37 answers

Help Me!! I Feel So Frumpy

I am frump mom extradonaire...my sweet love says he thinks I am sexy, but he doesn't have to live in this body. I have been fashion paralyzed my whole life and can't do my hair to save my life. When I was in the Army I had this terrific body, clothes fit so nicely, and I had a short hair cut that I just flipped out for instant trend....gak. Maybe I am whining?

Anyhow I am pregnant, we can't afford clothes right now and I could cry. My hair is in a perma-ponytail (it is l-o-n-g). My love finally admitted he isn't opposed me cutting my hair and that he is worried because I seem to only wear his oversized sweaters and sweat pants and complain about it (not his words - I just feel like I am being so whiny). I go out and see other moms looking so unbelievably cute and done up.

A little more - I am tall (5'11), have a clear comlexion, hate heavy make-up with a passion (actually I am inept at that too), have zero ability with a curling iron, and don't have that terrible of a figure, but this is baby three so my hips have widened and my thighs have thickened. I feel so shallow for being so upset about looking like this....but does anyone have any easy tips or think a haircut might help or know any easy and cute hairstyles...really I am looking for ANYTHING to try. I just can't spend hours on myself...*cries* I just really want to go out in public and my glow be from pregnancy and not horrid embarrassment. My love is such a hottie who can totally dress, wears jewelry I make or buy for him, and always has his hair done. I just want to look like his partner and not some bum he picked up out of sympathy.

Sorry about length - I think I am ranting - but my love is really awesome and genuinely thinks I look great. He is concerned he has made me miserable and that I am not feeling pretty b/c of him...

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

UPDATE: We hit Old Navy and surprise! 10 off purchase of 50 dollar or more purchases, 40% off sweaters AND 75% off maternity. I got 7 shirts, a sweater, two pairs of pants, two onsies (they were soooo cute!), and two much needed tees for my man all for 41 bucks!! We are still looking at hairstyles, but are headed to do the haircut this week. Thank you all so much. *HUGS*

Hi everyone - thanks so much for all your time and loving responses. I am currently wearing that darn ponytail, but I talked to my love and he is going to help me pick out a new style this weekend. He's excited to be a part of it. I am also going to pull out my beads and put a few neutral pieces together that will match anything. I went looking for lipgloss and decided I would do that part with my sweetie as well. I did forget to mention that he and I actually do home manicures and pedicures to each other at least once a month (tee hee) so we're going to reup on that this weekend. I hope all goes well and will post my myspace page so you can all see pics. Thanks again!!!

Featured Answers

I love to watch Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, and What Not to Wear for lots of good style ideas. Have fun!

Hi C.,

I'm right there with you. You are a brave woman to be able to admit this and ask for help! Thank you!

Have you ever heard of www.flylady.com? It's a little overwhelming sometimes to sift through everything on the site, but she has some awesome books in her store. Just something to look at!

D. Rylander
A Blessed Birth Doula Services
###-###-####
____@____.com

C... Where do you live? I'm in Everett/lake stevens area and I would love to meet you and maybe help you out. I have three kids as well and I know exactly what you're going through! however, I shop at thrift stores and my friend does my hair (she just quit her salon job to stay at home with her kids)Maybe if you're close we could meet for coffee sometime? I can share my thgouhts with you on how i keep my self esteem going (not easy!!)
let me know and good luck to you:)

More Answers

Sounds like you have a wonderful husband. We as women are way too hard on ourselves. If you know a hair dresser ask her to suggest wash and wear styles.Look at hair styles on the web or in magazines. I have a semi page boy but is A semetrical and it is wash and wear hair that I can clip back if I want to and can be fixed for a night out too when I am in the mood to put some effort into it.

I have three beautiful children and remember wondering why does he love this frumpy woman. He loves and married me not just for how I look but for the person I am. He loves my heart and the little things that we do for each other. Your husband loves you the same way. He loves you not only for the woman you are but the mother you are too.

