37 answers

Help Me!! I Feel So Frumpy

I am frump mom extradonaire...my sweet love says he thinks I am sexy, but he doesn't have to live in this body. I have been fashion paralyzed my whole life and can't do my hair to save my life. When I was in the Army I had this terrific body, clothes fit so nicely, and I had a short hair cut that I just flipped out for instant trend....gak. Maybe I am whining?

Anyhow I am pregnant, we can't afford clothes right now and I could cry. My hair is in a perma-ponytail (it is l-o-n-g). My love finally admitted he isn't opposed me cutting my hair and that he is worried because I seem to only wear his oversized sweaters and sweat pants and complain about it (not his words - I just feel like I am being so whiny). I go out and see other moms looking so unbelievably cute and done up.

A little more - I am tall (5'11), have a clear comlexion, hate heavy make-up with a passion (actually I am inept at that too), have zero ability with a curling iron, and don't have that terrible of a figure, but this is baby three so my hips have widened and my thighs have thickened. I feel so shallow for being so upset about looking like this....but does anyone have any easy tips or think a haircut might help or know any easy and cute hairstyles...really I am looking for ANYTHING to try. I just can't spend hours on myself...*cries* I just really want to go out in public and my glow be from pregnancy and not horrid embarrassment. My love is such a hottie who can totally dress, wears jewelry I make or buy for him, and always has his hair done. I just want to look like his partner and not some bum he picked up out of sympathy.

Sorry about length - I think I am ranting - but my love is really awesome and genuinely thinks I look great. He is concerned he has made me miserable and that I am not feeling pretty b/c of him...

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

UPDATE: We hit Old Navy and surprise! 10 off purchase of 50 dollar or more purchases, 40% off sweaters AND 75% off maternity. I got 7 shirts, a sweater, two pairs of pants, two onsies (they were soooo cute!), and two much needed tees for my man all for 41 bucks!! We are still looking at hairstyles, but are headed to do the haircut this week. Thank you all so much. *HUGS*

Hi everyone - thanks so much for all your time and loving responses. I am currently wearing that darn ponytail, but I talked to my love and he is going to help me pick out a new style this weekend. He's excited to be a part of it. I am also going to pull out my beads and put a few neutral pieces together that will match anything. I went looking for lipgloss and decided I would do that part with my sweetie as well. I did forget to mention that he and I actually do home manicures and pedicures to each other at least once a month (tee hee) so we're going to reup on that this weekend. I hope all goes well and will post my myspace page so you can all see pics. Thanks again!!!

Featured Answers

I love to watch Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, and What Not to Wear for lots of good style ideas. Have fun!

Hi C.,

I'm right there with you. You are a brave woman to be able to admit this and ask for help! Thank you!

Have you ever heard of www.flylady.com? It's a little overwhelming sometimes to sift through everything on the site, but she has some awesome books in her store. Just something to look at!

D. Rylander
A Blessed Birth Doula Services

C... Where do you live? I'm in Everett/lake stevens area and I would love to meet you and maybe help you out. I have three kids as well and I know exactly what you're going through! however, I shop at thrift stores and my friend does my hair (she just quit her salon job to stay at home with her kids)Maybe if you're close we could meet for coffee sometime? I can share my thgouhts with you on how i keep my self esteem going (not easy!!)
let me know and good luck to you:)

More Answers

Sounds like you have a wonderful husband. We as women are way too hard on ourselves. If you know a hair dresser ask her to suggest wash and wear styles.Look at hair styles on the web or in magazines. I have a semi page boy but is A semetrical and it is wash and wear hair that I can clip back if I want to and can be fixed for a night out too when I am in the mood to put some effort into it.

I have three beautiful children and remember wondering why does he love this frumpy woman. He loves and married me not just for how I look but for the person I am. He loves my heart and the little things that we do for each other. Your husband loves you the same way. He loves you not only for the woman you are but the mother you are too.

Don't forget to take time out for you. It could be a bubble bath at night with candles or a trip for a pedicure or facial. Make time for your husband and you without the kids. We used to have late night suppers after they went to bed. I didn't have much to wear as I lived in sweats so would show up in my one sexy nightie and we would talk and eat by candle light and sometimes not make it through the meal. Take a class or hobby that you like. You are not just wife and mother you are also an amazing woman named C..

I called around and found a conseignment shop that had maternity clothes and found a couple of outfits I liked.

Look at yourself in the mirror and enjoy the beautiful woman that you are today. Your hips may be wider but so what. Look at the beautiful child that you have. It is easy to get into the negative...I did and had to start looking at the good around me and in time I started smiling more and realized that my family did too.

