Advice About Make Up

Well, the easy way to look at it is this..if you wore makeup before him, and when you met him, then he needs to just deal. You accept him for his picky ways, so he can accept a simple thing you do on occasion to make yourself feel good. Would it make a difference if you wore organic and natural makeup? I've seen a line of such makeup at our natural foods/ oragnic store called down to earth. I think you need to talk to him nad let him know that you put up with his beliefs and it shouldnt hurt for you to express yourself sometimes too. It is nice though that he thinks you are beutiful enough to not need any makeup. Good luck.

HI kathy:
I don't believe your husband has a problem with make up,or the fact you want to wear it. He sufferes from insecure feelings. The better you look,the more insecure he feels. You and your husband need to discuss his problem,and you should be allowed the freedom to groom yourself,and take pride in your appearance. Most men,are elated,that their wives take good care of themselves.The majority of complaints,come from men who say their wives neglect their looks, begin dressing frumpy,and appear as though they don't care what they look like.Your husband is afraid of the attention you may recieve,as a result. Makes me think of an olde song. "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life" "Better make an ugly woman your wife" lol Tell him,that you have no intentions of turning frumpy and old before your time. That even if he doesn't care,you take pride in yourself and appearance. I wish you and your insecure hubby the best.

Its not a matter of who is "right." The thing is, your Hubby seems kind of rigid about it.. .it's great he feels you are beautiful without make-up. My Hubby is the same way, he can't even tell when I have make up on. BUT... he knows it's a "woman thing" to want to wear make-up...and it's normal. It's fine. It's just being able to understand the woman, his wife, and LETTING HER be herself, and even if she wants to wear make-up whenever she wants. It's a woman's freedom of choosing.

Or, can it be that he feels "threatened" by you wearing make-up? That is makes you look so beautiful that he thinks other men will look at you??? Some men are like that, or some men honestly don't like make-up on women. It's their feelings too, and it's okay. BUT, I think you have every right to wear make up if you want.... you seem to wear "natural" make up anyway... and it probably is nice. Nothing wrong with that.

Tell your Hubby about the responses you get...
It should not be a big deal... I don't know why it is such a big deal to your Hubby. I guess he has make-up "issues."
Is he a "all natural" kind of guy too? Or does he gel his hair, shave, wear deodorant, dress up and like nice clothes... etc.? If so, then he should understand that it is just a PERSONS way to groom themselves, and look nice.

Good luck,
Susan

Kathy :

It's your face & body ! You own it !
Use shishiedo . very natural and still apply all the normal routines you do.

Don't let him run your life in every way. Don't loose your identity ! YOU ONLY LIVE ONCED !
I think your hair , make up , body is yours to do what you want to certain extent .

Learn to put your foot down in some areas of life. Don't be just spineless and no backbone !

Make yourself HAPPY for YOU !

It's nice that your hubby loves you the way you are...but YOU are right. If it helps you to feel a little better about yourself then you should wear it! Wear on girlfriend!

Hi Kathy,

I dated someone once who didn't want me to wear makeup. He had a lot of insecurities about himself, which is ultimately why I think the makeup bothered him. It made me feel good, which I think made him feel uncomfortable. I don't know if this is the case with your husband or not, but I think if you like to wear makeup (whether occasionally, never, or every day), then that's your business. If it makes you feel good about yourself, I personally think your husband should support that. Perhaps it would be a good compromise if you wore organic or natural-based makeups, like the Burt's Bees line, or Avalon Organics or ALBA. You get the idea. How could he be against those products??

Good luck to you!
:-) D.

This sounds more like a question of control than a question of who is 'right.' Wearing makeup doesn't harm you, so it isn't concern about your health or welfare that's causing your husband's objections. He has the right to dress, eat and medicate himself as he sees fit, but you are also an adult and have the same right. I guess it comes down to how important this is to you. Are you avoiding makeup simply to placate him, or do you agree with the idea of 'totally natural'?

