Advice on Co-sleeping

In my experience (mom of 4), it is much easier to transition a 2 or 3 year old, or even a 1yo, to their own bed/room than a baby. It's not a "habit" for a newborn - it's a "need" to be near her parents at night. Baby needs to sleep wherever the whole family sleeps best.

Here are some links you may find helpful:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

Are you swaddling her at all? If not, give it a try. It may be what she needs to feel safe and comfortable without being in the same bed with you.

Although I am okay with cry-it-out methods, she is a bit young for that, so if you do decide to try it, I would wait until she is 4-5 months old.

You sound like a very sensitive and intuitive mom. I agree that "cry-it-out" techniques break trust and waste calories that could better be used for learning and growing.
I think the best arrangement will be the one where your whole family can get good rest. I think it's completely OK to skip all the mental gymnastics and just snuggle that baby to sleep. Your pediatrician (bless his heart) is just reading from the American Academy of Pediatrics big book of basic protocols, and he has never nursed a baby. Even if he is a fantastic father of many children, he has likely spent many nights away from home while in residency, where he had minimal experience with infant sleep and lactation issues, so consider his advice but do not fret if your daughter does not instantly respond to it. You are the expert on your baby.
Please keep in mind your darling baby is not trying to manipulate you--her needs and wants are the same right now, and the more you meet her needs, the more secure she will be as she outgrows them. It is normal and healthy to nurse a baby to sleep, and nursing patterns can change as babies hit growth spurts.
I have three sons, and they have all shared sleep with me and my husband and we are all well-rested. My two older boys happily go to bed in their own beds in their own room with minimal protesting (about having one more story, not wanting to sleep with us still) and I can say that this little baby nursing/sleeping/snuggling stage is such a short season and I do not regret it one little bit. It was a loving time, and they outgrew it happily and gradually.
I think it's great your daughter already knows to turn to the people she loves for reassurance, instead of inanimate things that cannot offer real comfort. So many people have this backwards and I think it affects priorities long-term.

At my house, we have an Arm's Reach brand Co-Sleeper, which is like a bassinet that attaches to the side of the bed. When our baby is in bed with us and I'm nursing him to sleep, I have a flat flannel blanket under him. When I am sure he is totally asleep (I do the "limp limb test": if I can pick up and drop an arm or leg without him stirring, he's really out) then I transfer him into the Co-Sleeper by scooping him up, keeping the blanket under him. This means there's never a temperature or texture change when I move him (and also there is never any baby mess on my sheets if there's a leak or a barf during the night). He sleeps there until he needs to nurse again, at which point I roll him back into my bed (on his blanket). The time between nursings gets longer as he ages, with the exception of teething and growth spurt times. But I can always respond immediately since he's right there, so he never gets worked up waiting for me to come down the hall, and we can both go back to sleep easily and quickly. This has worked well for my family for three babies now, and I've been able to really enjoy my breastfeeding relationships with my kids without feeling exhausted from putting a lot of effort into sleep for infants.
La Leche League meetings really saved my sanity. I highly recommend them. You can find your local group at www.llli.org. All their services are free, the moms are nice and helpful, and most groups have a lending library of books (such as "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and "The NIghttime Parenting Book") that you can borrow for free.
I hope this help-- best wishes and congrats on your growing family!

My first little girl did the exact same thing. She hated her crib. The second I would put her in her crib, she would start to scream. I could even put her on a bed and she would be fine. I tried getting her used to the crib so many times throughout her life, but no go. I finally decided to follow her lead and we co slept. Eventually I took one side of her crib down and butted the crib up to our bed. She would sleep in it like that. It was a bit hard for me to get in and out of bed, but at least we all got some sleep. With my second she is a pretty good sleeper. She does sleep with us at night, but this was not always the case. I read the "no cry sleep method" to get her not to co sleeping and it worked. It was when she started getting ear infections and she had to have surgery that she started sleeping with us again. The book was really helpful, so you may want to give it a try. Good luck.

