Anxiety in Children

I experience anxiety attacks when I am faced with an overly challenging homework assignments (Masters Degree). I have the same symptoms.. including nausea. I have to do deep breathing techniques and use visualization (happy place) to be able to relax and focus and realize it doesn't have to be perfect...just make sense and cover all the requirements.

I would suggest behavioral therapy and a wrap-a-round for her at school for at least 4 months. I worked as one and had a few clients with the same issues.

Nanc

This sounds like my daughter, who at 7 was really starting to starting to act like yours. I took her to a child psych and they determined she has anxiety. I researched and looked within myself to find ways to help her cope. I have given her a journal, and make it a point to talk to her often about whats going on. When she is having one of her moments I help her break ot down, and not feel like she is going crazy! She worried about her sisters a lot, and is a very concerned child. I am trying to help her learn to enjoy things and not stress over stuff. Since we go to church I use our faith to help her. I pray with her, and explain that she can give her stress to God, as he can handle it!
Good Luck!

Anxiety is rooted in our thoughts and beliefs. Discover what your daughter's thoughts are and you will be better able to support her. She sounds like a very sensitive child and from what you described, she is already telling you what is going on. "Her heart hurts" suggests that she is feeling pain for someone she cares about (could be herself or someone else).

There is a clear connecction between our thoughts and feelings and our physical symptoms. If you listen carefully to the words your daughter uses you will find the keys to her physical symptoms. Her stomach issues could be related to a feeling of powerlessness. She may be having a hard time breathing because she feels in some way suffocated by circumstances in her life.

Instead of asking her a question such as "What are you feeling?", try using a more direct statement such as "Tell me about the pain in your stomach." If she tries the "I don't know" approach, then just gently say, "Pretend that you know and tell me...". Using the word pretend allows her to connect with a different part of her brain that is less sensored by her inner critic.

It is clear that you already have some very clear, strong answers to her feelings. There are "tough" kids in school that are often being disciplined, she has high expectations set for her schoolwork, etc.

To support her in feeling more empowered you can first listen without interrupting or censoring (don't respond with things like, "oh, I'm sure it's not that bad", or "Well, it is just something you are going to have to deal with" etc.) Then, ask her to give you some ideas about what she could do about the issues. Again, use pretend if she says she doesn't know. Allow her to give you several (I always asked my kids to give me at least three) solutions before you give any suggestions. Also, encourage her to think of any solutions no matter how unrealistic or irrational they might seem at first. You are supporting her in moving from "victim-mode: 'I have no choices'" to brain-storming and problem-solving. This is a process and at first you just want to make the shift not necessarily come up with the "perfect" answer.

Trust your daughter to have the ability to solve this problem for herself. Support her rather than try and fix her. Give her information about bullying and feeling her feelings and communicating, etc. Be gentle with her and trust your instincts. Be careful of getting stuck in your own fear-based thought process and stay curious. Curiosity is the best approach to healing any situation. Curiosity keeps you from telling yourself fear-based stories in your head. Curiosity supports you in gathering tons of information before jumping to any kind of choices.

Take her to a therapist. I know this can sometimes seem like the general answer to any question, but you may be dealing with an anxiety disorder here and a good therapist can help her develop coping mechanisms. While you can help by offering support, you are too close to the whole thing to act as anything except her advocate and mother. Walking the fine line between taking her fears seriously enough and not so seriously that you make them worse is a truly tough row to hoe.
I speak from years of experience. My youngest began exhibiting serious signs of anxiety as a 6-year-old and now, 5 years later, she still struggles with varying degrees of success depending on any given day. This may not be something that is "conquered" but rather managed to the best of your daughter's ability, and she can use all the support you can help her get.
I'd also like to add to the poster before me, who made many good and helpful suggestions, that anxiety can also be rooted in brain chemistry. That does not mean what she suggests will not work, but it can be helpful to remember when as a mother we start trying to figure out how we have "caused" the problem. It's better to work on solving.

Sounds like anxiety attacks to me! I would definitely talk to your pediatric psychologist about behavior modification therapy. Steer away from drugs and work on teaching her coping mechanisms.

Best of luck to you!

Good for you for not telling her to just get over it.
One woman tried to convince me that by talking and dealing with the anxiety, we were reinforcing and strengthening it. She advised us to act happy and as if nothing were wrong and to tell our child that.
That is the worst advice for this situation. I do know that I had to listen and let her talk about it. I thought x caused the anxiety, but she was more upset about y.

