Preparing 1 Year Old for New Sibling

My daughter was 33 months when baby sister was born, and we waited until the 3rd trimester to really clue her in. They have such a short attention span at that age! She would ask every day, "Is my baby sister coming today?" and we'd tell her "We hope not!" LOL Anyhow, even though we bought her a baby doll and let her bathe it, change its diaper, walk it in a baby doll stroller, etc, she was still shocked - shocked! - when baby sister arrived. Toddlers really cannot comprehend the concept of a sibling until the little one has arrived. I remember when my youngest was a week old, my older one asked, "When are we going to take her back to the hospital?" and I had to explain... we're keeping the baby, FOREVER! She was bummed. This is a super, SUPER hard transition for little ones to make. Just make sure that you still spend one-on-one time with your older one so she doesn't feel too left out.

1 mom found this helpful

Our son was between 21 and 22 months when his sister arrived.

Honestly, I don't know if it was his personality or our prepping him for it in advance, but he did beautifully. They're 2 and almost 4 now, and they're best friends most of the time.

We were very honest about how there was going to be a little brother or sister (we didn't learn the gender) and what that would mean for him. We were also very careful not to disrupt too much of his life in the process. Even though we painted and prepared a "Big Boy" bedroom for him, he stayed in his crib for another 6 months + in what has become her bedroom.
Our pediatrician gave us great advice - don't put them in a toddler bed until it's no longer safe for them to be in a crib. It may be a hassle, but the crib keeps them contained and will make life so much easier for you as they're crafty little escape artists. He was 2.5 (way too early) when we moved him, and he's only stayed in his room all night a few times. She's now a few months past 2, and she has no problems being in her crib, so we're keeping her there for now.

At that age, we're lucky that they really don't get a lot of it, which is really helpful.
But here are a few pieces of advice:
1. Make them as much a part of the event as possible - he wanted a BIG Buzz Lightyear, so we got him one as his gift for becoming a big brother
2. Make them your helper - give them a sense of purpose. "Can you please bring me one of the baby's diapers?......Thank you, you're such a big helper"
3. Don't worry about getting the baby on a schedule. Work around the toddler's to keep things as "normal" as possible.
4. Schedule special time with just you and her/daddy and her. Begin a routine now and keep it up when the baby comes. It can be reading stories before bed, going to the park, going to get ice cream, etc.

Good luck. I wouldn't have it any other way.

1 mom found this helpful

MY boys are 23 months apart. WE waited to tell him till I was really showing, but he did not get it and could really care less(maybe it's a boy thing) Now at 3 and 5 they are very close. Best thing about having kids close in age the oldest will not remember what it was like before the baby:)

1 mom found this helpful

Each of my boys are 15 months apart....it is challenging and amazing at the same time. We started talking about the baby with them as soon as we know if it is a boy or girl (all boys so far :-) For us, that helped everyone bond with the baby before hand. We say things like , "Mommy and Matthew will read you a story" I let them drive cars over my belly and they "play with" their new sibling.

All our boys share a room (34 mo., 18 mo. and 3 months). We have one room for sleeping and one for playing. The baby had been in their room since he was 6 weeks old (that is when he started sleeping through the night). Right now we have 2 cribs. I didn't move my first to a toddler bed till a couple months after he turned 2, so his brother was already 6 months by than.

As far as regression or behaviors all of our boys have handled it pretty well. The oldest this time (he was 2.5 when the 3rd was born) will sometimes say he wants to be a baby. I just really make sure that I take him on a lot of one-on-one activities. And I tell him all the time, "big boys get to do this, but the baby can't". That way he sees how great it is to be him.

There are days we think we are crazy for having 3 under 3, and than when we see them all playing together we know how lucky and amazing this really is.

Side note, I would recommend a double BOB...we love ours and it is an easy way to get out and about with two little ones.

Congratulations!

1 mom found this helpful

My children are 11 months apart. We started talking to our son about another baby in the middle of my second trimester. OF course he was only 11 months old when our daughter was born so he didnt really know what we were talking about. He has some jealously with having to share me (he is a big mommas boy) but as long as I didnt leave him in the room with her at all he was fine. 1 time about a week after we brought her home from the hospital I didnt take him with me to the bathroom while she was in the swing thinking as long as she was off the ground she was ok since he wasnt walking yet and came back in to see him trying to knock the swing over so he could play with her.

