So Torn About Working vs Staying Home, PLEASE Help Me Decide!!!

No job is stable. I've worked in Outplacement for four years and met with hundreds of people who have been laid off from jobs of all kinds. Many of these people would have told you their jobs were "stable" and they were "critical" to the company. No, they weren't.

I would not quit a job unless I had a 9-12 month emergency fund. The average job search is taking 7-9 months and I know people who have been out of work for two years despite continuous job searching.

A retirement fund for both of you needs to come before a college fund. There are options for college money but not for retirement. Also, if you are out of work, you are not adding to your Social Security amount that you'll qualify for.

I would never chose to "scrape by". I don't feel that is fair to my family. There are a lot of unknowns coming in life (financial, medical, career, etc.), and money is one way to prepare for those unknowns and to provide more options and opportunities for my children.

If you are depressed in your job, maybe you need to look for a different job.

If we would have $700 left over each month, I would stay home with my kids in an instant. If you have another one before your son goes to kindergarten, can you afford daycare for two kids? Remember one would be an infant so it would cost more. Would it be worth you working, or would you only be paying for daycare? If you are so depressed about having to work then you need to stay home but only if you can afford to.

Take into consideration what you pay in daycare. Start budgeting as much as possible. Parks and library outings are always free. Activities wise... Boy and Girl scouts are very low in cost. Go with your heart. Especially if you know you want another one.
I truly feel worrying about college at this time is not necessary. There are grants, scholarships, available and your children will be perfectly able to work and help contribute to their own college fund. You can always pick up a part time job when they are in school, right? Enjoy this phase of your life while they are little. Good luck whatever you decide.
Also, you might want to purchase life insurance (if you don't already have) on your husband. Just a precaution : )

You being with your children far outweighs the stuff you might buy them (or not). Stay home. You won't need the wardrobe, convenience foods, etc. that you need/want when you are working. Your child(ren) need you more. And, we don't do the sports, etc with our kids. They don't need it. We do other things together as a family, and we don't have things eating into our time and family life. For clothing, consider Good Will or the Salvation Army thrift stores. You can get great, newish clothes there for nothing. There are ways to cut corners. It is so worth it!

What do you want to do? How does your husband feel? I think those are the only questions that really matter. Financially, you'll find alternatives if you need to. Maybe you watch someone else's kid(s), maybe you pick up a part-time job, maybe you find a job and a preschool or daycare and your child attends free or at a discount. There are ways to make it happen if that's what you really want.

I stayed home for 5 years (and did some part-time work). I went back full-time when my oldest was 5 and my youngest was 2 1/2. Best thing I ever did for all of us!!! I am so much happier than I was as a SAHM because I interact with adults and I actually have a reason to get dressed and leave the house. My youngest is having a ball at daycare. He is learning so much and just really can't wait to get out of the car. and we all have so much more fun together on the weekends, probably because it's really quality time and not just another day of the week. I was really not good at being a SAHM mom. I just wasn't. I lacked the creativity and enthusiasm. My family is much better off this way.

I think you have to do what makes you happy. If you're happy, your family will be, too. If you really need to work in order to meet the financial needs of your family, then do it and take pride in the fact that you are doing what is best for them. But if you don't have to and really don't want to, think about some other things you can do to help out financially. You can do this!

You sound very detail-oriented and thoughtful. This is a decision that only you can make.

What does your husband think?

If it were me in your shoes I'd stay home and try to come up with creative ideas to make money.

They are only little once. But whatever you decide just try to focus on your child's best interests.

Think of other options. Part-time or temp work. Also realize that once they are in school full-time, you could probably then go back to work full-time - nothing says you have to stay home with them until they are out of the house themselves. Also think about how challenging it may be to return to the work force, and your particular line of work, after being off for a few years - some fields are easier than others, depending on job demand.

Go with your gut and be grateful that you have a choice. I sure wish I did! Having money left over on one income is wonderful!!!

It sounds like you really want to stay home.
But your child will be in school soon.
It's hard to get back into working after you've been out of the work force for awhile.
Also, you can never tell when your husband might get hit by a bus.
One car accident or health problem could complicate things greatly.
Working is a good safety net.
It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing.
It will help save up for college and for your retirement as well.
I look at it as being prepared for what ever might come.