Don't forget to take time out for you. It could be a bubble bath at night with candles or a trip for a pedicure or facial. Make time for your husband and you without the kids. We used to have late night suppers after they went to bed. I didn't have much to wear as I lived in sweats so would show up in my one sexy nightie and we would talk and eat by candle light and sometimes not make it through the meal. Take a class or hobby that you like. You are not just wife and mother you are also an amazing woman named C..

I called around and found a conseignment shop that had maternity clothes and found a couple of outfits I liked.

Look at yourself in the mirror and enjoy the beautiful woman that you are today. Your hips may be wider but so what. Look at the beautiful child that you have. It is easy to get into the negative...I did and had to start looking at the good around me and in time I started smiling more and realized that my family did too.

Sorry for rambling too but have been right where you are

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C., Honey-- the answer to your question is in your last paragraph -- 3 children, pregnant, and two businesses - hmmmmmmmmm-- now why isn't this nice lady feeling glamorous???. So - 3 simple ideas - Go to a beauty college and ask for some ideas for your hair - or go to a beauty shop that will show you on computer what different cuts might look like on your face. Clothes? --- You want to wear clothes that are more fitted than sweats and oversize sweaters- really you do - Go to thrift shops - even Value Village some day when you have 45 minutes - and try on different things that you might ordinarily look at and say ''oh that is not me'' - what isn't you right now might be actually perfect - try 'em on. Three - ask a good girl-friend to go with you and be your consultant -

Blessings, honey- and good for you for wanting to have your wonderful husband beam with pride as well as love--

You are a smart cookie

J. aka old Mom

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Oh, I so relate! And I had only one child who is now 16. Haven't bought clothes in years except for absolute necessity, because I hate the way I look. My husband tells me I'm beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, almost every day, why do we not believe the men who love us? I think this is a self-esteem problem, and it needs to be fixed from the inside out. But it's also that we are so busy, and have learned not to make time for ourselves. I am trying to change that. Like you, I feel like a bag lady, while my husband and son are cared for and look great. So I have started to trade my art work with a friend who is a stylist, and I am going to gradually phase out my husband's old t shirts and my 2 pairs of jeans. I know many moms who have this problem, they eat leftovers for lunch, would never dream of buying a mocha at Starbucks, and somehow have erased themselves from the family equation when it comes to having needs.
You are obviously loved. Let's both try to let it in more, and believe that we are worth being loved, by both our husbands, and ourselves.
xoxo
A.

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You have great tips here!!! I also agree that starting with a cute haircut that requires no blowdrying/curling would be great. And a pedicure just for you to feel sexy. Buy some mascara -- no joke, it instantly makes you look great! Comb the clearance maternity racks at Old Navy and Target. You'll get there.... A great pair of dark jeans does wonders. Good luck and have fun!!!!

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If your worried about clothes, talk to some of your friends who have had babies. It's been my experience that moms are very willing to share with each other. Maybe someone has some maternity clothes they could loan you.

For the hair, several years ago when I asked a good hair stylist what hairstyle she would recommend for an easy to care for, but not too short look, she suggested long layers. I have had my hair cut that way ever since and it is really easy to care for. Most mornings I just shower and brush it. You could also whoever cuts your hair for a few easy suggestions for what to do for it.

I definitely have my days as a frump mom. There are some moms who seem to look cute every day. I will probably never be one of them, because it just doesn't seem practical in any way. Why wear expensive, cute clothes that your child is going to accidentally wipe spaghetti on?

One way to feel better might be to get dressed up once in a while. You say your fiancee is very put together. He might be able to help a bit if you don't feel confident in doing it yourself.

I do this sometimes and it helps me to see myself as the cute version of me, and not the everyday, stuff on my shirt and hair pulled back version of me.

Last suggestion - take your fiancee at his word. You are beautiful and sexy in his eyes. And who else's eyes matter?

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We have all been there girl! A new hair cut can make you feel sexier again, or just putting on jeans or a more fitted top rather then his old sweats! (I know pregnancy can close fitting an issue :) ) I know how you feel about not feeling you "fit" with your husband. My man is a very athletic, tall, good looking man, and I am 5 ft 3 in and weight 200 lbs! My man says he loves my curves and does not see me as fat, and I think he is lying just to make me feel better! But the fact is, it is my issue with my self, and he does see me with nothing but love, and I am sure is true for your man as well. He loves you, and sees that in you. If he is concerned about the "frumpyness" I am sure it is out of concern for how you feel, not how you look! You are a busy lady, don't be so hard on yourself!

