3 Yr Son Refuses to Stay Asleep

Get the book, "Sleeping Through The Night" by Dr. Jodi Mindell. That was a great help to me and gives tips on good sleep behavior up to age 8. There is always another challenge on the horizon! :) Good luck!

I deff agree with Danielle G.but i also think that you should move the baby out of the 3yrs room just untill he learns too sleep threw the night cause its not fair for the baby to have to wake up like that and if the babys is sleeping threw the night then youll old have to worry about one kid not sleeping. W.e you do dont give in.

I havent acutally gone through this with my son yet but I have worked with behavioral modification for the past seven years. First of all you and your hubby should be able to sleep in the same bed during the night and get sleep not your hubby on the floor and so on... Take a night probably a weekend because it may take 1-2 nights. You and your husband need to do this together. Every time the little one gets out of his bed regarless of his excuses you and your husband are to take turns returing him to his bed and letting him know its bedtime. DO NOT lay in his room with him at anytime its reversing the progress. Even if you have to do this two hundred times in one night and he throws major tantrum which he will KEEP RETURNING HIM TO HIS BED... You and your husband need a bedtime routine so he knows everynight when bedtime starts. Even if it just potty snack and book. Night time routine icluding shower should never take more than 45 mins. to an hour. Before you and husband start this redirection you two have to talk and do this together or it wont work. He is just testing his boundaries right now it should all be over soon when he knows that the two of you are going to be consistant. Dont argue or talk about this situation if front of him and also in the morning you all can praise him for sleeping and staying in his bed. GOOD LUCK Momma

He is only 3 years old. He misses you. He feels scared. Maybe he doesn't like sharing his room. These are all very legitimate concerns, but many of us (based on the responses) think we have to get even tougher (yikes!).

How about not getting tougher? How about holding him and reassuring him and if he falls asleep with you, so what? He's only 3. We sometimes forget that when you're 3 the world can be a pretty overwhelming and scary place.

At 3 we look to our parents to make us feel better and safer. If our parents yell at us or worse yet don't talk to us or look at us and then silently send us back to the room we left for a reason that was real to us, we learn to mistrust them.

Try to feel what it would be like to be him. And then think what you would like in that situation. Maybe a snuggle or kind word, or being rocked to sleep.

When we had our second son, our first son did do some "acting out" (not sleep issues though). The only thing I ever say when I look back is that I wish I were kinder to him. Never have I ever said to myself (about anything having to do with my kids), "I wish I were meaner (tougher) to them back then".

Just remember, he's only 3. And he will only be 3 for a short while. You can enjoy him and snuggle him and appreciate him now, or you can battle your way through his 3rd year (and the battle will likely continue through 4, and 5, and...).

Try a slightly gentler tact. You'll both feel better.

Good luck!

my daughter was 2 and i was 9mos pregnant and she was getting up every 30-45 mins. it took me in the hospital and my husband staying home and sleeping thru her getting up to make her sleep all night. of course she was in the bed with me too. i really unfortunately don't have a ton of advise. my husband grew up sleeping on the couch so that's where he still sleeps bc he's comfortable there. but both my kids sleep in their rooms and pretty much all night now. but we did go thru those phases.

what i do is give them both a sports bottle (kid size) with a little bit of water in it so they have this to drink in the middle of the night. and they both have to start off in their beds. if they get up in the middle of the night and want to get in bed with me then i let them bc i find it easier for me to get sleep and them instead of sitting up for an hour or so when i'm exhausted bc i, like you :), will prob beat them (j/k) but i would like to.

with your husband sleeping in the same bed you prob don't have room for your son, so i would suggest the water and then a nite lite or 2 (this helped me too) and then again like the other posts just either not say anything to him and put him in bed or tell him it's bed time and put him back in there. i know it's also hard bc he sleeps with the baby, but once hopefully he gets it, it will stop

My 4 yr old started to get up recently as well. I think he does it to test boundries and see what kind of attention he can get. We have a new baby in the house and he started to come down the stairs and tell me he is hot, or he has to use the potty, he can't find his teddy bear, etc. What we have been doing is taking him right back up stairs, use the potty, change his shirt if in fact he WAS sweaty and right back in the bed. Tell him its bed time, good night, stay in bed, sweet dreams. I know this is just a stage and the more you give in the more he will keep getting up. Be consistant for a couple of nights. Don't let him hang out in your room or with you at all. Bedtime is bedtime!!! my son has also been having night terrors and has for a while. I read this happens right before a growth spirt. maybe its the same developmental stage for your son as well. I hope it all goes well and just remember that he will out grow it. And follow a routine and be consistant. Good luck!!

Danielle and Tammi have some good advice. Only one of you needs to be up during the night. If your husband works and you stay home, then you are elected. However, your husband needs to understand what you are doing and be on board... if he is giving you grief b/c you can't get little Billy to be quiet and he just wants him quiet so he can sleep (on the floor or the bed, or putting little Billy in bed with you, he doesn't care which) then you are going to have a harder time sticking to what you need to do.

