Should I Send My Son with a Late Birthday to Kindergarten?

I second all the moms who have said both know your child and talk to the teacher. While I struggle with this on some days, my son is the opposite - early birthday, and his preschool offered a kindergarden. He attended that and started elementary school at 1st grade. He is very tall for his age, but more than a year younger than many of his classmates. I put him in 1st grade after talking to his kindergarden teacher and knowing that he gets frustrated when bored. His best friend's mom did the opposite - her son also attended kinder at the Montessori, but her son gets frustrated when things are too difficult, so she enrolled him in kinder at the elementary school. While we struggled at the beginning of the year, my son loves school and hates the off days when he goes to the on-site day care, because he "isn't learning anything and is bored". While on bad days, I wonder if I made the right decision, I plan to start my daughter in kindergarden next year, and if the teacher says she's ready, do the same for her. She is also tall for her age - the elementary school staff keep asking when she will be enrolling in kinder. I was a GATE student myself and on more than one occasion was pulled out of class to tutor other students (8th grade), or was allowed to work on my own (11th grade) and just take the tests, because I was bored. My elementary school did not like to have students skip grades, or I probably would have (I have a mid-year birthday myself).
About me: High school science teacher with an almost 6 year old son and almost 4 year old daughter. I've seen the ultimate consequences of both students pushed to fast, or GATE students who become bored and unmotivated - there is no one right answer!

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Hi A.,

I am so glad that you're asking advice on this subject. It's truly a decision worth discussing.

As a mother of 2 boys in grade school, both being born in September, I have experience from both of my boys. My oldest I waited, my youngest I didn't because he seemed more "mature" and ready probably because he was younger and learned everything from his big brother. I regret it and I am in the process of making the decision to have him repeat 1st grade. My emotional struggle is even more difficult now than it was when trying to make the decision to start him in Kindergarten.

Ask yourself why......once he finishes High School and/or College, nobody is going to give him a big medal of honor because he "stuck it out" with the kids who were older than him. All students are treated the same no matter if they are the youngest or the oldest in the classroom. (Except for K and 1st gr teachers, they are usually more understanding in my experiece). I mean knowing the standards are the same for each student.

What if he becomes a little sportster"? His age might be a factor for him NOT playing the sport that he loves because he may not be as advanced as the kids who are a little bit older than him. Not a very good reason to stop him from starting school early, but a very real one.

My son is in first grade. As academically smart as he is, he's too young for 1st grade. Having an older boy, I know how hard 4 & 5th grades can be even when he's the oldest in the class. Why would I want my youngest to struggle even more in those grades? I don't. I TOTALLY see the difference between my oldest and my youngest.

If you decide to put your son in Kindergarten, he will probably be fine. But really pay attention to "the signs" of him being mature enough, not smart enough. My son was finally mature enough for Kindergarten during the second half of the year which is when I noticed the difference and thought maybe I had made a mistake. The Kindergarten teacher assured me that he was doing great and I had nothing to worry about. I regret NOT listening to my instincts. I simply wanted to believe that he would be fine. Well, another year and another teacher....I realized I should've listened to my instincts.

I mean that's why we are such great mom's because of our love and instincts, right? We need to stick with our instincts, A.. I believe your instincts are telling you to wait another year, but you think he might be ready :O)

I hope my experience has given you some insight on the whole Kindergarten thing. I hope your responses from us moms give you all the warmth & courage in the world to help you make this decision for your son.

I bet you're a great mom and, in the end, you will make the best decision for your son :O)

~N. :O)

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My son will be turning 5 in the middle of August, and I have already decided to wait another year before enrolling him in kindergarten. He is just not ready (emotionally and physically) to start school and I have had an overwheming amount of older moms tell me that this is the best decision. Give him an extra year and it will give him the advantage of maturing 1 more year.
That's my advice, hope it helps a little!

Hi -- I have 2 children with October birthdays. One possibility may be that a child ready for kindergarten may not be ready to move forward at a later point. My daughter was very ready for kindergarten and started a month before her 5th birthday. She did well until 6th grade, the transition to middle school. She was the smallest in her class (really tiny) and not confident enough socially to interact with 7th and 8th graders. After a week or so in 6th grade she transferred back to 5th grade (2 days after 9/11, which I am sure made the school more willing to hear her concerns). The teachers worked with her to make sure she was still challenged academically. She is now a senior in high school. While she admits she suffered socially for a time from the change, she has never regretted it. My son was really not ready to start kindergarten, always wanting to do everything his own way rather than following directions (ok, at 15 this still holds true, but he learned to recognize this and follow instructions at school). And, as he was also small for his age entering middle and high school, the wait served him well. Good luck with your decision! A.

Send him to school. My birthday is September 12 and I went. September birthdays are not that late. Isn't the cut off in November? Anyways, the earlier the start the better, and if he has a hard time, you could always keep him in kindergarten the next year. I think it all depends on the child. It sounds like he will be just fine. 5 is when you start kinergarten and he will be 5 when school starts. We are planning on sending our son, whose birthday is in early January to kindergarten at 4, if they will let us. He will be over 4 1/2, so I don't see a problem.

My son's birthday is also in early September (remember this is still a summer birthday) and he will start K next fall. I do not feel that I am sending him "early" and , in fact, am not because his birthday is nearly 3 months before the cut-off date. I have talked to his preschool teachers, and was a elementary teacher myself before I became a SAHM. It does depend so much on the child, and as a teacher you are better equipped to judge than most. My son already meets many of the standards for the end of K, and going to K is all he has talked about since his pre-K class started this fall. Right now he is excited about school and eager to learn, if I held him back and sent him to K at 6 he would be bored and possibly loss interest in school.

I feel that the trend of "red shirting" children has been taken too far in recent years. Kids who are fully 6 to 8 months before the cut-off date are being held out. I feel that this, more than kids with summer birthdays, contributes to the problem of kids being so different in maturity levels in Jr. High and High school. When I think about my daughter going to school with 19 year old boys it kind of scares me.