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First, stop thinking you're a frumpy mom. Start thinking that you are a fashion-forward hot mama and educate yourself about fashion. It doesn't have to be difficult, just change a few things and you'll find you are not so fashion frozen.

Second, I have enjoyed watching "What Not to Wear" TLC. Since watching this show, I have tried new color combinations and ventured into cute purses (instant accessories). As far as hair goes, spend a little more on a decent hair cut that is easy for you to manage...tell the stylist you don't want to use a lot of things on your hair and you want it easy to manage, but have a little style that looks great even when you just shake it around.

Third, with maternity clothing, try the second-hand stores, churches, Goodwill, etc. Many places have affordable maternity wear that you can piece together. I only had a few outfits and had a few sets of leggings, so I got away with a lot. I worked full-time through both of my pregnancies, so having work clothes was essential. I managed to make it work with what I had and still looked decent.

Good luck getting your groove back!

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Hi,
I had super long hair since 8th grade little past my bra strap.. I was feeling in a rut and this summer.. I cut 8 inches off and love it so easy to take care of.. I look younger and all I have to do is run a flat iron through it for special ocassions.. daily just blow dry.. Check with your hair dreser and ask what they think would look good on you.. If you google Jenny ma carthy on the internet that is the hair cut I choose.. It is an angular Bob.. with a lot of layers in the back so it makes my hair look very thick. Also maybe try wearing even clear mascara and lip gloss on a daily basis.. I also notcied old navy has $10 velour pants and zip jackets.. that look great and I think they look similar to the super expensive ones.
Best of luck,
L.

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If you have any baby clothes or toddler clothes left from previous pregnancies then you could try to take them to a kid second hand shop and see if they will give you store credit and you can get maternity clothes for yourself to wear (unless of course you need them for this child). As far as makeup goes, I am also into the more natural look as well, but you could try putting a little vaseline on your eyelashes and it will make them look a bit darker like a bit of mascara has been applied. To actually learn how to do makeup you could check out a book from the library, I bought a book years ago about beauty since I didn't get that girly gene and wanted to know how to do makeup. For your hair, I agree with not going super short which is more work then long plus losing the ability to put it in a pony tail can be frustrating, maybe shoulder length and you can donate it if long enough. It should give it more body just by getting rid of some of the weight of it but you could put it in braids for a wavy look, a barrett pulling it off your face can be a different look as well, a bun. Lastly, make sure you are getting enough vitamins to be able to feel good, I know when I am lacking the B vitamins signs of depression start showing up. My favorite clothes to wear still are sweats and I am not above wearing them in public, dressing up is not practical in my life. Good luck and remember to take a "me" break once in a while.

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I have one more idea for you...when you cut your hair sell it or donate it. Call around, many shops will buy hair or donate it to "locks for love" or some other charity that makes wigs for kids with cancer. If you sell it then you have a bit of spare cash (sometimes quite a bit on line) to find something you feel good wearing, pay for your hair cut or whatever.
Happy Revamp!

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You have alot on your plate, so remember than you can't be super woman . . . take a deep breath and feel proud of your self for being motivated to look great while so busy!

A few tips . . ..

I know that when I feel fat, it doesn't matter what I put on, I still feel unattractive. I am also prego, working full time and in school full time (so the time crunch is well unterstood) but I recently found Jorge Cruise's "8 minutes in the morning" books. I bought the one that targets hips and thighs. It is literally a daily routine that takes less than 10 minutes to do each morning, changes daily so that your body keeps working, and requires basic household items (like chairs and pillows) to do the excersises. I am already seeing a difference and my doc said it was safe for me while pregnant. I think I paid $16 for the book . . . and even though I am pregnant, I can wear many more of my clothing now, so that helps when funds are tight.

I also recommend trying to get in a walk every day. This is somethign you can do with the kids and the hubby as well. The fresh air and sunshine are both HUGE mood boosters and the extra excercise always is a energy boost.