I didn't do the cry it out with my daughter either. I don't like it and nothing anyone said to me was going to make me comfortable with it. We later found out that we couldn't have more kids and I am SO thankful I had that time with her!
I always ask myself will I look back and say gee I wish I hadn't spent that time snuggling, nursing, etc. my baby? or will I look back and regret not doing those things? if my answer is I would regret it later then I do it, if it is that I won't care either way I let it go.
I have to agree that you are the best indicator for what you and your child need.
we too did the arms reach co-sleeper and I loved it, the baby was still right there but we could toss and turn as much as we wanted and not wake her up. if she was struggling to go to sleep or started to shift awake I would reach over and pat her bum.
whenever you do the transition it will come with some stressors but really I don't think you need to transition your daughter now unless YOU are wanting to.
I don't think you are making it worse. I think you are reassuring her that she has parents who love her and that she is secure.
on the bundling, there was an awesome blanket that had velcro on it that wrapped around my daughter that we used--that kept her burritoed. :) once she outgrew needing that we used sleep sacks instead of worrying about blankets for a long time.
good luck and trust your instincts. you have the mom intuition that no one else will have for your child.

I don't have too much advice, I never really figured it out with my daughter either. I just want to encourage you to do whatever you decide sooner rather than later. We thought we would just "wait it out" and although a few times a week my daughter stays in her bed finally, most nights she still prefers to be snuggled in tight in our bed. The problem is that she's 4 1/2, is so wiggly and big compared to a tiny baby so now we don't sleep and she's too big to cry it out in a confined area as she can escape anything except for us locking the door. Then she just cries on the other side waking up the whole house. I wish I'd just had the courage to let her cry sooner when she couldn't escape her crib. I should mention she never really cried just went straight to screaming which is why we let it go.

I will tell you-we used the cry it out method for both our girls. Though they were over a year. Six weeks is too young to be doing that. Have you tried swaddling her? I did it forever with my first little girl and my second hated it. I did co-sleeping with my youngest for over a year. Then my husband made me put her in the crib when she was around 14 months. She shared a room with her sister. By that age she wasn't screaming when she woke-just crying and her sister would coax her back to sleep. I hated doing it to my older one, but they love sharing a room now. The waking up in the middle of the night stopped after a couple of days. Although again your baby is still very young and they do have sleepers if you want to co-sleep. I did it with both girls and they are now very independent sleepers!! Good luck!

My first thought is to revise your thinking. Sleep is not a habit. Where one sleeps isn't a habit, either. She has slept with you the first 9 months of life (in your belly), so that is her normal. Choosing sleeping arrangements where everyone gets the best sleep is usually the best choice.
When she is older and you are ready to explore the next phase, two books I love are Good Nights by Gordon, and The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley. They would both have good info for you now, too, but they also address moving kids to their own beds, which can help you not feel "trapped."
On a personal note, all four of my kids began life in our bed, and all four kids now sleep elsewhere. :) It's just not that big of a deal. My now four-year-old announced when he was three that he would sleep in his brother's room, and that was that. It just happened. We can help them along when needed, but sometimes the push comes from the little one.
Good luck!

Hi K.,
I had the same problem with my son, who is now almost two. He would sleep while he was being held, but wake when I tried to put him into his bassinet or crib by himself. He would sleep fine in bed with me and my husband, but we didn't sleep so well. The best solution we found was swaddling. He slept SO MUCH better when he was wrapped up tightly, and couldn't flail around. I read The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, MD and found it helpful in soothing my little guy. That said, we did co-sleep for the first 5 or 6 months, mostly because it was just easier to have the baby right there when he wanted to nurse. After that, we used Dr. Ferber's method for sleep training and it was very successful. Dr. Ferber is the "cry-it-out" doctor, but I think he gets a bad rap. The book does not advocate just dumping your kid in a crib and walking away, and from my memory, he doesn't suggest trying his method with babies as young as your daughter. It is a method of allowing your child to learn to self-soothe and fall asleep without parental intervention. My son did very well with it and now sleeps 11 hours/night without any problem. I say that not to make you change your mind about how to handle your daughter, but rather to provide information that may be helpful later. I agree with you that 6 weeks is too young to let her cry til she falls asleep. If co-sleeping works for now, go with it and don't worry, you will be able to do something else later, babies are remarkably adaptable.
Good luck!