I think the bigger issue here is mutual respect, and the maturity to allow your spouse to express him- or herself. How much of your relationship does he control? How dominant he is in all areas of your life? Do his preferences take first priority the majority of the time?

If you aren't an equal partner in your closest relationship, your own personality can gradually get whittled away until there's not much of you left. That can have a long-term negative impact on your self-respect and self-confidence--qualities that are really important for you as an individual and as a mother.

My best wishes in working through this with your husband, so you're both happy with the outcome.

There are a lot of choices now that are natural. Whole Foods probably has the largest available selection in one place. All the mineral makeups work great and are natural too. Even if there weren't so many great natural choices your husband has to realize that even if he is all about natural it doesn't mean you aren't entitled to want to wear a little makeup once and a while to feel extra special. Hope this helps.

Well, it's YOUR body so it should be up to you I think!
If you really wanted to, you could wear it everyday if you wanted to, BUT you choose to respect his wishes and not wear it most of the time and he should appreciate that and in return, respect YOU when you do want to wear make up once in a while. Just my 2 cents ;)

I find it a little scary that he is trying to control how you look in such a severe way. It would be one thing if he said, "Hey, you wear way too much, tone it down a little" but to expect you not to wear any?? I don't know any women who don't wear at least a little. Especially mascara and lipstick or gloss. I think it's important to figure out why this is such a big deal for HIM.

Since you were married at such a young age, it sounds like he is threatened by you looking "too good". That's not healthy!

First of all congratulations on your holistic way of living. Second, it is important to have your own choices, especially in your self image. We do so much for our children and our husbands, but it is most importantly to take care of ourselves and if that means putting on makeup a few times, so be it, it makes us feel good and it should not mean we are shallow for wearing it. Young girls have limits on wearing make-up, but you are a grown woman.
If he is trying to control other things, have you heard of www.coda.org
best of luck.

Hi Kathy,

I have a 4-year old daughter named Skye (actually Skylar, but we always call her Skye) also.

As for your issue with your husband, I believe that there is make up available at Whole Foods or maybe on-line that is pretty natural and not filled with a lot of chemicals and preservatives. Since you don't wear make up often and don't wear a lot of it when you do, maybe you can find a suitable alternative to the products that you have been wearing. I wonder if this would be a fair compromise for him. If not, then a closer look as to why he doesn't want you wearing makeup and is being inflexible on this issue may be in order.

Although I admire your husband for choosing to live his life so that it supports good health and a healthy, safe environment, he needs to allow you to make your own choices and follow your own heart as well even if he doesn't understand your decisions 100% of the time. He may not understand the big appeal that makeup has for you but your wanting to wear a little bit of makeup every now and again is really harmless and it shouldn't be a big deal.

On a final note, my husband is also a big advocate of the "all natural look" but hasn't a clue as to all the work that it takes to achieve that look. Guys just don't have a clue!

even though you both choose to live a natural lifestyle you should still be able to wear make up as you choose. maybe search online for natural non chemical make up to wear. i love bare minerals make up tho im not sure how nautral it is and i know its expensive. good luck!

and does he tell you when to shave your legs, or what to wear, and do you tell him that he cannot use lotion, or shave gel, do you tell him how you want his hair cut, and how to wear it.. so trade you dont wear makeup and you get to tell him how he wears his hair, when he can shave or not..

this is about you not him, its your body and what makes you feel good, listen up husband.. just because a women wants to add a little color to her face, it makes her feel good.. its not for you .. its not for the post man.. its for her.. the marriage vows did not include, thy shall not wear makeup.. or do as I say ... umm Hello ignore his controling attitude wear it..

Hi Kathy, with out knowing your husband, I really don't want to judge him, maybe he feels other men will look at you more if you wear makeup, I would tell him, it's a girl thing, it makes us feel good about ourselves. Does he tell you that you are pretty and that you don't need make up, or is he just being controling? if you could take it or leave it, I would leave it, I know a lot of women won't agree with me, but life is to short, to let small stuff get into our marriages, I learned that through marriage retreats, and classes, and now I have been married for 27 years. Hope this helps J. L.