Are Our Screen Rules Unreasonable?

My kids know that their chores, homework, etc. MUST be done PRIOR to screen time.

I don't make the hard and fast rules on them anymore. I have teenagers. They know what I expect of them. They mix it up. But they KNOW if their chores are NOT done? Mommy will NOT be happy and they will end up NOT happy.

Unlimited. But my kids are almost 17 and 14. My oldest is in summer school all day and is out at various city parks and landmarks playing Pokemon Go with friends until late at night with friends most nights. My youngest goes out and does things out of the house every day, most of the day. She walks a lot and enjoys taking the city bus to the neighborhood business district to spend time with her boyfriend and friends. Most of her screen time is going to movies in theaters. I don't have screen limits at home, because if they start to watch too much, they get sick of it themselves and move on to other things.

The kids are on anytime they want. Chores are done, life is going along fine, there isn't any reason to restrict them. Why have a battle? If they wanted to sit on the carpet, in one spot, never moving all day, and play with the same car would you go in and try to limit their time on that?

If you have to call it a rule it isn't something i would do. I was always that kid with the ready why. If I didn't understand why I either fought or ignored the "rule" so when I went about raising kids everything was about making the why clear.

Instead of giving some arbitrary set rule I would look at how much time does the child have. What do they want and or need to get done? Work through this with them so that they figured out how much they could spend. Sure if after the time is set, they know the why, if they went over I pointed out if they continued they wouldn't have time to do the other tasks.

As it is setting their own rules that they stuck by happened by first grade and they were really easy kids to raise. Not my third, he has autism. He is my show me I am wrong about everything kid but he has come around now, at 17.

In spite of what most young parents believe you cannot watch your kids 24/7 and even if you can sort of now you won't in a few years and don't kid yourself about the teen years. So the best, safest way to set "rules" is to help your kids set their own rules. If they know the why they understand why it is in their best interest. Your approach is well your time is up, sorry you have nothing else to do, go twiddle your thumbs. Can you see how that will cause nothing but pushback?

Our kids do what they want with screen time. They also read, play games, go outside, etc...so it's not like it's actually unlimited, but if that's how they unwind, go for it.

Some summer days they will play games for hours on end. We are SO busy during the school year that my husband and I truly don't mind.

Teaching your son to be responsible and make sure he is done with the things he needs to be done is far more important than setting a timer.

I moved last month from a house with an in-ground pool in a quiet neighborhood with lots of sidewalks, parks, fields and kids nearby to a house on a busy street with a nice yard but no pool and nowhere to walk unsupervised. For the month of July, I relaxed the video game/screen time rules because we were so preoccupied with settling in. By the end of the month, my younger boys (10 & 12) were monsters - constantly bickering and fighting, sassing my nanny, and not going anywhere because they couldn't agree on anything. They would jump on the video games or TV as soon as they got up and then fight all day about whose turn it was. What a total waste of time and energy!

I took the controllers after work last Thursday. The plan was for them to be able to get them back at my nanny's discretion after they did some chores, some reading, something creative, and spent time outside. Well on Friday, without video games and NetFlix at their disposal, they played outside, made some cookies, did some chores, read books and when I got home from work, they and the nanny were playing Monopoly. Over the weekend we ran errands, did some chores, biked, went to the library, went to the beach, spent time with friends, etc. Yesterday, while I was at work, it was more reading, playing games, going outside, etc. They haven't asked for the controllers back yet.

For my kids, unlimited screen time tends to feed their worst tendencies and it's very easy for them to just zone out and waste the day. They rarely get to a point where they get sick of it and decide to do something else, so for them, it has to be in moderation and that moderation comes from someone else imposing rules.

For your son, if he's 14, it would really depend on what else he does all day. If he's being somewhat productive, social, and doing things throughout the day that engage his mind and body, then perhaps more time at night is fine. But to want to spend 8 or 10 hours a day or more gaming, obviously not OK.

Screen time is unlimited....however certain screen activities are limited. Somehow Netflix and Hulu just stopped working on the tv in the den. So the kids can play unlimited video games but not watch tv as we don't have cable.

They do have tablets but the parental controls only let then have about an hour of Youtube. Then once again it is all games.

I had to cut off tv because it was contributing to my daughters attitude. To many Disney teen type shows where the parents are idiots and the kids run the show.

As they get older I will allow more and more because eventually they have to self regulate. But for now we help them with that regulation.

