Adjusting to Kindergarten

Hello S.,

What a wonderful Mother you are. It strikes me that your little grandson is probably not ready for academic kindergarten. Is there a Developmental Kindergarten option for him in your area?

Kindergarten these days is the same as 1st grade used to be 40 years ago. As a result, many people choose to keep their children back until they reach 6 years of age.

Many children are simply not developmentally ready to read and write until they are 6, 7 and even 8 years old. This does not reflect on their overall intelligence capacity, but is only an indicator of how they are developing.

If we push our children to do somthing too early, we run the distinct risk of leaving that child with a feeling of being a failure.

In any class of 5 year olds, there is an age span of at least 1 year: there are children 5 years and 1 month, and there are children 5 years and 11 months. And reading (and other academic tasks and concepts) is developmental: when the child is ready, they can access the material, and ideas, the concepts.

Unfortunately, the children in each class are put into various reading groups to better match them with their capabilities: "slow," "average," and "fast" groups. If you look at the groups, these correspond most often with the ages of the children. So the children who are 5 years and 1 month become labelled "slow" readers (and slow learners) simply because they are younger. The kids in the "fast" group are labelled intelligent, when i9n fact they are 1 year older the the slow group -- a completely unfair comparison.

If you would like to read more about this, pick up Malcolm Gladwell's "outliers."

In the meantime, see whether it is possible to get your grandson one additional year of something more developmental, and less academic. A Developmental kindergarten program, or another year of preschool.

Lots of love,
Linda

--
www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

http://RivieraPlaySchool.blogspot.com

2 moms found this helpful

Hi S.,

Sounds like you've got your hands full... and not just with this little guy. Good for you and your husband for giving this child a two-parent home.

Here's the advice I never took, but wish I did: Keep him back and let him start next year.

My son was "too smart" to delay kindergarten. Yeah, well... smart is one thing. Mature enough to start kindergarten has nothing to do with smarts. I have a nephew who is the spitting image of my son, behaviorally. *His* mom waited one extra year before starting her son in kindergarten and it seems to have made a world of difference for him. If I had it to do over, that would be the biggest change.

Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful

I think he is just nervous about the transition. You didn't specify how long he has been living with you, but I think kindergarten is a big change for every child, because they go from either learning at home to kindergarten or preschool to kindergarten. Either way, it is a huge change, as kindergarten is very structured nowadays, compared to when we went to school. My son is not yet five years old, but is in kindergarten because of how his birthday falls. So it is a rough transition for him also. Boys are not as emotionally mature as girls; I notice this more when I bring him to school...the girls are very talkative and interact with everyone and the boys are more reserved. There are days when my son says he loves school, but it can turn on a dime and he will say he doesn't like school. I think it is because of having to change from preschool which he was very familiar with to a kindergarten setting, where he is having to re-learn all the expectations of new teacher and peers. I would have a conversation with the teacher without your grandson being present. I would ask her what she has noticed as far as behavior, etc. I would ask what types of things you can do at home to reinforce the learning and rules of her classroom. I would also mention to her that he is fearful of not being able to please her and get into trouble (I wish she would not single out kids by writing their names on the board.) Maybe much of this problem could be resolved by switching teachers...could be a personality conflict between him and the teacher...you would have to just monitor the situation and meet with the teacher frequently to see how he is adjusting. If this does not improve in a few months, I would ask the principal if they think he would benefit from switching teachers.

Best of luck,
J.

1 mom found this helpful

First and foremost, demand that that shaming board be taken down! That is the most awful thing I've ever heard of and that teacher should be ashamed of herself for putting it up.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello, My husband and I had guardianship of our now ten year old when he was five months to three and one half years old. It is a lot of work, but well worth it.
Anyway, just keep doing what you are doing and listen to your grandson. I do have to wonder why a kindergarten teacher would punish a child who has just started in school for not writing his/her name right. I volunteer in a kindergarten class and also worked 13 years in elementary education. I have seen this behavior only in one teacher and her son who helped in her class, plus a daily volunteer in the kindergarten class I help in. They each would (and now do) show the rest of the children the child's work and tell them how bad the coloring was, or that they didn't write their name right. How do we expect children to learn if they are scared of trying to learn. I always tell them that the reason they are in school (whatever grade they are in) is because they are still learning and that if they knew everything and how to do everything, they wouldn't need to be there. I also tell them that if we wanted their pictures to be perfect, we would take a picture with a camera and that art is what we make it. I would talk to his teacher and explain his fears. If she continues to put names on the board for not writing names right, I would think about placing him in another class.
Good luck with your precious little grandson.
K. K.

