5 Year Old That Totally Loses It Around 5Pm...

I agree with the posters who suggested that he might be hungry...I don't recognize my 4 1/2 year-old boy if he's hungry. I swear the second a bite of something hits his stomach he starts coming back to normal. He and my daughter eat dinner between 5-6 PM but they always have to have a snack around 4 PM or we have little monsters in the house.

Sounds like my youngest! Around 4:45pm, try giving him a glass of milk and a book to read for some quiet time...maybe as you make dinner? My family knows that I need the same thing. If I don't get a small protein shot by 4:45-5:00pm, I become a raving lunatic until I've had dinner. It's not pleasant when BOTH my son and I erupt, so my oldest son and husband work hard to make sure we're "properly fed."

It took us a while to figure this out but it really does make a huge difference for us.

Good luck!

I had to make sure my child had a snack with protein, fat and some sugar. Yes, the mother in me said "it's close to dinner time", and "she doesn't say she's hungry", but after trying it, a huge difference could be observed. I used string cheese, or a yogurt cup, or chocolate milk (with full fat milk). I learned through painful lessons that my child's low blood sugar resulted in anger, out-of-control temper tantrums, extreme behavior problems. She never said she was hungry. She didn't have the shakes. She didn't even want the food necessarily. I would stop what I was doing, get on eye level, stay calm, and help her get some fat and protein into her. That took some lengthy figuring-out on my part, but it was the only thing that worked. Eventually I learned to give that protein/fat snack about an hour before the scheduled nuclear meltdown, and her demeanor improved remarkably.

I would probably have him have some quiet time in his room around
4 o clock or so. Maybe give him a snack and something to drink first.
Maybe you can avoid the entire meltdown that way. We all know what
that time of day is like for us!!! Just sounds like he is tired and does not
know how to handle it. You have not screwed him up. Each kid is
different.

Try a high protein, healthy snack around 4pm. You will not spoil his dinner. If possible try and cuddle up on the couch with him and read a book while he eats his snack.

You are doing great. This will pass.

He may be tired. I would also suspect he is hungry. Try feeding him a healthy snack before you notice the behavior.

My daughter had trouble falling asleep at that age and yes she feel apart every evening at 5. ar 4:30 or 5:00 Make him lay on the couch quietly and let him watch something on tv or look at a book but he cannot get up or jump around during this quiet time. and yes he's probably over tired at bedtime.

I agree with you that it could be the changes your family is going through. Give him some time and hopefully he'll get better again. Also, could he be hungry? I am hypoglycemic, and I'm pretty sure that my son is also this way. He once had a total meltdown at the doctor's office and I could not for the life of me figure out why; then it occurred to me to give him a snack (a granola bar) and he calmed down within five minutes. Maybe you could try feeding him a snack a little before that time when he usually has a meltdown, and see if it helps.

Also, even though he doesn't nap, maybe he could use some quiet time in the afternoon to rest? For example, you could sit down with him in his room, read with him, listen to relaxing music, for 20 minutes or so and maybe the downtime will help him so he doesn't have a meltdown. I'm not sure if it'll work, but just an idea. Good luck!

He's tired.
And/or hungry.

This is the TIME... when young kids OFTEN... melt down. They are no longer able to be patient and spot-on with everything. Overwhelmed/tired/hungry after their LONG day too.

When a kid gets tired, and at the end of their rope... they do this.
He needs to know he can deflate... and unwind... and do it, in a palatable way. And that he can TELL you, he needs a break/to relax/to just hang out by himself, etc. Which is good for a kid, too.
A Kid, needs "me" time too.

A kid can't just learn to control his temper. They need to be taught how.... how to express it and how to learn "coping-skills" too. These are not automatic skills in a kid. Not even some adults know how to do that.
So, a child needs to be taught, how.
Which just punishing, does not teach them.

If someone told you you have to control your every single temper/personality/tiredness/hunger/out of sort feelings etc., could you do that RIGHT then and automatically like a light-switch??? Probably not.
Thus, a child needs to be GUIDED on it. Taught how. And over time, with practice and encouragement... they will learn how. Like a rock collecting moss. It is, about teaching them "coping-skills" and alternate ways, of dealing with and handling... any said icky feelings or moments. AND when there are so many changes going on, in their home life.
Even adults, have a hard time with that.
It is stress.
Kids get 'stress' too.

I know, one kid that would vent to me ALL the time, about her being STRESSED with her parents/home/sibling/school and EVERYTHING daily in her life. Which her parents, never heeded to nor talked with her nor let her express herself. They never listened to her nor helped her cope. They just 'expected' her to do it all herself. As though she were a little adult. Not a kid. She felts she had to be just a perfect kid. Which is impossible. Of course, she never told her parents all this. She told me "They never listen to me anyway, just expect me to be so perfect and know everything and do everything and blame me, not my siblings..." and on and on. I felt sorry for her. They punished her. Never really had a 'relationship' with her nor guided her. Nor talked with her.

