Advice on Returning to School/work

I have a 12 month old, and what surprised me most about having a baby was how upside down our lives became overnight. I thought I was ready, had the nursery ready, read books, etc, but nothing can prepare you for how you will feel after you have your baby. So, you might want to consider just waiting until after you have the baby to make any decisions. It is entirely possible that after you have the baby and your husband sees firsthand how demanding it can be, that he will come to the decision himself that having you stay at home is the best thing. That said, I think that it is also nice that your husband is helping you to stick to a dream that you have had. Keep in mind that staying home all day with a baby may drive you a little batty!! If so, don't feel guilty (easier said than done). You may welcome taking a few classes outside the house to interact with adults. If that is the case, don't feel guilty - just do what you want to do. I find that when I get away for awhile, when I come back home I am a better, more patient and refreshed mom!

Hi J.! I know exactly how you feel. How much school do you have left? I finished my BS while I was pregnant with my daughter. I think if you don't have a lot of schooling left go ahead and finish, you never know what will happen in the future and you may have to work. This is where your degree would come in. I have to tell myself everyday that I am working to provide my daughter with a better life even though it eats me alive leaving her. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Hey there! I was in the same boat you are now. I just had finished school the same month I got pregnant. I decided to push off my career and stay at home with my little one. Being there when they first do something is amazing! My little guy is only 5 months old and is constantly changing. I would say go with your gut feeling. I knew I wanted to stay home when I was pregnant.

Have you considered going to night school or working part-time on nights or weekends? Just a thought :)

I think you should tell your hubby how serious you are, and if he is like most he will still think it is hormones talking! But at least you will know you have told him how serious you are so he is not suprised if you act on those feelings. That being said you have to be true to how you feel. If it is such a strong feeling that you don't think it will pass then evaluate why you feel that way. If you really want to stay home and you go back to work you will be miserable, but it will be the same way vice versa, if you end up wanting to go to work and you stay home you will not be happy.
I believe every mother should stay home and experience her children growing up. But I also know that it is not possible for all mom's and some feel they are better moms if they get that time away. This truly is a very persoanl decision for you and your family. No matter what people tell you here it will never change how you feel. So talk to your hubby about the reasons you feel strongly about staying home and maybe once they are all out there you will both understand them more and be able to make a decision. Hope this helps:)

Hi J.! This is J.. I vote for going with your maternal instincts and staying home with your baby. Think of it...women who have babies are mommies. Their babies NEED them. It feels so good and natural to stay home and take care of your child!
There are plenty of in-home businesses you can check into, that will help with the bills. Try www.back2natural.fourpointmoms.com
Good luck...hope you decide to stay at home!
:>) J. PS I was a career woman until I had 4 kids in 5 years and stayed home with them. I never regretted a minute of it! My kids are all grown now, and they have thanked me many times for being there for them.

I too am concerned about what you might be exposed to while pregnant and attending cosmetology school.

I remember some of the emotional decisions I made when pregnant and post partum and have said repeatedly that I shouldn't have been allowed to sign anything legal while PG or w/n six months after, because for myself at least I just wasn't thinking clearly.

I concur also that time is on your side. You are blessed to be in a position where finances aren't an issue. I talk to mom's everyday for whom that's not the case.

I would take a wait and see approach. Do you have to register now for another quarter or something? Maybe you could get your hubby to agree to you taking a quarter/term whatever off after the birth then a:go back or b: re-evaluate at that time.

Best of luck to you and Congratulations on the impending arrival of your little girl. I hope you have a smooth labor & delivery.

C.-WAHM to 4 y/o virtual twins
Owner-www.BeHappierAtHome.com

My first thought was how dangerous it is for your baby to be around all of those chemicals and fumes. Is this an issue?

How much schooling do you have left? I took 9 months off after my daughter was born.

Hi J.,

I hear your emotions. I gave birth to our first son 5 months ago. I thought I would be totally ok to go back to work, but when he was born, I just did not want to leave him. I am also a very emotional person and have a very hard time leaving him. I was also very confused whetehr I should go back or stay at home.I went back to work full time a month ago. While I would still like to be home, I am planning to continue until we have our second one. Some of the things that helped me were
a) Having a flexible schedule - I asked my work if I could come back on a flexible schedule where i worked 2 days from home and 3 days at work
2) Having a care provider who I like and trust - I am lucky that my parents are here and they look after my son while I go to work.However, they will go back to their home in a couple months and I will have to look for a nanny/daycare that I like
3) One thing that my mom told me is that absolutely babies need their moms but toddlers need their moms even more. If babies are well cared for , loved , stimulated and their needs are met by the care provider ( other than mom) they will be fine. But when they get to the point when they start talking, interacting more and more, learning social skills, manners etc. moms tend to play a big role then.
4) HAving a long maternity leave helped me too.. I took 4 months and would have taken more if it were possible. By the time babies are 4 months, they are not as fragile.

I hope this helps! Good luck with your little girl. You are about to enter a great ( but very tiring and demanding) phase of life. You will love it!

You may be experiencing the nesting phase. It's very normal to want to prepare for the baby and, to my own experience, a very strong instinctual responce. Is there a possibility you can wait until your little one is here before making that desision? I turn into a bossy mama bear at about 32 weeks. Everything is sanitized and I find most everything my poor hubby does to be just below satisfactory. My home from then until the baby comes is about managing my household to perfection and no one else can do it!

I had just finished law school when I had my first son. I read the book "Parenthood By Proxy: Don't Have Them if You Won't Raise Them" and that really helped me make the decision to be a SAHM. (My husband was very supportive.)

You mentioned that you are studying cosmetology, but you didn't say how close or far you are to completing your education?

A cosmetologist generally earns between $35,000 and $50,000 per year. If you will be placing your daughter in daycare, you should budget between $9,000 and $10,000 per year for child care expenses. (And your daughter will be exposed to many more cold and flu viruses in day care, so she'll get sick a lot more often - which will require you to take more time off of work to care for her.) You will have the added expenses associated with traveling to work: gas, wear and tear on the car, and increased insurance expenses. You will also have to have work attire - which may or may not require dry cleaning. You will almost certainly be buying your lunch on the days you work (which is considerably more expensive than eating at home). Even if you spend just $6 per day - this will be $120 per month or $1440 per year. Plus, it's tough to work up the energy to cook dinner when you've been working all day - so you're more likely to pick up take-out on the way home. This is also more expensive than making a home cooked meal.

If your hubby is worried about the loss of income, perhaps providing him with the cost versus benefit of staying at home or going out and working might make the difference. It is EXPENSIVE to be out there in the workforce. Many people don't realize how expensive this is.

My hubby and I agreed that I would stay home until the kids are in school. Then I'll start working part-time (so I will be home when they get home from school), until he retires in about eight years. Then I will work full time and he'll be the primarily at-home parent. (He calls me his retirement plan!)

Good luck with your decision. If you truly want to be a cosmetologist . . . that career isn't going anywhere. You are more than young enough to stay home for five to ten years and THEN start back with your dream.