A Child Who Is Afraid to Be Alone

C.,

I've had similar things go on in my house. My daughter was terrified of werewolves she was convinced were going to break into the house. After trying to convince a 4 year old that they really didn't exist (you know how well that went, right?) I told her that no werewolf was going to come near this house because werewolves were allergic to love.

My autistic son is terrified of dogs. Even the nervous little teacup poodle dogs, he flees in terror from. After my #th sleepless night, I got a small water bottle sprayer from the dollar store, filled it with water and a few drops of blue food coloring. This, I told him, was the dog repellent. It was to keep away the naughty dogs that scared him at night so he (and I) could sleep. Worked like a charm.

Good luck!

I agree with Sharon. I think your sons seeing things we dont. I read that when they even have invisible friends that its really people whove passed on. Did you just move to this house & is this new since you moved there?

I know your gettin sick of this but,kids can see& hear things because they are kids and they believe everything,so he may be getting visitors of some sort, but I wouldn't leave him in his room screaming untill he becomes hystericle. some adults refuse to believe what is seen or heard. Somtimes it'll help if you talk to him like it is natural and maybe you'll be able to see atleast why he's hystericle when left alone or why he doesn't want to be alone. Just because you cant see it doesnt mean it isnt their.I believe the more you talk about it with your son then he'll probably calm down enough for you to try to figure somthing out or at least whats going on. Just try it a few times and see if you get any answeren from your son. You can also use a brighjter night light or Lamp,or just let him sleep in your room untill this gets settled for him to be o.k. I know you think i'm crazy,but hey i'm not afraid to talk about this when my kids do the staring up the steps thingy, or nodding their head at somthing when they were younger i'd just sit their with them and ask questions,they werent scared. Even now we hear a name being called out of the blue,we just turn and say whats up in the direction our name was called in.

Hi C.,
I have a son who just turned 5, so I know where you are coming from. This is an age where there is a fine line between real and not real. Things that are scary are really, really scary, imaginary or not. This is usually the age where little boys become interested in super heroes. They can relate to them in that the super heroes are things that they themselves are not, but would like to be(like powerful and in control). My son was afraid of ghosts (or ghostes as he called them) so I put spiderman at the end of his bed and told him spiderman would not allow any ghostes in the room. I also told him that the ghostes are afraid of mommy so they won't come in our home. This phase only lasted about four months and then he was on to something else. Good luck!

So, how are the boys? Is everything better?

Not to give you the idea you are in this forever, but my 6 1/2 yr old is still asking me to take him to the bathroom or bedroom or basement or wherever he might want to go when no one else is in there to turn the light on for him. I wait in the hall for him to get whatever he needs/needs to do and walk him back to wherever we were. He will take his younger brothers (3 and 5) if they are available. We recently adopted cats and sometimes I can convince him to take them with him. My oldest sleeps through the night because he shares a room with his middle brother. He was never hysterical about it, but I feel your pain. I guess I'm saying that even after trying everything else, it may remain a struggle for your son. Good luck.

I know that this may sound odd - but your child might be reliving a past life trauma. My daughter constantly talked about a stranger that stole her from me when she was my sister. She was terrified that someone was going to come in and kidnap her.

I didn't know what to do, the pediatrician recommended counseling and looked at me like I was crazy. A friend at work broached the idea of a past life and recommended that I go to a spiritual life coach.

This life coach explained about how past life memories can come forward in night terrors and phobias. She recommended that I not only be straight forward with her and say that happened in a past life, not this one. But the main thing is that I would go to her when she was sleeping and tell her that her past life trauma's are over and that she is safe in this life. It took about 7 nights of slipping in and reassuring her but it worked. No more night terrors, no more fears of the bad stranger.

Since your son is 4, have him pray to God (or whomever you believe in) to help him take away the bad thoughts and help him realize that he is in this lifetime, not the other.

I love empowering kids at this age. The superhero idea is great. And the "repellent"! brilliant! Listening without judgement is a great idea too! Kids really do "see" things we don't.

I bet you could find some great books that deal with childhood fears at the library. The key is to believe him and then help him work through it. You may be surprised about what the fear stems from. When I was 4 I was terrified of some Lion that came into my room. Took my mom a few weeks to realize this Lion was on my trash can! So she painted the can lol. It might be something just that simple, or it might be stemming from something that is truly threatening, try to get him to open up about it, try role playing, you be the bad guy and let him say whatever he wants to you. Puppet-play is great for this too.

The fact that he won't sleep alone should resolve itself once you work through this. You can try letting him fall asleep in your bed and moving him to his own bed later. Or put him to bed in his bed and letting him migrate to yours if he needs to. You can also try letting him sleep with his brother, this drives away almost all the beasties in our house, the kids often pair up if they are cold or scared.

Above all, don't lose patience with him. You are his security.If he dosen't have you, he has no one. Don't expect him to think like an adult and know there is nothing to fear;he can't. This is part of being a parent. Just like you must feed him everyday, you must assure him everyday. His fear may not be anything real but it's real to him, it may not even make sense, but he's 4. Don't try to explain it away to him on your level. He won't understand. I know it's nerve racking but please don't scold him. Keep trying new approches until one works. There is a children's book I used with my son years ago entitled "There's a Monster Under My Bed"; try it. Stories work wonders for kids.

Hi C.,

My son is 3yoa and is afraid of the dark to an extent. There are times when he RUNS into the kitchen and back out again. For the most part though he will not leave us alone to do anything if he wants something and it is dark. My boyfriend and I have developed our own method of helping him deal with it. Basically he has a couple of different flash lights. This way if something scares him he shines the light on it and it disappears forever because he scared it back. All I can really advise you with is - turn it into a game. Kids love games. I wish you the best of luck with it.