In regards to your hair, I know a lot of posters have recommended against cutting it because you are tall. However, a good hair cut will both give you a fresh new look quickly and easily, and it is really a liberating feeling to make a change like that. I have been going to great clips for a while now (in multiple locations) and they are really friendly, do a good job and are budget friendly. Most of their ladies can give you good advice about what will look good on your face, but they are also really good at listening to what you really want (some stlyists are not so great at listening to their client at the higher end salons)

And in regards to make up, if you are not into makeup, don't try to force it. I can't do make up for the life of me and I don't own any. If you want a little extra glitz with zero skills required, add a little lip gloss and you are good to go - natural look is generally more beautiful than any thing you can pour our of a bottle anyway

Good luck, and rememeber that you are an amazing person and there is no outfit more beautiful than confidence!

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Keep it simple!!!!

Put some layers in your hair - it's easy to style (or leave alone)

I hate make up too. All you need is a neutral blush to also use on your eye lids. Use a little liner under your lashes. Use a translucent powder. Wet your lashes with your fingers or a brow brush. Maybe some chap stick with a little tint.

Clothes are hard - but don't worry about fashion. Find what looks good on you. You can wear your old jeans - held together with a rubber band. No need to spend a lot of money on special clothes - make due with what you have.

Since he is so good with keeping himself put together - maybe he can help you!

Smile - it lifts your spirits!

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My advice to you is to take a look through some hair-styly magazines and find one you like and can live with, then take it to a hair stylist and get it done. Nothing too extreme! You can't undo a hair cut. I also have long hair, keeping it mostly in a pony tail, but when I have it down my son really likes it and comments on it. I have bangs and keep the small section over my forehead down and the rest combed back slightly. As far as clothes go, don't forget about Salvation Army or any of the new-to-you stores. You can find some unbelievable bargains if you just take a little time to browse. It really will make you feel better to have some clothes that fit. Just because you're pregnant you don't have to look like a lump, which is what it sounds like you're starting to feel. Your fiancee sounds great! If he doesn't mind the extra (baby)weight, you shouldn't either. You're still a woman and need to feel like it. Good luck! Pam

I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. I understand your feelings!!

I think you should ask a girlfriend, or even one of those cute girls you are seeing, where they get their hair done. Then make an appointment with this hairdresser, explain that you are not one for using "tools" when you do your hair, and then leave it up to the professional. I am totally rediculous when it comes to trying to style my own hair and about 5 years ago (when I was pregnant with my first) I did this and I've never looked back since. My hairdresser doesn't even ask what I want any more! She just asks if there was anything about the last cut that I did not like.

It is liberating, and, when you let the professional do what they are good at you'll look fantastic

Good luck - getting your hair done is such a little thing but I find when I am feeling not as pretty as I used to be, if I get one thing done up it really helps to lift my mood.

*K

Yes, definitely take the money to go get a hair cut. For some reason a hair cut can make a woman feel so much better about herself. I am the same way- my hair is always in a ponytail because it is fast and easy. I only get my hair cut about every 6 months due to financial reasons, so if this will be your situation, tell that to the person cutting your hair. Be strait with them, and don't let them talk you into something you really don't want. Just remember a short haircut needs upkeep about every 6 weeks. So, either spend the money on a good original haircut and then go somewhere cheap for the upkeep or make sure the stylist knows you need a haircut that will grow out nicely. If you are in the area, go see Jenny in North Bend, she owns her own salon called Sheer Elegance her number is ###-###-####. She's great, always honest and helpful for those of us that are stylish challenged. :)

I agree with someone else about finding maternity clothes to wear. You will naturally feel better wearing something that fits properly. Look at consignment stores, online (Free Cycle, Craigs List, etc) or ask your friends for clothes to borrow. Even keep an eye out in your community for clothes swaps at schools or church's.

Good Luck, and don't worry, your not alone. You just have to take care of yourself like you would your children, if they needed clothes you would find them some or get them some, YOU NEED clothes, so find a way to get some.

HUGS!!!