As a mom who has learned over time, it is easier in the long run to be a tough mama in the short run. When you say no, mean it. EVERY time. Think before you speak. EVERY time. If you think it might be easier to let him have something 5 minutes from now if he doesn't calm down.. then don't say "no" and give in later... say you'll think about it... And daytime behavior and reactions from you carry over into the night. When he begs for milk, water, the potty, the rocking chair, whatever... you say "no". If you have ANY qualms about it.. then make sure he has all those things done as part of his bedtime routine. Middle of the night you don't repeat any of the bedtime routine... just walk him back to bed and tell him goodnight. Do not reward his misbehavior (getting up over and over and over b/c "he can" when he should be sleeping can be construed as misbehavior and the fact that you are on here asking for help indicates he doesn't need the milk, or the rocking chair or the potty.. he's just being willful).
Start your newfound firmness on the weekend as it will take a few days to have any effect. More than likely, as the mom, you are the one who tends to be wishy-washy (we ARE the nurturers after all).. so you are the one that needs to start taking control (day and night). YOU are the one he is most likely "playing" to... so be aware.
Maybe have the baby in another room for a few nights until he "gets" it.
Good luck to you.

It's all about just knowing someone is there....security.

Our daughter still does this and she is 3. We started bringing her back to her room and rocking her or sitting in the rocker until she fell asleep. This, you know, is very hard to do at 3 or 4 AM. So - we've decided to just let her get in bed with us when she does wake up. My husband sleeps through her but I don't. SO - when she does this (if I can't stay awake) I put her in with us. This way, I'm not losing sleep and neither is she.

At night when we put her in the bed - we are still stuck putting on her music, and after books - she gets in her bed and we sit in her rocking chair until she's asleep. This will we address another year because right now - it's what works for her and it is fine with us.

I am siding with your husband, only because that's what I'd do. I'd make him feel secure.

Maybe when he wakes up he just needs to know you are there - so even a , "yes, we are here - now try and go back to bed because it's time for us all to be asleep." I don't know....this is the site that will help you though.

I've come to this site to post when my husband and I differ....he seems to take other opinions rather than mine a little better. So - hope you get lots of helpful information.

If a 3 year old is not getting a good night's sleep, it can start to effect his health, and as he gets older it will effect his memory and cognitive skills like concentration, which will make school more difficult. I would speak with his pediatrician for serious suggestions. There could be a bigger problem. I'm not saying your son is bipolar, but just to give you one example, my cousin finally discovered her son was bipolar when he was about 4 or 5 after years of sleepless nights (among other symptoms, of course) and once he was properly medicated for a chemical disorder, he starting finally sleeping well.

***I just read Danielle's response above. I actually was thinking that you already sent him back to bed--- but I reread your post and it says that he asks for milk, juice, rocking, etc. Do you tell him no? if you are giving in to his every middle of the night whim, then it is an easy behavior problem to solve. Just stop! He does NOT need anything to drink in the middle of the night. He also does not need to be rocked in the middle of the night. When I said "easy" to solve, I do realize that in the middle of the night, it won't seem easy at all. You have been dealing with the short term (if I just give him the juice, he'll go back to bed and so can I) instead of seeing the big picture (if I STOP giving him juice, he will stop asking for it because he will know that no matter how many times he asks that the answer will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be no because it's sleep time). No to be rude, but are you consistant with his behavior during the day? If he asks for something and you say no, do you stick to that or eventually give in and give it to him? Because if you are already consistant during the day, he will know when you say no you mean it and it will take less time to convince him you mean business in the middle of th enight, too. If you are wishy-washy all the time, he will keep asking for juice, milk, etc because he knows that sometimes when you say no you will give in if he just keeps crying. The only thing I disagree with Danielle about is involving your husband. I think YOU need to do it, but that's just my opinion.

Hi there,

You already got a lot of good advice but I will stick my two cents in too. My son got a toddler bed before he started climbing out of his crib, I thought he would be used to it so easy transition. The few weeks he had only the toddler bed were horrible. He was 2 1/2 or maybe 3 - he kept sliding out of the open part between the rail and footboard. Once he got a real bed (a full size) and we got him to start staying in bed...he has been great.

When we had the period of getting out of bed issues - he gave us every excuse, too dark, misses us too much, etc. He picked out special nightlights for his bathroom, hallway and got 2 tykelites by mobi. They are rechargeable "nightlight guys" that stay in bed, lit up, all night, so he can carry one to the bathroom, etc. I never did figure out exactly what the issue was but the combination of the nightights, picking a new blanket, his big boy bedding for the full size bed, etc. worked. I also had the thought he was waking up because he had to use the bathroom but didn't know how to go when he was asleep. The other things we did were ask him how many times he wanted us ot check on him, and we did it. But after the first few check ins, I told him we would keep checking on him ONLY if he was asleep. AND we started a penny cup where a tiny cup got one penny put into it if he stayed in his bed all ngiht, one got taken out for coming out, and helost 2 if he freaked out on us (by that I mean came running out screaming at me and/or flung our door open at like 3am very loudly and giving me a small heart attack). When cup was full he got a toy/prize/dvd.