I hope they have REALLY watched her for asthma because I had the same happen with mine and 4 doctors told us it wasn't asthma! Well gues what-- it WAS! It took almost a year to get a correct diagnosis because once one doctor says its anxiety then alllll the rest dont even LOOK for it and usually just brush it off so be careful with this and I cannot stress this enough. Is there NO OTHER CLASS in her grade she can move to and get OUT of the difficult class with those chronic misbehavers?? Ill promise you one thing, if this is anxiety, if she is not helped and QUICKLY she will develop a lifetime of bad feelings for ALL SCHOOL and you can FORGET teaching her any coping mechanisims from this EXTREMELY bad experience because she will have a very bad taste in her mouth for formal education! She will ALSO be a high risk for a drop out! One of my very dear friends is a well known child specialist psychiatrist and she told me many, many times that these types of children go through SO MUCH before anyone SERIOUSLY helps them that the bad feelings already were planted in such a traumatic way that they are, depending on the age of the troubles, soon to be drop outs or just chronically poor academically until they can just THEN drop out at 16. If she is a sensitive child and it sure sounds like it (mine was) the child psychologist should get her OUT of the mess she has to tolerate every single day of her life THEN work on giving her coping mechanisms when OTHER bullys etc. type people are around her and threaten her productive days at school. NO child should have to LIVE LIKE THAT at school and ESPECIALLY one so young! My other child psychologist told us that sometimes you have to just pick them up and rescue them first so they see you are serious about helping them to get them out of the extreme situation THEN go ahead and teach them different ways to handle things AFTER THEY CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH THEIR FEELINGS AND TALK IT OUT because you know that old saying..."You can't see the forest for the trees..." Well it is VERY true and esp. to a young child. It may just very well be waaaay too much chaos for her to handle in her everyday life! SOMEONE needs to show this child she is impportant and NO i do not think letting her tough it out by your leaving the school will help anything as she may see it as abandonment at this stage. She is in GREAT distress and needs someone to fight for her!! TRUST ME --BEEN there DONE that and learned a LOT. They are only young ONCE! Parents are there to fight for their children and defend them from harm. She NEEDS her Mommy and other family members NOW not later when it is too late to lift her up and "fight" for her as a family unit. I would also enlist the help of her favorite family member like maybe an Aunt, WISE grandma, older sister etc. whom she trusts completely and once she knows that everyone is behind her and there for her and how much you all want her to feel better she may try to talk more about it to let that fire out of her tummy and chest that is torturing her. The pretend thing as another said before I came, is EXCELLENT bc a child can disconnect herself away from the pain and talk about it as if it were someone else, which, of course makes it a lot easier if it's SOMEONE else, right? . Puppet therapy is great for this. I had great success with it and know quite a few who have as well. They get so engrossed in talking to the puppet that they forget its not real and stuff starts coming out! The trick is to remain calm and just keep talking in a puppet voice NOT your own and see what happens. It make take more than once and perhaps three or four times before it starts coming out. THis is better with a GOOD psychologist! Check then out on the internet FIRST. THis was reccomnded by the new pediatrician who i got later bc the old one wasnt doing ANYTHING except making things worse by not caring and encouraging her to just tough it out! WRONG! She desperately needs HEROES in her life right now! If there is anything I can help with please dont hesitate to ask. I cant tell you how much i teared up reading this. Brought back memories.... But it CAN end well if the proper actions are taken and talk, talk, talk to her, bake cookiesand talk without looking at her, go for drives and let her talk. The car ride is a wonderful way to put distance on a problem and to be one on one with all the love you have!<3 If we adults get migraines and stomach aches and diarrhea from not being able to handle stuff how MUCH MORE will a poor little child get??? MOST Sincerely, J.

Assuming this is not asthma or another medical problem you might want to explore yoga and meditation. I experienced anxiety attacks after a personal tragedy & found that they helped tremendously. You might want to see if your daughter would be open to trying those techniques. She must be willing in order for it to work! If she gets into these techniques, they could become a lifetime source of relaxation and well being for her.

I recently read an article about the tremendous increase in anxiety among children. They blamed it on standardized testing and bullying. Perhaps you can explore thos topics (or whatever is at the root of the problem) with your daughter so that she knows she is not alone. Best of luck with your sweet little one.

I used to experience anxiety as a child, and I do now as an adult. I look back and remember having symptoms that I have now that I had then and didn't realize it, for example, the trouble breathing. I used to also get very severe stomach pains, to the point that my parents would wonder if I should go to the ER. After doing research as an adult I found that anxiety causes air swallowing, which causes gas, which can cause very bad pain. I also get chest pains. Of course you should have her checked out by doctors to rule out other causes, but it does sound like she needs to see a therapist or something.