Adopting Older Children

I also don't have any experience with adoption, but have some thoughts to share. I think that the woman who suggested having some family counselling time to ensure that everyone is ready is an excellent step. It sounds like things are off to a good start, with eveyone being so excited to add to the family. Also, good for you for considering adopting a child whose chances of ever being adopted and having a family of their own is far less than an infant. It's encouraging to see that those kids are not entirely forgotten. All kids that are older will undoubtedtly come with extra emotional baggage, and may need counselling themselves to fully be able to make the transition. My parents have recently discussed adopting a child of roughly the same age. They are financially set, and all of their kids are grown (ranging in ages from 25 to 32). I am the only person they have told so far that they have considered it. I am ecstatic, even though they have not decided 100% to go ahead with it. I'm not so sure that the rest of my family would be as supportive to begin with, and I hope that doesn't cause them to disregard the idea entirely. They will have support with me living so close, and they know that if, God forbid, anything were to happen to them, I would be right there to care for my new brother or sister. I think it would help to have at least a few supportive family members. Also, before you brought a child home, educate yourself on everything pertinant that the child has gone through so that you know what kind of background they have had to endure (foster children and children from group homes frequently have been abused at some point to leave them in their situation). The more you know, the better prepared you will be to deal with things if any negative physical or emotional issues were to arise. I wish you and your family the best of luck, and I hope everything works out for you. Please keep us posted on everything!

Hello! I just saw your question and wanted to offer advice if you're still needing it. My husband and I adopted our two children (ages 2 and 4) and although they are not close to 10, we've experienced and learned A LOT through this process. We also know people who have done older child adoptions. PLease drop me a message if you have any questions.
C. :)

my husbands parents adopted 2 girls when he was 9 and I know it was hard for him and his brother with that b/c there was alot of jealous b/c of the fact the new family memebers needed alot of attention..b/c of everything they had been through...
but every case is differnt... and i am sure you are not like my mother in law..... but i wish you the best of luck with everything... and i think you have to be an awsome person to do what u have done..merry x-mas and god bless Brittany

I don't have any experiance with adoption. So this is what I think I would do. I would take the kids to a tharpist to make sure they know what they are getting into and what it will mean and how to get there feeling out there. Also remember that a 10 year old will be a lot different then a two year old. My Aunt took in a foster child who was 16 for a while. Things were going great then after they returned from a vaction she kind of lost it. She wrote in her diary that she wanted to hurt the family my Aunt, Uncle, and cousion. I am not saying that would happen but you haven't raised the child from a young age and if they have been in an orphage this who time they might resent being adopted. I don't mean to scare you just something that you may not of thought about. I would also take the child once you have found one to a thrapist to make sure he is all there upstairs. I hope what ever you decide makes you and your family happy. Also your son might think a brother will be a "full time" friend. They might not like eachother when the new son gets home. Just a few things to think about. Though once you have weighed all you options only you will know what is best you the child and your family. :)

Just wondering where you're at? There is a great social worker in Liberty who I would recommend for getting more information from. Her name is Kris Probasco, she did our home study when we adopted our son from Russia. Good luck, I'd love to hear what happens as we've thought about adding to our family from time to time also. Jenn ____@____.com

I know you are weighing this decision heavily, and all aspects should be carefully considered. I think it is wonderful that you have such a great family and are willing to open your home to another child. You know that most kids in the age range you are seeking will be in the abused category, and the possibility for emotional and behavior problems is going to be greater...sometimes the abused become abusers and your other children will probably be of a more innocent nature. An older child will know things, may have experienced freedoms that they regret not having, and be totally aware that they are not really a part of your family. Have you considered fostering a couple of children in this age range to get an idea of their behavior? Each child will be different of course but I was amazed just as a daycare worker at how a demographic area can change the behavior of children. I have been a foster child so I kind of have an idea of what it is like living with a new family and feeling like you do not belong. You do notice every little difference and the security and assurance of unconditional love is a concept that is impossible to grasp when you have been abandoned. It just makes it harder, but love and patience, restoring confidence, and just being there will eventually pay off. I hope you find the right child to complete your family..

My parents have adopted three children in this age range and my blood runs cold when I think of happy families adopting older children. If you do this, prepare your heart and mind for the facts. Kids in this age range have probably had a host of problems and experiences that will prevent them from bonding to people in meaningful ways (attachment disorders) as well as the behavior issues that got them not already adopted by this point. My youngest sister was a foster child in our home from age 3 on, adopted at age 8, is now 17 and will probably be storming out in a whirlwind of accusations and curses at age 18. This has occurred with the previous two girls that they had adopted and with all of my parent's friends who adopted older children. The huge majority of them have unshakable emotional bonds to their biological families (no matter how rotten they were) and when normal adolescent conflict arises they don't have the bond with you to withstand it. If you adopt one, you have to know that you are doing it for him and not for yourselves. You are not gaining a son, you are giving him a chance at a better future than he would have had otherwise. If you can't do it as a sacrificial thing no matter the consequences - without expecting him to have the love and loyalty towards you that a child adopted young would have - then do it. All my experience is with girls, so maybe a boy would be different, but I think the worst possible thing that happens is that people adopt an older child thinking it will be similar to adopting a younger one and then when their family life is totally disrupted they cancel the adoption. Crushing.