All four of my kids started 'early' because of autumn b'days. And all four are highly successful people, although the youngest is still in school. In fact, he's the only boy in his class of 8 kids (religious day school) and gets along well with everyone in his middle school.

The bottom line, I think, is what the preschool teacher says. They'll know whether or not a child is ready, I always relied on that and it helped me make my decision to send them early.

Good luck!

Dear A.,
I think it all depends on the child and not so much the number.
My daughter started kindergarten at 4. Her pre-school teachers said she was so far ahead of the other kids that it wasn't fair to her to keep her in pre-school. She did go through a phase some years later, around the third or fourth grade, where she hated always being the youngest in her class. I told her I understood how she felt, but the only way to remedy it was to hold her back and do the same grade again. She wanted no part of doing that.
Because of when my birthday falls, I wasn't allowed to start kindergarten until I was 6. My parents weren't given a choice. I was SO ready. My parents really worked with me and I could read and write all the letters of the alphabet. Back then, the cut off was definitive and they wouldn't waver from it. I was 18-1/2 when I graduated high school and felt like the old lady of my class.
Anyway, you know your child better than anyone. One of my son's friends was asked to repeat kindergarten. Well, they had a combo K/First grade class for those who weren't ready to move on. That kid's parents threw an absolute fit! They took it to mean that their child wasn't smart enough and smart had nothing to do with it.
He just didn't have the emotional maturity yet. So, he ended up doing the combo thing and was able to be in a regular 2nd grade class. He just needed that extra little time to develop his social skills a bit.
Talk to your son's pre-school teachers and see what their opinion is. You've got a while before the new school year starts and you may see a difference in your son between now and then. You'll do the right thing.

Best wishes!

I have son who is now a senior in high school with a late birthday and he and I both wish he had the gift of an extra year. it has been a struggle all the way through school.

Since you are questioning that tells me it may be a good idea to give him that gift of an extra year. More and more boys are receiving that gift.

Does your district have a pilot kindergarten (that's what our district calls it). My oldest is a mid-Sept baby and we started him right before he turned five. We'll see how he does later but he's in 3rd right now and seems to be doing well.

Our youngest is mid-Nov and he started a pilot k this year. The class is designed for late babies who are pretty much ready but can use the extra year--all of them will redo kindergarten next year at their own schools. My youngest is also in speech therapy which was an extra reason to put him in the pilot program. 9 of the kids in his class were November babies (!!!) with only one already being 5 and the rest in August and September (one October?). In any case--I'm really glad that my youngest is getting the extra year of kindergarten without the pressure of having to get through it the first time. He's doing fine and is where he's supposed to be and he's learning a lot more social skills that he needs to succeed in school.

The ironic thing is that my youngest is much bigger than my oldest was at the same age and though I throroughly expect my youngest to catch up with his other classmates, Alex is one of the biggest in his class though.

I'm a teacher, too, and while I don't regret sending my oldest to kindergarten when he was almost 5 I was very happy to have this option for Alex this year. It's all about where the kid is. Yours might feel better waiting a year (as you might, as well) but if you have a pilot program you can enroll him in it might be the best of all possible worlds. :)

Good luck! M.

Hi A.,

If your son is smart, send him to school. It would be worse if you wait a year and then he is bored. He won't be the youngest and the behavioural problems will become less as he is more comfortable with the new environment.

D.

Send him to school! If it turns out that he is not ready then wait another school year. Sounds like he is ready and will be just fine. Be sure and check with the school that it is an option. Good luck. My middle son's birthday is the end of October and this is the approach we took. He stayed in kindergarten and today is in Honors and AP classes in high school. Every child is different.

Hi A.. Almost 48 years ago now we were faced with the same decision regarding our firstborn son who has a November birthday. We decided to keep him home one more year rather than sending him to Kindergarten. I can say all these years later that it was the right decision. He too is bright, but that added year of waiting helped him ease into school with more maturity and more security in himself. Your oldest son will also have the adjustment of a new baby coming into your home, so maybe another year with Mom and Dad will help him adjust to that also. Good luck ! Your children are blessed to have such a concerned Mom.

Me and several of my friends are in the same situation with kids who are now 4, but have late birthdays. Our kids have been in preschool for the past two years and most of them are probably ready academically and socially, but emotionally not so sure and they will most likely be the youngest in their class throughout their school years. We've all been talking a lot to everyone we can about this issue and all of us have come to the same conclusion. We are waiting one more year for several reasons. First, there does not seem to be any down side to waiting as opposed to potential drawbacks from starting too early. Even if they are ready for kindergarten, they may have potential issues (academic, physically and maturity) in later grades and probably also during pre-teen and teenage years. we also don't feel the need to rush them into school, since it will come soon enough and last a very long time. It also seems to be the trend these days with most kids in Kindergarten being 5-6 years as opposed to 4-5. The main reason is we don't want to start are kids off with a challenge that they are not ready for which would possibly set the stage for their school life to come. They are only little for a short while and I for one want my son to enjoy being a kid for as long as he can. I am very much at peace with my decision to wait and all the parents that I've spoken with that have already made this choice said it was the best thing they ever did for their child. Good luck!

J.

From my own experience teaching my children at home, the age of 6 is a good starting point to learn formal letter formation (cursive is even possible) and to start learning to spell.

Find out the academics taught at each grade level at the school you are going to put him. That will give you a starting point.

This may have been said because I didn't have time to read them all. My son's birthday is Sept. 2 and we knew that we always wanted to wait because in other states you can't start kidergarten unless you are 5 before school starts and I went to college with kids who graduated at 17 and they were just so much younger more immature than the rest of us. My son did have to start kidergarten this year because I got unexpectedly pregnent the year before and I am not working so we couldn't afford preschool again. Academically he is doing well but he notices that everyone is turning 6 and losing teeth and he isn't. We have told him that is why he is going to do kindergarten again next year so that he will turn 6 and lose teeth too and he is fine with repeating. I don't want him to continue to be physically and maturity wise behind everyone else. Of course my husband wants to do it so that he won't hit puburty way late and be behind for sports.
C.

