My daughter, who just turned 7, just go her first invitation to a sleepover party. She has slept over at family friends' houses before but never with a school friend. She wants very much to go and is super excited. I'm okay with letting her go and I have been thinking about things to talk to the mom about. My daughter doesn't have any strange food or diet requirements or allergies so all I'm planning on doing is giving the mom my phone number in case she wants to come home early. My husband thinks that I should give the mom my number but don't tell my daughter I gave it to her just in case she wants to come home early. Encourage her to stay all night. What other things would you tell the mom or ask the mom? And would you tell your daughter she can come home whenever she wants?
ETA: The party is for a friend at her daycare. The parents have held group meetings and gatherings with other daycare parents at their house before but this is the first sleepover. We do talk almost daily when we pick our kids up but I do not really hang out aside from daycare activities.
I don't think there is anything to talk to Mom about. Take her, give her a kiss, tell her to have fun, exchange a couple of words with the host and boggie on out!
For sleepovers, whether that is your daughter going to a friend's house or other friends coming to your house:
My daughter, has ALWAYS known my phone number, AND knows that I also give my phone number to the parent/Host.
Why, hide that fact, from your daughter??????
When we have sleepovers at our house, *I* tell ALL the kids, that they can call their parents, ANY time or night. And I tell the parents this. TOO. And it is very open. And I tell the parents, they can call me TOO... anytime. For any reason. AND I make sure, that the other kids KNOW their parent's phone number. If not, I have a Post-It pad right by my door, and the parent's can write it down for me and me for them.
And if a kid wants to go home, they don't need a reason to tell me why. I say okay, you can call your Mom or I will and it is FINE.
Same for my daughter. When she is at a friend's house, for a play date or sleep over.... she KNOWS she can call me to come pick her up, anytime.
AND she will speak up.
When I have had sleepovers at my home, for my daughter, I ALSO tell the parents to come in, they can stay a bit if they want. No big deal. And they can ask me ANYTHING about the plans or where the kids will sleep or what we will do. I don't mind, at.all.
AND I expect, the parents to tell me, their preferences. OR I will ask the Mom "Do you care what time they go to bed? or not?" Because, with sleepovers, girls... can stay up chatting for a LONG while.
There should be no hesitation.
About what you tell your daughter. Or the Host and about who knows your phone number or not, at a place your daughter will be.
I don't know why, a parent would hide the fact or not tell their kid, that they can or cannot come home, anytime, for whatever reason.
Sleepover or not even if it is just a play date.
My daughter has had sleep overs, since she was 8.
I usually just leave my number ( or makes sure I have theirs if the sleep over is at our house) and leave it at that. If the kid needs to call or wants to call I let them and let the parents handle it. We had one boy who tried to stay over a couple of times but never made it (always called to go home) so this last time his mom (with our permission) told him he had to stay. He found out it was not so bad after all and had a great time.
the questions I always have but generally am to chicken to ask:
what electronic ratings, movies/video games, internet access do they allow?
What ages and relationships of other kids/adults will be there? 18 yo male cousin? 33 yo scary uncle, 89 yo grandma who has seizures?
what child eating pets do they have?
guns?
access to alcohol
will they stay there the whole night? no trips to the movies or the mall?
will the adult you talked to, ( the mom?) be there all night?
That's all stuff I think about, But depending on the parent sometimes I can bring that up sometimes I can't.
Don't plant the idea of coming home early in your daughter's head. The host should have your phone number no matter what - if there is an emergency, she needs to get a hold of you. If your daughter is miserable, she'll tell the mom on her own. Don't tell her she can call if she wants, because it will make her more likely to do so.
I don't really think there's anything else you need to talk to the other mom about. As long as your daughter doesn't have any issues with eating, sleeping, bed-wetting, etc, she should be fine. Make sure she takes along any special lovies that she sleeps with and her favorite pillow and she'll be fine.
Your daughter will be much more secure if she knows she can home anytime she wants. Definitely tell her that and encourage her to stay the night. I seriously doubt it will be a problem though. I would also give her your cell phone for the night if she doesn't have her own.
FYI... Just my opinion but it sounds like you do not know the parents since the mom doesn't even have your phone number. Therefore I would not let my daughter spend the night although I would let her go to the party. I would just pick her up when the kids were going to sleep even if it was midnight.
Gave her my number, told her that my daughter was a bit anxious (first time). That was about it. When other kids have come home, got mom's number and I volunteered what we would be doing, and asked if there was anything else I needed to know. No one asked a long list of questions.
you've taken all the necessary precautions. she's ready, and it will be fine.
your husband is over-thinking it. no need to be sneaky. assume the best.
nothing wrong with telling your daughter she can come home if she wants, but don't talk it to death.
relax.
khairete
S.
Yes, the mom should have both you and your husbands number.
I am sure your daughter will be fine and will have a great time.
If she already knows your number, she should be told that this is a party, you know she knows how to be a good guest.
If she has questions or concerns she is allowed to ask "Mrs.. Mom.". If she feels like she really needs to call you about an emergency, she can ask "Mrs. Mom" to phone you, but you know she will do great and probably will not need to call you.
Also reassure her you are also going to be fine at home with dad. You would be amazed how many children think their parents are lonely without them at home.. hee, hee.
I never mentioned to our daughter anything about calling to coming home. Instead I told her what time to be ready so I could pick her up. I assumed she would not want to come home but she knew she could call me or her dad. .
Doesn't your daughter know your number? Of course give your number to the mom. She may need to get a hold of your for any number of reasons. I would tell your daughter that she could call you, but I wouldn't mention coming home because then you are planting the idea. You could tell the mom in private that you can pick her up if she needs you to. When my kids started going for sleepovers I usually would mention what their normal bedtime was. I guess if you have any restrictions as far as movies or games go you may want to mention them.
