Am I Wrong to Say No?

Rather than flat out refuse him, tease him a bit. You can always cop a little feel here and there out of the blue while you are in the car, whisper in his ear that you can't wait to get home. A little of that goes a long way in a man's way of thinking lol.

As far as once you guys got home-same scenario-if you are say out in the living room-give him a couple of great kisses, grab him and drag him into the bedroom and lock the door! That way you are being spontaneous but you won't have the worry of getting caught red-handed. Compromise on this type of stuff really does keep the hubbies happy.

no you were not wrong for saying no! Who wants to get caught by there kids? EWWW let alone anyone. I know i hate when i my kids knock on my door when were"playing" so i definatley keep my door locked! Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with a quickie or doing it is a new place( I'm not a prude) but i just don't feel comfortable having my kids catching me slipping!

We have three kids and we do on occasion if they are playing or watching a movie something I know will keep them occupied for awhile catch a quicky but behind locked doors where I know we are safe. I don't see anything wrong with a little grabbing here and there but I wouldn't do it in the car.

You are not wrong to say no if that is what you wanted, but do I think you are overreacting a bit, yes. And to other posters response to him thinking about getting caught, I do not think he equates getting caught with getting caught by your children - I think he means there's an adrenaline rush/excitement by the thought of being caught, not the act of being caught.

I think it's fine if the kids are asleep. As long as they can't see anything and just keep your mouths shut so they don't hear any unnecessary noises!! And at home, you SHOULD be doing stuff whenever you can, especially as parents of two young children...why wait until they are both asleep and you are both exhausted?

It will keep your marriage and sex life alive. You don't always have to give in to everything he wants, but take it as a good sign that he's always wanting that from you and not just behind closed doors in the dark when the kids are asleep.

I say relax, go with the flow and have some fun. Keep your door locked or at least shut so if one of your children opens it, you have a second to scramble. You could always tell the kids you are going to shut your door to talk about "Christmas" - that is what my parents did and we NEVER bothered them...because we didn't want them to get mad at us when they were talking about our Christmas presents. Little did we know what they were really doing - but it's pretty smart on their part!

Eww... no way, you are right, especially in the car when they were just barely asleep! They may not be able to see everything, but they can probably hear and sense something awkward is going on.

If you lock your door when the kids were busy playing so they don't catch you, then I don't see anything wrong with that (so long as you are being quiet), but this statement about "half the fun is the risk of getting caught"... by your own kids, seriously gave me the creeps. Who gets excited thinking about the risk of their kids catching them in the act?

Okay, I read the response from before mine and I need to tell you that Dr. Laura is NOT a professional family therapist! Her degree is in physiology NOT psychology and is in no way a professional in the field that she markets her books! Do NOT read that book!

I think the previous poster missed your point. You don't want to play with your husbands genitals in front of the kids. You are right. Kids need to see affection but they do NOT need to see groping.

Bottom line.......it makes you uncomfortable and that's okay. I wouldn't want my kids to be in the car with my sister and her husband if they are touching each other in a sexual way and the same goes for me and my husband. Ask anyone.....it's no fun actually being "caught" by your kids.

Absolutely show affection! My hubby and I are super affectionate all the time. We also enjoy a VERY healthy sex life but we don't feel the need to risk being caught by the kids.

Well to me you should go with it. Relax....however I would go in a room with a locked door. You could lock the door and have a "quicky" to satisfy your hubby. Really? The front of the care messing around....your kids would not have woke up and they cannot see in the front of the care either. Come on.....

Go with it and live a little.....Have fun!

I wouldn't be into it.
I was sitting at a traffic light a couple of weeks ago (I am NOT making this up to fit your post) and happened to glance in my rearview. I had seen the car behind us at the grocery store while I was loading my groceries and thought I saw a former classmate of my son's get into it. So while at the stoplight I glanced again to see if the front seat passenger looked like the boy's mom. Well as I looked at her in my rearview.. I see her husband reach over and grab her! Then she starts doing this back to him. And he's trying to expose her by pulling her shirt down.. having great fun. Well... their kids were right behind them... and I mean like THREE KIDS... WIDE AWAKE. I was shocked, and found the whole thing HIGHLY inappropriate and rude.
In your situation, yes, your kids might have been asleep, but you are still out in public. And the neighboring vehicles can often see a LOT more than you might think... Not to mention that it can be dangerous. Seriously. I wouldn't want to be the vehicle approaching yours on a two-lane blacktop with your husband so distracted. Nor would I want to look over at 70mph on the interstate and notice that going on next to me... with MY 8 & 11 yr old kids in the back seat staring out the windows...

Relax. If you were in the front seat facing forward and the kids were 5 minutes into their nap, unless they have eyes that can see through the seat, all they can see is your eyes in the rear view mirror or his or your elbow. If you think your kids seeing your elbow is going to scar their psyches . . . ;-)

Kids should see their father and mother kiss and hug and the like. (No, I don't mean see you or him grab what a thong swim suit covers.) A playful pinch or tap on the butt is ok. Your kids need to learn what is normal and good for good married couples to do to show each other they love each other. Too many women were taught by their moms that "good girls" don't do it("play or be playful" with their husbands). Then they wonder why their husbands have wandering eyes.

Read and follow the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." You and he will have a lot more fun and have guidelines from a professional family theripist. (sp?)