I can see you have a lot of responses. I haven't looked through them but wanted to give you my experience. My son's birthday is September 18th. I held him back. He too was fine academically, but small and shy. I just felt like it was my job to give him everything I could to succeed and that included letting him always be on the older side rather than always on the younger side and starting out at the beginning of the race having to catch up. I have never had any regrets. He's doing great. When I was faced with that decision what helped me was thinking long term. It wasn't just kindergarten that he had to get through, it affects him all the way through starting out in the world a year younger and less mature. I know many who started their kids young and also don't have regrets. Everyone has their reasons but for me, I'm very happy with our decision. HOpe this helps!

you are a teacher and know the answer to this already.
wait as long as possible. all mine were fall babies but very bright so off they went and dis great academically!
BUT-in the middle school years, it really shows! they are smaller in every way except brains. they are less mature.
they sometimes wind up hanging with kids in the grade behind them, where they fit/belong age wise. worse with girls (no boobs, etc)
it also sux to be the tiny immature one with all the brains
If I had it to do over again I would wait. i wish someone had told ME this way back them. Academically ready? teach em to read at home. socially is crucial. social skills take you far, why stack the deck against em?
if you are unsure, talk to some teachers of grades 5-8. They can prob tell you ASAP which kidsa in their class are the "Young" fall bday students. It becomes quite OBVIOUS then. good luck

I have two sons, one with a Nov and one with a Sept. birthday. I waited with the Nov., and he's in 2nd grade now and it's the best decision I ever made. He was also on the immature side, and he's so socially confident now and academically on track. My younger son turned 5 last Sept., and I decided to wait with him too. I've asked lots of other parents with fall boy birthdays, and I have yet to meet one who regrets waiting an extra year, but I have met a few who wished they waited. Good luck!

kids love cake and any excuse for a party-i think a great way to break the ice.

My son had a June birthday and we decided to hold him out of Kindergarten until next year. What we did was put him in a 5-day pre-kindergarten program.

He is very smart, yet shy and reserved in is social skillls, and my husband and I felt that Kindergarten is so academic and expects a lot from a child that we would rather him get adjusted to going 5 days and be overly prepared rather than throw him in and he struggle in school.

So far, he is doing great. In the beginning I did have a lot of reservations in holding him out. I felt he's 5 he should go, and he'll do just fine. But after seeing my stepdaughter struggle, she too had a June bday and was sent to school right at 5, and still struggles in school, she is now in the 5th grade. I didn't want to put my son through the that.

I feel it was the best decision that I could make for my son.

I hope this helps. I was there a year ago with the exact same questions and concerns.

Hi A.

My son's bday is in Nov , so he went early.. however, he first attended tiny tots in the park and then preschool. We did have the teacher keep an eye on him and she thought he could def deal with K...We decided to send him and thus far (he is now in 2nd) he has always been at level or above level in terms of grades. He is also big for age and because of that, people do think he is older. Apart from that, it's been a good experience. however, before sending him, my husband and I decided that IF for some reason he wasn't doing well in K for academic or emotional reasons, we would take him out. Doesn't take long to know if a child is adjusting. We were ok with it if we had to pull him. We simply would have put him back in preschool. no biggie because he was enjoying that too. You could talk it over with the K teacher for the school he'd be attending and see what he/she thinks.

Hi A.,
I have 4 daughters and no boys, so my answer might not apply to you as well as others, but here it is anyway. My first daughter's birthday is in late August. It always lands in the first week of school. We sent her to kindergarten and have never been sorry. She is very petite for her age, and her kindergarten teacher thought things would be a problem for her, but in typical first child fashion, she excellerated and has always been at the top of her class. Our second daughter is 4 now and her birthday is in October. We send our kids to a private school who's cut-off date is in September. We feel bad for her because she is a big girl for her age (what a twist of fate!), and I am afraid she will be known as the big stupid kid in kindergarten. She has been through 1 year of pre-school and has really blossomed. Her pre-school teacher seems to think she will be ready for kindergarten in August, as long as we work with her a little bit at home. She has a tendency to be the goofy, class clown type, but I don't think another year in pre-school will change that. She's just a crazy, funny kid by nature. So if she tests out ok, we're going to start her in kindergarten this year. If it looks like it's not working out, we'll just drop back down to pre-school for another year, no harm done. So there's always that option. Now I have heard boys are more difficult in terms of being ready with social skills and disciplined settings, so my situation may not apply. But that's what we've done and are going to do, and so far it's all worked out great. And again, there's nothing wrong with giving it a go and if it doesn't look like it's going to work out in that first month, it won't scar them for life to go back to pre-school for that extra year. I say there's no harm in trying.

I am for holding back...it's a two-fer. You have them home one more year at the front end and at the back end. My children's elementary school in Dublin CA holds all children born after September 1 back so I can tell you from experience and observation, those children tend to be the leaders, excel academically and are capable of interacting with adults and usually are chosen for whatever volunteer things the teacher is looking for. (lead play parts, academic meet, speaking opportunities, running errands etc.) Bonus's all around. If you are even questioning, I think you have your answer. Do it! You will have few to no regrets.

I have 3 children as well. 2 boys 1 girl. 16, 14 & 10. I held both of my boys back if you will but in an obnoxious way. They have December and January birthday's. I will tell you in their elementary school they are NOT the oldest children in their classes. So I am not the only one to do this.

At the time, the school could not believe I decided to do this. They are big boys, were basically ready for kindergarden and social. But both my husband and I were late birthdays. My husband is an October birthday. He was adamantly for waiting due to his experience. He graduated high school and started college at 17. He was a stand out athlete and an average student. He felt he would have had better college choices had he been held back because he would have been more mature and more capable to handle the pressures of the high school work load and a active schedule thus better grades to complement his athletic abilities. Today, one is is not enough. You need to distinguish yourself as a scholar as well as in another area be it athletics, scouts, theater...whatever your son ends up being interested in.

I was a July birthday. Looking back, had I been held back, I would probably have been more confident to assert myself in the classroom to achieve more. I was recommended for the gifted programs in the public school at kindergarden but my Mom opted for private schooling. Looking at the schools today, public or private, I would definitely not be able to handle the gifted program without being an older child. The competition among students and parents starting in junior high school is tremendous. I would have done well to have been held back.