It was a big shock to us, too, when our newborn screeched as soon as he was tucked into his crib or bassinet. So, we swaddled him, and he slept with us for 10 months. After about 6 months, we were able to put him into the crib and he slept there until he awoke at about 11 for his first feeding (at which point I brought him to bed with us). He is now a secure and happy little 2 year old, who is sleeping well on his own, in his own bed, all night without a peep. No "bad habits", not once has he "cried it out", and we are all so happy! So, go with your gut and don't worry too much about the future or what everyone else thinks is best for you!

My son wanted to sleep in our bed with us too when he was a newborn... he would never sleep longer than half an hour outside of our bed, but I slept HORRIBLEY with him in our bed with us. He slept really well in his carseat, and also in his papisan chair so for the first 6 weeks or so he spent first a lot of time sleeping in his carseat at night, and then many nights sleeping in his papisan chair, and then FINALY we got him used to sleeping on a flat surface by the time he was about 6 weeks to 2 mos old. At around 2 1/2 mos old we tried putting him in his crib for the first time and found that we ALL slept better and longer with him out of our room. I think he slept better because the crib matress was nicer than the "basinette" in his play pen in our room. For us it was a transistion, but it slowly worked. We now have baby #2 coming in just about 2 months, and he will also not be a co-sleeping baby. My husband and I are big on having our own bed :-) Don't feel bad if you don't want to co-sleep... it works for some people and not for others. Also, If I were you I would wait til your baby is older before letting her do any form of cry-it-out. Follow her lead and she will let you know when she is independant enough to be in her own bed and to fall asleep on her own, ect.

Also, are you swaddling her at night? Swaddling can help them feel cozy and secure even when they are on a flat surface...if she can't move and flail so much, maybe so wont wake herself up so easily.

Good luck!

My now 9+ month old was in a similar way. He slept with us through 4 months old. We regularly would try to put him in his crib, but made no big deal of it is he wanted to sleep with us instead. At around 4 months he was more comfortable in his crib. He is now at 9 months starting to be more comfortable falling asleep in the crib rather than nursing... (I have nursed him to sleep each time he has slept - naps and night time) it was a natural progression and not one we had to artificially force. People get hung up on this "spoiling" your kid thing, I don't know why. If she wants to be near you, and you are ok with it, then go with it.
There are risks you never know how long she will want this and maybe you will be ready to get her out of the bed before she is ready but I say cross that bridge when you get there. She's just a tiny baby who has been in your body for all her life. Give her a break and let he sleep with you and nurse if she wants! (As long as you want that too - don't let others tell you things you need to fear as "maybes".)

2 things- my son sleeps best when super warm( seriously, he sweats when he sleeps) Maybe she misses the body heat and she needs swaddling or a fluffy blanket you can get her used to. The other thing is that my daughter could only fall asleep on her side or tummy, from sleeping on top of me, so maybe if you got one of the angled cozy sleep positioners to help mimic the feel of being held or prop her up a little. I can only figure that the feel of a bassinet isn't as cozy as your bed, same as a crib would feel too big and empty and cold. Babies can be wierd and picky, and they are all different.

Hi K.--
We fought the co-sleeping thing with my first, but he only slept well with us. With the second I've never even tried to put him anywhere but with me. We adore co-sleeping. Everyone sleeps better. My oldest went to his own room by choice when he was just over 3 1/2. He sleeps great by himself now (he's now 5). We never had to get up and go down the hall for teething, sickness, hunger, etc. If my little one (he's 19months) needs me I'm right there. No crying or freaking out and we can both go back to sleep peacefully and all cuddled up. Lots of people will say their little ones sleep in their own rooms, but how many stories do you hear of kids getting out of their beds and coming to their parents room? The world is a scary place to a little person and Mommy and Daddy keep them safe. Allowing them to become independent in their own time gives them a stable foundation from which to jump into life. You might want to look up attachment parenting for more info. So from this co-sleeping Mommy, I say do what works for you and your little one. You won't harm her. She will figure out how to go to sleep by herself and she will sleep by herself when she's ready.
Good luck!
J.

Just a thought, sometimes crib mattresses aren't very soft, especially compared to your bed. I put a thick quilt under my son's fitted sheet to make it more comfortable.

I totally get it. I have three, the first one would never sleep alone or in his crib the second one wouldn't even consider sleeping with anyone and loved his crib and the third one is right in between the two. I have been told by my doc to let them cry it out as well. He said that as hard as it is, it only takes a 5 to 7 days before the baby gets it. He also said that you have to remember they will not remember this short bit of time and the babies need to get good sleeping habits established by the age of two or they could be poor sleepers for life.

