4 Yr Old Born in the Terrible "2"'S

um....we'll i think it sounds like you are needing someone's permission to discipline your son, sooooo...you have mine!! haha i think a lot of the temper tantrum and whineing is because he is a boy and a 2nd child. that being said, he has no reason to behave badly, so maybe you should look at reading up on some bahavior stuff. the "super nanny" book with jo frost is TERRIFIC!!!! also a book called " the new strong willed child" by dr. James Dobson. Love them both!!! also 4 is a really great age to teach some responsibility. I have a 4 year old daughter, and don't get me wrong, she has her bad moments, but has learned that if she wants that trip to the park or disney(we live in florida) that she is going to have to earn it by behaving and keeping up with her "chores". she is responsible for keeping her room and toy room clean and picked up and she has to do stuff like brush her teeth. be ready in the morning on time. be in bed on time. Charts are GREAT for misbehaved children! it gives them a sense of accomplishment and makes the "i did it myself" thing fun!!! We have a daily duties chart. it has the above listed things on it and it seens to work really well for my daughter.if she gets her stuff done she gets a marble to fill her reward jar...when it gets full she gets a treat! and of course.....stop doing everything for him!!!! pick up those books and get to reading....and let dad watch super nanny on T.V. maybe it will knock some sense into him!! good luck. i hope this helps!!! ~Jen

I dont think it sounds normal, and since you are writing this its
not normal. Sounds like a little dictator. He will be starting school soon and having self-control and manners will make the difference in his future and his life. Other people wont love him or think he is cute and wont be kind to him when he acts like that.
He needs to have a good school experience and have teachers who will like him. A pediatrican visit might be the first step (if he needs med for ADD or ADHD), and trying some supernanny discipline techniques. Its not easy being a Mom with a son like that- best wishes and remember to keep loving him unconditionally.

THis little man needs a stong hand. If dad isn't going to help in the disipline tell him to get out of the way and you will do it.I work with adjudicated youth from the ages of 11 to 18. Studies have proven their bad behavior started at around the age of three or four years. Every time your child screams at you to do something. Make him wait for five min. If he throws a fit, make it ten. He is old enough to ask for what he wants or needs in an appropriate way. If he uses bad language don't get him what he wants untill he corrects himself. Use time out. four min. at a time everytime he miss-behaves. {my grandson was in time-out when he was about the same age 15 times in one day. but by the very next day he was catching on that the world did not revovle around him. I wish you the best. Stick to you guns . It is the only thing you can do not to have a totally unruly teen on your hands in a few years.

R.-I feel you, honey! I have been going through this for years with my daughter, now 6. She is bipolar and ADHD and my husband has very much the same attitude. It is hard because people look at you and wonder what you're doing wrong. I think the best thing I have done is set up consistant routines and I use behavior and chore charts (there is also meds and therapy, but these other things are just as important). You may need to seek outside help, I have joined various support groups and family therapy, too.

R., First and foremost, mom and dad have to be on the same page. If you're not, (and it seems you are not) then your son is smart enough to figure that one out and he'll play you against one another. You have to set household boundaries and you both have to stick with them. As far as doing things for them, I once heard someone say the worst thing we can do for our kids is something they can do for themselves. Meaning, if your son knows how to get dressed on his own, but refuses, and you do it for him, you are allowing him to be incompetent. I know how frustrating a four year old boy can be, I have one and often feel like you do, but I have to consantly remind myself that it's my job to teach him to be a responsible, respectable young man. So, get your husband on board and the two of unite to get your son on the right path. Good luck!

I agree with a lot of these moms. A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that he's a boy. I have 2 boys (3 if you count my husband) and I have to do everything for my 2 year old. He knows how to cover himself up if the blankets fall off at night but guess what happens if the blankets fall..."Mommy...want cover up!" It's also a kid thing in general. If I say, "Okay kids! Pick up the toys and put them back in the toy box!" I almost always hear, "I can't do it! You do it." Put your foot down with your husband as well. I'm sure you know to do this away from your son while he's sleeping or visiting a relative. You don't want him to start questioning your husband's authority. You need to tell Dad how bad the situation really is and show him your plans (chore charts, behavior charts, reward jars, punishment ideas, etc.) and stick to it. Don't give in for even a second. If only for the sake of your future daughter in law, put your foot down with your son. As a mom it's an instinct to come to the rescue and save your child. Just remember that kids crave structure and routine. Make a house schedule and stick to it. Tell Dad you really need his support on it. Also, make sure you take a break sometimes. You need time away from your son and he needs time away from you sometimes too. I have noticed that if I am around my kids all the time they start freaking out and acting like terrors. Hope this helps. Good luck.