Anyone Ever Feel like This ?

B., you are not alone. My husband is an executive at an intel company and his job is 24/7 and since our first child was born 10 weeks ago he has been at the office every single day and some days become overnighters. I get frustrated, depressed, upset, and resentful. However, lately I realize how lucky I am to be able to spend so much time with our daughter. I think that she picks up on my frustrations and in turn becomes harder to put down to sleep or has days of fussiness. These are times when I am most frustrated because I just want him here to take her for 5 minutes while I heat up a bottle or to just take a breather. It is comforting when he is home and can help me. But as these moments are far and few in between, I have to rely on myself to make sure that our daughter feels the love from both parents. I try to make the most of my time with her and find joy in my beautiful daughter.
It definetly helps to vent and have friends (I moved here from the West Coast so email and letters are my ways of keeping in contact with friends), my Mom is a good venting partner so is our golden retriever. I would love to be a sounding board for you as a Mom who feels your pain. Good luck!

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B., after reading your story I could cry along with you. I've been there. My husband and I were both in the active army and we have a 2 1/2 year old son. we have no family around and lost track of good friend because we moved around so much. there are no date nights, night out on the town and no time with a great friend. But.... I survived! I made it work. My husband works until 12-12:30 am six days a week. so I stay up on the weekends. I created a routine with my boy he gets a bath, brush his teeth,I read him a story, we say his night prayers and then off to bed. No questions! so until my husband gets home I spend time doing what ever I want TV, computer, Phone, listen to music, play with the dog ect.... Then my husband gets home we eat a fancy dinner, watch a movie together, drink some wine stay up and talk about life, what's bothering us or whatever. Remember what you put into your marriage that's what you will get. the same goes for parenthood. Invest with your family. Also always communicate. Good luck and say a pray that God gives you patients so you can handle anything life throws at you!

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I think every SAHM feels that way at some time or another. I only have one child and I feel that way sometimes- especially when my husband gets to go out and leave the house, and come home- the way he did before we had a little one. Meanwhile my entire life has changed b/c I am no longer working, I never get to leave my office- And I have no family here to watch my little one. It's hard, I know. But sometimes you need to just take a break. Here are some things I've learned. Drop the little ones off at a church daycare like PMO during the school year- you don't have to be a Christian to have them there. It's cheap and it gives you a break about 8 hours a week. Regal Cinemas has a Free Family film fest 3 days a week at 10 am- kids invited. Make a friend( I don't mind a new buddy) and trade babysitting duties, or just gather the kids up and hit the mall for an hour for lunch. There are places with things for kids to do. Or just go to a park and let your 13 y/o use the cell phone while she's there (a treat for her and a break for you while the other two run around the playground). There's alot out there. Try a schedule for them also- if the kids know what they are going to be doing at any point in the day- they are less anxious about eating, bath, nap, sleep, and play. good luck.

well B. you just discribed my life. He did korea,then irqa then korea again.Five years latter when he did get back state side we started a medical out or discarge.That has now taken almost two years. Our daughter is five and she has only known him really the last 9 months because he is always away.Then we have the 13 year old doesnt lissen to either of us inless its what he wants. he is adhd and odd.we are getting ready to have our third child any day now which he will more then likly miss the birth of because they are getting readyy to do that week away thing again. So no you are not the only one out there even though it feels like the walls are closing in around you and you feel like there is never going to be an end.Friends dont come easy for a milatry wife or at least thats what i have found.But hey you need to vent im here

Wow I was just feeling this way this weekend when My husband asked if he could go to the races. What I had to do was explain to him that we both have to give up stuff for a couple of years in order to raise your child. Now your problem is a bit different with your hubby over seas, I would suggest maybe hiring an outsider you trust to babysit, even if it was only for a couple hours a week, you have to make yourself feel better.

I hope it all works out for you :)

Unfortunatly as a parent you will always feel there is not enough time for yourself or you and spouse. I understand For the last two years I went from an active life to being home with soon to be 3 kids and we have moved 3 times in those 2 years. So friends are out the picture. But just reach out to some one and it might get better

Not sure where you live, but the Moms Club might be your answer for meeting moms that have had the same frustration as you. Go to the website Momsclub.org and search for your area. Our club is located in Villa Rica and services Douglas and Carroll counties. The support you receive can do wonders for your heart!! Hang in there!

