4 Yo Girl Discipline Help

Have you ever heard of spanking? It worked for my now grown children. In certain situations you can "spare the rod", but in others it works. Or, focus more on her good behavior instead of always the negative. Best of luck.

I agree with the occasional swat..... again, not a beating, just a swat to get their attention that their behavior is totally out of line!

I have been teaching parenting for a long, long time.

Have you discussed this behavior w/ your pediatrician? Have medical issues been ruled out? If she has sensory issues...get her into OT ASAP. An IEP is the plan that is to be followed by educators. She would have to be tested and have a diagnosis to have an IEP.

Read the book, "The Spirited Child." She is certainly spirited !

In my experience, if kids act out this much, it could be doormat parenting (which it doesn't sound like ...), too much tv/computer time, too much 2 hr violent movie time, or an underlying issue in which a professional has to test the child.

Most kids act out when they are tired. You have mentioned that this has been happening for 2 yrs though.

She should be in a 4 year old class at least from January - May if she will be starting Kindergarten next September. Kindergarten is much, much more academic than it was yrs ago. Above, it says that there isn't a school change. If she is in school, how is her behavior there?

I have one child who was spirited at home, but, not in school. I spent years taking her to OT, etc, etc......

It is not uncommon for girls w/ ADD to hold it together in school and act out at home. If should ever need more info for ADD--Nadeau (last name) is the ADD for girls expert and has great knowledge to share.

My oldest son was like this. Have you heard of super nanny? It seems a little stupid, but I finally tried her naughty chair technique and he was a new kid by the end of the week. I was shocked! You have to be willing to put your kid back in the chair though even if it takes 2 hours the first time. It's exhausting the first time, but it really worked for my son.

At four years old she's still little more then a toddler, but smart enough to know she's been getting away with BAD behavior for most of her life. It is important for a child to be loved and nurtured BUT you and dad probably need to dial back the SHOWERS of affection and attention and become very consistent with SHOWERS of consequences for her behavior, especially the destructive and potentially dangerous behaviors she exhibits towards her brother and to you and dad.

I suggest going over all her toys and putting away anything hard or pointed. Actually you might consider putting away ALL toys and let her know she will be able to earn them back by starting to behave better. Same thing with treats/sweets/play dates etc.

Lastly, I agree with the mama who recommended spanking (NOT beating), but a swat on the behind just might get her attention. Nice she's a good sleeper at least you have some quiet time.

How's you little one taking all this? How is his behavior? It's going to be important to be consistent with your daughter so your son doesn't feel like he can do the same.

I feel for you:) You mentioned school in your post. Is your daughter in preschool? Are you and your daughter getting some time apart from one another?

I am a SAHM too. My 4 year old son WAS difficult since birth. He cried non-stop as an infant, was a terribly behaved toddler, and seems to always get into trouble.. Now, I also have 2 older children and neither one of them are like my youngest. No form of discipline seemed to work. However, he started preschool last month and I have noticed that he is WAY better behaved than ever. I love him with all my heart--but, I love it when he's in preschool! He has really benefited from being in a more stimulating, structured environment. It's taught him to respect authority and it has helped immensely with his behavior.

Maybe contact the school district and see if they can evaluate your daughter too. Three years ago, I had the school district perform 2 evaluations on my son. Both of these evaluations were conducted 6 months apart. A few moms here on Mamapedia recommended it. Forgive me, it's been a while here, but I think the tests were called IEP's. These tests were free. He met with a behaviorist, speech therapist, and another specialist (that I can't label right now, unfortunately). All of these specialists were trying to help me pinpoint why my child cried and fussed so much.

I hope things get better for both of you:)

Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. I have one easy child, one spirited one, and one EXTREMELY difficult one who is now 4. She would be acting exactly like you describe if we had not been immediate and VERY firm with these behaviors. She is extremely well-behaved now because since the age of 2 (1 actually) we have been consistent.

I see nothing here about spanking. It's not the end all cure all to everything, but not every child can be lovingly reasoned with and many kids have no success whatsoever with time outs and removing stuff and talking etc. It's a tool you should not omit if things are extreme and your daughter is getting on the old side for nipping this in the bud.

You do need to be kind, you do need to be patient, you do need to act long before you get angry, but you do need to be absolutely immovable when it comes to allowing this behavior to progress without immediate consequences. I never have to raise my voice or lose my temper. My kids know I'm serous when I give a real warning, and they have never been allowed to push things to "crazy" or to EVER be disrespectful to me, their dad or anyone else. The book really worked with all of them.

Because rotten behavior was never a possible option, we now live in a loving home full of positive reinforcement that comes naturally. I look like the lucky mom who's kids "never need discipline". But the toddler years are crucial to attaining that. 4 is not too late, but it's getting there. Good work doing whatever it takes!

I feel your pain. My 4 year old was having what I call "extreme tantrums" whenever we had to leave somewhere she didn't want to leave, do something she didn't want to do, etc.. I read tons of books and as a last resort we even tried spanking (which just made the behavior worse and made me sick to my stomach). The 2 things that helped our situation the most were removing food dyes from her diet (it almost immediately lessened the tamtrums) and Dr. Laura Markham's book, "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting". It totally changed our lives and really worked to change the dynamic in our home. It's about connecting with your child, finding out what is causing the problems rather than screaming and immediately punishing (and so much more-so worth a read). I was worried she had ADD or something, however, the combination of these 2 things has worked amazingly well. Red 40 and Yellow 5, 6 are the worst offenders in both food and products like medicines and toothpaste.

Read Love an Logic by Foster Cline and . They have a slim paperback out now for this age group. Then formulate a plan for discipline and consistently use it for a month before trying a different way. Yes, tweak your plan but stick with it.

Love and Logic uses discipline related to the behaviour with the goal being to teach appropriate behavior. Discipline should not be punishment. It can be unpleasant but doesn't have to be. For example for sassing send her to her room telling her she can come out when she's able to apologize. She can play but she cannot come out until she spologizes.

Explain to her ahead of time what you'll be doing. When she talks back or even when she disobeys send her to her room until she can apologize and do as told. If she comes out and still is not compliant send her back to her room. When she comes out and apologizes give her a hug. Remind.her why she was sent to her room and thank her for the apology.

This is just one possibility. For this or a different consequence to work you have to calmly and consistently do it over time.

Along with this, give her plenty of positive attention. They teach that for every bit of negative attention give at least ten bits of positive attention.

You may have a child with ODD. If there is any history of ADD/ADHD in the family she may have AD D/ADHD, and often ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) comes along with it. Have her assessed (SP?) to find out for sure, by a pediatric psychologist/psychiatrist to be sure and then start treatment. Get it figured out ASAP. I have a son with ODD. Not a phase, a developmental delay. Seek help from your pediatrician right away. If it is ODD/ADD/ADHD it is a mental health issue.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/oppositional-defiant-dis...

Good luck!

To me, the "problem" is she has no coping skills.
Coping skills are something that is taught.
And she has poor communication skills to express her "feelings" or emotions. And she can't cope and is continually frustrated.
At this age, emotions are not fully developed. And the child, cannot say succinctly, how they feel or why.
So teach her, the words/phrases for saying it and teach the the words, for her feelings.
ie: I'm mad, because..... or, "I'm grumpy, because..... " or, "I'm frustrated because....." type things.

Also, kids this age, are still learning about right/wrong, mean/nice, and other social constructs and abstract feelings etc. They are not fully mature. And they cannot make, concrete absolute "decisions" nor make, decisions fully. They need to be, guided, and taught via role playing and practicing etc.