Advice on Having an Only Child or Not

A.,

I was an only child until I was 12yrs old and then within 15 months I had two sisters. I liked being an only at times growing up, but most often I was jealous of the neighbors who had 4 siblings. There was always someone for them to play with, they were never alone (though maybe they wanted to be at times) and they seemed to take more "kid friendly" vacations instead of adult oriented. Once my sisters came along I couldn't imagine how I did it without them. They mean so much to me and now they are so close to my own children.
I also agree with another responder who said (thinking way into the future) that it would be hard to be alone at the wake/funeral service of our parents.
I say let nature take it's course and if it is meant to be, it will. If your Daughter is an only child, it is certainly not the worse thing. :-)
Try not to think to much about another child but enjoy the one you currently have. Time goes by much to quickly.. My "baby" is almost 10 and my oldest is 18 with two others in the middle ...

Hi A.,

I also come from a very large family, youngest of 6. Each of my parents has 8 and 10 siblings respectively, who each have at least 3 and some up to 5 kids. That's a huge family. There are aspects of the large family that I don't like at times (hand-me-downs, the nosy aunts, the older siblings that want to tell you what to do, etc...), but I think I rather enjoy being an aunt, and having a lot of cousins, and birthday parties. I have 3 kids, and they are the youngest of all grandchildren, and I love that they have cousins that love spending time with them. My husband, on the other hand, comes from a very small family (he only has 1 brother). Although he and his brother are close, and they love each other very much, his brother only has one child, and each of his parents only have one or two siblings. His family isn’t really close, and they hardly get together, unlike my family who has parties for every event. My husband has thanked me for giving him the large family he never had, or knew could be so great. I’ve known several single child adults (friends) who have ALL told me at one time or another that they wish that they were an uncle or an aunt, or that they wished that they would have had a brother or a sister growing up. They’ve all been great people, completely balanced without any underlying issues, if you’re concerned with that, in any case that your income doesn’t allow you to have another. Ultimately, my family has some issues, but I could not imagine growing up by myself. I love my huge family, and never imagined that I would only have 1 child. I hope this helps you in some way. Good luck with your decision!

M.

My mother was an only child and she often spoke of how she wished for a brother or sister when growing up. But, I think that only children can be helped to overcome any isolation if their parents are aware of that possibility. If you have a large extended family, then certainly, being close to them and allowing the child a chance to spend quality time with them will help fill that void. Also, having the child active in the community as he/she gets older instead of replacing that (as I've seen some parents do) void with toys I would think would be a great way to expand the child's horizons and help to make up for the give and take that I think parents worry that only children don't get to engage in.

Certainly, financial concerns are an important matter. As a single mother, I can tell you that being financially strapped is a stressor I'd wish on no one. Much less the additional responsibility and stress involved in raising even one more child. Like someone else said, you'll have more resources -- important resources like capacity to enjoy more leisure time in a wider variety of ways and also the ability to offer more opportunities for the child you already have.

If it is your choice a sibling is the best gift you can ever give to your child. If it's not to be than it sounds like you are quite happy and blessed with one wonderful one!! Either way you're happy:)Good for you!!Enjoy!

I am a only child and have only 1 child right now myself. I dont mind being an only child. It lets you and your husband focus on your daughter more. I think I have a better bond with my parents because of it. If there are that many other children around thats great for your daughter. I have had the same best friends since I was born my cusins. She will form a life long bond with them. I think its great being a only child!!!

I think it would be harder not having siblings growing up and even as an adult having no sibling to share in the care of the parents and even grieving as an only at their funeral.
That is thinking way in the future!!
When you have a second/third child, you can't imagine life without them!!

Hi A.,

I have one son (8 months). My husband and I decided to keep it at one. He is 42, and I am 34. I am somewhat fearful of having a second child. After one miscarriage - I feel so lucky to have the one I have. I am worried that if a second child wasn't healthy, or had special needs, it would take away much attention from our first child. Of course, many families managed just fine in this situation. We are a dual career couple, and feel like we don't have enough time to spend with our son, as is. Every family makes its own choices. For us, our family felt complete at one. Others need ten (or more)! Good luck to you. :)

HI A., I am the mother of an almost 5 year old boy. I have always only wanted 1 child and I sometimes doubt my decision especially when he says "can we have a baby, I want a brother or sister so I have someone to play with." etc... I have 1 brother my husband has 5 siblings and there are 14 neices and nephews so my son is never alone. However, I have recently begun to feel like we should have another one?? I have 2 girlfriends who were only children and they both had 2 children. But 2 of my sister in laws both have 1 child so I think it is okay. this is such a tough question I do not know how to answer you? go with your heart and gut instinct. And money is definately an issue... think about what college will cost and even if you want to send your child to private school UGH! these are the things I think about everyday. We make good money and still struggle with daycare being so expensive. If I had another one I would want to stay home partime and that is not an option sooo..... good luck

Hi A. -

I think that there are goods and bads to being an only child. The goods being that your child will always get 100% of your attention and you will be able to provide for your child comfortably without financial strain - that is very important!

Now as for the bads, some only children are spoiled and often times when they grow up to adulthood they wish that they had another sibling to bounce things off of. When you and your husband pass they will still have a family member to rely upon and count on.

In your situation though, I wouldn't really worry beacuse it sounds like your daughter has several cousins in the area and in a way that is kind of like having siblings. They will grow up to be close and share things.

I was an only child and I'm fine so I figure my one and only child will be just fine. She has plenty of friends already and my husband and I can't afford another child. I want what extra little money we have to go to camping trips and what not. If we had another child we wouldn't be able to do much at all.

My sister had always said that she only wanted one child, so that she could put more focus on that one child. She said she doesn't get how mothers of more than one can do it. Of course, she had a very difficult time conceiving, so she's thankful for the one!

Me, I never wanted only 1 child, but having to wait 17 years for one, I would have settled. God answers prayers, tho, so I now have 2 children, 2 years apart!

It's funny how 2 sisters growing up in the same family (she is #4, I am #6 of 7) can have such totally different viewpoints. What's funny is, my sister must have felt some kind of lack of attention; I never did, but always felt that they gave HER more attention than me! (For the record, I'm not bitter; ALL of my siblings are people I would have wanted to know if I weren't related to them.)

The $ excuse is a cop-out; my husband and I make almost 1/2 what you do, and we manage fine.