What do I think? It is your choice, but you know that. Is your husband on board completely with you staying home? It sounds like you need to stay home for your sake and your child. Children need their mother so much. But a happy mother makes a happy child. It would be tight but not that bad. We lived much tighter than that and got along fine, God always provided and does all the providing anyway no matter what anyone believes. There are ways to cut corners and ways to make money for side money for little extras or what have you. I not only stayed home (except for a few years) but homeschooled by kids and took care of other children and became a minister. It took lots of work, lots of time and lots of patiences and most of all, lots of love. I don't regret it for a minute. People need to have purpose, think on your purpose and what you would do it you stayed home. children need to see purpose and their parents doing and living in joy.
Although other people try to tell you how wrong you are. But that's another story.
Do what you think and sense is the best for you and your child. Give to God and see what comes back as your answer.
The very best to you and yours.

In this day and age, you need to think twice when it comes to finances. IF you definitely plan to have another and are going to do it now, then go ahead and stay at home, but plan on returning to work once they're both in school. You and your husband have to not only think about any extras you want to provide your children, but you need to have savings built up in case he lost his job as well as for your retirement -and that's not even including any college help you want to give them. Having $700 left over for EVERYTHING other than bills would not be worth it to me. It would make me sweat, and I know the end of every month would be a close call by the time those "emergencies" popped up, groceries were bought, surprise medication had to be paid for -the list goes on and on. It's great that you have a "decent" emergency fund, but is it enough to cover, say, a new transmission or is it enough to support you all for 4-6 months if he loses his job? Big difference!

How does your husband feel? If you're going to constantly fight about money, then NO, don't do it!

stay home with your babies. you are not considering hte tax advantage of 1 income.. when we both worked full time.. we paid a crazy amount of federal tax.. like 20,000 a year.. when I quit our tax bill went down to 5,000 a year.. so my income was being eaten up by 15,000 in federal taxes.. child care.. is expensive.. chidcare for 2 kids is really expensive...

really working vs staying home is not an all or nothing either or thing.. you can quit for a while stay home full time.. then go back part time..when the kdis are in school or evenings what ever works for your family.

but 2 working parents getting up early every day to get the kid to day care so the they can hurry to work.. then hurry home to put the kid to bed.. to start all ove is a miserable life for everyone..

yuou can make it on one income..

I asked a similar question a few years back. At that point I had 2 yo twins, and had just taken 1 year of child rearing which meant that I was still guaranteed a position if I wanted to go back. Well, to make a long story short, I went back to work part time and even at that, I still regretted it. I felt like I missed so much time with my kids. I hated and still hate it. They are about to turn 5 this summer. I am a teacher and unfortunately have to be at work before they would go to pre-k. So I wasn't able to take them to school myself or be involved unless I took a day off. For some this may not be a big deal but to me it was very important and really upset me that I missed out. I am pregnant with # 3 and am so excited b/c I will be on maternity leave when they start K....which means I won't miss their first day. Crazy? Maybe but that's just me...and maybe you too! I too felt depressed when I went back but it was really hard with twins, financially. I was lucky that my mom wathced them and we didnt have to pay for child care. If that were the case I couldnt have afforded to work part time. It's a tough, yet personal decision. Someone replied to my question at that point and said " you willnever regret staying home and spendnign that time with your children." I wish I had listened to tht person and my heart instead of my head ( I panicked). If you feel like it's what you want...GO FOR IT!! Good luck. I hope you make the right decision for you and your family :)

L.,
Follow your dream! Staying home with your kids may be the most important job you'll ever have. And it's a decision you're making for NOW, not forever.

Sounds like you've got a handle on your expenses. That makes me think you're sensible enough to use the $700 to buy what you need and save a little when you can.

You don't say what kind of job you have now. Have you analyzed how much money you bring home and the true cost of your job? Child care, transportation, work clothes, lunches out, taxes and more are all eating away at your paycheck. And because you work, are you ordering more pizza delivery? Or buying more prepared foods? Staying home and cooking from scratch may not only save money, but be healthier for your whole family.

I stayed home with my kids and loved it. I also took care of my aunt and now mom. So, I've been a caregiver for many years. Thru those years, I've done everything from making and selling crafts and chocolate to owning a computer services business that I ran from home. Today, I'm with a company that allows me to work from home, mostly on the phone and Internet. If you want to see what I do, click my name, then the Business tab.