The only thing I thought of, is he a young 5? I know change can be hard for kids. My middle child start K next week, and held him back, and I still don't think he is ready. He is a worrier, and he just gets mean when he is stressed. And then i get to think of a consequence for his horrible behavior, and then he does some other mean thing. it's a cycle.

Hello S. S.

When my oldest son started preschool it was a nightmare and I ending up writing a book to help kids with the transition to preschool and kinder. The title is MY NEW SCHOOL and it is available with 8 different main characters, the idea being you buy the one that looks like your kid. It has helped thousands of moms and their little ones to make the transition. My website is www.watchmegrowkids.com. Go check it out, and you can play games with him on the site in the kid's corner, painting pages of the book, memory game, etc. This might help get him more exicted about school. If you decide to order the book use the "contact us" button and my email address will pop up so you can send me a message with the book you want and his name so I can sign if for him.

Best of luck.

PamA

I just wanted to say thank you for deciding to talk to the teacher. That is the only way to clear things up. Parents just assume that everything their child says is true. You should hear what my little second graders tell me about their parents! If I have any questions I talk to the parents first before I do anything! Good luck!!

Dear S.,
First, Kindergarten is more like 1st grade use to be. It is very academic and some teachers have it very structured. You grandson also seems to be a sensitive child, but one that wants to please.

Second, how old is he? A young 5 year old boy may not be ready for the "1st grade" kindergarten that he is in. I have three sons and I kept 2 of them back and never regretted it. The oldest was a premie and had a June birthday, but was attached to me and the transition was done in a pre-K when he was 5 and it was a hard transistion, but he had a very loving, understanding teacher. The 3rd son's birthday is in August, but he was immature and especially needed to work on in fine hand control. I have been tutoring and also retired from a inclusion teaching position. I feel boys mature much slower than girls and the extra year often benefits them. They grow up and are more secure, can handle the pencil better...it is amazing how much writing they ask of Kindergarteners today. The older ones are more likely to become leaders and also do better in school. You would be surprise how many are kept back and start K at 6 now which I think is correct because it is really now what use to be 1st grade.

Thirdly, it sounds like a strict teacher. My one son was very creative and imaginative and his Kindergarten teacher and he clashed. He was always "in the dog house" for doing silly little things like hiding (he was an imp:0 ) and she would punish him by keeping him in at recess, the last thing his needed with all his energy. I felt like we fought it all year, but she was the only K teacher in the school we were in. Every year after that I sat in the next grade classes (2 every classes and teachers for other grades) and then requested the more imaginative, relaxed teacher for that son. He then had a much better time at school.

Personally, I would discuss it with the teacher and principal. If they have a good pre-K program, perhaps he should be moved over to it to give him the extra year of maturation. If you decide on putting him in a pre-K, the sooner you make the switch, the better it will be for him. Switching later will make it harder for him to readjust to the new setting.

I hope that this might help in your decision and that your grandson will have a good start in school. Stressing them out early never makes for good feelings about school and often leads to burn out later and need for tutoring to make up for immaturity which cause lack of learning basic skills. Two of my sons that I kept back learned to read much easier than the other.

Do consider his age, maturity, social skills, fine hand coordination, concentration ability, etc. in your decision. They use to develop these in K, now they just push forward.

I hope your talk with the principal and teacher to well.
H.

Well since you have "been there, done that" I would suggest just be sure He is getting enough sleep. I have one that only needs maybe 4-6 hours a night, then another that needs at LEAST 12!!! NO JOKE. It is hard, but my kinder needs more sleep than all the rest.Bed by 7pm to arise by 7am. Some tend to be extra sensitive when they are not getting enough, it takes a couple days maybe even a week to see the complete change...but OH HOW SWEET it is:) Good luck, bless you for doing this for him...what a WONDERFUL GRANDMA!!
What is options?