Hi, well join the club. I am home 24 7 with no car b/c my husband takes it to work..I am currently sick this morning with the stomache virus and have to take care of my 4 yr old and 11 month old. We too don't have any family that will watch the kids...my mother in law has done it a few times for my fitst child but lets us know she hates it, even though he's not bad. She wont watch my 11 month old b/c he wont let anyone of them even hold him...dont much blame him. But my husband is ALWAYS getting to go places and me not b/c of the kids.He gets invited to wrestling events when they come down hes got invited to a few concerts and anytime anyone mentions going out to have a good time he is free to leave but I can't b/c someone has to watch the kids. I usually get mad at my husband not the kids b/c he could just as well watch the kids and let me go but since its more his family or friends he is the one they really want to go. Sometimes if he knows Im mad he passes other times he acts like hes sooo dissapointed that I just say go.In fact unlike my husband who has traveled alot with his dad and have actually went to places Ive never even seen the beach..yes I know pathetic. And god forbid if we called a family member and asked if they could watch the kids for us to go out together...u know the answer. But they are constantly asking me to watch their kids.Well Im to tired to type anymore....feel like Ive been hit by a bus and not given anything for pain.....Gl..Ive just learned to accept it.

First off, I want to thank you and your husband for all that you do for our country. It is so humbling to hear your story and know what all I take for granted. God is good and He hears your frustration and He will in the knick of time give you that added strength to get you through. I don't know where you live but I know getting involved with a group of women(not so much a mom's day out)but like with our church we have such an awesome group of women and we have girls night out where we go and have dinner and coffee, or to a movie or whatever and have our youth girls at the church watching the children. We have several girls (16 and older) to split up the kids so like your 5 yr. old wouldn't be with your toddler/baby. But yet they are all together in the church due to safety reasons. You wouldn't believe how just interacting with other adults w/o kids helps once/twice a month (due to your budget). We have alot of fun and we have a great group of women. My advice is to find a church and get plugged in. Our Sunday School class is fun too, b/c for one hour we talk about "real life issues" and all of us get to vent about our lives and our week. It helps tremendously!!! Good Luck! A. Mullinax Real Estate Agent (Henry County, Ga)

YES! I totally understand....I'm a single mom and my baby's dad is always calling and telling me about all the fun stuff he's doing while I'm raising our kid. My friend's husband works out of town all the time and she feels the same way!!!!!!!

Much love from me to you....you're NOT the only one!!!!! Tell him you need a babysitter and find one and get out of the house a couple nights a week!!!!! Get a membership at a gym so you can drop the kids off and just sit in the pool for awhile......but most of all keep your chin up sister, cause you're not the only one.....

Hi B.-

After a recent moved that landed me 1200 miles from my family and all my friends I felt much like you did. I was very blessed to have a local MOPS group that I could turn to. There are several MOPS groups in your area. Most groups are out for the summer but should be resuming meetings in Sept. I pray that you will find a support system that will be hold you up during troubled times.

Blessings to you!

Hey B.. I feel like that sometimes, too. I think all moms feel that way at some point. I agree with the other responses: find a local moms group!!! It can be through church, MOMS Club (which I am a member of and love!), preschool, anything to give yourself a break! If you don't know of any groups, just start asking other moms that you see at the grocery store, in the neighborhood, or in the park. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.

Oh, B.! I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I grew up in a military family, and it is so hard. My mother went through what you're going through. There are some pretty good benefits to being part of the military. If relatives are availiable to take the kids, you and your husband can take an AMC flight to wherever the military flies. The only downfall is that your time has to be somewhat flexible (sometimes you may be bumped from a flight etc..) There are also really nice miltary hotels in some great places. I've stayed in Hawaii and Tokyo at great military hotels. The price you pay is based on your husband's rank. They're very affordable.
The base also usually offers some affordable childcare services. Perhaps if you could just use it once in a while to give yourself the afternoon off.
One thing that helped my mom cope was joining the wive's club on base. That way she received support from other women going through the same things. I really hope some of this helps. Feel free to contact me anytime!
E. Huitt

absolutely.
my friend and i (both moms of 2) were just talking about this. we're not military wives, but we're both stay at home moms, our husbands work full time odd hours and my husband is in school as well, so most of the time they come home after the kids are in bed. When they do come home while the kids are awake, they come in, go take a shower, hide out in the bedroom to 'unwind' from the work day, play games on the computer, whatever. it's like the husband thinks that when he's done working, his job is over, but our jobs start at 6 or 7 am and end at 8pm and we're on call throughout the night because daddy needs sleep because he has to work in the morning.
both my friend and i have thrown tantrums in front of our kids because we've been pushed to that point. i cry all of the time, not as much recently but it comes and goes.
it must be really tough not having someone to go through it all with so if you ever need to talk to someone, you can reach me here.
i understand what you're going through completely.

