5 Year Old with Anger Issues

My son acted very similar, thankfully his teacher told us she thought he was retarded, I had a person tell me to take him to a pediatrician, that is not spelled right. We did and he recommended that we take him to Sioux Falls, to what was then called the Crippled Children's hospital and school for an evaluation, that the school system would be required to pay for it in S.D. We did and found he actually had several problems that we learned from them how to deal with, in fact they came out and visited us once a month with more ideas.

My son was the same way and at 8-years-old has just been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. He has always had a very difficult time expressing how he feels so most of his frustration came out in anger and agression. He has been seeing a therapist who is helping with social skills training and has attended a social skills training class as well with other kids his age. His father and I divorced when he was 3. I know it helps him if I help him figure out what he wants to say. Maybe something is bothering him but he doesn't know how to tell you. And, you are right about winter being a downer for many. I hope some of this helps.

My son has melt downs occasionally. He is also on the autism spectrum. I've learned that melt downs are a means of communicating, not a means of being naughty. Its important to learn why your son is melting down so that you can address the cause rather than punishing the reaction. There are so many things that can cause a melt down... hunger, fatigue, frustration... You said your son goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, but is he falling asleep right away? Does he wake up frequently? If the melt downs are more frequent at school, has he changed teachers or had a fight with a friend?

But please don't blame yourself or believe you are doing a bad job parenting. A bad parent would brush off the behavior as just being a boy or other nonsense. Just keep showing him love and ask him what's bothering him and really listen to him. If things get worse, you can ask the school for an evaluation or go to a place like Fraser.

Good Luck.

You poor thing. I have a daughter with a tendency to be "spicy" as we say. She can be bossy, mean and push her brother around. But we know that's not her real nature since most times she is a great kid. I always take her behavior as a sign that something is going on emotionally for her that I am missing/she can't otherwise express (she is 5). I dont really say anything to her but I make a special effort to do more quality time with her in the next few days. We will watch movies together and I turn of the phone instead of answering it in the middle of the movie. I wait until the kids are in bed to get on the computer....ask her for help making dinner. This kind of small, daily routine kind of stuff. It has always helped her turn around. Having said that, I dont announce that she "deserves" special time since I dont want it to seem like a I rewarding her anger or bad behavior. Also, I agree with the other moms who suggest you might want to ask your pediatrician just to make sure it's not a developmental problem. If your doc clears him, then I would assume he has some emotions that his age/cognitive skills just aren't letting him work out. Talk to his teachers too. Sometimes a reward system can really help (Stars for behaving good and then when you get 10 stars you get a trip to the dollar store, or to pick a desert or something). Good luck.

I would really seek help for your son. If he's doing this at 5 almost 6 what is he gonna be like in 10 years?

If I had to guess there is something going on at school. You did say he doesn't behave that way at home. Talk to his teacher, talk to your doctor. I would really just cover all bases.
I can only imagine the inner battle he must be feeling and how frustrating it's gotta be for him.
Good Luck!

Most schools have a psychologist that can talk to your child and it's free. My daughter was acting out because of a learning disability and now gets the help she needs. When she first started school she was picked on alot because she wears glasses. Kids at that age can be very mean. Try to talk to your child explaining they can tell you anything and you won't be mad.

Hi D.,

I don't know where you live but we live in Wisconsin and it has been one of the worst winters ever!

Very cold and a lot of snow!!!!! I think we are all feeling a little penned up right now. I know I am! I normally see kids out playing in the neighborhood, but I haven't seen too many outside lately.

Our son grew up with adults. We didn't have a lot of children in the neighborhood where we used to live in when the kids were younger. Is he lonely?

Is there something going on at school?

Does he have a playmate? Does he have any friends at home?
Does he have playdates? How does he react around them?

Did something happen recently that might have started this behavior?

There are so many possibilities that could be setting him off.

Just ask him lots of questions. When I needed to find things out from my kids, I sat down and got the crayons out and did something with them. Then just would pop a question in and keep going from there.

Give it a try.

J.

hi D.,have you had him tested for adhd? Another suggestion for my oldest showed exactly same characteristics at that age, is have more of a structured schedule at home such as he has at school. Biggest thing is dont blame yourself or your parenting for i did and started feeling discouraged,we eventually got through it-and i recieved the best reward for all my blood,sweat,and tears-he was a 2006 New Auburn graduate one of my proudest moments in life. If dad isnt involved consistantly i recommend finding him a mentor, for it takes a village to raise a child, your a great mom keep it up..... ~M.~

Hi D.
I study natural healing.I have a 13,4 and 2 year old. If there has been no changes in his life or yours,like a move,new job,or anything like that,it can even be some thing little,getting off schedule. Children also can sense stress in us if you are having any emotionsal distress or changes in your life. The bigges thing I feel with moods is food,I would keep a food journal,I tend to stay away from medication and this is the first thing people always suggest. Food is a big thing that can alter moods and cause allergies,headaches etc.The best way to do this is to take him off of one thing at a time for about a week. Dairy and sugar are the biggest ones that change moods and cause allergic reactions. Any food that causes negative responses in the body is an allergy,this does not always mean he has to break out,mood is a big part of it. A little sun shine wouldnt hurt either,alot of us are getting spring fever! I hope this helps!
N.

I would be looking for an anger management theraptist to possibly help him because if you donot attack it now you will have a bigger problem later.Mines is turning 16 on Monday.