5 Year Old Having Separation Anxiety!!! WHY???

Updated on July 14, 2011
H.X. asks from Los Angeles, CA
6 answers

Hi ladies...
so my 5 year old has successfully graduated preschool (YEY!!) never had a problem with separation... well, its summer... we're doing camp a few days a week, nothing too overwhelming... we've figured out that he's not a 'jock', since Sports camp was a miserable experience for ALL of us... i get it, its hard to be in the sun all day doing every kinda sport imaginable... We tried LEGO camp, which was better... he had a hard time going in, (i miss u, u wanna be with you, come get me sooner.... ect) but once he was there, he was great... engaged, had fun, happy to see me when i pick him up... well, this week, we're doing KinderPrep, twice a week... COULD NOT PEEL HIM OFF OF ME!!! CRYING, i dont wanna go... ect... ever since THIS started, we've been giving him a lot of 'one-on-one' time, since he misses me soooo much... we go on Dates, which i though some personal attention would help... well, its not... What do i do? do i push it and make him do it anyway?? or do i give in and take him out??? whats gonna happen in September when Kinder is NOT an option??? we've had no significant changes in our family, the only thing i can think of is that he's nervous in a new scenario... What do i do??? He breaks my heart every morning there's camp :(

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Well he does not feel like a big boy even thought everyone has been calling him a big boy.

He is going through what can be very normal Separation Anxiety.
I agree with Susan to speak with him. Be honest. I sent you to camp to have fun. Does he tell you he is having fun? Have you asked him, "who do you play with." "Show me something new you learned today.

Once he starts talking about the fun stuff and he hears your approval, he is going to realize, "Hey, I AM having fun." The transition from you to camp should be. " I love you. Please give me a kiss and a hug." I know you are going to have fun AGAIN today. I will be back later, to get another kiss.

And then leave. Get him to the teacher if you need to.

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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

I suspect it's because he's going to a different place each time: different location, different teachers/counselors, different kids.

During the summer after my son's first year in preschool I signed him up for the Summer Fun. Same location, same days/times, several of the same kids, but the teachers were different. Also, the teachers set up the room different. He cried almost every day. Change is scary.

The transition in September might be difficult. He might have trouble the first week or two. But keep in mind, this might actually be easier because it will be the same place every day, the same routine, the same teacher, the same kids, etc.

He really will be fine!

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

I want to go to LEGO camp!!

He probably forgot what he learned during preK... mom WILL come back ;)

Confidently give him a hug, tell him you love him, have fun, and you'll see him soon... and leave. The more confidence you have, the more he'll have. Make sure you tell him 'see? That's not a big deal!' with a wink ;)

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

The difference is, this is 'school.'
Not just extracurricular activities.

Kids, 'know' that 'school' is different.
And yes, kids this age DO get separation-anxiety.
Its normal.
They are still young.

He will adapt.

Let him talk about it. And you listen.
The key thing is to just let him express.... his emotions/anxieties/worries/stresses etc. So that, he 'learns' to express himself, to you, his Parent.... so he knows you are there for him and he is 'validated' and "normal."
Because he is NORMAL.
But kids, when young, do not know how to instantly 'cope' or manage their emotions. Thus you have to help them.

Let him talk about it, with you. But also, him knowing that this is the way it is. In a warm way.

The book "The Kissing Hand" is great. Get it.
Its about going to school... and Mommy.

This is normal.

For extracurricular activities, go according to YOUR child. If he doesn't like 'sports', then that's fine. He does not have to do that, just because he is a 'boy.'
Find what HIS interests are, and his talents and his likes.
A child, needs to be nurtured for who THEY are.
Then that way, they develop a sense of self and self-assurance and become, "Individuals." Not just about being like everyone else, just because. They learn to follow, their own heart and interests.
Some adults, don't even know how to do that.
So teach him that.
It is golden.
That will develop him, well.
Let him do what is his interests.

My son is 4. Almost 5. He likes martial arts. His sister takes it too. I talked to my son about it and taking lessons. He told me "I like it and want to, but I am not ready yet...."
I respect that. He KNOWS himself. Because we nurture him, and his ability to express his emotions.

Teach your son to know himself..... via his emotions and how to say it and know it.

all the best,
Susan

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Kids need down time, free time, wandering-thoughts time. Some kids need LOTS of it. Instead of "preparing" your son for a full schedule with a part-time schedule, how about just trying some time off, with no schedule? It might do wonders for him. He might even have a chance to discover that he's looking forward to kindergarten. But even if he isn't, he probably knows that this summer's program is optional. He'll find a way to accept the situation when it can no longer be avoided in the fall.

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

H. - I don't have anything to add other than your son must be normal because we are going throught the exact same thing with my 5 yr old son right now with summer day camp and kinder prep. And we have the exact same concern about what will happen in September when Kinder is not an option. Anyhow - I am so glad you posted this question because now I know my sweet boy is normal and I plan to go home tonight and hug him and and make sure I listen to him express his concerns about his day. :)

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