Hey C. you sound like a really awesome person. I can tell one thing, On the inside you are definetly beautiful!
Ok so I am VERY much into helping people look their best. I always do my freinds hair and makeup. I wish I could see a pic of you.. but I'll do my best.
So you are tall, that means no short hair cuts okay?? promise me?? lol ;) I HIGHLY recommend going to a inexspensive hair salon and telling the girl " I want my hair layered with the shortest lengths at my shoulders and longest just past". while you are there ask her to teach you how to style it. If she recommends a bunch of expensive products just go to the store and buy the cheaper brand ( many times they work just as well) OK. So if you don't want to go to a salon, try this, ask a friend or even your husband to cut your hair straight across a little past the shoulders, ( anyone can do that really) then wash your hair, put some Mousse or styling cream through it and blow dry it with your head upside down the whole time brushing it as you dry. Dry it untill it is slightly damp not bone dry. ( that could damage your hair)
now, you need to buy some #1 MASCARA ( I recommend GREAT LASH by mabeline 2.99) #2 BRONZER OR BLUSH (physicians formula)#3 mineral powder that matches your shade(loreal) #4 black or dark brown eye liner. ( maybeline) lip gloss ( light light pink) these makeups are very natural looking and will REALLY give you a boost! just play around and have fun and don't feel like " oh i don't know what i'm doing" you'll get it. ask a friend to help you even. Oh yes! don't forget to pluck your eyebrows into a nice shape. ( look in a magazine at some models and copy their shape) it this all toatally is intimidating then go to a place like macy's in the mall. They will give you a free makeover usually and show you how to do your makeup. It might cost... I'm not sure. but if they do charge it isn't much. I hope you didn't get lost in all my jabbering! Have fun!

Oh, I have sure been there before. I try not to drive my DH crazy with my insecurities that, like yours, are from me, not from him. It's difficult sometimes for me to believe that he really loves and accepts me just the way I am, but he genuinely does. The toughest part for me is to just have confidence in the woman that God made me to be. I also understand the desire to look like a "hottie" without being overdone. I also cannot bear that look on me. One site that might be helpful to help you find clothing that is flattering on your body type is: http://www.missussmartypants.com/ Congratulations on your preganacy! Blessings to you and yours! :)

C... Where do you live? I'm in Everett/lake stevens area and I would love to meet you and maybe help you out. I have three kids as well and I know exactly what you're going through! however, I shop at thrift stores and my friend does my hair (she just quit her salon job to stay at home with her kids)Maybe if you're close we could meet for coffee sometime? I can share my thgouhts with you on how i keep my self esteem going (not easy!!)
let me know and good luck to you:)

I think maybe it's time for a change for you. I suggest you go get your hair cut. They can probably give you some tips on how to style your hair. Maybe you can go to a department store and have them put some nice make-up on for you. (I think it's still free...) Maybe go get a pedicure and a manicure. I'm sure you're a beautiful woman. Maybe you just need a little pick-me-upper. Hey, we all do sometimes! Don't be so hard on yourself. Take a little time for yourself and you may feel better. Good luck!

HI C.,
I know how you feel. First off, do you ever get to go to salem? You can go to the Nordstoms there and go to the Laura Merciea make-up counter. A wonderful woman named Heather works there and she can give you a free make-over. I am sure you could go anywhere and get one, you just have to ask. She is great though. if you can get some time to yourself, go and try on clothes. You might not be able to buy, however, seeing yourself in some clothes that fit and make you feel better can be so revitalizing! I know, I do it for myself. As for your hair, if you have a stylist you trust ask her to give you a makeover that is up to date, but not short. A good stylist can see what works best for you and if you give them the freedom you can find the best style for you. It is hard though. I always let my stylist do whatever, but I am not as attached to one look as some other might be. I too feel a little frumpy right now. I have lost 20 lbs and things a just a little bit too big, but also have no money! Hope you feel better. Merry Christmas!
B.

Hi C.,
Just a couple of observation on what you wrote about yourself.
If you make or buy jewelry for your partner, I think you should spend that time/money on doing nice things for YOU. As he clearly loves you, surely he will support this.