Good luck with your decision. I know you'll make the right choice for you and your family.

~M.

Why not try staying home? Give yourself a time frame that you can agree on with your husband. Say...... a year. Then re-evaluate. iIt's not like you can't decide to go back to work. If things get too tough that is always an option.

Figure out a way to bring in a few bucks while you are at home to offset costs, or to save. There are so many ways from dog sitting, babysitting, crafts to many home businesses out there. I have a small home business. Even if you were only able to bring in $100 extra per month to put away towards savings...... in ten years you would have a nice bit.

If possible scale down on expenses. If you own a home, you can always consider selling and buying a smaller one.

It can be done, and you don't know what the future will hold. You may not be living on this income forever. When I chose to stay home we were barely getting by. We struggled a good five years when suddenly my husbands career took an upturn. We took the opportunity to save and start a college fund then and all has worked out. If your state has some sort of college fund look into it, but don't over worry. By the time your 3 year old is in college public college could be free!

Worry about today. your mental health is key to your families health.

My vote........ go for it!

You seem to be asking if you should stay home with children forever or return to work forever. Many parents stay at home with their children until the children are in school full time, and then return to the work force, then they have more money for after school activities, music lessons, vacations, college savings...etc.

I see you've got alot of good information. I am a SAHM of 4 boys. one will be in 1st next year and we'll have one starting K. Our other 2 are almost 2 and almost 5 months. I went back to work after our 1st and I dreaded (sp?) leaving him every mornig (even though it was grandma - my mom). But then we got pregnant the 2nd time pretty fast, hubby got lucky w/ a better paying job, so we decided I would stay home. We have had ups and downs, but we never regret me staying home w/ our kids. When the economy turned and we got the "company is closing" from hubbys work. I went into panick mode, but it all worked out. He got another job and we are still trucking. :) He gets yearly bonuses, raises (but not very much), and of course tax season helps. :) If you both agree it would be best, go for it.

I would stay home until my child goes to first grade.
But then you will have another baby correct?
I still would stay home while they were little.
Then go back to work.
I plan on going back to work when my little one goes to school (hopefull
first grade).
You could try & find ways to bring in a little money while you stay at home
Things like: garage sales, selling extra things you don't need on Craigslist
(just be careful), offer to help watch other kids you know for money
clean business at night (janitorial service) when hubby is home to watch
the kids).
Then be really tight w/your money until you go back to work: no extra
spending, using coupons, buying off brands, cut back to basic cable etc.

I would ask a few questions before I would ever consider giving up my career.

Will we be able to contribute enough each month to reach our retirement goals? (if you don't know what your goals are and how much you need to reach them, set up a meeting with a financial professional).

Do we have enough for a year if DH loses his job? His job may be stable, but what if he is disabled? And really, no jobs are stable right now.

Do I personally have enough for a year if I NEED to provide for myself and family? Many people do NOT see a divorce coming (sorry, even people who believe their marriages are rock solid). Nobody sees injury/disability/health issues coming.

Do I have a plan to provide for college? In my book college is a given and I would never had had my son if I did not foresee being able to support him and send him to college.

How will taken the time off affect my future career prospects? Kids are little for a few years. A career is much longer. In some fields, taking a few years off is not such a big deal. In some fields, it will take you off the advancement track FOREVER.

Would I really be happy as a SAHM? Yes, this may have been your dream forever, but the day to day existence looks a lot different close up (laundry, house cleaning, cooking, repeat) than the brochure (creative arts and crafts, reading, interactive play, days at the park). The lack of adult communication is something people miss a lot and don't talk about before making the decision. Some people seem to be happy as SAHMs. I personally would go batty.

Why don't you work part-time? Or set up an Etsy or EBay shop. Or you could take in ironing to earn some extra $. That way you can keep a foot in the door of your career, and have a decent amount of time at home with your little one.