DS is 10. He gets 30 minutes a day. He gets to go outside and play lots more during the summer.

No matter how old he is, privileges are constantly earned by good behavior - chores finished, good manners, putting effort into school work, etc.
Screen time is a privilege - not a right.
If he doesn't earn his screen time on a daily basis, then he gets none.
If your son is pushing for unlimited screen time - then he needs to gain some appreciation for what he has by seeing what it's like when he gets none for a few weeks and THEN see how he feels about his current limits.
Your limits are completely reasonable.

We look at it this way.
Our son has one childhood and NOW is the time for him to play out in the sunshine, climb a tree, ride a bike, etc.
He's got his whole life ahead of him to be chained to a desk in front of a computer - it doesn't have to start now.

Unlimited?

(throws head back and laughs)

That may work in some people's houses, admittedly. Wouldn't work in mine. Kiddo gets two hours of computer/video game time and then may watch something on the tv for a bit. If it works with our day, that is. I expect that he has some non-screen time during the day to follow his own pursuits. That said, if he uses the iPad for an hour doing stop-motion animation, I consider the iPad a tool and don't count it toward 'screen time'.

He gets about 30 min in the morning and then may have access again at 3:30, providing his list of tasks is completed. Some days I'll be more liberal.

ETA: I want to add that I agree with most people suggesting that self-imposed regulation is better to teach than making rules. I have one who doesn't self-regulate that well in this regard, so we provide structure. Like many other things, when I can see that he is choosing a well-rounded day on his own, then I will be able to hand him more freedom. He's nine, though... so I don't expect him NOT to be self-indulgent whenever he can. :)

It doesn't matter what we do. You set the rules you feel are appropriate for your child/household.
How old is your son? My kids are teens. My son has NO rules. He is 18 and moving out into a college dorm in 2 weeks. What's the point of rules for him, when he needs to have figured out how to self-regulate his needs and his desires into something that works?

When they were younger, sure. But I wasn't legalistic about it, setting specific hours for specific days (unless school work suffered and then restrictions went into place). I found it worked better generally to take it day by day, depending on what was on everyone's plate for that day (including homework, or not, getting up early, or not, etc.), or the mood. Sometimes too much TV makes kids cranky and rude and disrespectful. Turning it off often did wonders. Not as punishment, but because their brain wasn't on auto-pilot when they were responding to me or interacting with others.

I'd say that, since it's summer, once he does what he needs to get done (chores, shower, READING, whatever) then he can have screen time. But there has to be some sort of rule.

During the school year, our devices go away on Sunday night and reappear on Fridays. No Saturday or Sunday devices unless reading is complete. I will make week night exceptions for a good grade on a test or "everything is done can I have a half hour" which is almost never! Summer is camp all day so once shower, pack up for next day and reading is done, iPad time it is!

How old is your child? I think that makes a difference.

Mine are 6 and 10, and my rule is the same every day, year round. No screens between breakfast and dinner. And after dinner, homework/chores need to be done first (incentive to get homework/chores done before dinner).

I have loosened up on the screen time limits quite a bit this summer. I make sure they have some kind of activity to do every day outside of the home, and as long as they are done their chores and spent some time reading they are free to watch tv or play games. Depending on what the activity that day is, they may not have any time for screens or they may have a couple of hours. If I feel like they are spending too much time on the screen I can always come up with some more chores or more activities.

I think you could lighten up your restrictions during the summer somewhat. It sounds great for during the school year.

Our screen time rules are quite relaxed. We have no clocked time limits. I like to know what they are doing, but the When and How Long is fluid.

During the school year, there are no screens in the morning before school. The reason is that it interferes with the flow of getting ready and out the door.
After school, homework has to be completed before play. Sometimes homework is done on a computer, of course.
Screen use during weekends and summer isn't allowed to interfere with other responsibilities, activities, family stuff or meals.
My kids are not obsessive to the point of exclusion. They've been getting out of the house a couple times per week to see friends and participate in a summer program. The younger one regularly plays with neighborhood kids and goes to one of the nearby parks.

This summer, one of my kids programmed a free mod for a multiplayer game that has been downloaded thousands of times. He is now working on a new mod for a pay platform. He plans to go to college for programming in the future.

The other kid is currently creating his own game server. It is more elaborate than what I can follow. He also makes digital blueprints for projects and programs robotics. This is what happens when kids start using computers at age 2. Heh.