Changing from frump to chic takes discipline and a change, so rely on your army training for discipline and learn how to do your hair and apply a little make up every morning.

Teach your family that mommy needs 20-30 mins each morning to get her day started, no matter how busy we are, you are also entitled to start your day feeling good about yourself.
When you get into the routine, 15-30 mins is all you need to look groomed and put together and done well once, you don't have to worry about it for the rest of the day.

Make time for you, embrace the change, take one day at the time and you will see results.

Good luck.

Hi C.,

You have gotten so much advice about hair and makeup. I just want to make one suggestion on the clothes. Freecycle.Org. After you sign on. I would put a "wanted" post up asking for maternity clothes in your size range. I have been doing freecycle for a year and it is the best way to pass on what you don't use and receive what you need. I hope this helps. sending hugs your way.

J.

Hi C.,
Yes you should first have your hair cut in a cute short lenith that will compalmant your face and is an easy wah and wear style. (eccuse the spelling) If you live in Kitsap county near Silverdale area I could tell you of a few places here that you could get gentlly worn clothes very resanable. But if not what you need to do is go to your local second hand and consaignment staore, ther pick up a couple pairs of pants, and as many tops as you can afford, or pick up a couple every week or so, it's your tops that will make it seem you are always wearing a new outfit. Also buying this way you don't have to worry about getting them home and after washing they don't fit which I feel is an added plus.
Good Luck
Feel free to e mail me
____@____.com

I don't really know what can help, but try a haircut. If you liked it short before, then try short again! Let your hairdresser know you want a short minimal maitence cut and see what they suggest.

In all honesty, I do not know of any prego lady that at some point does not feel like that. I have 5 and have had many preg friends.

Did you feel like this before pregnancy? Most likely a touch of depression simply due to all the hormones.
Sounds like you are in constant motion-- How much sleep do you get? Or is it constant running and you are flat worn out?

Bottom line is we all get older and bigger at some point in life. We have to make the best of it and cut ourselves some slack. I am 42 with 5 kids- I am not susposed to look 18 anymore.... I did just take 6 in off of my hair and that made a big difference. It is in long layers and usually is up to keep it out of the way.
I completely understand the sweats as they are comfy and the lack of funds to buy maternity clothing as some of it is really expensive. Are you aware of freecycle? And there are many other groups where you can get used maternity at very little cost or free.

I would talk to your doctor just incase the feelings do not go away after birth. Other than that.... Is there a person close to you that goes to a Beauty School or used to do hair that would be willing to help you out?
On clothese again. I found some really great deals on the clearance racks at Target and shopko has some too. Wish I could be of more help. Just hang in there. Make the improvements that make you feel better for you.....

I love to watch Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, and What Not to Wear for lots of good style ideas. Have fun!

I feel for ya and your almost there. I use Loreal hair color that I put on all over. I rotate the color every 6 mos to a year so it looks like I got highlights but really it's the previous color. I have my hair cut at Regis or some place cheap and I do a longer bob so I can just blow dry it and if I want to curl it for special occasion I can take the time to do it. I don't wear make up but my Oil of Olay moisturizer has a tint that is so gradual I've never really seen a difference and those chap sticks with a tint work in a pinch. I can wear make up if I go out to dinner. I borrowed maternity clothes from a co-worker, a neighbor and a friend and bought myself one outfit. For after pregnancy, I bought a pair of Lands End jeans w/ a b-day gift card and one of their nice button ups with a stiffer collar so I don't have to iron. The main thing is, I secretly told my husband that his job is to grab me occasionally. I'll have to remind him of that. Our little one is 2 and it hasn't happened in awhile. You are beautiful and as women we just need reassurance.

Your are right to want to get rid of the "perma pony tail" thing. That is not flattering on most women of "a certain age" but you need an easy care wash and go style that flatters your face. I would suggest a graduated bob if your hair is straight and thick. If it is curly, you can wear it short and curly around your face. A bob can also be dressed up with cute barrettes or a partial pony tail using part of your hair. Simple make up can simply include curling your eye lashes, adding a coat of mascara in your appropriate shade (don't use black if you are blonde), a light lip gloss and eye brow pencil. For pregnancy, you can use maternity jeans with the panel and then wear a cute pull over sweater or a dressed up sweatshirt. Cute tops that you can wear are cheap at thrift stores. If you have full hips, a full skirt could be your answer with a pair of flats.