With your daughter being so young, it would be best to wait as long as possible to tell her about the baby. It is hard enough for a one year old to wait 5 minutes, let alone 6+ months. She probably won't notice your growing belly until about 5-6 months. I'd tell her when she notices and asks, or in the last 2 months. That gives her plenty of time to get excited and process some of her feelings about it without feeling like it is NEVER really going to happen. Once she knows, try to talk a lot about what baby will need, where baby will sleep, etc. I think the best way to prep her is to make her feel involved and needed. When I was pregnant with my second, I told my daughter that it was her baby. "When your baby is born..." or "Your baby will cry when he is hungry" or "Your brother..." I think it helped a ton to make her not jealous. I also let her know often that I needed her. When the baby cried, I'd ask her if she knew why he was crying. She would be SOOOO proud when she'd tell me he was hungry and end up being right.
I also bought a bunch of dollar tree gifts and books, wrapped each individually and put them in a basket. If she got restless or jealous when I was nursing, or was particularly helpful, I'd send her to get a gift to keep her occupied for a few minutes.

Hi, My first two boys are 14.5 months apart. My oldest was only 6 months when I got pregnant again (we wanted them close together) so I didn't specifically tell him, but I didn't avoid talking about it in front of him either. I took him to some appointments with me and when the baby started kicking I'd let him feel that.

About half way through my pregnancy I started transitioning him to his crib (had been co-sleeping). I let him keep his binkie until he was 2 (so I wouldn't have to take it away when the new baby was using it). I also always put my second baby to bed about an hour earlier than the older one, and I'd play something that he liked for a while, then have time to cuddle him and put him to bed. When i was nursing the baby my older one would like to sit by me and play with my hair and drink his cup of milk, so he didn't feel left out.

Now my boys are 3 & 4 and we are expecting #3. We told them the day we found out because we were so excited, and we would be talking about it in front of them anyhow. They are both excited too and started telling me all the things they are going to teach the new baby how to do.

I would just say don't make any big changes (taking away security items, changing sleeping arrangements) too soon before or after the baby, and make sure to give the older one a little extra attention and everything should be fine. Once the baby is big enough to sit up and play, give them baths together, etc. things start to get a lot easier.

Good luck, and have fun!

We waited until 6 months along. I wasn't showing much. Waiting is hard for kids, and we wanted to reduce their wait time.

To prepare, we read books about bringing home a new baby.
We discussed baby names with him
We told him he would be the big, strong brother
We made sure that he got lots of attention too
He went to the doctor (mom in law came too!) to see the baby in mommy's tummy (ultrasound tech was great about this!)

The first time around we had a 4 year age difference, second time was only just under 2 years. This is a better gap in my opinion. The younger two are very close. Many people think that they are twins. They are really inseparable. Both younger boys practically worship the oldest. But they are never far apart and actually will get upset if away from each other very long. They have slept in the same bed for the past year. I swear the are psychically linked.
If one wakes up and goes downstairs, the other is sure to be down almost immediately. If one cries, the other one "knows" it. Even when they are far enough away we cannot hear it.
They are "built-in" best buds. I love it. I know they will always be close.

I raised an only myself, and my grandson is an only. But I have heard raves from several young families about the book Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish. I also strongly recommend another book of theirs called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. A fantastic, practical, and easy-to-understand, easy-to-apply book. These authors have been leading parenting workshops for years.

Keep your "expectations" about your eldest child age-appropriate.... don't expect the eldest to be 'perfect.' Remember that a child does not even have their 'emotions' fully developed yet... thus you need to have patience and teach the child how to express herself.... and to be able to say if she is mad/angry/sad/happy. And allow it, and the phases they go through. And have special one on one time with her...

Recognize the difference between 'regressions' in a child, and it being just a part of development. Not just punishing or scolding for everything. A child, feels 'stress' too.

Remember that for an eldest child, not only is there a new baby in the home, but THEIR life changes too.... and their Parents change too. So they have to adjust not only to the baby... BUT to their parents changing too... in relation to that baby. And to them.

Keep some things just for your eldest... not "having to" share everything. A child deserves that too. To know, that they have 'their things' and the baby's things. Not their things being 'given' by default, for the baby. Allow boundaries for that.

Have routines just for the eldest too. Play dates, dates with you, her own routine... not it being lumped together with the baby. All the time.

Allow for rough spots. Understand the developmental aspects of a 22 month old "toddler".

