Advice on 3Rd Pregnancy

HI A., and congrats! I am a mom of five and people think we're nuts too, my comment has been that the Lord gives multiple children to those who can handle them. I would wait maybe until you are about 8 weeks before telling too many people, just to make sure everything is well w/ the pregnancy. But you really should disclose any info you have to potential parents looking for babysitters. Just so they are not stuck at the last minute scrambling for a sitter. I think they will appreciate your honesty is you tell them your plans upfront, and there won't be any surprises to worry about later. Best wishes.
Sorry about any negative or mean comments on this board, that's not what we are here for, positive support only.
A. T

When I get pregnant, I have people get mad at me or make rude jokes. My first son was 10 months old when I got pregnant with number two. Then I was so sick with morning sickness that I was on home IV's and in the hospital trying to get the vomiting under control. Everyone was saying that this better be my last...Then I had my tubes tied because my husband and I have a platelet incompatability and I have antibodies that eat up my babies platelets while I'm pregnant. I have to have IV treatments of gammaglobulin weekly for the last 20 weeks of pregnancy. To make a long story short, (LOL) I reversed my tubal ligation and had two more kids. There were some people who gave us such a hard time. Well, here we are, in our late 30's, our oldest is going into high school and our youngest is going into Kindergarten and I got pregnant. We told only the people who are supportive of us but I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks. Everyone was so sympathetic and understanding, which totally surprised me (even though we only told certain people.) If I were to have more children, I would only tell the supportive ones and let the rude people figure it out on their own...LOL

I think you should be up front with your potential clients if this is going to effect them a lot. Otherwise, you could wait...

Good luck to you and Congratulations on your new little one! I'm very happy for you! Blessings!
J.

As far as the pregnancy goes, tell everyone as soon as you feel comfortable with it. Tell them now, if you're excited! I think their reaction will be determined by how you tell them. Instead of sounding uncertain or apoligetic, tell them with joy and confidence. They'll reflect that back to you.

Try saying:

"We just found out we're pregnant again and we COULDN'T be happier."

I dare them to say something negative after that.

As far as your moving situation, I think it's a good idea to be completely up front with your new "clients". If they're going to trust you with their kids, they might not appreciate anything less than complete honesty.

Besides, what if they did leave the kids with you and then had to pull them out when you move. That kind of instability can be hard on children.

Good luck and congratulations!

First of all- congratulations! I am so happy for you! I think it is exciting! Your first aim should be to prioritize what is important to the both of you, and then make an action plan that will support that. IF your husband isn't happy, then you won't be happy-you can't please all the girlfriends out there with opinions, becuase we all have them. :) I learned this the hard way- I have four children. Most folks thought it their express duty to tell us just how crazy we were or educate us on the fine arts of birth control or debate us into admission of youthful stupidity based on the economy, politics, religion, finances, job security, the Apocalypse...
So do be prepared for negative comments, because they will come. People were shocked my husband and I would have a third- two was the standard in our church and when we had our fourth, we got a barrage of questions and 'discussions'.
I would not give one of my kiddos back, and I do not regret having them. If we had waited based on all these things, we would be childless until we were in our late thirties early forties. Anyway, you do what your husband and yourself have determined is best for your family, keep your humor handy when you do announce your pregnancy. The thing I found helped the most was being visibly excited about the pregnancy and having an answer to folks questions.( Inasmuch as it was their business- I do NOT make it a habit to discuss my bedroom practices with folks at the grocery just because they feel the need to discuss the finer points with me right then and there. Reminds me of the night before the wedding talk with parents. :)
What also helped me was having great friends who were excited for me and would support and encourage me, even in front of those who didn't agree. Doesn't help with the daycare situation, but being afraid of other people's criticism can be crippling- I have been there.