I am very informal myself being a homeschooler and I have red hair and fair skin so base coat or fancy makeup is out.

Good Luck!

H.

Let's face it, sometimes it's really tough to take care of ourselves when we are so busy taking care of everyone else! Before we know it, we look in the mirror and want to run!

As far as extra weight, try to get out on the sunnier days and get some fresh air by walking. Fit in a little exercise everyday and you'll be surprised at the results with just toning your body.

If fashion is a concern for you, try taking a friend that you admire and trust with you shopping. It never hurts to get a 2nd opinion and it certainly makes shopping more fun. Oh, and leave the kiddos at home if you can. Helps with concentration. lol

I think if your man loves you as you are, that is huge all by itself. That's pretty special!

S.
http://www.DeliveringWellnessToYou.com

Hi C.,
I've got a couple of referrals for you--
Dean Meredith (Salon Juno in Bellevue) is totally amazing. He's the first person I've ever had give me the perfect cut. he is just the best. Jules Nesenblatt (Amaris Design-Snoqualmie Ridge) Can help you with Fashion.
Salon Juno ###-###-####
Jules Nesenblatt ###-###-#### (c)

I have a business from home. I help people (and I love entrapeneural busy moms) create a secondary residual income stream. I love what I do and I'd love to show you, then you can have residual income and get rid of the everyday financial stress and worry as well as live the lifestyle you are wanting.
N. B.

Hi C.,

I'm right there with you. You are a brave woman to be able to admit this and ask for help! Thank you!

Have you ever heard of www.flylady.com? It's a little overwhelming sometimes to sift through everything on the site, but she has some awesome books in her store. Just something to look at!

D. Rylander
A Blessed Birth Doula Services
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I think you have a ton of great ideas. But to get more "fashion sense" when it comes to clothes, make up and hair watch TLC 'What Not To Wear'. And watch a ton of them. It teaches you basic fashion rules that you can use with your own clothes or clothes even at thrift stores. You learn to dress the body you have. The hardest part is just doing it and not retreating back to the frumpy. I just remind myself that I deserve to look my best and try for that even when I don't feel it. In the end I feel better just because I look a little better.

Hi C.!

If you feel that getting a haircut would make you feel good, then go for it! You can braid your hair to one side, I think that looks cute on women with really long hair. I have really long hair and I generally have it up these days in a messy bun or just leave it down as my husband likes the natural look of me not doing anything but brushing it :)

I'm 7 months pregnant and what I did for clothes since we don't have much money either, is I went to value village and checked craigslist a lot. One lady had two big bags of clothes and sold me anything I wanted from it for $1 a piece! I'm also tall, 6ft and finding pants were harder. That's been about the only 2 items I purchased from the store - two pairs of long maternity pants. One khaki and the other black. Avoid getting the jeans because they're not very comfy to wear all day and you will look more dressy in the slacks anyways. Get nylon so that you don't really have to worry about wrinkles. Old Navy in Seattle has a maternity section and it's very reasonably priced and have a large clearance section every time I've gone there. When buying clothes, only pay for clothes that you look good in! I've learned that the hard way. You can pay 20 shirts for $1 and if none of then look good on you, you may as well have bought the one shirt for $20 that you look great in.

Since you're tight on cash, perhaps just get one or two outfits that make you feel really good in and it will make all the difference.

Now that I think of it, there's a couple maternity items that don't fit me because I'm large chested, but they fit in length. Let me know if you're interested!

Congratulations on the pregnancy and not to worry about the ranting, I was on my own little pregnancy rant yesterday :D

First, those pregnance hormones can really mess with a person,LOL. When pregnant with my twins,I felt like a beached beluga whale. We went to the beach, once. I was too afraid to sit for fear people would start pooring water on me and try to roll me back into the ocean. Darn Hormones! Made me way to paranoid, LOL.