I totally agree with the consistency thing everyone else is mentioning. In the daytime and at night, once you give in to whining, or any demand you already said no to before, they have control!

I know I threw a lot of stuff out there, the truth is I am not sure which things worked the best, or what combo. would but after a few weeks of all the things we did , we got back our great sleeper. Another thing that helped was once the naps were gone in the day (around 3 1/2), he passed out right at 7, so now (he's is almost 5) we still have consitant 7p-7a sleeping, no issues, ever -hopefully I am not jinxing it.

Good luck.

Oh God, dont do either of those. Do NOT give in to any of his requests. Simply lead him back to bed and say its nighttime, if you dont want to sleep that's fine, but you must stay quietly in your own bed. You may have to lead him back several times every night, but I guarantee within 10 days, if you stick to it, he'll be back on schedule. Who knows what they think at that age! Ask him what he thinks would help him stay in bed all night. He may give you a surprising answer. Hang in there, its just a phase like everything else and it will pass. You might be crazy before it does, but it will pass. Sleeping in his room or in your bed is a BAD idea in my opinion, although you may want to set him up an area on the floor in your room and offer him that as an option. Its a separation thing and he may need the primal "pack" feeling at night. Try to give him comfort but stand your ground and keep the boundaries. You'll make it.

Are you serious about the whole beating and druging him? If it was a joke, it is not funny!

I see a few problems here.
First, why are you putting him to bed at 7:30 to 8:00?
Why can't you put him to bed at 9pm? Let him play and get his little boy engery out.

I know you don't want to hear this BUT you should listen to your husband. Take his advice. Just because you are the mommy does not mean that you are the only one with the right ideas about this. Include your husband instead of fighting with him.

Your son is way to young for you to be having this kind of power struggle with him.
Love him, make him feel safe and happy and if that means letting him snuggle with mommy and daddy, then what is so wrong with that.
Children are only little once, enjoy them while you can. Because one day they will be teenagers and then young men and women.

This phase in life will pass........

God bless.

I feel for you. I went through a similar problem with my now 3 year old. It began around his 2nd birthday and continued for MONTHS. I'd have to get up and bring him back to his bed each time. I know your frustrated and I wish I can offer some good advice other than what I learned from it: He will grow out of this. IT is a phase or stage. Not every child goes through this, as my first two never did this at all. Under no circumstances should you give in to his nightly demands (drink,something to eat, cuddle time). I resorted to sleeping with my son on the couch night after night until I realized one night that I was enabling him to continue this behavior. Take him to the bathroom before he gets tucked in and give him nothing else...no food, no drink. Don't beat him, as I'm sure you meant that in a joking way and please don't give him something to make him sleep. It will only mess with his "normal" sleep cycle and I'm sure by now, to you, this is not normal. But for him, it seems perfectly fine. He will outgrow it...eventually. Hang in there.

Hi there,

I agree with Mrs Billie Jo. Let him have what he needs, if that's snuggling, sleeping with mom/dad or whatever. I think Dr Sears calls it "nighttime parenting".

Remember there's always two sides to a battle too. You understand your side, but you may not understand his unless you can calm yourself and try to ask the right questions, and/or think from his point of view.

Have you tried to give him something a bit more solid before bed, like a rice cereal to help him sleep. Also is he taking naps in the day time? My daughter could not take naps in the day time. If she slept during the day then she was up to midnight If your son is not in daycay either try to send him to naps earlier inthe day or not at all.

Always check nutrition 1st.
Bodies cannot sleep w/o necessary nutrients.
Weston Price.com, &/or Dr. Bruce West at Health Alert.

And will he sleep if you let him in your bed? Then let him, and both of you will get sleep. Kids get afraid- when they are older maybe you cannot keep them safe- but at this age you can. Maybe you can just enjoy being able to safe guard him now.

Why make this into a power struggle? Trust me the teenage yrs are coming, save it for then.

I pray you are joking about beating and drugging- but not a funny joke. Check with YokaReeder.com - she gave me the saniest advice for my children, and made it amazingly more enjoyable- instead of just doing the same things my parents did- which I hadn't liked whan I was the kid.

But 1st check nutrition. For you too!
Best, k

Can you give them separate rooms? Divide and conquer? Will your 3 yr old sleep better in a cot or sleeping bag next to your bed? To get some sleep, hire a sitter for a few hours while you get some shut eye during the day. They grow out of this eventually.