Congratulations on your growing family. I am a mother of 4, and they are 8,6,4, and 1. I love the age differences in my family. My kids play together and help each other in ways that I think siblings that are far apart miss out on.My thoughts had to do with your family with strong opinions. How you and your hubby decide to plan your family is a totally personal decision and it really isn't any of anyone else's business, but telling people that doesn't make friends. I don't know what the best thing to do is, but I would just smile, say thanks for the advice, and totally ingore it. Good Luck, and congratulations on your new life. Babies are miracles! Happy Mother's Day!

Congratulations!! I would recommend letting your clients know first about the move and second about the pregnancy (assuming they will still be able to bring their kids depending on the distance. etc). Moving is such a pain! :)I am sure what your clients will be wanting to know is how this will affect them... 1. will you be close to them 2. will you still be wanting to do daycare after you have the baby,etc. I had a sitter move on me and only gave a couple weeks notice. That was really hard and I stressed about finding another good sitter. As for telling your family, don't stress about it. If they aren't happy for you they can stick it. Children are the best blessing in the world and nothing is more important. Don't let them ruin your moment! :)

Good luck!

Hello A. B.
We always feel like we are the only ones going through a certain situation in life and no ones else is or has never been through it. I have to laugh!! I too am daycaring 2 kids, an 8 year old girl and her step brother who is 4. They too will no longer be coming back to me after May. The older one will stay home with her step dad so they can save money and the little boy will start preschool. We have 4 kids and the 5th is on the way in November! I too was very anxious to tell anyone because I didn't want to hear anything negative. My question to you is, Is anyone ever financially prepared or ready to have children? I know that we've always made ends meet. Time have been tight. My husband is Border Patrol was injured on the job and was home for 2 years, times were the tightest!! We have asked friends who don't have kids yet, if they'll be financially ready, honestly no one understands the cost of children. A. don't worry about what others will think or say. Continue to be happy and let negative comments just roll off your back!!!

About the childcare questions you had. I'd be up front with everyone, that way they can feel like they can always trust in you! I hope I helped! If you wanna chat about anything, pregnancy, daycaring, family anything please write me back!! I too married my high school sweetheart!! We will be together 10 years and married 7 this June! God bless! Stay strong & keep smiling! Don't worry, things will turn out just fine!! A. G.

It sounds like you need to read the book called Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and stop worrying about what others think of what YOU are doing for YOUR family.

Blessings~

Dear A., I'm always amazed at how people think they need to let others know how they should be running their life. I feel badly that others have put doubts in your mind about your family planning. That area belongs to you and your husband ONLY. Sometimes other people cross the line about these things and often times don't realize how hurtful it can be. I'm sure their intentions are not to be rude so don't let it feel that way. (Easier said than done, I know) Good for you for following thru with having another child because it's what YOU wanted. That's all that matters. Sometimes it's hard to tell others that you feel it is the right thing for your family, but the more you say it to them the easier it will get. And let me tell you it can be liberating! I would wait until you feel comfortable telling your friends and family. Some people wait until their second trimester. This can especially make the pregnancy feel shorter since it won't be the topic of conversation from the very beginning. Good luck telling them and don't them get you down. Tell them kindly but firmly that the decision belongs to you and let it end with that. If they won't let it go then that's there issue, not yours. This is an exciting time and that's what you should focus on!!! By the way I have 4 kids under the age of 5 so I know what it's like to have kids close together and I wouldn't have it any other way!!

As far as the daycare goes, I would give your parents all the info up front so that there are no burnt bridges. If they have a heads up then they'll be more understanding when things change. It'll give them time to prepare to meet those changes and become more comfortable with them. I hope this helps and I hope all goes well for you!

Yea, you are having another baby!!!

I think that honesty is the best policy....think about it, how would you feel if you were the other person, what would you want to know? but as others have responded, until the 3rd month, you don't have to tell. The moving part is kind of important.....

something to think about
T.
www.tesabartell.myarbonne.com

Well I also run a home daycare and go to school full time to get my teaching degree. I told parents up front what I was doing, because I feel that honesty is always the best policy.Most of them know that in 4 yrs(less now) I will qiute doing daycare and go to work in the school system. Most everyone is ok with that and when I interview parents and they feel they want someone long term that is ok also, because that just means it was not meant to be. Pleaseing people is one thing, but pleasing yourself and your family should be first and foremost. If you provide good loving care then the parents will not have a problem with you being pregnant. I have learned to always be honest with your parents, now not all the parents are always honest with me, but that is how it goes. Tell the world about your pregnancy, this is a great time for you and your family and if you feel that you can take care of 3 children then that is your business, not anyone elses. Be happy and enjoy this time and if it is meant to be so be it.

