesn't help. He does close his mouth when asked but doesn't keep it closed for very long. It's very frustrating to his mom and sister. I just ignore it. Most of the time i'm not even aware until one of them calls him on it. For me this isn't important enough to have streseen during dinner

I suggest that when he's older and cares about his appearance he'll stop.

Definitely get him checked medically as others recommend, to rule out anything that is really beyond his control. Be sure that he does not view the medical checkup as a form of punishment or some way of embarrassing him into doing what the adults want -- he will resist more if he feels "Mom's dragging me to the doctor over chewing?! I could die!"

Then, if there is no breathing issue or other medical issue, sit down with him when

--It is NOT a mealtime or close to mealtime
--Things are calm and he's not on his way out the door to somewhere more interesting
--His siblings are nowhere nearby

And talk with him, treating him like the big kid and a responsible human. Tell him, "Hey, I know we've talked at meals a lot lately about chewing with your mouth open.I know it bugs you to have me correct you a lot, I do get that. I wanted to ask you, now that we're not sitting at a meal this minute, what do you think is going on with that? Is it maybe because you feel you need to eat fast to get finished and go on to other things, or you just don't notice it? I'm not mad here or anything, I just want to know how we can work on it together better because it's important." Then wait. Really listen. He may get sheepish and say, "I dunno" and try to avoid it. But at least make a stab at approaching it as "I know you don't do it on purpose! But we do need to work on it. What ideas do YOU have that could help you stop doing it?"

That gives him some sense of control. Kids his age need to start getting a little control and being asked what they think they need to do something differently. Again, he may balk or clam up but maybe he'll engage with you.

And yes, the ideas like removing his plate, or asking him calmly to leave the table (AFTER one or two warnings first) can help.

I want to add, do keep working on this with him. It's worth it. Our niece is pushing 15 and chews horribly, mouth open, smacking. Her overall table manners are gross, period, and it's entirely because her parents have never corrected her at all. I dread the thought of this girl on a date, or eating a snack on her break at a job someday where a boss sees her, or heaven forbid, having a job interview over a meal one day.....

Have you considered that he may have chronicaly congested sinuses? I'm 55 and have never been able to really breathe through my nose. My mouth is nearly always open. I'm told I have tiny, narrow nasal passages.

you've got a lot of good suggestions here, and some of them will probably work.
not to be Debbie Downer, but i've got one i never managed to break of it. i keep hoping his gf will have better luck.
:) khairete
S.

One extra thing to think about. When I read, I tend to "forget": to breathe--especially with a good book. I take fewer breathes. One of my girls is the same way. She also tends to eat with her mouth open (which she thinks is horrible BTW) but it is because she is a mouth breather and cannot properly breathe through her nose. She does close her mouth but tends to chew with it open anyway. It is not something you easily notice all the time. My daughter tried to concentrate on how she was chewing for some time and it ended up that she did not know what she was eating half the time because she was trying so hard.

Too often it seems that people tend to say "someday when you have a girlfriend" or "when you're out on a date" in order to encourage kids to use better manners (meaning that the future guy or girl will be horrified at the bad etiquette or hygiene or whatever). Sometimes, to a 10 year old, the very idea of a date or a girlfriend or boyfriend can be "icky" or just weird and can make them be as slobby and ill-mannered as possible.

So instead, try to appeal to what interests him. Is he into sports? At awards banquets, boys' team members often wear jackets and ties. Look at the pro sports teams arriving for things like the Superbowl. The players look really sharp when they get off the bus, I've noticed. They're not in sloppy t shirts and ragged sweat pants. They have manners.

Or if he's into video games or computer stuff: Job interviews, scholarship interviews, meetings with developers or financial backers often will take place at a restaurant or a banquet. Only the most brilliant, one-in-a-million computer genius will be given a pass ("yeah, he's a slob and we make him eat in his room alone, but hey, Bill Gates bought everything he invented for 90 bazillion dollars"). Those kinds of people only exist in movies. The rest of the world must learn to dress and act fairly decently and have some social skills.

Another thought: perhaps telling him a zillion times is playing into his behavior. He gets your attention at meal time, doesn't he? Your gaze is on him, you're talking with him. If you (and your spouse or any other adults in the home, and any children old enough to play along) completely ignore him when he's chewing like a pig, not making eye contact, pretending like he's not there (pass the salt right past him, offer everyone at the table more rolls by name but don't say his name, ask little Tommy about his day but ignore the boy with the pig manners, refill everyone's water glass except his), then perhaps he'll get the message. But, and this is important, if he does happen to close his mouth, to swallow for example, then smile nicely at him and make eye contact or say something to him (not about chewing, but something about his bike or his new video game or whatever). Don't give even one second of attention to the open-mouth chewing. You could even go so far as to bring home a mini cupcake or small treat for the children in your family who can eat politely, and leave him out. That might be harsh, but it could work. If he complains, just calmly tell him "oh, you don't seem to enjoy your food - you make a spectacle out of yourself when you eat and it's so unpleasant to watch and hear, so no, I didn't bring you a cupcake".

My daughter does this when her nose is stuffed up or she's focusing on something else. My son chews with his mouth open if his bites are too big. Usually I just remind them to close their mouth and it stops. I like the idea of the mirror if it's a constant thing that doesn't seem to be stopping on it's own. I'd hesitate to do that in front of others though. Sounds embarrassing to me.

You say he's capable, but is he comfortable? Have you had him checked for sinus problems, respiratory allergies, and such?
If there's no physical problem, maybe he has a bad example? Not necessarily in the immediate family, but someone he possibly admires. Maybe a classmate?
With those out of the way, I'd say it's just his age and the fact that it isn't important to him. Ten-year-old boys tend to be in a hurry to enjoy life to the fullest and don't worry about the small details. I guess that means you have to convince him that it is important without letting it become a bigger battle than it is worth.