Another In-law Question

I used to have a boyfriend who was ALWAYS late. I just bumped the time down that I wanted him to be there. For a movie that started at 7, I'd tell him 6:30. To him he was 30 minutes late arriving but he was always on time! :)

I would also show them the soccer field before the games so they know which fields they play on. How the fields are numbered etc. so when you communicate with them, you're telling them the noon game starts at 11:30 on field #2 so they know exactly where to go and have done a dry run with you.

That should take care of any problems. After that, it's their fault.

If they don't get to see them play, let them be pissy the rest of the day. I had my fair share of 8 am softball games for my daughter. Tell them the dates and times and have fun with your kids. I'm guessing you actually have to be a bit early so waiting on them at your house isn't realistic.

You can give them a heads up that parking will be bad, be direct about it. It will only happen a couple of times for them to realize they need to be prepared.

Don't stress, enjoy this time with your children. Sometimes I had "trouble hearing my phone" at sports fields (*wink*).

It really isn't your problem, it's theirs. If they are pissy, again that is their problem not yours. You just keep up the good mood and move on....

I would invite them to stay the night..we have done that before. But that may not be in the hand of cards you are willing to play. May just add more stress.

Sooo, this is what I would do. Give them step by step instructions. Reiterate the need to be on time because of parking. Tell them they can meet at your house before the game but if they are not there by __?__ a.m. then your car is pulling out of the driveway and they will have to refer to directions.

Once game starts then you are engaged in the game. NO LEAVING to find them. You have got to get your husband on board with this part. It is not yours or his responsibility to rescue them when they are careless to your instructions. Your responsibility is to your husband, the kids and the game. Tel them up front that if they can't find you then to meet back at your house for brunch or lunch. If they miss it then have the kids tell them the highlights. Put a smile on your face and say you are sorry THEY did not make it to the house in time to follow the family, or that THEY got lost and that THEY will have to try again sometime.

Do it all kindly and with a smile on your face. Their being potentially pissy should not effect you, your husband or the kids. You cover your end..and try to have them the best informed and then the day of what happens is in their hands.

I wish our family would show more interest in coming to our kids activities,sports,recitals and such. But..then it opens up another can of worms. They do what they can..and we are glad when they come. But I have learned to not let others' issues get my blood boiling..or interrupt our already planned day.

Good luck and best wishes!!

They have to learn the hard way, T.. You can tell perpetually late people until you are blue in the face, but it does no good if they aren't willing to really listen. Let them miss the game and visit with you and your child afterwards.

Do they have a GPS? Maybe that would be a good Christmas present! I love my Garmin!

Dawn

T.:

There is NOTHING difficult about this.

They are adults - they have to learn from their mistakes. If they are late - that's THEIR problem. If they can't find a parking spot - that's THEIR problem. You cannot control them. You cannot change them.

You need to tell them this:

"The Soccer schedule has changed. Our games are at 0800. Parking is limited so you need to be there by 730 or 745 in order to get a spot. The game is one hour long. So if you show up at 9AM? you will not get to see your grandson play."

the ball is therefore in their court. They need to decide how important it is for them to get their butts out of bed and drive the 2 hours to see their grandchild play a soccer game.

You can invite them to come in the night before and stay the night and leave with you in the AM - however, if you do this? You MUST clearly state what time you will be leaving the house and if they are coming with you - they need to be ready to walk out the door.

I wouldn't stress over this in the least. I wouldn't waste a second of my time stressing over what THEY will do. I wouldn't tell my child that his grandparents will be there to watch him play either...that would lead to disappointment on my son's behalf.

Invite them, tell them what time they need to be there to get a parking place and send them good directions and a link to google maps. If they are late, lost and pissy, it's their problem, not yours. Just tell them how sorry you are that they had such a hard time getting there or that they missed the game. Disengage. And if they want to try coming again, they get to choose whether to be on time or to be late and pissy.

Um... Well them it starts at 6 am... Not at 8 am.. Or are they more than an 2 hours late? We had to do this for several of our relatives growing up. An uncle of ours never was on time but wanted everything tom wait on him and then to complain how he could never get a girlfriend... He was 2 hours later to everything, even the few dates he did get...

Can't they just come the night before, sleep over at your house, and ride with you? It seems like the most logical solution, unless you have a strained relationship them. I wouldn't want to have to be up, out & driving 2 hours prior the actual game, so they probably don't, either.

It's simple. You give them the schedule and the addresses/directions to the field. You let them know that parking gets worse as the game progresses because people for the next game(s) start arriving. If they call because they are lost, you try to guide them over the phone but you don't go get them...tell them that you have to stay at the field when your son is playing.

If you are right and they are late and it results in bad attitude, you simply state "I am sorry you were late but it was not our fault so stop taking it out on us".

I'd likely stress "There's no room at our house for you to stay the night!" as that may come up??

Maybe also say "2 hours is a long drive to be there by 8am. You should see the parking lot at 7:50. It's packed like crazy! I sometimes have had to park across the street. Honestly, if I were y'all, I'd wait until they have some evening game or wait till next year when the older kids' games are at 10am."

Is this just one game, or are they possibly coming to more than one? I would let them make the mistake of being late once. If they can't learn from it...they won't see soccer. If you are very clear, provide maps as others have suggested, emphasize that this begins strictly on time and parking is gone by a certain tiime -- then it's on them.

However, if this is about coming to just one game, or one big event of a game, and otherwise you are fine with the in-laws, well, why not either offer to have them stay over once or offer to help them find a reasonable and close hotel?

Bright spot to consider: They want to see your kids play. A lot of grandparents don't really care or won't make that effort, so it's at least good that they care enough to want to be there. And others of us don't have any grandparents in the picture to come to kids' events. So if all is OK with them, other than the lateness issue, dwell on that positive side for a moment--then call a few local hotels....

I would send them a copy of the schedule along with a letter saying come if you can! then tell them you will be leaving by XXXam if they want to meet at your house. After that time they can meet you guys at the fields.

I would include a drawn map of how to find the fields using major places as guidelines.

Since MIL is most likely riding shotgun and giving directions the map should be geared for an older woman. They were taught to "Drive down the road until you see this tree that looks like a storybook tree then turn left and drive until you see Walmart, after that turn right on keep going until you see this big blue and white striped grain silos"...so make the instructions for her. If she is more oriented to following guy style directions like "drive 6/10's of a mile East then 3/10's South"etc....

Tell the game is a 7am. Always tell a late person an hour or half hour ealier for the time. If they question the time, tell them you thought it would be great to have breakfast together, or go get coffee before the game. Worked for me!

I would say part of what you said here [obviously, not the "pissy" part, and them being famous for being late and for not being able to find places ;-)], but certainly tell them that the games are crowded, so if they're not there early, they will likely miss it entirely, since they'll have to walk from where they can find a parking spot. Someone below mentioned that they can stay with you the night before, and I think that is a wonderful idea, unless there is a strained relationship. But I would also give them an easy "out" so that they don't feel required to come to the game, if they won't actually be able to make it on time, especially with it starting so early in the morning. You can say -- no, strike that -- YOUR HUSBAND needs to have the conversation with his parents, and he can tell them that while you and your kids would love to have them there and for them to see the kids play soccer, that you understand if it's just too early for them to get up and come.