LOTS Of kids, have a hard time with changes and "transitioning."
Thus, they need guidance. They need to be told ahead of time of what is going to happen. To be given head's up etc. To be, talked with about it and the routines and what is coming up and expected.

MANY kids at this age, STILL need to nap. In Kindergarten, there is a nap time. Kids get WAY overtired. By the end of the day.

Over-tired kids.. have a HARD time falling asleep too.
Lack of sleep... also affects a child's moods and temperament.
Lack of sleep, upon lack of sleep... really snowballs and makes it worse everyday. Then they get behavioral problems. Which are even documented in studies on lack of sleep.
Your child, needs to nap.

Your boy is only getting 9 hours of sleep. Sleeps at 10:00pm and wakes by 7:00am. Any kid, would by a fussy Troll, with lack of sleep like that.
A 5 year old, needs more sleep than that.

TRY to, key down everything, at night... way BEFORE his bedtime. He needs to wind-down, BEFORE bed time. Make bedtime earlier too.
Make everything quiet and calm, in the evening. Make bath and dinner earlier too.
So that, by the actual bedtime... things are wound down already.
Setting the stage, so to speak.

I just say all this because- When MY kids are like that... it is because, they are tired or over-tired.
And it is always, the reason... they get like that on some days.
Then they nap.... and go to bed early.
My kids are 4 and 8.. .and they still nap. My son everyday. And my daughter when she is tired and spent, after school.
They still go to bed at night, just fine. Rested.
It REALLY, makes their moods and tolerances... much better, the next day.

all the best,
Susan

Can you spend some quiet time with him before this happens? He might be feeling like his life is out of control with all of the changes, and he just needs some attention to feel important. I would try having a snack, many kids need a nutrition boost at that time of day, and sit and talk with him about his day, his favorite things, or whatever he wants to discuss. The nutrition and attention may be just enough to help him make it through the day.

Don't blame yourself! Life is so busy these days for everyone. So many adults are stressed, and it certainly sounds like you have had your share lately. Think of how hard it is to cope, and you are an adult with skills. A 5 year old doesn't stand a chance.

10 to 15 minutes of complete attention and a snack may do wonders for him...and you!

My kids get mean when they are tired and we were having a problem for a while with my son (almost 6 now) not wanting to got to sleep on time because he thought he was missing out on "fun" stuff after he went to bed. So we talked about sleep and how we feel better when we get enough sleep and that kids and moms need different amounts of sleep. Since that talk I have been careful to point out (to both kids) that they are tired when they start to get grumpy, if they happen to take a nap I ask them if they feel better when they wake up, and we have been extremely strict about bedtimes. When my kids stay up more than 30 mins past bedtime they start running laps (literally) around whatever is there and then have a hard time falling asleep. I think we've missed bedtime 4 times in the last 5 months -- and I have pointed it out to them every time. That really helps with their cooperation at bedtime.
It may also be time for you to help your child find healthier/more acceptable ways of expressing his frustration/anger/crankiness. He will be in school soon and there won't be a "tantrum room" for him to go to when he needs to get himself under control. Good luck!

I think this must be a boy thing. I've read similar posts over the past few days! And my little boy was similar. Here's my thoughts...

If he's like my kids, he's definitely too old for a nap. If he's starting to get tired around 3pm, put on a movie for him, and have him have quiet time. Make it fun. Have him bring out a special pillow and blanket and lay on the couch. Let him pick the movie. And then he can relax while he watches the movie. He probably only really needs 20-30 minutes of downtime, so if he won't sit still for the whole thing, he'll probably be fine.

Other thought, do you do a nighttime routine? My kids do really well with this. The routine gets them ready to go to sleep much easier. We do bath time, snack time (a banana if they want), story time, then hugs/prayers, and time for bed. It helps their bodies get into sleep mode. Some kids are more difficult than others, though. This works well for my younger two, but my oldest has a hard time sleeping (she does have thyroid issues, and it might be from her meds). She'll take an hour or two to go to sleep.

As for his fits, I'd suggest switching your approach around. When my son did this, I tried a wide variety of things, and it drove me mad because nothing seemed to work. My sweet little boy was crying all the time and acting out, and I felt like I must be ruining him somehow, but I didn't know how to fix it!! So...I read a lot and researched a lot and realized I really needed to completely change my approach. Some of what I'm going to say might seem a little bit crazy, but I swear to you that if you try this, and if you are consistent, it will work.

Your little man is dealing with a lot of stress, and it sounds like it's coming out in his tears and tempers. Think of when you are upset. What types of things help you calm down. Does it help if someone sends you to your room and tells you negative things about your behavior without seeming to really care about how you feel? (and I'm saying this kindly, I realize that could be read as though I'm being snotty - not the case!) When you get upset, does it help to have someone hug you and tell you that they are there and love you and validate your feelings? That's what makes me feel better. So, it's along those lines that you approach it (and this method is called Positive Parenting by Jane Nelsen, she has books out on it).