Now with my boys, my sixteen year old is a confident freshman who was first in his class(new school from elementary) to get his drivers license--BMOC--is excelling in school--Algebra 2 and Spanish 2 this year--has been asked to workout with the varsity football program as a sophomore for QB and is working on his Eagle project. He sees a coach weekly working on improving his speed and spends every Sunday with either a QB coach or throwing with the receivers at a local high school. He and his brother both serve as altar boys at church once per month. He would not have the time to work on all this if he was a grade ahead because school is first. His grades are good. This semester was the first semester since 6th grade that he did not receive straight A's. But his grades are still very good. He is determined to change that this semester. Oh he is a starter for his freshmen basketball team as well. He attends a challenging high school--De La Salle.

My other son is 14 in 7th grade. He is dyslexic with auditory processing. He is of high average intelligence but is having a hard time organizing himself in school. He grades are showing it. He just finished this semester with a 3.14. But speaking with my girlfriends who boys are 2 months older but freshmen in high school they are going through the same things. The only difference is my son is doing it in junior high where there is less of an impact on his transcripts over his friends who will have to live with this on their transcripts for college applications. This son is also a good athlete playing baseball, football and basketball. He is in Spanish 1a and Algebra 1 for high level classes. He is also a Life Scout and will be working on his Eagle project once we as a family get through the first sons project. With him as well, he would not be active in other things if he was not held back. Our biggest challenge is communicating (boys) with his teachers. He could have better grades had he turned in things on time (had 100% but received 0--late) or fought for his grade when the teacher miss graded items or put the wrong grade in for assignments. This coming semester will be better because he is now understanding the process. Thank God it is in 7th grade not 9th.

Both boys are well liked by their peers and are included in many of the activities that go on among their friends.

My daughter, 10 and in 5th grade, was not held back. She is a big girl, 5'2" at about 110 pound at this time. There are 3 other kids bigger than her in her class. 2 boys and another girl. I opted NOT to hold her back due to girl stuff. I am not sure if I made right decision. She is ADHD so she struggles with attention and organization of her thoughts and her stuff and peer relations. She is extremely social and smart as can be. She is truly 10 going on 30. She has high average intelligence but earns average grades. Holding her back, could have worked to improve her grades and social interactions but for girls it is not an advantage to be biggest in the class. She struggles with being called fat by little girls who are intimidated by a tall girl. She is active in ballet, volleyball and basketball. She is far from fat. So with her self image in mind, I did not hold her back. We'll see how this works out for her. Things will probably even out in her 20's went people are not grouped as they are in school.

So there you have my perspective. I hope it helps you with your decision. Listen to your heart. You know instinctively where your son belongs. It is more than academics, it is his belief in himself and the feeling of empowerment that will drive his successes at school and beyond. Give him the opportunity to explore who he can be.

There were three kids in my son's 1/2 combo class last year with these issues.

One boy has a mid Oct. b-day. His parents started him late in kindergarten but he was very tall and very smart. SO last year as a first grader, they put him in the 1/2 combo class and he was able to do all of the second grade work. So, they skipped him straight to third this year.

This kid is very bright but he has huge social problems. His parents do not spend time in the classroom so they do not see this. The other kids complain that he cries all the time. I personally feel that he is not ready for the 'world of boys.' Better to be a little bored than picked on.

Another boy that was in the 1/2 combo as a first grader last year was also very bright. His b-day is in A.. They skipped him to third this year. He is doing fine both socially and academically. He made a lot of second grade friends last year, has an older brother so he seems okay.

We also had a girl in the first grade last year who has a June b-day. She was smart enough to be skipped but her parents worried that the boys would mature before she did when they reached puberty and there could be some pressure.

Now, she is in second grade, is more emotionally mature than her peers, very very bright and wants to only hang out with adults. She went from being the most popular girl in class last year to having very few friends this year, very unhappy and they are regretting not skipping her.

So, it does depend on the child.

The two options I can think of is the kindergarten, then the 1/2 combo if you have access to one.

There is also a mid year kindergarten in some schools.

I am also a teacher but more importantly I am a September birthday. I was academically with the others or even ahead but socially I just didn't get it and I remember not feeling with it. My son is a spring birthday and he is now in the upper grades but every year I regret not giving him an extra year in preschool. He is immature, playful, and small. In soccer and baseball he has not had the best time because he is the smallest on the team. Now that he is close to junior high, the other boys are mellowing and being cool while he is still playful. My vote is send your little guy late.

I think it depends on the child .If in your heart you feel he is no ready don't send him . they say boys on general do better waiting. My daughter for only 4 late birthday eary oct. she did wonderful .so good luck.

My husband went to school early and wishes he didn't. He felt like he was emotionally behind and didn't like being the youngest. In Finland children don't go to school at all until they are 7 and they score very high on international tests. If your instincts are telling you that he is shy/immature - he will learn more from you at home than in school. Get the book "You ARe Your Child's First Teacher" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy. Trust your instincts.

Hi A.,
My vote is to hold him back. He will probably do fine until 5th-6th grade when his shyness and immaturity will be tested. Give him the extra year to gain self confidence. Coupled with his intelligence, he'll have a better chance at becoming "the leader", rather than "the follower." My sister didn't listen to me and her son suffered--took till his mid 20's to hold his own! good luck. N. (retired 5th-6th grade teacher).

A.,
In a simple word....wait. My son is a November guy...and I debated for a very short time. He too was intelligent...but someone spoke at our MOPS meeting one day, a former Kindergarten teacher. She said, "Never think of it as 'holding' them back a year. Think of it as giving them another year of life experience to draw on!" And it's so true.... My sister and her husband also teach Kindergarten and I guarantee you she'd say "WAIT"! She has to have hard talks every year with parents who send their "babies" to school....not that I'm saying your son is a "baby"... - BUT, she would also say SIZE does matter and self-fulfilling prophecy plays a role here too. If you send him in a little bigger and older, that's how he'll always be perceived.