My son has problems adjusting to new situations. He gets so anxious that he psychs himself out. He becomes convinced it is hopeless. It sounds like he needs some sort of "security blanket". When my son was in kindergarten I was able to take a few days and go to school with him. He loved it and the other kids thought it was great. It helped him calm down enough to realize he did enjoy school.
I know you work full time so taking days off may not be a possibility. Try sending a special something with him that he can hold or touch when he gets nervous, upset or worried. Tell the teacher what you are doing, and pick something that can be hidden from the other kids. Let your grandson know that he can't take it out of his pocket but he can feel it, touch it, or whatever he needs to make himself feel calm again. Hopefully, it will help.
Good Luck

You said that you have talked to the principal. Have you talked to the teacher as well? You could both talk to him about how there are rules for everybody but that doesn't mean that he will get "in trouble" or get his name on the board unless he does something wrong and he is a good boy so that will not happen. Maybe you could offer to come into the classroom and volunteer once or twice a week so he knows you are there ar egets more comfortable. Invite a classmate friend over for a playdate so that he makes a close friend and feels more comfortable in the classroom. Maybe he doesn't feel confident because of his reading or writing? Practice with him at home and talk to him about how everyone is learning...that's why we go to school. Good luck...I think things will get better as he gets used to it.

Wow!!! You go Grandma! You have done this before - trust your gut. I am just today, transferring my son to a different school for first grade. Do not dismiss his communication with you. Here is my first suggestion, arrange to spend a day or at least 2 straight hours "helping" in the class. Have your radar on for the structure (or lack of) in the class, the teacher's demeanor and reactions, and the other children's behavior. Make sure you observe outside playtime & snacktime. Not every class, teacher or even school is a match for every child. If after visiting, you share concerns with teacher, and you are not fully satisfied with the response - consider observing another class - and maybe that will be a better fit. If it has been a while since being in a Kinder class, go on-line and Google what to look for in a good kinder class. If you have any friends or neighbors who teach....maybe you could visit another kinder so you have something to compare his class too.

Blessings to you.

Dear S.:

Is homeschooling an option for you (or your husband)? Sometimes it helps in cases of such anxiety even if it's just for the first couple of years.

Best wishes,

M.

A lot of children are not ready at 5 for the Kindergarten the way they do it now so it's worth it to wait till they are 6.Kindergarten curriculum these days is developmentally inappropriate- too much academics,not enough play...for what?
M..

I would try not to worry too much if by the end of the day he is having fun. My youngest is in 1st grade and he also is in his second week of school there is one little boy who still cries every morning but is starting to cry less each day. It is really hard for some kids to leave their parents (or grandparents). My daughter still wanted me to attend all school rally's even in high school she is now in college and this is the first year she is totally independent with school. My boys could care less drop them at the corner and they are fine. All kids are different. Is your son a young 5 maybe he is just not ready for Kindergarten yet many kids are starting at 6 now. The schools are expecting a lot more of kids now days my son struggled last year in k because a lot of kids were all ready reading he was not my older kids didn't even attempt reading in school until 1st grade. Maybe he just needs a little more time to be home. If it continues I would wait another year plus when he is older it is a benifit to be older if he plays sports. Good luck tough call.

As a teacher I am heartbroken to read this. Please tell the teacher exactly what you wrote here so they understand the harm they are causing kids by this regressive form of discipline. Hopefully he will start his early years of education off to a good start. If not then maybe you could respectfully request a different teacher with a more positive method of consequences.
God Bless!
J.

Hello S.,
first of all I commend you for taking care of your grandson.
You and your husband are wonderful people.
Anyway, I was thinking, there is absolutely something going on. Maybe there is a bully at school that is bothering him...or maybe he doesn't like the teacher. There have been times where the teacher is wonderful in front of the parents and other teachers, but alone with the kids, they turn into a totally different person. (I have seen this happen) What does your grandson say the problem is? Maybe someone else can talk to him (outside of the family) and dig a little about the subject. How is is behavior at home? Anything change there? I hope, as time goes by, that he adjust and things will get back to normal.
Good luck to you and your family!