Wow A. you will have your hands full just with your own children. My advice would be to sit down with your husband and go over your finances. Find a way to make it work without filling the empty spots. Maybe having to move is a blessing. There may be more affordable housing out there that could ease the financial strain.
I too had my three daughters close together. Finances were tight but I was home with my daughters. I too did the daycare route...just one child a few times a week. We did without dinners out, new cars, nice furniture and vacations.
I always said my kids will not remember that our furniture was from our college days, carpet needed replacing and we spent vacations at the local park!!
My oldest turns 13 on mother's day this weekend. Finances are not as tight now but she still says she misses our little house and her blue room.
Good luck with your decision and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Ps.... If you do fill the spaces be upfront with the parents.

C.... SAHM of three girls 13 11 and 8

I had three children close together also and at first I was shocked about my third pregnancy (my boys are 14 months apart and the two oldest are 2 1/2 years apart), but once I got over the shock (and saw how excited my hasband was) I really didn't care what other people thought. I had every reaction from "do you know what causes this", to "I am so excited for you" but the bottom line was that we were excited and felt like each of our children were a gift. So don't worry about what other people think...I know it's hard, but enjoy every minute of it...my kids are now 22,19, and 20 and are still very close.

Hey A. first off congratulations!!!!Second if you want to wait a bit and not tell your prospective clients up front i think thats fine but you DO need to let them know that you're moving in august.A lot of people pick daycare providers by their proxmity to their work or home.But dont worry i've been in the same boat you have severa times

My oldest is 9,then a almost 7 year old, a 5 and a 3 year old.as you can see mine are close in age and i did childcare since the before getting pregnant with the first.Yes i had people freak out on me and my first nanny job let me go because she didnt think i coud love both my baby and hers.so i think i would wait just a bit prove yoursef to the new families.

as for telling the rest of your friends and family.I understand your nervousness too!!But this is your life not theirs.If you always wanted a big famiy i say go for it!!! 3 is not that much more than 3.Tell peope when you're ready there wil always be negative comments and thats so sad but it sounds like you're very excited.You shoud've heard the comments we got when me and my fiancee told everyone we were together everyone thought there was no way we oculd handle 6 kids but we are and we're doing fine!!!Good Luck

Congrats! Babies are a blessing and I adore them as well. (I have 5) Just be careful not to get too overtired! As for telling your family, be honest. You wanted another child, thought it would happen like last time, however the baby had other plans. Tell them all babies need to be loved and you are sure that they will love this one as much as your other two. What can they say after that???? I pray that all will turn out well and perhaps a girl...although another boy would be great for passing the clothes down! I had two girls first, then a boy and was really scrambling as I had everything in pink.....

Proper protocal is not to mention a pregnancy until the third month. Nowadays though it seems acceptable after the heartbeat is heard or seen in ultrasound. So, at this stage, not even your mother should know...not to get anyone's hopes up or down and for the very reason of avoiding stress in the first trimester.
Good luck, and good health

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! I know people can be very judgemental but what they need to realize this is a choice you made and if you are happy about it, so should they. As for the pregnancy part of your question, I don't believe you have to disclose that to new or existing parents unless you truly want to. The parents shouldn't have to know that to decide if you are the right person to take care of their child.
As for the switching of the home, you might want to give them a heads up about that. Just in case you move out of that area it might not be as convenient as it is now.
Again, congratulations and keep your head up, you will know when it is best to let everyone know, go with your instinct.