So, this is what I do, when my boy gets upset - even if it's because I just told him not to something and he screams at me and gets upset at me (which rarely happens now that I do things this way), I get down on his level. I don't get angry at him. And I tell him "Honey, I'm sorry that upset you. I can understand why you are feeling that way, and it's okay to feel angry. But you can't have that right now." Because it really is okay to feel angry. Teaching him *how* to behave while angry is the important part. Trying to make him stop being angry or having him pretend he's not angry is the part that seems to make them more angry. So, when you relate to him and understand why he's feeling upset, that alone could potentially make him feel better. He feels understood. I also say "Would a hug help you feel better?" Sometimes a hug is all he needs, and after a quick cry he's done.

If he doesn't stop crying, or if he's so mad that he's not calming down enough to be allowed to be out with other people, I'll tell him, "Okay, lets go to your cool down spot" (not time out) and take him by the hand. If he fights, non-angrily bring him along with you. My son's cool down spot is his bed. It's not meant as punishment at all and should be a positive place he knows he can go to in order to calm down. It's meant to teach that when we feel so angry that we are feeling like yelling and screaming, then we need to remove ourselves from the situation and go to a place where we calm down. We need a place that is calming, not punishing.

If I am able, I will sit in there with him and hold him/hug him and encourage him to talk and tell me why he's feeling how he is. I never tell him he shouldn't feel how he feels. I accept that he's feeling how he is and help him learn how to express it better - even just saying "It's hard when we feel angry like that, isn't it? I get upset sometimes too. It helps to have a special place to go where we can cry and get upset until we can calm down enough to talk about it or behave how we need to in order to be around other people."

My little guy has responded very well to this. When I sit and talk with him, he feels obviously loved and cared about. He also comes up with some of the funniest things when expressing his feelings, and it can be really hard to not burst out laughing because it's so cute.

I can now see that a huge frustration he had before was that he was being told to stop feeling how he was feeling and being treated rather negatively (being sent to him room until he stopped behaving poorly ,etc...stuff we were almost all taught as kids). Treating him that way made him more frustrated. Made him feel like he was bad and wrong for feeling angry. It's so normal to feel angry at times in our lives that I think the thing that is most helpful is to teach what to *do* when we feel angry. It doesn't work to teach to not ever be angry - you have to teach what to do about it.

My son has improved tremendously after doing this. I do *not* get mad at him when he's upset. It doesn't matter why he's upset. But I am consistent at teaching him what needs to happen when he reaches that point.

A lot of people seem to think that if you give them positive attention (hugs, talking to them, validating their feelings, etc) that it'll make them behave poorly in order to get that attention from you. I've found this to not be true. The opposite has happened. He's felt angry much less often and is in much better control of himself. When he does get angry, he doesn't get nearly as angry as he was because he's not having to deal with my anger on top of his own.

Also, another reason he doesn't act like this to get more attention from me is because I make it a big point to give him a lot of positive attention during the day. I give him hugs when he's behaving well and talk with him then, etc. So, he's getting the attention he needs then and doesn't need to act up in order to get it from anger. I have noticed, though, that days he is crying more easily and getting more upset that it happens to be days that I am too busy with other things and somewhat neglecting him. I don't realize I'm doing it, so I make sure if I notice him behaving like that, that I consciously give him more time during the day of positive connection, and it quickly remedies it.

Anyway, I hope that helps some. It really does work! I highly recommend reading some of those books. I love them and feel like it's finally what I've really been looking for.

I would suggest reading the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (think I spelled it right). It is helping me handle my son who sounds a lot like your son. "Spirited" kids need to be worked with a bit differently and in the book it does offer a lot of helpful suggestions. Also on some nights when he has a hard time settling down we give him a few drops of liquid melatonin which seems to do the trick in helping him wind down and get settled and sleep well. He doesn't need it every night but on the nights he does it is very helpful.

He is definitely overtired. One thing I noticed with my daughter is the less sleep she gets, the harder it is to get her to go to sleep. It is a vicious cycle and hard to break. Many kids, mine included, have a natural internal clock wake up time that you can't tamper with no matter what. you don't say what time you put him to bed, but I would start moving his bedtime up a half an hour every couple of nights until he less tired acting during the day. Don't blame yourself either, we have all been there!

I suggest that he is overly tired and hungry by 5. Even tho he doesn't sleep, he may still need quiet time in the afternoon. A time during which he's in his room away from stimulating activity. He can look at books, play quietly with toys, draw. You could possibly read to him or put on a book on CD or quiet music for him to listen to.

You are not screwing up your kid. You just haven't found a way to manage this behavior. Since you are able to notice when he first starts to get wild, be sure to intervene at that time. Perhaps sit down with him and give him a snack while you read a story.

Because you said he doesn't deal well with change and because he becomes overly active to the point of hitting and "destroying" his room I wonder if he may have a sensory processing disorder. Some kids nervous system needs help to become mature enough to handle stress. I suggest you consider having him tested for this. You can start with his pediatrician who will refer you to someone or you can have him evaluated thru the school district. Just call the district office and ask about early intervention.

If they find he is having sensory issues they will help both of you so that he can learn how to manage his feelings and actions. If he doesn't have sensory issues you'll know to take a different approach.