Advice for Evaluting Friendship with Another Mom

Updated on April 03, 2008
E.S. asks from Bothell, WA
6 answers

I have a mom friend.. our history is a little weird. I know she has lied to me (and others) but I have never said anything. It's a very one sided friendship. I just feel kinda taken advantage of... my mom and husband constantly ask me why I still talk with her. I guess I've never been really big on confrontations... Do I say anything to her? Everyone describes me as easy going, but I think she's starting to take advantage of that. ahh.. what to do?

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M.A.

answers from Las Vegas on

I guess it depends on how much of a freind she is to you. If you catch her in a lie, call her on it and just ask her why? Be honest with her on how you feel. If she really values you as a friend she will understand, maybe not right away but giver her time to digest what you said. She may in fact open up to you right away and all can be resolved right then. Just expalined to her that you care about her and want to help. There maybe something there she's not telling you. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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B.S.

answers from Reno on

Just gradually stop talking with her. Don't go out of your way.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I totally understand where you are coming from. Man, I just thought it was something that only happens in my life. I pretty much agree with all the other ladies, but if your"friend" is anything like the one I have dealt with, she may find ways to befriend your other friends or worse, total strangers and start gossip behind your back because she isn't getting out of you what she wants. From experience, I would just keep being nice, but keep the conversation one sided (let her do most of the talking) especially when discussing other friends or aquaintences. And, just don't expect anything from her-doesn't sound like she is a very caring person, and if you are don't let it stop you from being you, just protect your feelings so you don't get hurt. What goes around comes around, and if you live your life positively and "sleep well at night" with the way you conduct yourself, then don't worry, Karma takes care of people like her.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from San Diego on

If you feel taken advantage of then you need to let her go. A good friendship will not only take from your life, but also give/add to it. You don't need to confront her, just slip away. Stop calling. If it's one-sided she'll hardly notice, right?

1 mom found this helpful
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D.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi E.

I recently within the last year was in the same situation as you. I also do not do well with confrontation. I asked myself a few questions to figure out what I wanted to do. If the "friendship" is one sided and I'm doing all the giving am I ok with that?, If she is a true "friend" why is she lying to me? If she is lying can I trust her?..and my anwsers were if I'm doing all the giving it's not a true friendship...I'm being taken advantage of and a true friend wouldn't do that, If she is lying to me is it she can't trust me or she's playing me...a true friend doesn't do that. can I trust her? if she's lying to me then she's lying to others...I disolved the friendship via the phone. I sound out later from someone else she played me for a fool and was a scam artist...I never told her why I ended the friendship I just told her one day I was done with her whining...if she didn't like her life she needed to change it...I never got another call from her..she moved on to someone else...If you don't like confrontation send her an email...this way you can write it, reedit it..or make a list for yourself only of all the pro's and con's of the relationship..are you putting alot of time into this? is it pulling you down. Could you be putting that time into your kids?

anyway I hope this helps.

D.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

I too have had this experience. I would try to limit the contact you have with her. Let her call you. Like the others said, let the conversation be one sided. She'll get bored and move on!

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