Okay....off my soapbox! The pre-school my son attended gave him a test and we still laugh about one of the questions to this day!!!! "Soup is hot.....Ice cream is _________ (Fill in the blank)." My son said YUMMY!!!! He was SO right...be we thought it best to wait a year and he is now a well-adjusted, intelligent, socially accepted 10 year old 4th grader!

Best of luck to you and your family!

Three boys! I love it. You know a lot of about boys and education and the push in the current public climate which is why you are thinking this through. Good for you A. :) Smart and immature makes for a complex decision. It would depend on how he handles stress at this age. Does he cry if overwhelmed. The K teachers are under intense pressure to move along..Some will say he may "need" the stimuli as he could be done with preschool but our boys do not "need" the pressure, especially when they are socially, emotionally not ready. It undermines them. My mid year bday boy is still overwhelmed ( and he has other sensory issues that impact him that yours does not have) but I have heard from the mothers of the boys in our class and all of them are having struggles with not wanting to go to school at times.I also know of three boys redoing k who went in early....In my my heart of hearts, school teaches to girls learning styles, sitting, fine motor, quiet, group...and boys to need to move, revere, play battle (swords and duals)dig, pour and need challenges and discovery..and that is still science, math and if done well, literacy. I have a daughter and see the difference even though my daughter and our neighbor girl love play and movement, they can regroup for direction far better. Weigh this one. There is pressure with the economy to alleviate costs with going to school. There is the every day conveinence that will tempt you. Is he ready next January (with you having two younger boys) to do nightly reading, math software, writing in a journal and be assessed? If I could do it again...I would have found a private school for kindergarten that was developmental (Mont, Waldorf)...so there was more balance. I wish I had started one. Maybe a charter for you. Remember all of your family and how it impacts you. Best of health with your third prince!

My son is late October and we opted to wait. There were a number of kids in his pre-school that had completed the Pre-K class so the school established a special program for about 10 "Pre-K Plus" kids, which worked out well. My main concern with waiting was that he would be bored in pre-school, which he wasn't. I truly feel it was the right decision for us. He's in 5th grade now and doing great. Good luck!

Wait one more year:)

Hi A..
My son is a mid-Sept. birthday and started Kindergarten this year. In our area school starts in late August, so about 2-3 wks before he turned 6. I am SO glad I gave him that extra year of preparation and maturing. He's thriving academically and has better self control now than a year ago. Most of the kids in his class are closer to the December deadline and have just turned 6. They all seem to be fine in class. The younger kids who are not turning 6 until the spring seem to require a lot more direction from the teachers to stay on task. It's certainly a personal decision based on what you think is best for your son. I wish you luck on your decision. I am guessing that you won't regret waiting until next year.

I guess my family is very different than most. In our extended family all over the US, only 1 boy was ever red-shirted and held back [August birthday.] In fact, our family [both my husband's & my families] always has had children skip or advance [both boys & girls.]

All the other September, October, November & December family birthdays other than my one cousin above have started school at 4+. My yonger son [September] and his good friend [November] are in 4th grade and are at the top of their class. They are sometimes more immature than I would like but all the boys in the class are more immature than the girls so I don't think it's the birthdate.

A good friend of ours, who is a Kinder teacher suggested the following - if the preschool environment seems like it won't challenge your son intellectually or if most of his friends are moving on, enroll him in Kindergarten. If he doesn't seem ready for 1st grade, see if your school will hold him back and let him repeat Kindergarten with one of the other K teachers.

Every child is different - please base your decision on his abilities and comfort level.

A.,
My son is an Aug. birthday and I was forced to put him in school even though I knew he wasn't ready. So I put him in a private Kindergarten (until I couldn't afford it anymore) and then moved him to public school half way through the year. We called this his "practice year" and then put him in public Kinder the next year. It really helped, he's very social so he didn't have any issues there, but he has a speech problem and is behind in reading so this really made it easier for him to work on those things without so much pressure. He is now doing better with school, still having some issues but he would no way be ready for 2nd grade if I had promoted him the 1st time from Kinder. He is a leader in his class and all the other kids play with him and call him friend. It was one of the best decisions I made for him.
Good luck
H.

I am a 3rd grade teacher, and I have a daughter who misses the cutoff by a week and a day (so she will be one of the older ones in her kinder class) and I have a younger daughter born in mid-November. After this school year with the kids in my current 3rd grade class, I am convinced that my older daughter's being the oldest in her class will be a good thing, and that my younger daughter will definitely be waiting to start kinder til she is almost 6. I personally think kindergarten is mostly about social skills, learning how to be in school, learning expectations, learning how to get along with others, etc. Yes, there are more academics in kinder now but the main thrust of kindergarten is socialization. Therefore I do not feel your child would be "bored" in kindergarten. Also, although it may not show up now or even next year in terms of readiness, believe me, it starts to catch up. I have an extremely "young" class this year (with about half of my class on the "young" side--bdays in the late summer or fall) and I can *really* tell which kids are the younger ones from their difficulty sitting still, focusing, completing work, and just social skills like listening, not calling out, etc. All of the kids who have issues like these are the "young" children. It has been very eye-opening to me. I would recommend waiting. A lot of preschool teachers and directors have told me that it is a gift to have a late fall birthday because that extra year is so valuable. After seeing my current group, I would have to agree!

Good luck figuring out what will be right for your son. I voluntered 4 hours a week in my daughter's kindergarten last year and you couldn't tell the kid's age by how they acted or performed. The youngest child (late Oct birthday) was hypercritical and best friends with the oldest child. As I have a November birthday and was young for my class, I was comfortable with sending in my daughter with her LATE September birthday. It helped that my daughter was academically WAY ahead and her preschool forewarned she would be bored in the first months of kindergarten. We were able to keep up the pace into first grade, yet while she is ahead academically, the long day of first grade was tiring and stressful for her. I never saw it coming as she had flourished in full day preschool.
Turns out free play vs. strict discipline and desk work was the difference. (The last hour of kinder wasn't desk work)

It wasn't until November that she got the stamina for the long days.

