Adhd - Waldorf,MD

Bad days? You have bad days?

Just kidding. I have two with ADHD, so I feel ya. Without knowing specifics, here are a couple of thoughts:

1. Do not buy into "cures." If this thing could be cured, we'd all know by now. It's a complex puzzle, and lots of people out there have pieces of the answer. If a diet works for your kid, then do it. If it doesn't, it does not mean you did anything "wrong." It means the diet was not a cure.

2. Check out http://ldonline.org/. It has parent forums and all kinds of good info. CHADD is a good resource, too.
Lots of people out there are ready to help you out. Inevitably, you will also run across people on a mission to convince you that drugs are evil and bad and that you will be a rotten parent if you use them. Ignore them. They don't have any magic answers, either. In fact, ignore anybody who tried to make you feel like a rotten parent. (If you're like me, that's a job you don't need to outsource--I'm plenty h*** o* myself.)

3. Mindfulness. My daughter's therapist once took a whole session that was supposed to be about my daughter and concentrated on me, because I was so obviously stressed, and I took away this piece of advice. When your kid's having a meltdown, when a vital piece of paper is missing, when the teacher calls for the fourth time this week...just say to yourself, "I'm going to let this flow right through me." Don't get yourself in constant "fix-it" mode. Much of this is beyond your control; some crises will pass if you do nothing at all. Do the best you can--and after that, cut yourself some slack. Hope this helps.

HI M.,
I agree with Linda who suggests eliminating wheat, dairy and other possible-problem foods from you diet. You can also check out the website: http://www.feingold.org/ - there can be many more possible things that can trigger these kinds of behaviors - artificial flavors, msg, food dyes, etc. can all cause reactions in children and adults.

I also do a menu planner every week that is wheat, dairy, and sugar free. You can get a free week by visiting my website: http://www.heartofcooking.com

good luck to you!
S.

Boy do I understand your frustration! By the way, I love what you say about your husband being the "best man ever!" That is so awesome lady! Hold on tightly to him and never let him go, ok? LOL As for the 'bad' days....change your focus that day. What we focus on is what we will get more of.

It's not easy raising children with ADD/ADHD, dyslexia (mimics ADHD) and a ton of other difficulties too. You have to give yourself permission to step back and refule before trying again. And some days, well, you just have to go with the flow those days. That the day off. What I mean is, you still have to be sure they are obeying you and respecting you but you are allowed to pick and choose your battles. And never....NEVER...pick a battle that you are not willing to fight to the end. You must win all battles. If you ask yourself 'am I willing to fight for this for hours if necessary and the answer is yes then do it." Example: my son talks trash to me and stomps his foot and says 'I'm not doing it!" That is defience (sp?) leaning toward rebellion and I will NOT tollerate it ever. For his own good, I will fight that battle and win.
Hope this makes sense. Say he sneaks a drink into the living room one night. If he doesn't know that I saw him do it, I can 'choose' not to say anything. The truth is, I would rather him think in his 13yr oldhead that he got away with something than to fight EVERYTHING with him all day and night.

Also, I have learned how to get calmer every time he looses self-control. I read it once in a great book written by a mom with a child that was really, really ADHD, she said that for now it is our jobs as mothers (parents) to help them stay on the right path in ALL areas of their life. And we can do this with calmness and peace and joy. I tried it cause it sure wasn't what I was feeling back then and she was right!
I set up his daily schedule on paper and for the most part I stick to it like glue. He loves and needs structure daily. And I set up what his consequences will be if he doesn't do what he is supposed to do by the deadline we set. That way there are no surprises for him and he is learning that HE has the power to choose what's right or what's wrong.

M., there is soooo much that we have learned over the years that I will be more than happy to share with you sometime. Just shoot me an email at ____@____.com and I'll help any way I can.

Prayer also is a HUGE help for yourself and your child.

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys and married to my Mr. Wonderful for 15yrs. I love to help moms, who want to be SAHMs reach that goal and make money too!