B.,
That is why we are here. We have all felt that way. I used to have friends too! :) My family is not local and we have no babysitter. I would love to make new friends and trade babysitting though. I have a 4 y/o boy, a 1 month old girl and I also have a 2.5 y/o girl who could use some company!!! Kids are always better for others and better together!! I live in Marietta. If you are interested in getting together, drop me an email or give me a call ###-###-####
Peace
M.

Dear B.,

You sound over whelmed many mom's need a little break and sometimes it's nice for someone to kinda mother us (if anyone ever would). I understand about a husband being gone alot I've had my share of moving but nothing like the military moves folks. It's very difficult to get out and make friends when you have kids I no even when I try it seems as if I can't finish a sentence or thought without having to say something to my kids or them intrupting me. Sometimes bring it to our husbands attention helps if they listen other times things only change of a minute or not at all. I think you may have to put your foot down and at least have time to yourself with or without spending money you know we do have to try to take care of ourselves if we want to take care of others. You make time take a long bath or shower tell hubby he's watching the kids brother/friends what have you can help him and visit him while he does it YOU can going out after your bath/shower and have time alone. Go to a book store read buy nothing enjoy (no kids) if you have the money grab something to eat or just a drink perhaps a starbucks coffee. You don't want to be alone check out meetups.com website see if there's any mom's getting together in your area and go. YOU need to rejuenate yourself so you can keep it together. I have found now that my kids are starting to school and preschool I am making some friends a few I can call soon when school is back in I'm going to see if some of the stay at home mom's I've met want to meet for coffee. We all have to take baby steps soemtimes. Things with the kids will workout. Today before the store I had coffee alone he babysat. Looks like I have found you another sister of motherhood
24/7 job we foget to live a little. Best wishes my friend we are out here in the same shoes take care.

Hang in there. It is tough with two little ones. I know... I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. We live away from my family and my husband works a lot.

Here is one idea that helped me when my 17 year old son was around the age of your little ones. Can you get them in preschool? They usually have a 2 or 3 day program at churches. They go in for about 2 - 3 hours, 2 - 3 days a week. The kids have fun and learning with other little ones, you get a break and you can meet other moms.

Take care!

I'm not sure about FT Stewart-we are moving there soon, but FT Hood had a program that if your spouse was deployed you could put your kids into the CDC on a scheduled weekend once a month for 3 free hours. And non-deployed military families paid for those same 3 hours (discounted by your spouses rank).

Also check to see if the CYS has a playgroup on post. If not start going to the playgrounds on post at a set weekly or daily time. You will meet many mom's at the playgroup/playgrounds and not have to pay annual fees to join a playgroup.

Hope this helps!

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I completely understand though. We were military (active now guard) until Jan of this year. I know what you mean about not having any real friends. I was the same way. If you are stationed at Robins there is a great group of girls. We get together at least once a month. There is also a great Moms group that I belong to. We do playdates ect. There is always something to do. Not only that but we all baby sit for each other all the time. So if you wanted to go out just you and hubby you could. If you want the name of these things just let me know. You are welcome to email me as well anytime. ____@____.com

you know funny thing is I have been on both ends of this little frustration you are feeling. I have been the soldier that had to go away and I have been the spouse that can not do anything because of kids. I am a married mother of 4 boys and I served in the army and so did my husband that is where we met. But to the issue at hand there are things you can do to make your part in this a little less stressful. If you belong to a church you can see if they have a thing called mothers night out. I know a few places around here in savannah have this. It is where you can pay a couple of dollars to account for the snacks they supply for the kids and they will watch your kids for you to have a little free time. Not to mention you should have a FRG if your spouse is in the military you could be the one to put smeting like this together if you would like some help I would be more than happy to put together a game plan for you It could be a way for you to make some extra money also. But it is not the end of the world also if you need someone to talk to I wpuld love to talk to you about some of this. Being a military spouse is one of the hardest things to do and it will stress your marriage to its limits Do you have what it takes to keep your marriage from being a statistic? if you would like send my a email addy or a phone number and I would love to help you because you are and spouses like you are what keep our military strong. Just try to stop every once in a while and take a deep breath. And yes I have had those same feelings to it is normal. I am sorry you feel this way but you can make the most of it if you want I know it is possible because I did it.