In contrast, there was a girl in her kindergarten class born on the same day. (And happens to be in her first grade). She doesn't seem as tired like she was in kindergarten (cried with exhaustion) but she is struggling to keep up academically. Just looking at her one would say late September kids should wait it out a year. I am just greatful I had the choice - a kindergartener reading at the third grade level would have been more than akward. (I saw one kid like that and he was often bored.)

The real irony? One of the oldest first graders we know is VERY sensitive and cries at the drop of a hat. Academically ahead of her grade, but being the oldest isn't helping the emotional resilence issue much.

I think it's great when states let parents make the call for their own kid, as each kid is SO different!

I will be curious to see how other parents respond, because I am in the exact same boat (son turning five in September, toddler at home, also a teacher). My husband and I have been wrestling with what to do, but are ultimately leaning toward putting our son in kindergarten. He is very smart, and has already mastered quite a bit of the kindergarten material. While is is also very shy, and we were worried about that, he started to act up at a previous daycare/preschool when he wasn't being challenged by the course work, and we're worried that while school may be something of a social challenge, keeping him back may create something of an academic / behavioral challenge. We are also waiting to see how his social skills develop over the next 6 months of so, and how he grows physically. RIght now, he is on the taller side of average, which is another "plus" for putting him into kindergarten. The factors we're weighing are 1) his size/physical development, 2) his social skills/progress, 3) his academic abilities, and 4) his preschool teachers' feedback. Ultimately, we plan to register him for this semester. If we need to, and decide it would be too much of a push socially, we can always change our minds. Good luck with your decision!

I have a son who just turned 5 in Nov., so he is also a late birthday. We had this debate last year and talked to so many people. Everyone said that if we weren't sure, then just wait another year and everyone who had late birthday children, who waited the extra year, said they never regretted it. We also moved in the summer last year and wanted an extra year to look at the surrounding schools while he was taking his 2nd year at a wonderful preschool in town. I've also heard there is a lot expected - not the play, nap, color schedule I had as a kindergartner - and they are expected to work alone on packets and such without getting distracted, whiny, bored, etc. It may also ease the transition to another sibling to continue what you're doing now for one more year. Plus, if you wait another year, he'll be more developed for sports than his peers. And boys mature slower than girls...Something to consider.

A.,

Go with your gut. If you feel there is a question of whether he is ready or not, don't put him in kindergarten yet. If you feel without any doubt that he is absolutely ready, then don't wait.

M.

I think you have already heard this but I think it depends on the child. I keep my daughter back because I knew for girls, socially it is so hard. These days I think the girls are growing up too fast. It has helped my daughter to be older and stay with kids that are no so "grown up". She is more mature then most so it helps her to put all the "clicky" groups into perspective. She is now in 3rd grade and does very well I'm sure it is because she was older. Of course she also did pre-school and we are very active in her schooling. Good luck

Many kids are different. While some kids may be ready, others won't be. It all depends on whether he is able to sit still, listen, and follow directions. If he has difficulty, then wait. If he can, then he is probably ready.

Good luck on making your decision!

My son, now 14 yo, has a mid-November Birthday. He too was in a State preschool for two years and was very bright and extrememly sociable and mature. He begged us to start K and since we were moving to a new city, we thought it would be easier than finding a preschool. He was a little behind because the school standards for K in the new town were higher than those in our old town, but the K teacher told us not to worry, that he was doing fine and at the end of the year told us he was on track and promoted him to 1st grade.

For the next 4 years, we had issues and tears every fall because he always "felt stupid" since he was always a little behind. It was SO hard! Yet all of his teachers felt he should be promoted to the next grade, not held back because once we got to Christmas break, he was always caught up and on track. In 4th grade he started music and I beleive something clicked because in the fall of 5th grade he finally "got it" and aside from a quick blip in the 7th grade, has been on the honor roll every year. He always earned good marks in K-4th, but he struggled VERY hard for them. He still has to work hard in a couple of subjects, but overall is doing outstanding...taking honors and tough college prep courses.

However, he now gets a little irritated at us for entering him in school early because he is the youngest and will be the last of his friends to drive. He also was one of the last to enter puberty and feels that has "put him at a great disadvantage" when it comes to sports in Jr High and High School. He plays football now, has wrestled for several years and has played baseball since T-ball age.

I knew that it was tough to keep boys' interest in school, so I thought if he could graduate young and start college, he would have an advantage. He doesn't see it that way because he is living for today and only knows he is not as strong or as agressive when it comes to sports.

Whatever you decide will probably be fine...just wanted to give you some information so you can think about it from all perspectives. Good luck!

My brother had a late birthday too (end of September) and my mom started him early. Some days she wish she didn't. He was smaller than most of the other boys until middle school. He got picked on alot too. As far as being smart enough he was one of the top in his class. He didn't get to be on the same T-ball or soccer team as the other boys because of his birthday either. Those are just some things to think about. He did graduate high school as one of the top in his class though.

Hi A.,
I had this same issue with my daughter. She was born the last week of November,but the cutoff date was the first week of december...anyone born after that date started the following year....
So, I was very undecided, like you. I talked to her teacher at pre-school,(my daughter was in a pre-k class) and the teachers thought it wasn't such a bad idea to wait for the next year to start her in kindergarten. I listened to the teachers eventually, but there are times that I wished I hadn't!!!!.
She has always struggled at learning, and it did not make it any easier for her or us to hold her back. She did NOT go in to kindergarten any more prepared than if we had sent her the previous year....even though we worked with the pre-school, they taught her the same things they had the year before, she spent a year,NOT learning anything new? And now she is ALWAYS older than her class mates. Sometimes this does bother her now that she is a teenager, it didn't until now though.
I don't mean to only give you a negative outlook but for our situation I'm still not sure we made the right choice. I think that a September birthdate should not be as much of a concern & he is a smart child, it may just hold him back from learning....Make sure to talk to his teachers & if possible the teachers at the kindergarten he will go to. They will also test the kids when they start, to see where they fit in....
I hope this helped you make a VERY HARD decision....
Good Luck,
L.