Have you ever researched ADHD from a sensory standpoint, or has anyone ever talked to you about Sensory Processing Disorder? I have found that a lot of kids with ADHD really benefit from a sensory diet (which has nothing to do with food, btw) :)

Otherwise, I would look at the website for the POST Institute. www.postinstitute.com. They talk about parenting without consequences. It's not really without consequences, Dr. Post seems to be pretty big on some kinds of consequences, but the idea is that even though the child has done something negative, you find ways to let them know that nothing has changed between the two of you. Sort of like "We have this issue but you and I are okay." He talks a lot about not putting circumstances above the relationship, to make sure the relationship always comes first. He gets mad and trashes his room? The room doesn't come before the relationship.

It isn't by any means about giving in to tantrums or letting them get their way, it's about standing your ground in a calm and serene way, and maintaining your position as his mom who loves him.

Oh, and I have to add a whole lot of prayer!! That's from me, not the Post Institute. :)

and I really wish you luck. Bad days can be very dark, but there is soooo much good. You just have to find it.

And God never gives you more than you can handle.

Hi, M., My suggestions would include reading everything you can get your hands on, joining a support group for parents of kids with ADHD, and consider getting all the chemicals out of the home, and getting superior nutritional supplements in. Google "ADHD + chemicals, and "ADHA + vitamins"." Let me know if I can help. Good luck! N.

ADHD is caused by diet and dysbiosis (by alternative medicine definition, not conventional). Conventional medicine never looks for a cause, they just used pharmaceuticals that keep the process going for life. If you are interested in getting rid of the ADHD, using non-conventional treatment, first you have to eliminate all sugar, wheat, caffeine, and dairy from the diet. If you do that and are interested in the treatment, I am a MD specializing in homeopathic/natural medicine and I could help you. You can call my office after Feb 20 for an appointment (I am currently closed for vacation)

L. S. Cheek, MD
28 Town Center Drive
Dublin, VA
###-###-####
www.sevenpillarstotalhealth.com

Hi M.,

ADD and ADHD are commenly over treated and less then understood. I admit that I am not a mother but I am about to be a father and the soon-to-be grand parents are less then supportive so I am on this site to get some advice. in this situation I can give a little for the perspective of a person who grew up with bad ADHD.

One thing to keep in mind is that part of the disorder is impulse. Walking by and touching everything, poking and tapping. these are actions that are done without even a thought process. And can become very annoying to others (trust me I know). the biggest help to me was keeping me visualy stimulated while at home. My mother would put on the animal planet or play scrabble with me. that helped my need to move greatly. I was ritilen and I suggest that to noone. aderol is best in my opinion if you wanted to go the medication rout. The best advice I can give is just be paitent, give as much visually stimulating projects and games you can. and know that statistically people grow out of the disorder

Pray, pray, and pray some more!!

Have you read any of Dr. Hallowell's books? I like "Delivered from Distraction." In my house, the worst days are when the basics are lost - eating healthful food, sleeping enough, exercising.

If it's the five year old who is having a bad day, I had a couple of ways to handle things (and this is before we knew about adhd), I'd send the child with issues to take a bath or shower. Water worked wonders. Also, I'd drive to a baseball field and send the child to run the bases and get the wiggles out. We did this in all kinds of weather and it wasn't a punishment, just for fun. I suppose I should have gotten out of the car and exercised too!

I just thought of my third favorite thing - music. Somehow music calmed things down or broke the tension. We listened to all kinds of music, including show tunes and classical music and popular music and kid music. The boys all ended up playing in the band at school and then taking theater classes so it had a long lasting effect.

Things improved a lot when the boys were older and learned to read.

Good luck.

Hi M.,

Your question is a little vague as ADHD kids can have many different kinds of bad days. I'm assuming you are talking about your 5 year old. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 7 and in first grade. I knew she was excessively hyper when she was about three, but was told she could not be diagnosed until she was in the school setting and could get reports from her teachers that she was hyper at school as well (which she was). At this point she was put on medication which really helped control her hyperactivity. She is 14 now and has been through every medication there is, every parenting technique and it has been a long, tough road.

I would suggest researching "ADHD and parenting" on the internet to get some ideas. I know diet is important to help calm symptoms as well as possible sensory stimulation issues mentioned by the previous response. Russell Barkley is an expert in this field and has written a lot of books. I guess I'm wondering if your looking more for techniques to help you calm down or to help your son calm down or both. You should always take some time for yourself so you can have more patience with your child. I know this can be hard but it sounds like you have a good support system. Feel free to email me with more specific questions. My background is in psychology and I have been through a lot with my own daughter!

Good Luck,
B.