5Yr Old with a BAD TEMPER>>>

I disagree with the post saying to sit on the floor and teach him to hit a pillow. Hitting is not a good outlet for releaving anger. I don't care how many "sucess" stories they have, they never tell you what happens to the kids who don't succeed.

Anyway, the posts about karate and the one from the teacher are great. Teaching him self control when he's attentive (like karate does) and pulling him out at the first sign of anger and giving him an alternative activity (as the teacher did with the worksheets) are great suggestions!

Remember he is also may be dealing with his father not living with you guys. My husband deploys and my son has had issues with anger, etc. That stress takes many forms. Look at deployed military sites for families. Also look at a church. Many have groups for single parents.

Good luck! J.

Hi G.,
Many kids who appear to have these bad tempers actually have not developed proper coping skills. Many times this can be related to health. There are two ways you can address it, one using floortime play techniques (Stanley Greenspan). When it happens, you have to try to step in his shoes "Wow, Ethan, I can tell you are really mad", moving to different techniques of "Lets hit this pillow together and see if it makes us feel better" (you demonstrate). Etc. After the episode is over, see if you can discuss it allowing him to lead the conversation as much as possible. Holding and brushing are two techniques that you can try during the episode as well.
Next, is where you are probably going to need to go as well. Many, many children are suffering from a low immune (causing low grade allergies or digestive sensitivites). I would highly recommend trying a couple changes, the first of which to remove milk based products or any products containing casein (milk protein). After 2-3 weeks, you can also research going gluten and casein free.
I know this sounds a little out there, but you will not believe the behavior changes in children that need this.
There is a book called Healing the Childhood epidemics by Bock, MD you may wish to read. Your son cannot control the behavior because it stems from a lack of ability to cope and calm. Don't forget how that would make you feel. Think about how you feel when you have a cold and you have something very important to do, but just can't do it. At least you know you will get better and do it, he just feels bad because he is not good.
If you struggle with the behavior while you are working on the health side, there is a fabulous group called www.floortimeatlanta.com. They are fabulous floortime therapist and have tons of stategies for helping him.
Best of luck, J.

I would suggest perhaps enrolling him in a karate class...it teaches many things other than kicks and punches, it teaches discipline, patience and understanding...that losing actually is a learning experience and that we should welcome the losses in order to gain knowledge.
But, to me, it seems to be normal for 5 year old boys to behave this way.
When mine did it, I began limiting his game playing time, then I kept a chart of his moods so he could see how playing video games was turning him into a demon child. he now is not allowed to play any video game more than an hour a day, and when playing board games if he begins to act out, he has to forfeit.
But nothing helped my son as much as karate class did. He is still getting better each day. Last week his new word from karate class was "prudence"- which my son says means thinking before you act- making a wise choice based on what you think may happen as a consequence. I love that they learn things like that.
He also says "karate is a non contact sport that begins and ends with courtesy"

Hi G.!

I just finished reading all the advice given to Ashley L. (it was the update featured on today's 12/29 daily digest/email). Her original post was apparantly on July 15 and most everyone, including me missed it the first time around. You might want to check it out--it's a very similar situation. Her daughter is 7 years old. I have a 7 year old son that gets very angry as well so I was interested in hearing other advice. It's a way of getting 25 posts all at once!! R.

In my 22 years of teaching I've had more than a few students who have had the same problem with losing games. I had one that would hurl the board and all the pieces across the room if he lost. So I made a new policy: if you can't lose nicely, then no more games. If any got angry at losing, I'd quietly pack up the game and hand out a worksheet. The next Friday we'd do worksheets again (We always played games on Fridays). Then, the week after that I would give them another chance. It's amazing how quickly it cut out the behavior.

With sports, I would suggest taking him out of the game if he shows signs of pitching a fit, and not letting him play the next time. Explain why he's being taken out and let him know, the next time he's allowed to play, how you expect him to act if he loses. If he can't control it, calmly take him out again. I'd be willing to bet it won't take more than 2 or 3 times to get appropriate behavior to appear on a regular basis.