I love staying home. I knew I wanted to stay home before I even had kids. I am grateful that I get to. If you want to see if it is even feasible, try budgeting for your whole family and see what it is like getting by on one income for a few months. Maybe take the next 6 months to a year to do this and sock away all the savings. This will give you an idea how disciplined you will have to beand also give you a cushion before giving up your job.
If you attend church I would strongly recommend tithing, if you don't already. I am always amazed how God provides in the most creative and abundant ways. Obviously, me being a sahm I no longer have a salary coming in monthly, but every year I am knocked off my feet how He blesses my husband's salary, bonuses, dividends, stock options, tax refunds,promotions, etc. It's truly jaw-dropping.
Good luck to you. If you can swing it, it is totally worth it. You can't get these years back after they are gone.
HTH,
A.

So, what you are saying is:

With you working full time your left over money at the end of the month is $700.

I am going to assume you make at least minimum wage, which is about $290.00 per week. So you make that or better.

If you take off $15,080 dollars of your yearly income and compare that to the $8400 that you could have extra that is a huge cut in income.

Let's say you and hubby together make $50,000 per year. Without your income the family income would be $41,600 per year. That is a large cut still.

I imagine you pay child care and have to dress a certain way at work. The make up and hair care products, etc...maybe even extra cost for dry cleaning your work clothes. It is a detailed, time consuming, family activity to decide this. I think one of James Dobson's books talks about this.

I would make a pro and con list. Personal stuff does not influence it. The idea of I don't want to work is not part of this discussion at all.

Pro's:

Low tax bracket for family?
No child care bill
less expense for work related items
No need for a second vehicle
No more lunches out

You can add so many things to this list, that is something you can do for sure on your own. When you get together you'll be better able to verbalize the cause.

Con's:

No money for anything extra
No money for vacations or new stuff like furniture
No need for makeup or expensive hair salon appointments

Again, your list, your things you'll have to give up.

I just want to again mention, you'll be giving up that $700 per month extra BUT you will also be giving up the whole amount of your income totally....

What about staying home for a few years and then going back to work part time or full time when both kids are in school/preschool? Is there anything you can cut back on in life to save even more money during those years while you are not working? We do not pay for TV, we only use netflix and don't own a TV. We have no home phone, just cell phones. We have only one car that is paid off. We rarely eat out. We shop thrift stores/garage sales for really nice used clothing for our kids. We never buy anything unless it is on sale. My husband takes the bus or rides a bike to work. I don't know if you are willing to cut back on some things, but it might help out for x number of years if you stay home.

I work 4 days a week (to get the insurance I must work 32 hours) and one of those is from home so I can nurse my baby on demand and be around them even though my mom watches them that day.

I used to work 5 days a week. After having my first child I negotiated a 4 day work week (took a pay cut). After having my second, I asked to work one day from home. Now my kids are only in daycare 3 days and I feel I am able to spend a LOT of time with them! And I also am bringing home the bacon (as small as a amount it is, we couldn't do without it) AND the health insurance!

I have the perfect schedule. If I only worked 3 days a week, it would be even better.

I would NEVER have thought that this schedule was possible at this job, but I made a case for it and my request was accepted, both times. I've learned that it never hurts to ask! I work my tail off to get my work done so I can keep this schedule.

I would recommend NOT quitting completely. see if you can get a 'family friendly' schedule or job. This will help in the future, you won't have a large amount of time with no job on your resume. Once you get out of the rat race, its hard to get back in! Also, if you have some depression, realize that being home all day every day might make it WORSE, not better. You will still have MamaGuilt, it will just be DIFFERENT MamaGuilt.

Good luck to you!

If you go to work you will miss out on so much of your child's rearing.
I'm not saying those that have to work aren't good parents.
If you are getting depressed, you can do a side home business.
Don't think for a minute because you're home and not collecting a paycheck that you're not working. Taking care of your child is the most important job in the world.

You can cut down on your bills at home too. You can lower your cable bill and get rid of the movie channels and get the movies free from the library. You can get rid of your home phone and just use a metro pcs or boost or something unlimited cell phone. Food is simple, get rid of packaged foods, you'll be healthier and save tons. Buy lots of whole grains in bulk, beans too. Really cheap and healthy protein sources from them too.

Look, reading your email sounds like you are a really responsible couple with plenty to cover yourselves. There are millions of Americans who live paycheck to paycheck and nothing at the end of the week. Consider yourselves lucky. Go for it and enjoy every moment!

Get yourself a part time job a few days a week or part time in the mornings or evenings when you husband gets home. Its good for the kids to have some separation and learn independance. You will get a little extra money for fun stuff. And everyone wil be happy.