Husbands and wives should set the example for their kids. My kids saw me pat or pinch my wife's butt. They saw me kiss her and hug her too. They also saw me give my wife flowers when it wasn't a special holiday, like Valentines day or Mothers Day. They heard me tell her "I love you", even when she wasn't with in earshot. They saw me consistantly open my wife's car door to let her out or help her in. I always offered her my hand. I explained to them that I grew roses because it gave me pleasure twice. Once when I was caring for the roses because I was thinking of my wife while I was doing it. And once when I gave her the roses and saw the smile on her face and the kiss she usually gave me. I write my wife poetry and tell her how much I love her. My kids have read some of it. They knew I loved and respected my wife because I showed them by my actions.

It has paid off. 5 of my kids spouses came to me in private and thanked me for teaching my kids about how to treat thier spouse.

Relax and show your husband you love him. "The smallest good deed is worth more than the grandest good intention." He is driving. If he wants you and your kids are sleeping in the back seat and he grabs you and you are uncomfortable with that, tell him "just a minute." "Want a preview of coming distractions?" (Big smile and a wink) Then flash him. Tell him he has to wait until you get home. He will anticipate and you can wait until you get home and get behind locked doors. You will have told him by your actions that you really love him and you have the locked doors you need.

AND . . . NO, don't do anything that will get you "caught" by your kids. That's neither exciting nor fun.

Yes. Relax. I'm afraid you're building regrets instead of satisfaction with your mate. Be glad you have a man who is 'after you'. I've been married 34 years, we've raised 4 kids, and I've been the initiator in most cases... *sigh*

i dont think you are in the wrong to say no. everyone has their own restrictions on what they deem ok and not. i have a 3 year old and i dont want to have to explain what mommy and daddy are doing. if anything you can always cover up with a blanket you know or go in the bathroom. but then again no means no and your husband should respect that and wait for a time you think it is appropriate ie when the kids are in bed.

I would NEVER "play" while my kids were up. We have a 9 year old that busted us a few weeks ago, believe me, it isn't fun to be caught.
"Half the fun is the risk of being caught"???? Uh, by your kids??
If he wants to risk all that, go camping or something, without the kids!

Ditto Jennifer S.
Go for it, with a lock on the door..

I'm with you on this one. I wouldn't want to be caught by my child at any age. Hubby often gets annoyed with me for the same reason.

I don't think you need to relax and just go with it. However, you do need to be aware of hubby's needs (and your own) and try to fit some play time into your schedule.

grab a blanket and have some fun! But I do agree with the other posters.. .getting caught by your kids is gross!

As a 51 year old recently divorced mom of 2, your post brought back some uncomfortable memories. My ex's lack of understanding regarding doing things with the kids nearby and being VERY pushy led, over the years, to that kind of inconsiderate, demanding behavior that permeated our relationship as well as how he treated the kids...always had to go his way no matter what it was. It got so horrible I am now happily divorced.

Oh our poor husbands! Not because you are wrong but they just don't get it.

Not only would it be embarassing for us to get caught by our kiddos but imagine the questions they would have. On top of that it's hard to get into sex with the kids right there.

My husband thinks that anytime is appropriate as long as he locks the door! Because sex with your kids pounding on the door saying "mommy mommy mommy" is so exciting!

I think it is okay to give in once in a while. Let's face it sex just doesn't have the same meaning for our husbands and the kids screaming at the door doesn't bother them at all. But if you give in once in a while (maybe while the kids are entertained and the door is locked) they are more willing to give in to our needs.

Try to remember that MEN not women think about sex
several times a day.
Talking to your husband about how you don't feel
like you two shouldn't be doing that with the kids around, isn't going to help.
All he thinks is that you don't want him. ( I'm sure that's not true ).

I say go with the flow.

So with all this in mind try to be more flexable to his needs..

Good luck.

Not to start anything but the poster that was in total agreement with groping each other in the car in front of the kids was a man. I think this is called MAMA source.

what is he, a teenager? :-) I would say just do what you're comfortable with. If you cant relax with the kids nearby, it's not going to be much fun for you.

Nope, don't think you were wrong to say no. If the play was going to be a silent hmm and a silent ahh, maybe, but if it was going to get loud enough to wake up the kids, why risk that and get caught.

Your husband should understand that children learn to respect others by reflecting what they see their parents doing. They don't yet understand "marriage", and if they see actions that aren't appropriate for them, they may just start copying them. Would your husband want to think groping at other children is acceptable?

I know what you mean! I have always struggled with this... but sometimes you have to take what and when you can get it with small chldren, and hate to tell you it gets worse not better as the children grow older and more knowledgeable.
I haven't read any replies yet, but I can imagine and waiting to see the answers.
Good luck!

I don't think there's a right or wrong in this case, if you're not comfortable then it won't be much fun for you anyway. I would feel the same. I can't even continue anything with my hubby if I hear my baby on the monitor, even if he is just whimpering and I know he'll fall asleep soon. And it would be awful to have your kids walk in on you, especially the 4 year old, I would be a little worried about scarring him. My hubby walked in on his parents when he was a kid and still remembers it to this day, not fondly of course.

As far as the car situation, I just remember in college it was always rude to fool around with your boyfriend while your roommate was asleep in the same room. Shouldn't you have the same courtesy for your kids? They may not know exactly what's going on but might still feel weird about it.

I say go for it when you are comfortable. But also, let loose and be a little exciting sometimes. Hubby's got needs too...I know its hard to get in sexy mode when mom mode is in overdrive.

I wouldn't do it! Now being at my mother in laws in my hubby's old room, that's a little more exciting! But not with kids in the back seat. I am with you!