Now that being said, my first one slept with us until 8 - I never corrected it. He is a GREAT sleeper now (he is 9) and says in his room no problems. The 8 years of you baby being in your bed is hard to bear though. My last one is in our room sometimes and in her own others. I just haven't had what I call "the Energy" to tough out a week of crying to sleep. In short, I am sure it works if you are willing.

Good luck!

What about getting a co-sleeper, so she is sorta sleeping with you, but not. The once she's comfortable with that, move her farther and farther away? You can try a sleep positioner and a warm rice pack to warm it before you lay her down. And if nothing else....co-sleep and enjoy it! You can cross that bridge later. It's most important that you are awake and alert for your kids, not that your infant sleeps on her own!

I am blown away that the doctor is recommending to let a 6 week old fuss herself to sleep! I have never been fond of the cry it out method (probably because my kids just got more and more hysterical).

My boys both co-slept with me from the time they were born until they were about 2 years old. I could start putting them in their beds after they were asleep around 9 or 12 months, but if they woke up I immediately let them come back into my bed. By 2 or 2 1/2 they were more able to sleep in their own bed (or a few minutes of snuggle and then back to bed). My younger son was born when my older was 2 1/2 so there were some logistic issues there but nothing serious. And he shared a room with his older sister and sometimes would sleep in her bed which made it easier too. I nursed both boys, and it made the nighttime feedings easier, I just nursed them lying down. And there really wasn't any issues when weaning.

The boys are now 6 and 8, and they go to their own beds without a fuss. Occasionally one of the will come in to our room in the night, but I can usually just tell them to go back to their bed and they do (until their dad leaves for work at 5:30, then I just let them snuggle with me.)

So I'd say, go ahead and let her sleep in your bed as long as your okay with it. It's not going to "mess up" her sleep later on, and it'll make nights easier on the whole family. Do keep trying to put her in her crib, but go to her soon after she starts fussing, before she works herself up. (If she starts wiggling around before she's awake, you can try swaddling, and you can gently rub her check or forhead or arm and talk softly to her, to see if it will help.)

I'd just keep bringing her i

If you don't want to be sleeping with your daughter for the next few years, then you really don't want to start this habit. How close can you put the bassinet to your bed? Think about what you do to soothe her when she wiggles in bed with you and try to do the same to her in her bassinet. Try not to pick her up to soothe her. When you lay her down in the bassinet keep your hand on her for a little while to help her transition into a deeper sleep. When things are really bad and all you need is to just get some sleep, go sleep with her on the couch (instead of your bed) so you don't reinforce the co-sleeping.
OR if you really are ok with co-sleeping and understand that it may take a few years before she is completely out of your bed, then go for it. I would suggest though, that with both you and your husband intensely aware of her presence through the night that neither one of you is sleeping very well.
Good luck!

Your little girl is still very little, so I don't think you're making it worse by "letting it go on."

I would wait longer before attempting to lie her down. If she starts fussing or wiggling around try putting your hand on her tummy to let her know you're still there and to feel your warmth. With my son, putting my wrist in front of him helped, because he could smell me and knew I was still there. With my oldest putting my hand beneath his feet worked. *when he was in bed with us I curled around him, so that had previously been my leg.* It made him feel like he was still in bed with me, and he thought I was right there beside him.

I agree with your doctor though, it's okay for them to fuss themselves to sleep. And of course she goes to screaming. It works. It's okay to let her cry. If after a few minutes of crying (check on her again in 15 minutes) she's still screaming and you know she won't go back to sleep, pick her up, and try again.

Not the answer you wanted, but there you have it.

Good luck!

All good advice. You should do what is best for your and your daughter. Sometimes, they just need to feel secure with you for a while longer - that's okay as long as you are fine with it. Swaddling is a great idea as well as the co sleeper bassinet. Finally, I am not a big fan of the cry it out method full force. At 6 weeks she is far too young for that. My doctor told us that until they are 6 mos. they need you to soothe them and respond to their needs vs. leave them cry. I have left mine cry when they were older (1 yr or more) as long as I knew they were not sick and were safe, and not "screaming". We all have our own tolerance of that - so follow your gut.