That being said, go get a haircut! Take lots of pictures of styles you like, maybe bring in a picture of when you had your short hair when you did the flip and ask the stylist what she can do that would be just as cute, modern and easy.

Since you have such great skin, don't worry about being inept with makeup, I am completely inept with that myself. Just sweep on some mascara and some nice lipstick or gloss and you've got the casual, yet pretty look that most women spend hours trying to accomplish with lots of makeup.

Then, go to a consignment shop and find one nice maternity outfit that you can wear when you need to run out and do errands. Just having at least one outfit that you know looks pulled together is such a huge mood lifter. I, too, am not good with coordinating an outfit, but whenever I need help, I just ask who ever happens to be around, whether it's a sales clerk or another customer, just ask. You'd be suprised how helpful people can be, I once got a lady who took me on as a mission to accomplish, LOL. She was so sweet and had great taste, but oh my gosh, she was a serious shopper, bless her heart!

And finally, (((((HUGS)))), sometimes that's the best remedy.

Hi, C..

We've all been there. You are doing the world's work of raising a family and taking care of others. Glad to read you want to take care of yourself to. Fantastic that you have such a loving husband who understands who and what you're really about and is supporting you.

Do get the haircut. If money is an issue, go to the Gene Juarez Academy at Northgate (http://genejuarezacademy.rtrk.com/?scid=600737&kw=497...) or the Greenwood Academy of Hair in Seattle's Greenwood district (http://www.yelp.com/biz/greenwood-academy-of-hair-seattle.) The instructors at either would LOVE the opportunity to take someone with long hair and transform to something fun, sexy, and easy-to-care for. And you won't pay more than $10 - $15 for it.

As for make-up, go to a Nordstroms, find a make-up consultant who isn't busy (so they will take their time with you) and tell her/him your situation. Be willing to buy something like a lipstick or mascarra, something on the low end expense ($10 - $15 so they get something for their time), but tell them you wear little make-up, you're a soon-to-be-mother-of-four, and you want to know something simple to make you feel a little more sprightly. Take the info you learn then go to a drugstore and buy the colors/products for much less if you don't already have them.

Lots of great ideas below regarding the clothes.

And remember, the most beautiful accessory a person can have is a smile. You are doing wonderful things for your family and you are a huge light in their life. Your clothes don't matter. Your love does and it sounds like you're receiving it and giving it in spades. Rememeber your blessings and good luck.

I've been thinking about this...and I totally hear you about feeling too busy to take care of yourself. However, if you don't take a moment to take care of yourself and feel good about your image, that defeated self-esteem reflects on those around you. If you are running a business from home, which is hard (I do it too), pretend each morning when you get up that you are getting ready to go to work and think about how you want to present yourself to a potential customer. You need to exude confidence.

Here's my simple suggestions. First, cut your hair. If you always wear it in a ponytail, there's no reason to keep it long. Get a cute, simple cut that allows you to wash it and just go. Second, you don't need heavy makeup to look great. I use a tinted lotion (Almay or Neutrogena is good) which takes the place of foundation and lotion. Get a small container of loose powder and dust it over the lotion to give a "set" look and then use just a bit of bronzer and some brown mascara. There's a makeup line sold at Target called ELF, and each item is only $1!! Seriously, the whole look takes less than 5 minutes and you'll feel really good if you have to leave the house.

As for oversized clothes...Me n Moms is a great consignment store that has maternity clothes for a good price, or even Target. I know you say you don't have money to spend, but it sounds like you really need a boost. Get a few basic mix and match pieces that FIT you. Wearing clothes too big will just make you feel fat. You don't need a lot because you won't be wearing them for that long...

You can do this and you'll feel a heck of a lot better if you spend some time on YOU. As a mom of three already, you deserve it.

It is totally normal to feel frumpy when you're pregnant! You have no control over your changing body and when everyone else is looking thin, there's nothing you can do!! So, treat yourself to a haircut, a manicure, whatever. Also, you can buy maternity clothes at Ross for Less for a fraction of the cost of anywhere else and although they are picked over, there's usually something of interest! Just remember, it's not forever and you will have a beautiful baby together soon...

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