Sorry for rambling too but have been right where you are

2 moms found this helpful

C., Honey-- the answer to your question is in your last paragraph -- 3 children, pregnant, and two businesses - hmmmmmmmmm-- now why isn't this nice lady feeling glamorous???. So - 3 simple ideas - Go to a beauty college and ask for some ideas for your hair - or go to a beauty shop that will show you on computer what different cuts might look like on your face. Clothes? --- You want to wear clothes that are more fitted than sweats and oversize sweaters- really you do - Go to thrift shops - even Value Village some day when you have 45 minutes - and try on different things that you might ordinarily look at and say ''oh that is not me'' - what isn't you right now might be actually perfect - try 'em on. Three - ask a good girl-friend to go with you and be your consultant -

Blessings, honey- and good for you for wanting to have your wonderful husband beam with pride as well as love--

You are a smart cookie

J. aka old Mom

2 moms found this helpful

Oh, I so relate! And I had only one child who is now 16. Haven't bought clothes in years except for absolute necessity, because I hate the way I look. My husband tells me I'm beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, almost every day, why do we not believe the men who love us? I think this is a self-esteem problem, and it needs to be fixed from the inside out. But it's also that we are so busy, and have learned not to make time for ourselves. I am trying to change that. Like you, I feel like a bag lady, while my husband and son are cared for and look great. So I have started to trade my art work with a friend who is a stylist, and I am going to gradually phase out my husband's old t shirts and my 2 pairs of jeans. I know many moms who have this problem, they eat leftovers for lunch, would never dream of buying a mocha at Starbucks, and somehow have erased themselves from the family equation when it comes to having needs.
You are obviously loved. Let's both try to let it in more, and believe that we are worth being loved, by both our husbands, and ourselves.

1 mom found this helpful

You have great tips here!!! I also agree that starting with a cute haircut that requires no blowdrying/curling would be great. And a pedicure just for you to feel sexy. Buy some mascara -- no joke, it instantly makes you look great! Comb the clearance maternity racks at Old Navy and Target. You'll get there.... A great pair of dark jeans does wonders. Good luck and have fun!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

If your worried about clothes, talk to some of your friends who have had babies. It's been my experience that moms are very willing to share with each other. Maybe someone has some maternity clothes they could loan you.

For the hair, several years ago when I asked a good hair stylist what hairstyle she would recommend for an easy to care for, but not too short look, she suggested long layers. I have had my hair cut that way ever since and it is really easy to care for. Most mornings I just shower and brush it. You could also whoever cuts your hair for a few easy suggestions for what to do for it.

I definitely have my days as a frump mom. There are some moms who seem to look cute every day. I will probably never be one of them, because it just doesn't seem practical in any way. Why wear expensive, cute clothes that your child is going to accidentally wipe spaghetti on?

One way to feel better might be to get dressed up once in a while. You say your fiancee is very put together. He might be able to help a bit if you don't feel confident in doing it yourself.

I do this sometimes and it helps me to see myself as the cute version of me, and not the everyday, stuff on my shirt and hair pulled back version of me.

Last suggestion - take your fiancee at his word. You are beautiful and sexy in his eyes. And who else's eyes matter?

1 mom found this helpful

We have all been there girl! A new hair cut can make you feel sexier again, or just putting on jeans or a more fitted top rather then his old sweats! (I know pregnancy can close fitting an issue :) ) I know how you feel about not feeling you "fit" with your husband. My man is a very athletic, tall, good looking man, and I am 5 ft 3 in and weight 200 lbs! My man says he loves my curves and does not see me as fat, and I think he is lying just to make me feel better! But the fact is, it is my issue with my self, and he does see me with nothing but love, and I am sure is true for your man as well. He loves you, and sees that in you. If he is concerned about the "frumpyness" I am sure it is out of concern for how you feel, not how you look! You are a busy lady, don't be so hard on yourself!

1 mom found this helpful

First, stop thinking you're a frumpy mom. Start thinking that you are a fashion-forward hot mama and educate yourself about fashion. It doesn't have to be difficult, just change a few things and you'll find you are not so fashion frozen.

Second, I have enjoyed watching "What Not to Wear" TLC. Since watching this show, I have tried new color combinations and ventured into cute purses (instant accessories). As far as hair goes, spend a little more on a decent hair cut that is easy for you to manage...tell the stylist you don't want to use a lot of things on your hair and you want it easy to manage, but have a little style that looks great even when you just shake it around.

Third, with maternity clothing, try the second-hand stores, churches, Goodwill, etc. Many places have affordable maternity wear that you can piece together. I only had a few outfits and had a few sets of leggings, so I got away with a lot. I worked full-time through both of my pregnancies, so having work clothes was essential. I managed to make it work with what I had and still looked decent.

Good luck getting your groove back!

1 mom found this helpful

I had super long hair since 8th grade little past my bra strap.. I was feeling in a rut and this summer.. I cut 8 inches off and love it so easy to take care of.. I look younger and all I have to do is run a flat iron through it for special ocassions.. daily just blow dry.. Check with your hair dreser and ask what they think would look good on you.. If you google Jenny ma carthy on the internet that is the hair cut I choose.. It is an angular Bob.. with a lot of layers in the back so it makes my hair look very thick. Also maybe try wearing even clear mascara and lip gloss on a daily basis.. I also notcied old navy has $10 velour pants and zip jackets.. that look great and I think they look similar to the super expensive ones.
Best of luck,

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