It is so not anyone's business what you and your husband decide to do in regard to how many children you decide to have! If anyone makes any negative comments, tell them that if they can't say something nice, then they should not say anything at all. That will shut them up quick. Be excited and happy that God decided to give you this child. It is ultimately up to Him as to whether he blesses you with another child. The miricale of life doesn't happen on accident. There are a lot of miracles that have to happen to make a baby and only God has a hand in it. This baby has greatness in its future with you and your husband as its parents. Good luck and be happy! Dont let others ruin your happiness!

A.,
I think as a parent myself I would expect notice from my caretaker that a move will be taking place and where it is. I would also request from that caretaker that I be allowed to look at it before I commited to keeping or enrolling my child. I know that if you had your child or children in a daycare or home daycare you would expect no less. These are your children.
I think that your pregnancy is GREAT!!!! CONGRATULATIONS! It is not something that you HAVE to tell if you do not want to share this with anyone! This baby is special to you and your husband, who care what OTHERS think or what OTHERS say... You two are what is important and that baby.... be happy be content and most of all be THRILLED that you are going to bring another precious little one of you into this world to love, cuddle and just be in awe with!! I love my one and only (daughter Samantha) and am so glad that she is part of me and part of our life!
Be good to yourself and just be EXCITED!
Sharon

A., you sound so much like me. When I found out I was having my third and fourth child, my mother-in-law said it was because my sister-in-law was pregnant, and that is the reason why I got pregnant, and even though we are adults, we want to try to please every one. But we can't. I would wait to make sure to tell any one else. Every one will think your crazy, but that is your decision. I think you will be able to handle being pregnant. Look how much you have accomplished so far, with two boys in tow, and a babysitting job, on top of that. THAT should tell every one that you can do it.

I would let any new people, after they accept you as their babysitter, this way, when you have to take off once a week, they can have plenty of notice on why you are taking the day or part of the day off. This way they are not shocked on why you have to take the day off.

My best friend is a babysitter, and when she started when she was pregnant, she told her parents right away, this way they knew they were expecting once a month, at first, then once a week further along, that she was taking off.

Hope this helps.

P.S. I also married my high school sweetheart. Been together for 16 1/2 years, and been married for almost 12 years. 12 on Monday, May 12.

I do in-home daycare and although I have never been pregnant while caring for other people's children, I say, that honesty is the best policy. My husband and I were just talking about this earlier and all that we have learned from the businesses we have owned. If there is one thing we learned it is to have an open line of communication. The parents might not like the idea or be open to what you have to say, but if you say it, then it is in their hands on how to react. Make sense?

As for the moving, I totally just went through that with my parents. I personally let all of the parents know that we might be moving 60 days before we actually did. I gave each parent a map at that time and asked them to highlight how far they were willing to travel to. 30 days before we moved I let them all know of the location we had chosen and encouraged them to drive by and make sure that the commute would be suitable for them. They all wanted to go with me and so we moved. However, in my situation it backfired because none of the parents drove by to time what their new commute would be. Thus ending in me losing four children! Yikes! It probably would be better if you let any prospective parents know now that you will be moving, but assure them that you will be only moving within a five mile radius of where you currently live.

As for the pregnancy, I say, "CONGRATULATIONS!" I would maybe wait this time around until you are showing(which wouldn't be long for me LOL!!!) But, just wait and you can \ reveal the pregnancy to everyone personally and let them know how happy and excited you are for this new life that you have growing inside of you. You are an adult and what you and your family choose to do is your business and your business only. There will always be those who are critical of us, but in the end it is what makes us happy that matters the most. Whether or not your in the financial place to have a child should not be anyone else's business. Personally, my husband and I made less than $3000 combined per month when we had our son and we made only a little more than that when we had our daughter 19 months later. (Hint: We had a baby shower for both children that was a diaper and wipe shower and got enough diapers and wipes for the first year!) They are happy and healthy and so are we. It just made us more creative, me more determined to breastfeed past one year and made us closer as a family! God bless you and good luck with everything-let me know if you ever want to talk!