Added: I do know a couple younger kids who lose their minds when allowed too much screen time. Their attitude sucks, they get slothy, etc. Their moms have to keep a tight grip on that, or else everyone is miserable. You know your kid and what is needed. If you wonder if you should allow more time in the summer, that's a discussion to have with your kid. Expectations from him as well as knowing what will happen should the additional time prove to be more than he can handle.

i treat summer like a weekend. things are easier that way.once school starts then we will be back to school days and screen times limited by weather there is school the next day or not.

Almost the same here, we have parental control with automatic time limit that we set to one hour a day and 3 hours on weekend, always after chores and homework done and no electronics one hour before bedtime. They can ask me for more time on some day, for useful activities, so sometime we set limit like to half an hour more. No changes for the summer.

I never placed specific limits on screen time. She watched tv, she played video games, she farted around on the computer, and she played outside. I didn't micromanage when she did what.

Our pediatrician said that limiting TV time is a good thing to do, because children develop better when they are playing as opposed to being stuck in front of the TV. I guess it depends on how old your kid is. But it sounds to me like your rules are very reasonable. You don't want your kid to just vegetate all summer. Maybe you could take him on a bike ride or do another activity with him! My folks actually didn't even own a TV when I was little. I was encouraged to read. Our son gets to watch a movie in the evening a lot of the time, but lately he hasn't watched the ones that make him really hyper, and I think he's spent a little less time watching. I think that's better for him. Another thought is that maybe your kid wants to see if he can wheedle you into budging on your rules; probably sticking firm emphasizes your parental authority more, though I know you don't want to go overboard with it.

I looked back on prior questions, and it looks like you are talking about your 14 year old. Is that right?

I think, by that age, they should have (or be developing) some serious skills at time management. "Unlimited" ANYTHING is a problem. You want a well-rounded kid with multiple interests, a social life and a work ethic. In school, he has to manage his various classes, projects, homework as well as activities. I don't believe that the summer needs to be as regulated/regimented as the school year, and I think "down time" is really important. (It's also important during the school year - free time is when creative thinking develops.)

My neighbor has always had a summer routine for her 3 kids (now 7, 10 and 13). Each summer day, they have an hour of reading (anything they want), and hour of cleaning (own rooms, common areas, outside weeding, or things like sorting through outgrown and next-season clothes), and an hour of solid outside physical activity (bikes, scooters, wiffle ball, whatever). The 13 year old babysits and dogsits in her additional spare time (her choice), and they have a pool for just fun. They don't do camps - the mom is a teacher and wants her kids to spend some time with her during the summer. Of course they do play dates as well. We have a lot of kids in the neighborhood so it's easy to set something up that doesn't always involve carpooling, just ringing a doorbell down the street. If they do all of their 3 hours without arguing, they can have screen time. If they mouth off about the work or if they complain about, say, what's for dinner, then they lose time. If they want to help prep dinner, they get more of a say in what is served.

By 14, he should be at least thinking about a part time job or helping out with neighborhood odd jobs. He can walk dogs, do things for vacationing neighbors (water plants, put out trash, bring in mail), mow lawns, weed gardens, and a lot more, to earn some spending money. This should be on a schedule he maintains himself, without you having to remind him all the time. If he did these things, I'd give him a lot more leeway on the screen time.

I'm very much moderation. And our days are pretty different. Last week kids were outside every day with friends on vacation - no electronics (no wi-fi).

I'm more about them understanding what's excessive - and what else there is to do. Anything unlimited (like snacks, etc.) is not really reasonable. But I don't say 1 cookie a day either. It's all about moderation and teaching them what's reasonable.

If they are bored and that's their only outlet - then I do intervene because there is always something else they can do. But if it's just downtime and they've earned it - I'm ok with it. Some days are just like that.

Screen time for our 6 year old daughter is basically unlimited, however there are some basic rules. During the school year, there is no screentime until all homework is completed. During the summer, she is in day camp and she comes home pretty tired from all the activities, such as swim, art and sports. Since I know she is out being active all day during the summer, it doesn't bother me to let her have screen time when she comes home for as long as she likes.

what age? schol year, after all homework, studying, and sports are done, if they have time, they can be online.
summertime, no set time. there are days we sit around, so why not. most days we are out and about. again, no set rules.
same thing for weekend. kids need to finish their responsibilities, then if they have time, go for it.