Do not "compare" the 2 children.

all the best,
Susan

My kids are just over 2 years apart. Here's a couple things that worked well for us I think:

1. have your daughter attend appointments with you. My oldest loved being able to hear the baby

2. Talk about the baby that's coming as soon as you're comfortable with it. If that means today, great, if that means after 12 weeks, great. Once baby's heartbeat is present, miscarriage risk drops dramaticly.

3. let your daughter feel baby "bump". We used that instead of "kick" because we didn't want our oldest kicking back. Worked beautifully!

4. Any changes you want to make (like sleeping arrangement), do it as early as possible.

5. Have people who know your daughter take her for field trips to places that she enjoys. That will help her be more comfortable when/if she's seperated from you.

6. Have someone besides your partner designated to care for your daughter while you're in labor/delivering.

7. We liked the book "I'm a big sister" by Joanna Cole. Both parents are involved in baby's care and the baby doesn't have a gender.

8. Whatever activities your daughter is doing 3 months before your baby is born, keep doing those for 3ish months after the birth too.

9. get out your baby gear (swing, bouncer, etc) a couple months before baby is due so that your daughter can get accustomed to either playing with them appropriately or get used to having this fun looking stuff out but that she can't play with.

10. If your daughter is currently nursing, consider continuing. My oldest nursed through my pregnancy and now my kids have been tandem nursing for over 9 months. If you want more info about this, pm me and I'm happy to share!

My kiddos are 17 months apart and by the beginning of the 2nd Trimester I starting introducing my son to the idea that a 'baby' was coming. Over the months we got out all the 'baby' stuff, bottles, toys, crib, car seat, bouncy chair, high chair, bumbo, etc. So that by the time the baby came the novelty of all the 'new' baby stuff would wear off and he would just be used to it being around. This worked very very well. We even started putting a doll in the car seat and carrying it to the car with us every time we left the house for the last few weeks. The last month or so I started carrying the baby around, pretending to change the diaper, nurse it, put the baby to sleep, put the baby down before I picked up my son. The first time I put the baby before my son he picked up the doll and threw it across the room, so I am glad I tried this first with a Doll! ;-) Toddlers are much more able to understand things than most people give them credit for. Start taking about how to treat a baby now, gentle touches, etc. Once my daughter came home we gave my son the 'practice' baby and he loved it. Would carry it around just like I did! :-) Good luck and I think that having the kids close together is a great thing. It is a little hard in the beginning but now it is Amazing. My son is now 4 and my daughter will be 3 in September.

While I am not a mother of two (we are 'one and done'), in my years of working with children I can tell you that it may all be very abstract until the baby comes out and is visible. Children live in the present, and while we adults like the idea of preparing our children for transitions, we can't make children more mature than they are. At fifteen months, your little girl is still a baby in so many ways of her own and may not understand any of this until she's looking at the baby.

I like the suggestions of helping your daughter establish relationships with family friends. Taking her on outings now (both with and without you) will help her bond ahead of time and normalize it for her.

I also want to suggest having some space that's just for your daughter once the baby is mobile. Time and again, I've seen older children who loved their babies become a little less loving once baby started to get into their space. Having a pack-n-play/portacrib handy for the older child to play in really helped. Putting up gates also helped give the older child space to play undisturbed as they wished.

I have seen many families work on toilet training their toddlers before baby comes. If the child is leading the way, this is fine. Not to sound cynical, but a lot of regression with toileting happens around this time--often as a way to identify with the new baby--so please don't make too many changes. Likely, there will be some things that she was able to do for herself before baby that she may drag her feet on, not because she's necessarily being stubborn, but because she will really be craving the attention of having you do it with her. (Preschoolers often do this when they start at preschool...sometimes it continues for a long, long time.) If you can find some patience within yourself for her needing you and your husband more, so much the better.

There was lots of great advice from other moms, so I'll leave it at that. Good luck on everything!

my kids are very close in age 9 months apart. So my son was just a lttle one when his sister arrived. It was great I had him help with feeding his sister to loving her while I was pregnant I took him to the doctors appointments so he could hear the heart beat...I also had another baby when they where 2 years old and 3 and I did the same thing let them go to the doctors appointments to hear the heart beat went to the ultra sound to see there was a baby...It was fun they told me that I had a horse baby in my tummy since the way the heart beat sounded...I let them feed there brother I let them do what ever I could just for them to know that they are all mine and i won't let them forget it...my daughter had a little bit of a hard time grasping this she started wetting the bed , peeing her pants, telling me to take him home now until she realized that the baby was staying. Good luck with whatever you plan on doing...It will work out.