Hi. I had this same question a few years ago. My son has an even later bithday (Nov.25). When I put him in pre-school I told the teacher I wanted to see if he would be ready or not for kindergarten because of his age. So she had that in the back of her mind that year. At the end of the year she told me he was ready for school, which I thought he was too, just needed to hear it from someone else. When the kindergarten teacher got his file she saw his age and called me. We talked about his age which was a concern for her and I filled her in on the pre-school teacher's input. After talking with me she said she felt better but would keep an eye on things and let me know if there was a problem. After a couple of weeks in school (I helped out in the classroom too) she told me, you were right he is soooo ready to be here, it would have been a shame to hold him in pre-school. So my advise would be to talk to the pre-school teacher and see if you can talk to a few kindergarten teachers (preferably at the school he will attend) My son is now 9 in the 4th grade, at the top of his class, not shy, and makes friends easily. And he has several months to grow and mature before the fall so that could make a big difference. HTH!

I almost didn';t respond. You have so many to read through. But we in the same boat last fall. Do we send our son to K. His birthday is Nov. 28th.

It is a decision that only you and your husband can make. I sought advice and conflicting opinions. I was told by one teacher that I was a bad mother for wanting to send him early. Our playgroup director wanted to sign him up herself.

After a lot of praying I decided to send him and it was the best thing I could have done for Him. He is the top of his class academically and his smaller size has never been an issue. His teacher is glad that we sent him, he would not have been stimulated enough academically in preschool and he tells me everyday how much he loves school. I am in the class once a week to help out the teacher.

I was also told by the principal at his school, that if it really doesn't work, he can re-do K with a different teacher next fall. That doesn't apply now, but was nice to have that option. And lastly, ALL kids have accidents in K. Even six year olds and don't hold that against him or make you feel you made the wrong choice.

My daughter has a Sept 1 b-day and thank goodness her school has an August cutoff so she is one of the oldest. I wouldn't have it the other way. School is so hard that I would rather her be the oldest than the youngest. Only you know what is best for your kid but as I always hear from parents who heald back that it is a gift of a year. Good luck!!

Hi A., Hi had the same problem, but it was with my daughter. Her birthday is also in September. I knew she was very smart and she was not shy. When it came time to enter her in school, I didn't know what to do. I had people telling me I should wait, while others said no way. Her pre-school teacher suggested that I wait. In my heart, I couldn't do it. I knew she was ready. I am so greatful I started her when I did. She was always in the top of her class. She is now a college graduate. Had I waited another year I think she would have been board. My friends had boys who had November bdays. They started early too and it worked out for them as well. I think it is what you feel. My son was born in July. He was very shy. He cried the first 2 weeks of school. He got over it quickly. We signed him up for sports and it worked out very well. Good Luck

Please wait. As a teacher who has spent most of my career as a kinder, 1st & 2nd grade teacher, I have noticed that boys especially do better when allowed that extra year to develop. This wait will likely be the difference between having him at the middle to top of his class for his elementary education vs. struggling and possibly being retained. Which do you think is better for his emotional well-being?

A.,
I have only read a few of the responses, so here goes. Our oldest was bron in the end of July, he started school at just 5, the next our duaghter was 5 in mid October, of her kindergarten year and reading by December, our youngest turned 5 at Thanksgiving break of his kindergarten year and is a 2nd year student at SFSU majoring in Geography taking graduate classes. It depends on the child, the situation and the schools. Does your school system have a school rediness assesment?
Given your new addition, it may be a good idea to allow him to attend school as an experience where he can gain independance.
Best wishes whatever you decide.
A.

Hi A.,

My son has a really late birthday Nov 27th when we had to make our decision, so it was a really hard debate for me. I was overruled by my husband, his teachers and both sets of Grandparents. We had him tested to make sure academically he was ready.

Today he is really thriving and challenged being the absolute youngest in class, but he loves it and tells me all the time now (2 years later) that he is glad we put him in early. Reading has been a little more difficult, but socially his is fine and everywhere else academically his is fine too. It was the right thing for us to do, but it was very hard for me to get there. Especially knowing that he will start his Sr. year in high school at 16.

SJW

Hard decision, given that some late year kids do well and some do not. But I think the key words here may be "very shy/immature at times". I, too, was a late-year, bright, but shy and immature kiddo. My mom decided to hold me back since she didn't think I was ready. And I wasn't ready. Then she put me into kindergarten in January--with the kids who had been there since September! (This was over 60 years ago when preschool wasn't an option.) I developed a roaring case of school phobia that lasted 17 years. Got good grades, was well behaved, learned what I was supposed to learn, appeared to everyone to be doing fine. Even I didn't know how "not fine" I was because I didn't know that how I felt about school was different from the other kids. I learned just how much I hated school when I took a 12 year break & then went back to graduate school--and loved it! Starting school before I was ready didn't interfere with my education, nor did it "ruin my life", but there is no doubt in my mind that I would have been a much happier student had I started school a year later than I did!

We have girls, and I know boys are different, but my oldest has a mid-September birthday. We decided to give Kindergarten a try. We figured that if it didn't work out, she could repeat the year. As it turned out, she did great! She had a fantastic teacher who really made Kindergarten wonderful, and I think that really helped. She's in first grade now and is at the top of her class and has lots of friends. So in my opinion, I think it is fine to go ahead with Kinder - if it doesn't work out, put him in another teacher's class and repeat the year. At that age it doesn't seem to bother them to repeat. Good luck with your decision!

My friend has a second grader with an early birthday (December, I think), and she is always saying she wishes she waited a year. He has a lot of social issues, which lead to concentration and academic tough times for him. I think with the big changes coming to your family so soon before the school year, he might be better off waiting a year... You know him best! Good luck with your choice :)

My daughter has a late birthday (10/20) and we decided to wait to start her in Kindergarten--one of our best parenting decisions ever! The kids in her class with later birthdays are really struggling- emotionally/ maturity wise. We were lucky enough to find a "Transitional Kindergarten class" so she did not do 2 years of preschool. My husband has a late birthday and remembers how hard he had it and did not want that for our daughter. I would really recommend waiting if you are unsure- he has the rest of his life to go to school--don't start off on the wrong foot...good luck!

Hi A.,

My opinion is to keep him back. My daughter's birthday is in late September, and at the urging of my husband I sent her when she was still 4 just turning 5. She is now in first grade and she is the youngest in her class and is struggling with the work. She may have struggled anyways, since that is a very individual thing, but I really wish I would have kept her back. On top of that, she is always upset that "everyone is 7 and I'm only 6." I just figure that they are only this little once. The curriculum is so much more advanced than it used to be. Let them have one more year as a child before they have to "hit the books." Once they're there, they will be there for a long time. I can't tell you how much work we do with my daughter after school just to keep her up with her class. It breaks my heart. At 6 she should be having fun, not spending her days doing school work.

Dear A.,

I recommend that you give him another year to grow physically and mentally. My son is also a September baby. They grow up too fast anyway...enjoy the extra time Mama.

Blessings...

NO! Sorry for the so blunt response. This has been the biggest mistake I have ever made in parenting my children. I am a mother of four 16,14,9 and 4. My 14yr old is an Oct baby and he was too shy/immature but bright. I had my third daughter in June the year he was five and could go to kindergarten. So my mom and everyone else close to me said "he'll be fine". But sorry to say it hasn't worked out. He went off to kindergarten and was ok but second semester we had a move that didn't help matters. But at the end of the year my gut told me to keep him back. The school told me it ultimately was my choice and I just was young and didn't know any better. So he went on to 1st again end of the year asked the same question teacher said he will learn all the same academics so again he went on. And yet again in 2nd I know gluten for punishment. But to no avail all his teachers said "he'll be fine". This year he is a freshman in high school and is clearly not ready. Even as an 8th grader we knew he wasn't socially and emotionally ready. We have had nothing but problems since the beginning of the school year. He should be in junior high this year. He is just not mature enough to handle high school. This has been the biggest regret. I cannot stress to you enough it cannot hurt him to give him an extra year. He may be the brightest kid in class all the way through but at least he will have had another year to get emotionally ready. My oldest is a Jan baby and I can't say he was the best socially but he is clearly a whole year ahead and I feel confident that he is mature enough to handle the issues that are presented to him in his peer group.

A little about me:
I am a 33yr old mother of four three boys and a girl.

Hi A.!

This is a personal decision. I have family and friends who have been faced with this decision and those who have decided to keep their child home for one more year have never regretted it and those who did not have been split. There is an event tomorrow in Brentwood regarding this issue. Here is the information:

The first Brentwood Community Kindergarten Readiness Fair will be held on Thursday, January 29th from 5:00 – 7:00 P.M at Brentwood Elementary School . This is a free event open to all Brentwood families with pre-school age children. The purpose of the event is to provide families with resources, support and tools designed to support children from birth to five years old.

Eight agencies will be coming together to share resources, sign-up families up for free classes, provide activities and distribute information. Brentwood Union School District, together with the Brentwood Library, Child Care Council, Head Start, the Village Community Resource center, A Place of Learning, First 5 and the City of Brentwood, will have representatives on hand to answer questions, share and distribute resources and provide support.

At the fair, families will be able to speak to school principals and kindergarten teachers, apply for a free library card, get a free parenting kit, find out about youth sports and art programs, find out about free tutoring programs, participate in the Ballet Folklorico dancing school, as well as many other fun and valuable activities.

Free items will be distributed and a free raffle with great prizes will take place at the fair. Light refreshments will also be available.

There will be 5 scheduled presentations as well as booths for each of the agencies. The scheduled presentations are:

5:10 - Kindergarten Curriculum Expectations - Brentwood School District

5:30 - Brain Development - Child Care Council

5:50 - Early Literacy - Brentwood Library

6:10 - Building Successful Habits for School Success - Brentwood School District

6:30 - Preparing for the First Day of School - Brentwood School District

I hope this is helpful.

J. L.

OMGosh you got so many replies~! I say WAIT~! Some of your seemingly most credible replies say just that. I am giving my 2nd son (will be 5 in July) another year in his montessori pre-school, where he started at 2 and 1/2. I did the same with my first boy (Aug. b-day) who is the happiest, smartest, most well adjusted, 9 year old 3rd grader you could ask for.
The more mature they are when they hit HS and beyond, the better, no?
I have yet to meet anyone who has regretted waiting though many who have regretting not waiting, including many emotionally tough, teacher (school) insisted, repeats.
Good luck to you~!

We started our son this year with a Sept. 9th b-day, so he was 4 when he started, and he has done fine. I am not sure where you live, however, I know in Elk Grove the class size is expected to increase significantly next school year due to the budget. Going from 20 in a class now, to 30+. So, do your research for what that will look like for your area. Had that been the case, I would not have started my son, it is just too many kids.

Best wishes.

Hi A., I am a mom of three...13, 10 and 8. My oldest son was born in September. My husbands brother has the oldest child who was also born in September (7 years prior) and they had started him early and highly recommended that we wait and start our son a year later. We thought since our son had been in preschool for two years and seemed very ready academically, that we would start him. He was fine until about 3rd grade and that is when we really wished we would have waited another year. He has always been fine in the academic area, but he is just a little bit immature and is smaller than the other boys and that can affect him in sports. He is always saying how is the smallest in his class. Our youngest's birthday is in November and I held her another year even though she was completely ready to go. The one thing that I have looked at now is...I really think kids should be 18 when they graduate and go off to college which my son won't be. What I would suggest is talking to the principal at the school. I did that and our principal recommended waiting. She gave us some paperwork of studies from counselors who recommend waiting. Good luck with your decision...I know it's a really tough one!

My sister-in-law who turned 18 in late August was held back and she is still angry about it. She was constantly teased in school. I talked to my teenage nieces about this and they both recommended against holding my summer birthday kids back as they could identify each "freak" who was held back. It's not nice, but it is the reality of how kids think and act. We decided we would rather keep my kids on schedule and work with them if they have struggles. Preschools are pushing pre-K primarily because it's more revenue for them.